Category Archives: Fleeting Time

Summer Solstice; Sixty-Six Weeks In

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All By Myself, No More

As of Tuesday this week, the boys will be finished their final exams and this very strange school year will be in the rearview mirror. I am always pretty Landslide-y in June – another year gone, children get older, I’m getting older too – and even though it was been a very weird year, I am really feeling it. In fact, I might be feeling it more since these are my kids’ HIGH SCHOOL YEARS, they should be enjoying them to the fullest, and they are, but the “fullest” has different meanings during a global pandemic. Also, this time next year, my oldest will be 18 and have graduated, which fills me with ALL KINDS of feelings, but let’s not get ahead of ourselves.

Speaking of my oldest and the high school experience, he mentioned that he met a girl at school, and she’s really funny and nice. He was talking about her quite a bit, and so I said in that Teasing Mom Voice we all have, Oooohhh, is she CUTE? He replied yes, with a smile, and then stopped. “I mean, I think so. I haven’t actually seen her whole face.”

So there’s that.

The final exams this year, like last year, were “non-jeopardy,” meaning that they can boost final marks, but they cannot lower them. Both of my boys were going into their finals with high marks, so you can imagine the level of motivation around here, knowing that no matter what happened on the exam, their transcript marks would remain high. I was trying to encourage them to give it their all, it’s good practice for the future, and who knows, maybe your mark will go up a percentage point or two, but you know what, I give up.

So the boys are home and my husband has been back working from home and will be for the next while, and my quiet house is quiet no more; we are back to Everybody Is Home All The Time.

What An Age We Live In

Fun fact about high school teachers: they have fewer in-class hours than teachers in younger grades, and so to satisfy that part of their union contract, the school institutes mandatory tutorials during the exam break, which was last week and this week. Final exams are taken in the mornings, each day a different subject, and then in the afternoon are these mandatory tutorials. The tutorials are mandatory even after the final exam in that subject has been written, and in classes in which there was no final exam, such as phys ed. It was widely acknowledged BY THE TEACHERS that no actual work would be done in class, no new learning, and one teacher even shook his head “no” as he told the students that tutorials were mandatory. I told the boys that of course they didn’t have to waste their time going to the tutorials, unless they needed extra help, just study at home – insofar as “studying” was required – and found out later that they were in the minority in their friend group. Almost all of their of their friends were forced by their parents to go. Oh well. I’m not a regular mom, I’m a cool mom.

I might not have been so cool had I known I would be inundated with messages from the school about their truancy. The very first day of exams, after one son had written his science final and the other spent several hours at home studying for math, my phone pinged with PowerSchool notifications that the boys were marked unexcused for their afternoon classes. Including, for my younger son, gym. Then both my husband and I received emails from the school and I even got a PHONE CALL on my landline to inform me of their absence. This continued throughout exam break and honestly, I understand that it is part of the job and attendance is important for optimal learning outcomes but my god.

I do genuinely believe that there is merit in forcing oneself to perform arbitrary functions, even when those arbitrary functions are ridiculous and meaningless, because we live in a society and occasionally such things are required of us. For example, sanitizing your hands upon entering a store in the mall, even though you JUST sanitized your hands three minutes ago upon entering a different store and have touched nothing since. It’s important to model good behaviour and signal your citizenship in society, even to the detriment of your skin and possibly your microbiome.

However. It’s June. The boys have been really, really great for this whole school year. They have been engaged in their classes, even when bouncing between online and in-class learning, they have not missed a single class, they have kept their marks higher than I could have even hoped for. I am going to stand by my possibly shoddy parenting decision and in any case, the tutorials are – I hope – wrapping up this week, which will cut down on the truancy notifications I receive. Also, I am really glad this technology did not exist when I was in high school.

The Same Nicole You Know And Love, Now With Superpowers

On Saturday I got my second Covid vaccine shot, and my superpowers are officially activated. If a certain section of the anti-vax people are correct, I am now magnetic, and will possibly be dead in two years! Well, I had a good run.

I am so grateful to be vaccinated, I am so grateful for all the hard-working people who have made this happen, and I am really hoping that we will never walk this path again. Mostly I am just looking forward to being my normal huggy self, without feeling like we are all vectors of disease.

For those who are interested, as per current recommendations I received the Pfizer vaccine, as a follow-up from my Astra Zenica. In terms of side effects, I was extremely tired and sleepy afterwards. I mean, I took a NAP on Saturday afternoon, which never happens, and then I went to bed at 8 and slept until 6:30. I wasn’t my usual peppy self the next day, but I was perfectly functional; this morning I have a bit of a sore arm and nothing else to report.

The Long March To Winter

Today is Summer Solstice! The great thing about getting up at four-something in the morning at this time of year is that I can still see the sunrise and by the time I start my yoga practice, it’s fully light outside. The sun sets at ten o’clock, and did you guys know there is a ten o’clock at night? I never see the sunset, is what I’m saying.

