Monthly Archives: November 2022

I Moustache You A Question

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I had my hair cut this week – and, as a complete sidebar, it was the best cut I have ever had in my life and I have never before been so happy with my hair, in all of my 47 years of life – and the salon owner was there, as he usually is. I don’t normally chat with him much but I noticed he was sporting a thick moustache. It was then that I realized that, apart from the inhabitants of the Boyhouse, I do not see many men on a daily basis.

Pre-pandemic I would have men in my yoga classes, I worked with men, I would see men in various events and meetings, and every November a large number of them would suddenly have moustaches, and I would wonder to myself did he always have that moustache, or is this a Movember thing?

Many years ago, my sons were in a karate school, and one day when I was waiting for them to be dismissed I recognized a man waiting for his son; we had been friends in university but I hadn’t seen him since. I said hi and introduced myself, and we chatted for not ten seconds before he pointed to his face and said “Excuse the moustache, I’m doing this Movember thing.”

Before we get too far into things, I want you to know, dear reader, that I am not anti-moustache. In fact, if I let things go in the hair removal department, I would certainly be sporting a handlebar myself. I think many men suit a moustache, particularly men of a certain generation: I’m thinking specifically of Tom Selleck and Sam Elliott. But moustaches in general are not my favourite, and I am working hard to keep this opinion to myself.

My younger son, for reasons known only to him, has decided to grow a moustache for the month of November. Possibly beyond November. We don’t know. Only time will tell. The last time such a shaving-mutiny happened in my house was at the very beginning of the pandemic when the boys, at that time aged 16 and 14 1/2, decided they would not shave until the pandemic was over. Well. At the time they probably thought it would be a month or maybe six weeks, and in fact, my younger son thankfully did shave around May 2020. My older son held on until the fall, when he saw a photo of himself and was horrified.

This time is different. There are many guys at the high school who have full beards, and while my son is not one of them, he does have quite a dark, relatively thick moustache, for a 17-year-old. I don’t love it but it’s his face, it’s just facial hair, and our children are their own people with their own body autonomy and ability to make their own choices. Right? I think of when I was 17; if someone had told me they didn’t like my army boots with babydoll dresses, or that some day I might regret the long, spiral permed hair with giant bangs, or that Revlon’s Love That Red lipstick was a bit much for math class at 9 in the morning, I would have wanted to tell them to go fuck themselves. So I support my son’s facial hair choice, even if I prefer his face clean-shaven.

Many, many years ago, I remember a woman on Twitter who went by the moniker PhD In Parenting, which is a pretty bold statement, in my mind. Personally, I think of myself more as a High School Graduate But In The Remedial Stream In Parenting, so this is not expert advice, but I think the key to parenting at any age, but especially teens, is to treat our kids in a way that we would also want to be treated. I often think of that poem “Your children are not your children,” because they need to make choices and decisions and live their lives in a way that might not always jive with my way.

So far it’s worked for me. I acknowledge that I am very, very fortunate in that all our personalities get along in this house, and that we have not had any major issues. This is, I think, more luck of the draw than parenting, but sometimes I get praised in a way that I don’t think I deserve.

My younger son and his moustache have been seeing a podiatrist for about six weeks now, and every time we go there it’s like a Celebration Of The Wonder Who Is My Son. It’s quite over the top and I love it. This reaction from the staff is possibly because he appears to be the only patient under 65 in the office, and hence is a bit of a novelty, but he is truly a very kind and polite person. The receptionist and nurse fawn all over him, and when he does something simple like ask them how they are doing, they gush about his manners and congratulate me on raising such an incredible young man.

I accept this praise and congratulations wholeheartedly, but I honestly think parenting is only part of the story. It’s an important part, to be sure, but so much of the way a person presents themselves to the world is on them. So much of a person is just the way they ARE, and that leads to a philosophy I strongly adhere to in both parenting and in life: we need to meet people where they are and accept them for who they are. We need to accept them even when they are different from us, even when they have our own traits that we don’t like, and even when they decide that moustaches are the way to go.