I knew a guy who would say on Summer Solstice that every day is getting shorter until we are back to winter again, and sir, that is a true statement but can we just enjoy the moment? I think about it every Summer Solstice. Well, we’ve started the Long March to Winter again! It cracks me up every time.

It’s been warm enough that I open the windows in the morning, to cool the house down and to listen to the birdsong as I practice yoga. There are magpies nesting in the neighbour’s tree, which means that there will be long stretches of musical chirping punctuated by the staccato cadence of magpies screaming. It’s quite unsettling, not unlike listening to classical piano music with sections of hard-core Eminem, complete with fake gunfire and many, many f-bombs. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy both classical piano music and hard-core Eminem, just not at the same time.

Outfit of the Week

Speaking of summer! We have had some really lovely weather and so I’m pulling out all my favourite lighter pieces that I have had for many years but don’t wear out because, let’s face it, summer is fleeting and these pieces do not get to see the light of day very often.

This is a teaching outfit; my teaching days are going to be non-existent this summer, sadly. Today is my last registered class at the community centre, to be continued in the fall, and my other class is on pause for the summer, and I’m unsure when that will continue. So a teaching outfit to celebrate the last teaching day for a few months! Pastels are usually a no-go for me, but I like myself in blue, and I like the darker blue tank underneath. My favourite mala goes perfectly with this outfit, and one of the best things about summer? No socks!

Pandemic Reading

Revival Season. This follows a young girl whose father is a revivalist evangelical preacher; during Revival Season the family travels around the southern US so he can save souls and heal people. The girl witnesses her father commit an act of violence, which has massive repercussions for the family and for her own faith. At the same time, she discovers she has healing powers. I enjoyed this book – didn’t LOVE it, but I enjoyed it – and it is written in present day, which is important. I have since discovered that the idea that women are inferior and subservient to men is still widely accepted in the evangelical community TODAY, which is disturbing, and is a major theme in this book.

Truths I Never Told You. Ugh, this book was NOT for me. It was my own fault, right on the cover the author is compared to two well-known authors whose writing I do not care for. I found the first-person narrative to be so overwrought, the dialogue stilted, the plot super-contrived. One of my pet peeves about writing that supposedly takes place in the past is the application of today’s views on yesterday’s beliefs. It feels very unrealistic to me, as did the journal entries that are used as a literary device to advance the plot – usually I like that device, but these journal entries were SO ridiculously over the top with drama. Anyway, not for me.

American Dirt. I was about a third of the way through this book when my friend Nicole (HI NICOLE) alerted me to some troublesome controversy with regards to the author. It didn’t totally colour my reading experience, but it was certainly in the back of my mind while reading. Honestly, I don’t know what to think: the morality of writing a work of fiction about a culture and experience that is not the author’s is really beyond the scope of my blog. The author discusses her hesitations about writing the book in the afterword, and does mention that her own husband was an undocumented immigrant, hence her interest in Central American migrants.

Anyway, controversy and debate notwithstanding, this book is excellent. While I don’t think anyone who supported the 45th president and his anti-migrant views would read this and change their minds, I think this book humanizes the migrant experience. This incredible book sheds light on the horrors of the migrant experience, shows how desperation leads people to grasp at any chance, no matter how dangerous, to seek a new life. It is breathtaking, and heartbreaking, tragic and hopeful.

Happy Summer Solstice, friends! May you enjoy our ever-shortening days this week! xo

Costco, Then and Now; Fifty-Three Weeks In

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One of the best things about having a blog is being able to look back to see what was happening at any given month in the past; I always think in the moment that I’ll remember something forever, and then I’ll find myself wondering if that something happened in 2018 or 2017, only to find out it was 2012. To the archives! I’m finding this to be helpful during The Pandemic because time has lost all meaning, and I’ll think something just happened and then I’ll realize that event was in July. Similarly, things that seem years away just happened in December. I can’t tell if this time warp feeling is strictly Pandemic Related or if this is a Natural Result of Getting Older.

Last week I was at Costco; I go there every two to three weeks, right after my weekly shop at Superstore. Because of the restrictions with regards to numbers – stores are currently required to have no more than 15% capacity according to fire codes – I go right at opening. When it’s a Double Shop day – Costco AND Superstore – I aim to be at Superstore for opening at eight, and then zip over to Costco for opening at nine. It feels like I’m in some kind of race to the finish when I do this but there are many benefits: a) everything is DONE and generally put away by eleven, b) there are almost never any errant carts left in random places in the Costco parking lot so early in the day, thus decreasing my impotent cart-rage to almost zero.

While I was at Costco, I couldn’t help but compare and contrast my experience with Costco Trips One Year Ago. It feels like a weird fever dream: lining up in the parking lot for an hour just to get into the store, not unlike a ride for Disney World but much less fun, whole categories of items completely unavailable, the feeling of fear and panic everywhere, people just getting used to the whole social distancing concept and mask wearing. The simple act of getting groceries had turned into a nightmarish, harrowing event that would leave me drained and exhausted for the whole day.

Meanwhile, last week I sauntered through the aisles with my giant cart, humming to myself, noticing things like the availability of every kind of flour you can imagine, a shelf full of the giant boxes of yeast for $5, and while I didn’t walk through the paper product aisle, I assume that there was as much toilet paper and paper towel as anyone could need. I wondered idly if the people who left Costco a year ago with whole carts full of toilet paper are still using their supply. The one thing that was on my list but unavailable was, strangely, Worcestershire sauce. I’m guessing this is not a pandemic thing.

Everything is just so much better. Grocery staff seem like they are no longer stretched to the limit, trying to cope with ever-changing rules and stressed-out customers. With the ubiquity of hand sanitizer, I actually feel LESS appalled at the thought of touching things in stores than I ever have. I have always been a person who uses the bottom of my shirt to open door knobs, and now I feel like there are LESS germs on public surfaces due to our constant sanitization; everywhere you look people are squirting sanitizer in their hands from all available dispensers. People are politely giving distance to other shoppers, and I haven’t had to line up outside the store since last spring. Costco does not allow anyone in the store without a mask on, but still I was pleased to see all masks worn properly. I was thinking just as I left I didn’t see one nose today! but alas, I thought too soon. As I was heading for the door a man came in with a mask below his nose – why is it always older white men…oh wait, I know why – and I looked him straight in the eye. I smiled – smized – and gestured to my own mask, miming pulling it up. And you know what? HE PULLED UP HIS MASK. IT WORKED. If I had known that a smize and a gesture might actually change someone’s behaviour I would have tried it months ago.

Outfit of the Week

Full disclosure: this was not my planned OOTW, but I was having a really good hair day and felt like the moment needed to be captured.

This is a Nicole Signature Outfit; yoga pants and tank, layered with a long-sleeve tee and a long drapey sweater. This sweater is quite light, a nod to the lovely mild weather we have been having.

Hair close-up! In these times, so few can witness our good hair days. Thank god for the internet and the ability to selfie.

Pandemic Reading

Yes, I know it’s March, but library holds come in when library holds come in, we cannot control them, serenity now. In any case this was a delightfully sweet, silly, and satisfying read, not unlike watching a holiday Hallmark movie.

Is it weird to put this on a blog? Maybe. This was a fascinating book about paying attention, society, and connection.

This page spoke to me – bringing humanity to the people around us. Rather than viewing others as an inconvenience, viewing people as actual people, with lives and hopes and dreams and realities that we are unaware of.

“…firecrackers setting off other firecrackers in a very small room that soon gets filled with smoke. Our aimless and desperate expressions on these platforms don’t do much for us, but they are hugely lucrative for advertisers…” – this put into words uneasy feelings I have been having about social media and outrage.

Such a perfect way to say that we need to be happy and thankful for the things we have.

Speaking of thankful, I was able to run this week and it was glorious. The sunrises have continued to be beautiful, and we have a birthday and anniversary celebration coming up this week. Enjoy your week, my friends. xo

Boyhouse Year In Review 2020

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WELL! I don’t think any of us could have possibly predicted the year that we just had, in any capacity. I would like to think that we will never take things for granted again: our health, our ability to travel, our friendships and family, but human nature being what it is, there will come a day when we probably will.

2020 was disastrous in so many ways, but I think that looking back on it, we can see massive change and growth, and, looking forward, glimmers of hope. I know that going through this year has made me re-evaluate many things, and I have realized that many things I felt I could never live without, I have.

So let us look back on the year that was absolutely unlike any year we have experienced, but that will surely be talked about and written about for decades to come.

Boyhouse Year In Review 2020

January

I was stressed out about juggling doctor, dentist, and orthodontist appointments for the boys – remember juggling things? – it was insanely cold and I went for a mall walk like an elderly person, and I got weirdly stressed out about getting a gel pedicure. I also – sob – complained about exam break and my son being home from school IMAGINE YOUR KIDS BEING HOME FROM SCHOOL FOR THREE WEEKS JUST IMAGINE LOLOLOLOLSOB.

January 2020 Nicole was such an innocent, and also I did not go for that gel pedicure.

February

I overheard a man at Walmart asking for extra-small condoms, I went to Math Night at the high school and was comparatively a hippie, I went to Costco on a Sunday afternoon for the first and last time and also baked a heart-shaped cake for dinner with friends, and I wore a different outfit every day in February.

All the outfits were pretty similar though.