Weekly Reading

The Beauty of Living Twice. Two things: 1) Sharon Stone has led an incredibly interesting and meaningful life, 2) she is a very intelligent woman but intelligence doesn’t always translate to “good writer.” I think this book could have benefitted from a ghostwriter. Her journey is fascinating but I was very put off by the choppy writing style. I didn’t realize she had suffered a major stroke – and, apparently, massive medical incompetence to the point of malpractice – and nearly died. A lot of this book is about her healing journey, her activism, and her embrace of Buddhism. The writing kind of wrecked the story for me, sadly, because I think it’s a good one. She overcame poverty and childhood sexual and physical abuse, as well as her health issues and “being too old” to get work in Hollywood, post-stroke.

How To Keep House While Drowning. I heard an interview with this author, and I knew I wanted to read her book. She was due to have her second baby and, given that she suffered postpartum depression with her first, she set up a whole support network to help in the weeks after giving birth. She arranged for meal delivery, help with housework, for her older child to go to preschool four days a week, the works. She had the baby in February 2020. I don’t need to tell you how that affected her postpartum support.

Remember in the early days of the pandemic when we were all scrubbing our baseboards and purging our closets and using powdered Tide to “strip” the laundry? Remember all those cleaning hacks? This book is not that. This book is a very gentle, very kind guide to creating a functional living space and caring for that space, and yourself, when you feel like you are literally drowning. This is a support book for people who might feel like they just can’t get the energy to brush their hair, let alone polish their sinks. This book is written for the neurodivergent – the author herself has ADHD – and for people who are really, really struggling with executive functioning and day-to-day life, but I think that anyone can benefit from reading it. At the very least, you will come away with the idea of “moral neutrality,” which means that housework or lack thereof does not dictate what kind of a person you are. You are not a superior person if you fold your laundry and you are not inferior if you cannot wash the dishes more than once every three days. Those things are morally neutral. This book creates a feeling of kindness and compassion for ourselves and for others, and uses the words “care tasks” in place of “chores,” which has a much nicer connotation. There is also a very important discussion about environmental choices, and how most environmentalism serves able-bodied people of privilege, but doesn’t consider those who are disabled in any way. Most of all, this book gives permission to take care of yourself and your living space – in whatever form that takes – without moral judgement. It’s a quick and easy read and I highly recommend it.

Catastrophic Happiness. How did I miss this when it came out SIX YEARS AGO! I was devouring Newman’s We All Want Impossible Things when I saw that this book of essays about parenting children in the pre-teen, post-baby era existed and I never read it! Colour me embarrassed. Well, this gave me a lovely nostalgic feeling and fans will just love it. I did! It also made me breathe a sigh of relief that tantrums, childhood illnesses, and stress about am I doing this right are in the rearview mirror for me.

My husband finished all the outdoor decorations just in time before another harsh cold front descended, and the four of us put up the tree and indoor decorations, all while wearing our WWE Christmas sweaters, speaking of meeting people where they are and showing interest in teens’ own niche interests. Longtime readers may recall that at the time of our sweater acquisition the only female wrestler-themed sweater available was six sizes larger than the one I typically wear, which makes it pretty cozy. Could I have purchased a MALE wrestler-themed sweater that would have been closer to my size? I could have. But I am a firm Supporter Of Women, even for something this ridiculous. In other news, I have two new gnome decorations for the tree – one from my mom – and the house feels very hygge and festive as Old Man Winter descends once again with frigid temperatures and snow. I hope you are cozy and hygge, wherever you are. xo

Nicole’s Favourite Things: The “It’s One Month Until Christmas Eve” Edition

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Rex thinks he’s Santa!

ONE MONTH UNTIL CHRISTMAS EVE YOU GUYS!!! November has been simultaneously been flying and crawling by. Time lost all meaning during the pandemic, and I still find myself confused by the calendar. One moment I will be thinking It’s November 24 already! Next week is December! and the next I will find myself in the garden centre, looking at the sign that says December 10 Christmas Market and wondering Is that today? No, it’s not December yet.

One month! I feel very festive. We are putting up the tree and indoor decorations, the outdoor ones are slowly making their way up, and I’ve started baking all the minty chocolatey things.

That’s right, it’s Mint Chocolate Season, Baby! And it’s also time for Nicole’s Favourite Things!

There’s A Little Kalette Shady In All Of Us

Guess who’s back? Back again? Kalettes are back! Tell a friend. Kalettes make it into my Favourite Things every year because they deserve it. These delicious little crosses between kale and Brussels sprouts are Limited Time Only – they are available at Costco from about November through January, so I enjoy them as much as possible in the season.