March

I talked about how insidious jealousy is, although I freely admitted to being insanely jealous of my friends’ hair, I noticed people buying a LOT of toilet paper at Costco (cue ominous music), I really did try to fulfil my New Year’s Resolution of buying a bra but failed, we cancelled our trip to Mexico and I bought a lot of groceries, my son turned 16 and we had our first Pandemic Birthday, and I accidentally hoarded taco shells.

Everything shut down, including the yoga studio, and so I also started my home yoga practice. This was a huge change because nearly every day for thirteen years I went to the studio to practice in the early morning hours. School was also cancelled “indefinitely.”

April

In what can only be described as the Worst Timing Ever, my coffee maker started leaking, grocery shopping became a harrowing, soul-sucking quest and I started wearing a mask, my sons stopped shaving, I got my very first cloth mask and declared it to be the New Lipstick, I coloured my own hair for the first time in decades, and I cleaned and reorganized the hideous laundry area.

I also had a pandemic birthday and my friends brought me a gift while wearing dinosaur costumes and playing Danger Zone.

May

Some things started to open up, notably the orthodontist, which meant that I did NOT have to use toenail clippers to cut my son’s brace wires, we had a Pandemic Mother’s Day and I stressed out about baking powder, we visited my parents for the first time in months, I aired my grievances, big and small, and I was really on edge about grocery carts.

I also talked about pandemic beauty products.

June

Amid lots of worries, we celebrated Barkley’s birthday, we started to catch up on appointments as medical and dental offices opened, I gave myself a bikini wax and I learned some things are best left to the professionals, the renos were finished on our vacation home and so we went there for a little break and I thoroughly enjoyed the newly-flushing toilet, and I reminisced about Hammerman.

I also shared my hair styling tips, follow me for more great beauty advice.

July

I talked about the role of luck in life, I had lots of adventures, including one in which I learned how outhouses in the backcountry get emptied, I GOT A PELOTON AND IT HAS BEEN LIFE-CHANGING (and also practiced gratitude), and I talked about leaning in and out, yin and yang.

I also talked about sweat! Again, follow me for more fascinating and glamourous topics.

August

I finally watched Hamilton and also bleached my hands accidentally, someone called the cops on my son and his band, I realized after months of wearing shorts that the boys had vastly outgrown all their pants, we were on a vacation of sorts and I prepared for the boys to actually go back to actual physical school.

I also talked about my beloved herb garden.

September

The boys went back to school (!!!!!!), my son turned 15 and had a socially distanced birthday party, I marked six months since I had my hair cut and professionally coloured, I had the Lido Shuffle stuck in my head and I actually did get my hair cut and coloured.

Also, Barkley shared my passion for fall fruits.

October

My son finally (FINALLY OMG FINALLY) shaved off his pandemic moustache and I got excused from jury duty, we enjoyed incredible fall colours and for the first time ever I got to eat something at Thanksgiving dinner (that I made myself, but still), I had an adventure at Costco, and I talked about Mom Jeans and Dressy Sweatpants.

November

My husband declared himself the winner in the Halloween decoration war, it was the return of the Tiny Secret Festive Season and I finished my Christmas shopping, I had a small breakdown in the grocery store, I talked about Friluftsliv, and we got put on a mini-lockdown.

I also had fun – and THANK YOU ALL FOR WEIGHING IN – discussing Divisive Issues! That was probably my favourite post to write, and my favourite comment section of 2020.

December

Everything was fine, I got festively crazy, the mini-lockdown turned into a major lockdown which we are still in today, and we got a whole lot of snow.

I also talked about being a Linus’ blanket to someone else’s Charlie Brown Christmas tree.

As we wrap up 2020, I’m looking back at my goals for the year (I still didn’t buy a new bra) and looking forward to setting goals for a fresh new year. I learned a lot about myself this year, I grew as a person, so many things changed, there was much sadness and despair but also much happiness, beauty, gratitude, and time with my little family. (SO MUCH TIME WITH MY LITTLE FAMILY).

Thank you so much for coming along with me on my adventures during this strange year; I wish you so much joy and love for the New Year. Here’s to 2021! xoxoxo

Bizarre Even For These Days; Twenty-Seven Weeks In

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This has been a bit of a bizarre week, starting with a phone call cancelling an appointment due to an unbelievably scary accident, happily segueing to a midweek birthday, followed by a letter summoning me to jury duty, and then finishing with a pre-dawn visit from the fire department due to our carbon monoxide detector going off. Happily, there was no carbon monoxide leak, the screaming detector was, apparently, at the end of its life span. Thanks for letting us know so dramatically, carbon monoxide detector! Your replacement has been installed.

I was scheduled to get my hair cut this week for the first time in six months, and when I heard the voice mail from my hair therapist’s colleague advising that she needed to rebook my appointment, the first thing I thought was She’s Got Covid. During the brief greetings I waited to hear the words, only to listen instead to the awful details of my hair therapist’s husband’s accident that entailed airlifting, and intensive care, all in another province, and with the usual difficulties around Covid protocol, after which the colleague cheerfully said, “So I have to rebook your cut and colour!” At that point, it seemed like the least important thing ever, and I told her so, as she pencilled me in for later this week. “Wow, thanks for being so understanding, you’re being so GOOD about this!” the colleague said in a voice that made me wonder: what are OTHER people doing? Are other people NOT being understanding? What is happening to our society?

I’m going to go out on a limb and say something that might be strongly disagreed with: this pandemic has been GREAT for my hair. I know! I know. For one thing, as we all know, I’ve been colouring at home and saving so much time and money, it is not even to be believed. I picked up a couple more boxes of Garnier at Superstore and they were on sale for $4.99 each, plus I got PC Points; more about points later. Four dollars and ninety-nine cents, people. The other part about the pandemic is that after not cutting my hair for six months, it has grown out beautifully. Pro tip: if you want to grow out your hair, stop cutting it. It’s true that I need a trim, as the ends are pretty dry and damaged, but I love the length. A while back I wondered if I should grow it out or not, and the decision, like so many others, was taken out of my hands.

The above were taken at the end of February and the middle of March, so you can see that my hair was above my shoulders at the time. This is from the weekend:

With mask-wearing and yoga teaching, I have my hair in a bun a lot, and it’s so much easier to put it up with the extra length; in other words, I don’t need twenty bobby pins to hold it in place. I’ve decided to follow in the footsteps of my good friend Denise (HI DENISE) who gets a professional colour semi-annually, and my friend Nicole (HI NICOLE) who gets a cut the on that same schedule.

In addition to my long, not-exactly-luscious-but-definitely-convenient Covid hair, I have developed Efficiency Skills when it comes to grocery shopping. I have never before received so many Gifts With Purchase as I have during this pandemic, and I am just now, twenty-seven weeks into this, that I am calming down about Buying All The Things. There are not many shortages of food or other necessities, and so I have finally relaxed about having backups of staples such as pasta or flour. ONE backup is all that is necessary, although I still have three bags of flour in my pantry purchased in the spring, which should get me through to Christmas at least.

I was at Superstore for my weekly shop, and you know how there are some employees who are REALLY good and dedicated when it comes to their jobs? I appreciate that so much. I remember when I waitressed in university, a customer said to me “You must really love your job! You’re always smiling!” I agreed, although I did NOT love my job. I mean, have you ever worked in a restaurant? It’s hard. Smiling was just part of the job. So, I really appreciate when others, no matter what their job is, embrace it, which is why I felt lucky to have the most cheerful cashier ever this week, who exclaimed over the quality of my produce, like I actually grew it myself and didn’t just pick items from a bin. “Do you collect PC Points?” she asked and I scanned my app for her. “You can use your points when you shop to get good deals, and don’t forget to check back every Thursday for your new offers!” I paused for a moment, imagining a world in which I did NOT spend time figuring out the offer algorithm, and subsequently making my weekly list based on when I was most likely to get points and for what items, and what I would get points for the following week, a world in which I did NOT wake up Thursday mornings and think, yay, it’s PC Points day!, a world in which I did NOT text my husband excitedly to tell him my points balance. Instead, I just nodded and said “Yes, you bet!” God bless that cheerful employee. I’m going to seek her line out next week.

As a runner, I always smile in solidarity when I see other runners in the street or pathways, even when not running myself, which probably means that I am perceived as the Crazy Smiley Lady much of the time. Well, I have become appreciative of a good smile, since we are masked so much of the time. Anyway, I was out walking Barkley, doing our forty-minutes-to-go-merely-two-kilometres pace, and I saw a young man running on the street perpendicular to me. I slowed our already-not-exactly-super-sonic-speed so that he could pass with lots of room, when I noticed something odd: he was not wearing shoes. He was perfectly clad in what I would call Real Runner Wear: a tidy ball cap, a sweat-wicking sleeveless tee, and running shorts. All that was missing was shoes. And socks. I watched him go up the street, making great pace, occasionally looking at his smart watch and occasionally brushing gravel and debris off his feet. What even. What is happening here.

So it has been a surreal week, more so than normal, but there was delicious cake, and some good books, and a smokey but lovely long walk with a friend.

Pandemic Reading

As soon as I finished this I went to the library app and bookmarked all of Emma Straub’s other books; this was SO good. Again, the slice-of-life book is the type I love best, and this had to do with adult sibling-and-parent relationships, families, and finding love.

My longtime friend Tracy (HI TRACY) recommended this book and it is FASCINATING. From Vietnam vets to survivors of child abuse, this book examines how trauma changes our brains and also our physiological makeup and also explores different therapeutic approaches to working with traumatized people.