The best way to eat them, in my opinion, is to toss them with olive oil, sprinkle with salt and pepper and drizzle with balsamic, and then roast them for about 30 minutes. Divine! Last weekend I got a little carried away and made two bags, and ended up eating some the next day at lunch and let me tell you, they were SO good. This is very strong praise coming from me, knowing how I feel about leftovers.

Boom! It’s A Ticket To Flavour Town

Another Guess Who’s Back Seasonal Appearance! It’s no secret that I love popcorn, and the festive Boom Chicka Pops are…kind of back? I happened on them at London Drugs a few weeks ago, but according to a friend (HI JULIE) they are currently nowhere to be found. Did I get the last ones? I swear I’m not hoarding! I did buy a couple of bags of each kind – in a normal consumption way, not a weird hoarding way – which should be enough to get me through the holiday season.

Lube Up

As I was preparing for Tiny Secret Festive Season by purchasing Festive Hand Soaps from Bath and Body Works, I realized that I could buy body lotions in those same festive scents. This, my friends, was a revelation. I have mentioned before that one of my pre-shower rituals is looking at my various bottles of body lotion and then choosing the scent of the day, a scent that will somehow reflect my daily activities, brighten my day, and say something about the day of the week. You may be thinking that is a tall order for a fragrance, but you would be wrong.

In any case, I bought these lotions to celebrate both Tiny Secret Festive Season and also Full On Festive Season – although, frankly, these will last into the New Year – and it’s so much fun lubing up in the morning. Yes, I said lubing up, what of it.

Like A One-Winged Dove

I like to use body wash to shave with, as opposed to a shaving cream, and Costco had a three-pack of Dove body wash on sale. It’s always a risk to buy any beauty item for the first time at Costco, because if I don’t like it, I have SO MUCH of it to use up. I was fairly confident with a Dove product though – I am a purchaser of their bar soap and the guys all use the shampoo – and wow, am I glad I bought it. This is probably the creamiest, thickest, most moisturizing body wash I have ever tried. But what propels it into Favourite Things Category is the scent.

It’s so hard to describe. Back in the early 80s, before scented candles were ubiquitous and there were SNL sketches about the Yankee Candle that goes on and on, my grandma had a candle in a pretty tin canister. Let us go back in time, when there weren’t a million items in every house and each item was carefully displayed and cared for. When I was little, and we were visiting at Christmastime, I would pop the lid off and just sniff the candle, which I don’t remember being burned; I suppose it was decorative, and probably was a gift. It had such a pretty, sweet scent, and this body wash smells exactly the same. It took me a while to pinpoint why I loved the body wash scent so much; it really takes me back. It’s a floral-ish, vanilla-ish, sweet-ish scent.

Peas in a Pod

I am a big listener of podcasts, and I was horrified to read that with the advent of more and more celebrity podcasts, the smaller, independent ones are losing audiences and advertising. Listen, I enjoy the occasional Literally! by Rob Lowe or Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend, but for the most part, my favourite pods are the ones that are small and independent. Remember in the blogging world when, for a few years, most blogs went into Big Blogger or Sponsored Post world, and the small blogs were considered “dead?” Let’s not let that happen to podcasts. I mean, now our blogging community shows that we are firmly Not Dead, but also, I would like for the small pods to keep making their episodes, and to that end I will tell you my current favourites. Sharing is supposedly the best way to support a podcast, and so here goes:

Were You Raised By Wolves? This is a podcast about modern etiquette, and before you frown and say “modern etiquette, what,” just know that this is an absolute delight to listen to. The hosts are so much fun and they go through different etiquette problems and questions all over the world.

Forever 35. Their tagline is “a podcast about the things we do to take care of ourselves,” and the hosts always say that they are not experts, they are just two friends who like to talk a lot about serums. It’s like it was designed for me and me alone. You know I love taking care of myself and also serums. I love the hosts, I love their guests, I love their topics, I just love this whole pod.

Everything Is Fine. Thanks to Ally (HI ALLY) for alerting me to this podcast, where two women talk about everything from their hair to their careers to sex injuries. I was excited to learn that one of the hosts was a staff writer for Sassy, which was THE magazine of my youth. Remember Sassy? It was the only magazine that treated teen girls like actual intelligent beings, in my mind.