Well, hello to Monday and I’m looking forward to what will hopefully be a less bizarre week. Take care, stay well. xo

Like A Half-Birthday But Less Festive; Twenty-Six Weeks In

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So, for those of you who are counting, 26 weeks is exactly half a year. Six months of this pandemic! Back in March, six months felt like The Worst Possible Scenario. Now it is Just Life and I don’t think at all at how long this will go on; no one knows and speculating isn’t helpful.

This is where having a blog pays off; I look back and see the evolution. I think we have all gone through the five stages of grief, on a number of different levels, and I am now firmly in the Acceptance Stage. Happy Half-Birthday to the pandemic, I guess. Over the last six months I’ve gone from drinking a lot of wine and eating mini-eggs to frantically cleaning and reorganizing my laundry area and every other part of the house to learning how to teach yoga online to colouring my own hair and giving myself a bikini wax (WE’RE GOING TO NEED MORE WAX).

When the pandemic first started, only the most paranoid of us were wearing masks; that quickly changed and now I am leaning hard into Mask Fashion, coordinating my masks with my outfits.

Back in March and April, grocery shopping was the most harrowing, depressing, and soul-sucking activity; I remember feeling absolutely drained after a Superstore trip, and scheduling a whole day so that I could wait outside, in the cold, to get into Costco, and then feeling so disheartened that I would have to repeat the whole thing over and over again. Now, grocery shopping is just grocery shopping, still some things missing on the shelves but nothing really to write home about, unlike in the earlier months when we were all panicked about toilet paper, flour, yeast, and – for a few strange weeks at our house – baking powder and sauerkraut.

Speaking of which, I have discovered a huge downside to the boys being back at school and that is I have to bring the groceries into the house all by myself. What is this bullshit. For six months I have strolled into the house holding only a jug of milk or the bag with the bread and eggs, and commanded everyone to bring in the heavy bins, and now I, I am the one bringing in those heavy bins, this is an outrage. Groceries aside, I have barely lifted anything for six months, including but not limited to the laundry basket, outdoor chairs, and clothing donation bags. If the school shut-down lasted longer, it’s likely all my upper body muscles would atrophy completely.

The boys just finished their first week of classes; I am thinking week by week and one day at a time when it comes to school. They all wear masks – they are mandatory everywhere here – and although my older son tells me that “social distancing doesn’t exist,” well, we are doing the best we can. I mean, there is only so much physical space in a building, and there are 2300 kids, so take a deep breath, mask up, and wash hands.

It’s my thought that the kids are way better than adults in adjusting to a different world. It is my younger son’s fifteenth birthday tomorrow and on Friday afternoon he celebrated with friends, his usual “hangout” group. They had massive amounts of food in our back yard, always keeping distanced from each other, and when they weren’t they put on masks, even though they were outside the whole time.

The boys finish school at 1:00 on Fridays, and so the party started at that time and went until 6:30 pm, not before five large pizzas were consumed in addition to all the baked goods. Strangely enough, my son had an online math test to do on Friday “any time between 1:00 and 11:00 pm” and so he settled into his test after his friends left. Does that seem strange to anyone else? Well, I’m not criticizing. Finally, finally, FINALLY after years and years of filling out forms until my hand seized up, the school has taken to online forms. I guess they don’t want germy plague-ridden papers coming into the office, and although I don’t really think anyone’s catching The Covid from paper, I am not questioning anything. How many reams of paper have I gone through in my life, filling out the exact same thing over and over? How many Septembers have I spent rubbing my ink-stained hands as I fill out my phone number over and over, signing my name until it doesn’t look like my signature anymore? The biggest bonus is my sons are filling them out themselves, although I was a little taken aback that my younger son put in my husband as “Parent One.” I am usually Parent One! I’m the main contact! When I said this to him, he said “Oh, I thought it went by age.” Well.

This week I have gone back to teaching in-person classes at the community centre; I am now teaching two online classes and two in-person classes per week. It feels a bit strange after a six-month hiatus to see people again, but I will say this: if I contract Covid, it won’t be from that. The community centre is very strict: hand sanitizer before entering, one (masked) person at a time allowed in the lobby where we take off our shoes, there are x’s on the floor to mark where mats can go, and the x’s are three metres apart, and we leave via the emergency exit door so as to not run into anyone coming into the centre. My students don’t wear masks when actually practicing yoga, but I wear one to teach, and it isn’t as hard as I thought it would be.

Six months seems long, but it’s really a just a blip. I’m trying not to think ahead to the next six months and the long winter on the horizon, instead buying more warm clothes and taking things a day at a time. At least the masks will keep our faces warm.

Pandemic Reading

This book was, frankly, bizarre. I thought it sounded like a funny concept: man has an affair, so his wife decides she is going to have her own affair to get even, and is thrown into the new world of dating. But…the underlying theme of the book was stay married no matter what because divorce is awful and hey, we all make mistakes. I thought of googling the author to see if she is a fundamentalist Christian, but I guess I don’t care enough about it.

I have NO idea why I put this on hold at the library. Did someone recommend it to me? Was I drinking and library app-ing? Who knows. This was fine, not enjoyable but not terrible. It was very repetitive and gave advice like instead of flipping out when someone doesn’t change the toilet paper, just discuss your needs instead. I mean, that’s probably sound advice but I didn’t really need a whole book about it.

Six months, you guys. We can do this. xo

One Day More; Twenty-Three and Twenty-Four Weeks In

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Summer’s Almost Gone

School starts TOMORROW, and at this time every year I have feelings of melancholy and why-is-time-so-fleeting and landslide. I would say that I am having those feelings on steroids this year. Despite everything, we have had a really good summer; last week the boys got back from their annual camping trip with their dad, and said that they have had the best summer ever. The best. Summer ever. In 2020.

A habit I’ve established during this pandemic is reading a poem every morning before my yoga practice, and then during the yoga practice I meditate on an aspect of that poem. Last week I read this by Mary Oliver:

The present is what your life is, and you are capable of choosing what that will be. I love that. I guess if my boys can think that Summer 2020 has been the best summer of their lives so far, I can march forward into Fall 2020.

Both boys will be in high school, and they have a lot of health and safety protocols that make me feel as comfortable as I’m going to feel. Although every time I turn around someone is raging “But HOW can they POSSIBLY (fill in the blank: social distance, eat lunch, have gym or drama class…)” and I have to just take deep breaths. They will do their best with mandatory masks and eating lunches in designated classrooms and sanitization stations; they won’t have lockers, or change rooms and tote boxes for gym, which should be interesting. Take a deep breath and jump in, is what it feels like.

The masks arrived!

Small Non-Pandemic-Related Grievance

Last week I learned that my Garmin watch automatically resets after 150 days of a movement streak. I discovered this while running on Friday; my watch congratulated me on my FIVE day step streak, when it was really 155 days. Well. This is a good opportunity to practice non-attachment and remember that this is just a fun gadget, not something that is dictating my life, all evidence to the contrary. Om.

Super Exciting Grocery News

While I was on vacation, my dear friend and soul sister Janet (HI JANET) texted me to let me know that after a two year hiatus, Costco is once again stocking the 34 ounce jars of sundried tomatoes. I am not sure I can adequately convey my excitement at this news; I have been buying the Much More Expensive, smaller jars of sundried tomatoes at Superstore, with which I make my pasta sauce for our Monday night meal. As soon as I was home I hightailed it to Costco.

That should hold us for a while.

In addition to that, after months of not having giant rolls of parchment paper, those were back in stock. When they went missing a few months ago, I went into Pandemic Panic At The Disco and started stockpiling parchment paper from Superstore, thinking that would be the next thing that would be completely unavailable, and that upset me more than the difficulty finding baking powder, back in April. Long story short: I now have enough parchment paper to see me into the spring of 2025, give or take.

Vacation

I was so burned out prior to our vacation. I was just emotionally exhausted; being everyone’s Emotional Support Person was really draining me. My goals for our vacation were as follows: sleep, go for walks and runs (BECAUSE I DIDN’T WANT TO BREAK MY STEP STREAK WHAT), read a lot of books, and drink wine. That is exactly what I did.

We also had some beach time with my sister-in-law; her apartment complex has a private beach which was deserted during the week. It also happened to be about 38 degrees, so that was perfect.

Pandemic Reading

I got so much reading done on vacation, which I’m glad of, as my library pile was actually fairly daunting. It’s still daunting but that’s because I have become a Weird Book Addict who can’t seem to stop putting things on hold and picking up three extra books every time I go to pick up a hold.

This was interesting: a trend forecaster sees a movement toward less technology and more actual communication and physical contact and touch. Meanwhile her boyfriend is part of an antisex neo-sensual movement. It is especially interesting to read NOW, as we are all not allowed to touch one another and my god, I miss hugging people.

A psychological thriller, and I won’t say more than that for fear of spoiling.

This was about one of Iran’s most famous women; all about poetry and feminism in a place and time that was not friendly toward women.

Just a fun, light read about a heavy topic: cancer.

Another book about cancer; I guess the man who wrote this is very famous, which I didn’t know when I picked it up. It’s very sad and touching.

If you’re at all interested in politics and racial issues between Indian and Black people in Kenya, this is a great read.

I think every woman should read this book. This was life-changing for me. It’s like a switch went off in my head. I should write an entire post just about this book, it affected me THAT much.

I really enjoy Moriarty’s writing, but this might be one of my favourites. It was just totally satisfying in every way.

Reading this book was exactly like watching a movie on the Hallmark channel, in a good way. Very soft and feel-good.