Nobody Panic. Is there anything more fun than two British women giving advice on how to go to the hairdresser or how to drink more water? This is just a lot of fun; advice on how to be an adult. I do not think a 47-year-old Canadian mom of teens is their demographic, but nonetheless, I love it.

The Friendship Paradox. Did you know my blog friend Stephany (HI STEPHANY) has a podcast? SHE DOES! Go check it out, because her Season Two, all about how two friends with very different personality types navigate parties and gatherings, is so enjoyable. Also, it’s so fun to know a person via their writing, and then hear their actual voice!

Gnomes, Tunics, and Eating Clowns For Breakfast

Over dinner the other night, we were talking about how Rex has gotten many nicknames from us already, and the guys pointed out that I frequently call him Baby. My older son said As we get older, I feel like you are going to get more and more into Rex. And gnomes. He’s not wrong. People, I had an image of my adult sons coming home to visit, and their father mouthing HELP ME as he was surrounded by gnomes; perhaps I’d be bustling around with a gnome hat for both him and Rex. All of this is to say that I felt SEEN by this post about Gnomevember, by MG Doodle (HI MG!). Who knew Gnomevember was a thing? To be honest, I think every month is Gnomevember in my heart.

As I have mentioned many times, the older I get the more interested I am in long, flowing tops, and so I felt this McSweeney’s post so very much. When you’re a woman over 40, a tunic wears you.

I love learning about nuance and sayings from other languages, as well as thinking about things that are part of our own lexicon. San (HI SAN) wrote about German idioms and I read them aloud to my husband, as we laughed hysterically. I was actually crying from laughing so hard. I think I will be using the Did You Have Clowns For Breakfast until the end of time.

Next week is December, one month until Christmas…so much to feel festive about! What are you loving this month? Tell me everything. xo

Very Random November Observations

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Everybody Dance Now

The other day Gonna Make You Sweat came on while I was working out, and I realized that I cannot hear that song without immediately picturing the dance scene in Old School. That movie is stupid and problematic, and neither the story nor the timeline make any sense, and yet I will never not find it funny. Back in the day when I worked on a trade floor, my work group were all guys, and one of them lent me his Old School DVD, which led to us all quoting from it all the live-long day. Not an hour went by without someone saying “It has three speeds,” or “What my friend is trying to say is that love is blind,” or “HE’S GONNA DO ONE!” or “Once it hits your lips it’s so good,” “Denver. The Sunshine State,” or my personal favourite, “EARMUFFS!” I realize that none of these statements would make any sense to anyone who hadn’t watched the movie ten times, but imagine, if you will, that each of these statements were considered by us to be a satisfactory answer to almost any request or comment. Nicole, are the prices in yet? Bring your green hat, let’s go. (Translation: yes, the prices are in, and I’m running the numbers right now.)

There is a scene in the movie where Frank goes streaking, by himself, and that made me think of my late father-in-law, whose greatest regret in life was that he didn’t go streaking in the 70s, when it was semi-popular to do so. Remember the song The Streak? The 70s were a magical time. Regrets, we all have them. I have one in particular.

Flash Flash Flash

Remember when flash mobs were a thing? I wish I had been part of one. I regret never being in one because I don’t think flash mobs exist anymore, and even if they did, how would I get myself involved? In any case, my enthusiasm for dancing far exceeds my talent for dancing. I am like one of the twins in the Charlie Brown Christmas, bad hair and all.

Maybe one day! Maybe one day I will have the opportunity to dance in a flash mob, and if the universe is listening, I will dance to anything but Everybody Dance Now would be amazing.

Those Are The Fax, Ma’am

I don’t know what made me think of it, but I realized that, like flash mobs, fax machines are a thing of the past. Isn’t it strange and kind of sad to think of all these completely obsolete items, probably residing in landfills? I mean, who would use a fax machine these days? I asked my husband about it and he said he thought his office still had them, but no one uses them. RIP fax machines.

Speaking of things made obsolete by the internet, remember Adult Video Stores? Or the Adult Video Section in regular video stores, that was cordoned off by a curtain? I mean, since video stores no longer exist, I assume that neither of those things exist as well, but did something else take their place? I have, it should be admitted, never set foot inside an Adult Video Store but now I’m wondering if they just became Adult Stores, the kind of places that sell – I assume – different lubes or costumes or what have you. But then again, all those things are available on the internet and one wouldn’t have to risk running into That Guy From Church while perusing the Naughty Nurse costumes or flavoured lubricant or something really awesome that I don’t even know about*.

Lettuce Pray

I’m going to address the elephant in the room: the lettuce shortage! My friend Hannah (HI HANNAH) mentioned it to me early last week, and I was completely surprised. The week before, I hadn’t noticed anything amiss in the produce section. WELL. Things change, roll with the punches; I went to Superstore on Wednesday and while they did indeed have lettuce, it was insanely priced. Iceberg was $5/ head, which, as Hannah said, is a lot to pay for crunchy water. Romaine was $8 for a three-pack of hearts. I ended up buying two bunches of kale for our Sunday night dinner; I always make a salad to go with that particular meal, and kale Caesar is a very popular choice in our house. I mentioned the shortage to my Thursday morning yoga class, and one of the ladies said that when she was young, they never had salad in the winter, only potatoes, turnips, and canned vegetables. I mentioned frozen vegetables and how great they are to reduce food waste, and she said that frozen vegetables were brand new when she was a child and they never had them. This probably indicates to you the demographic of my students.

Although I don’t tend to notice the price on produce that much, a few weeks ago cauliflower was something like $7/ head. This past week, Superstore had them on limited special:

Whatever you do, don’t go over the limit!!! That’s my two cents, anyway.

Girls, Girls, Girls

I am very sad to say that Pippa the ornamental pepper plant has died. I was weirdly devastated by this. Apparently ornamental peppers are very easy to grow, as long as you live in a warm, humid climate, which is the opposite of the climate in which I reside. I kept looking sadly at her rapidly dropping leaves and wrinkly fruits, and then took matters into my own hands. Pippa ended up in the compost, and I ended up in the garden centre, and how I didn’t come home with a van full of gnomes, I will never know. Wow, the garden centre has a lot of Christmas gnomes. Anyway, what I did end up bringing home were two lovely plants that will hopefully not die in my chilly, dry house. Meet Eva and Stella!

Is my life goal of becoming a Crazy Plant Lady hampered by the Death of Pippa? I hope not. Actually, given the probably outsized nature of my sadness about Pippa, it probably escalates me firmly into Crazy Plant Lady Territory. Particularly since I refer to the plants, including Noelle the Christmas Cactus, as The Girls.

Weekly Reading

We All Want Impossible Things. Oh. You guys. I have been reading Catherine Newman since 2004, back in her Babycenter days, and, as I have surely mentioned, her writing was one of the inspirations to starting this blog. Her writing speaks to me so much, and I almost feel like I have one of those parasocial relationships with her. Anyway, this is her first novel, and I absolutely devoured it and didn’t want it to end. It is a novel based on her actual experience, of her best friend dying in hospice of cancer. The way she writes about hospice is beautiful and heartbreaking and also weirdly hilarious. It’s Signature Catherine Newman, that mix of wrenching and hilarity.

I listened to an interview of her on a podcast – I am not going to say which one because I DEEPLY dislike the podcast, but I made an exception for her – and she said that because this was her first novel, she read a book about how to write a novel, and I found that incredibly reassuring and inspirational. I mean. There is hope for all aspiring writers! And this book is about hope, and grief, and finding beauty in the most painful situation possible. There is also a scene in which she is plucking chin hair for her incapacitated friend, and I would like to tell my dear friends who in the terrible event that they are similarly incapacitated, I will offer my chin-hair-plucking-services. May that day never come, but I found that to be The Testament in Ultimate Friendship.

Startup. Speaking of parasocial relationships, I kind of feel like I have one with Doree Shafrir, who cohosts my current favourite podcast, Forever 35 (“a podcast about the things we do to take care of ourselves” – ladies, you are speaking my language). This is a novel about three women, whose lives become intertwined in the tech startup world. It’s a statement on toxic masculinity in tech culture, and I am here for it. It’s so smart and readable! The characters and their issues are so real; I dove into this book and did not want to come up for air.