Well, off to prepare for a strange, staggered-entry week. Let’s do this! xo

Leaning Out; Nineteen Weeks In

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I am at that weird point in the summer, but also in the pandemic, where I really struggle to know what day it is. The boys and I went for a fun little hike last Monday, and when I think about it, it seems like months ago. Thank god for blogs, because I have no concept if something happened in April or last week, and I find myself looking it up and being constantly surprised.

There was a worldwide Garmin outage due to hacking, and it really begs the question: if you do a physical activity, but your watch doesn’t track it, did it really happen? If you do not have a Garmin watch or similar, you might think – as I did, people, as I did, karma on every judgement every time – that such a question is ridiculous. However, millions of users, myself included, were all completely lost. Sure, there’s a global pandemic with millions sick and dying, there are terrible social injustices happening all around the world, there is massive government corruption and countries are all facing mind-boggling national debts and unemployment, small businesses are closing up while the Walmarts and Amazons are thriving. BUT WHAT ABOUT MY RUN, WILL IT BE RECORDED.

The boys were up at my parents’ for a few days, helping my dad with a few things, and my husband and I looked at each other across the table, wondering what day it was. It’s Wednesday, I said with great authority. I thought it was Thursday the whole day, he said. We stared at each other for a minute – it WAS Wednesday, but disconcerting as who really knows, time has lost all meaning and feels like a false construct – and then went back to our salads.

The boys paddling at 15 degrees and windy; they are pretty hardened to cold weather, but melt a little in warmer temperatures. Luckily, they live here.

As a digression, when my younger son was in kindergarten I often chatted with his little friend’s grandma, who cared for her granddaughter while her parents were at work. This woman was a real inspiration to me; so energetic and vibrant, and interesting to talk to. She was the woman who really pressed me to look into getting my varicose veins removed, saying that I was so young with so many years ahead of me, it was too much to go through life with pain that could be easily remedied. Longtime readers will remember that I did get them stripped; unfortunately, according to my doctor, I am a “very unusual case” as I have since developed NEW varicose veins, and I cannot have anything done with them as, well, no more veins can really be removed from my body.

ANYWAY. If you’re interested in varicose veins, by all means, go search my archives. The grandma, however, talked to me once about how one day the kids will leave home, and I would be sitting across from my husband at the table, and it would be like, “Oh, hello.”

At the time I couldn’t picture it at all; dinners were hectic and evenings were filled with reading stories and supervising baths and cutting up fruit for snacks before collapsing, exhausted, on the couch. It’s not like the kids haven’t been away before, far from it. But it occurred to me suddenly: it won’t be long until the table-set-for-two is the rule, not the exception.

Last week I finished the book Lean Out by Tara Henley, and if you haven’t read it, I really recommend it. It really resonated with me and what I’ve been thinking about these last few weeks – this whole pandemic, really. The books centres on the physical and mental health issues that stem from our culture of overwork, overscheduling, overdoing. Don’t get me wrong; I love to be busy and productive and to get things done, but there’s a limit. It’s something I have known for years: there has to be yin where there is yang. Otherwise, your body forces you to be yin; in other words, you become sick, exhausted, depleted. If you don’t take rest, your body takes it for you, and it is much less pleasant than just sitting and reading for a while.

I am writing this as my husband has been working nonstop, every single day since June 29, evenings, weekends, holidays. He’s on a big project and there is an end in sight, but it is making me nervous in terms of health. Hoo boy. Anyway, during this whole month – and the whole pandemic – we have gone for walks every single day and I think that’s the yin that’s going to save us all. I’ve watched the lawns and gardens in the neighbourhood go from snow covered to bleak to tiny-signs-of-life to full blown flowers and grass. One garden in particular is my favourite to look at, owing to the gorgeous flowers and also their enormous collection of garden gnomes and tchotchkes. I call it the Happy Yard, with all the smiling ceramic ladybugs and what have you.

My own garden is in full swing; the roses are as late as they have ever been, and – perhaps owing to the super-early frost and snow last year – none of the old wood greened up, so I had to prune it all back. IN JULY.

But this week, the first of the roses started blooming, and it felt like a little breath of hope.

Pandemic Reading

I was out running errands when I got a text from my husband to let me know the library had called, and that one of my holds was ready for pickup. He followed up that text with this: Stop ordering books. I don’t know why he said that.

So I have a few things to read. Anyway, I AM making my way through the pile; I read two other books in addition to Lean Out this week.

This is about the woman who wrote The Velveteen Rabbit and her child prodigy daughter, Pamela. Pamela was a famous artist at a young age, and like most geniuses, suffered mental illness. Probably this was exacerbated by the pressure she was under thanks to her exploitative dickwad of a father.

This book was interesting and disturbing; it was well done but I don’t know that I’d across-the-board recommend it. If you like bizarre internet stalker-type books, and very well done and interesting twists, this is for you.

Have a beautiful week, friends. It’s the last week of July! Just a reminder for those of you who – like me – are completely messed up in terms of time. xo