So many random things to talk about! I have many more topics to touch on but that will have to wait for another day. Have a beautiful week, friends. Happy Thanksgiving week to all my American beauties! xo

*if you understand that reference, you have watched a lot of Old School. Not to worry, you’re in the Trust Tree with me.

A Thursday In The Life Of Nicole

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I often think that I am a bit of a nosy, snoopy person, as I just love reading little tidbits from people’s lives. That’s what blogging and social media are, aren’t they, a fun peek into others’ lives? I love it all, from the minutia to the grand sweeping stories. Lately I have been seeing a lot of Day in the Life blogs, and I honestly cannot get enough of it.

My days are all different, but each day of the week is the same, if you know what I mean. Every Monday is the same shape, but different from Tuesday. I chose a Thursday to report on my moment-to-moment doings; this is a pretty typical Thursday in my world.

4:07 am GOOD MORNING WORLD! I get up, start the coffee maker, drink two big glasses of water, perform my Morning Ablutions, and get dressed in the workout wear I have set out the night before. The key to early morning exercise, for me, is to have my clothes laid out and ready to go. After that I literally chug down a huge cup of coffee while reading The Daily Stoic (I am not recommending this to you, but I started it and now I must finish) and a page from All Along You Were Blooming (I AM recommending this to you, it is beautiful and uplifting).

4:25 am YOGA! I start my yoga practice, while meditating on this morning’s readings, which were about accepting people the way they are and also not living in the past. Okay! Sounds good. My zen is only briefly interrupted by the thought that I should remember to take the butter out of the fridge for cookie dough, and also, when are those envelopes I ordered arriving? After savasana, I do take the butter out, drink two more glasses of water and head downstairs to the gym.

5:20 am PELOTON! Today, I choose a 70s pop ride with my favourite instructor, Leanne, and it was a perfect choice. I will be singing Burning Love and Mamma Mia for a while. I drink more water and pour myself another coffee.

5:55 am SHOWER! As the shower warms up, I take a moment to choose today’s scented lotion – Cashmere and Snowflakes – and set out all my serums, deodorant, and makeup. I shower, moisturize, put on my makeup, and briefly wonder what will happen when my eyebrows go completely white. Right now there are only a few strands here and there, and I am not willing to pluck them, as I don’t want to go bald above my eyes.

6:15 am HI EVERYBODY! My older son is awake and needs the bathroom to get ready for work, so I vacate and go downstairs to the computer. The computer fires up and I use the time to file my nails and sip my coffee. I open up my blog reader and there are 33 unread posts, hello NaBloPoMo! I read a couple, check notifications and comments, and finish my coffee. I let Rex out (HI REXIE, HIIIIII, WHO’S A GOOD BOY), give him some snuggles and feed him, and then pour another coffee.

6:45 am MORNING SCRAMBLE! My husband is up so the bedroom is accessible! I make the bed, get dressed, put my hair up and jewelry on. I make myself a smoothie AND pour more coffee – do I have a problem? No. I don’t think anyone in this house wants me to go light on the coffee, believe you me – and then wash up the blender and a couple of small things in the sink. I quickly clean the bathroom, do ten minutes of strength training (not going to “Get The Osteo” as the boys say), a DuoLingo lesson, and look over my class plan for the day. By this time my husband and son have left for work, my younger son is up – he has a spare first period on Thursdays – and I pack up my things for yoga class.

Layer one: my teaching outfit.

I had the door closed while I got dressed, and when I opened it…

Layer two: sweater and legwarmers for the wintry day, hair up, ready to teach.

No matter what I do, there is always an errant leaf of spinach.

8:30 am TEACHING TIME! I drive over to the community centre, set up my mat and music, chat with the ladies and start a 90 minute class with a hips and hammies focus. I find out that one of my students is in a choir and they are having a concert next week, which I hope to attend. Drink more water for my parched throat and head home.

11:00 am REX TIME! I get home to a very excited Rex – it’s like I am Odysseus returning home – and we go for a nice long walk.

12:25 pm LUNCH TIME! I’m starving! I make myself a chocolate banana protein shake and have the veggies left over from last night’s crudité platter – this is the only kind of leftover I can stand to eat, I have a real aversion to them. I blame this on Leftover Nights of my childhood. I read a little of my book and then clean up the kitchen for the second time today.

1:00 pm NICOLE THE ELF! I start a load of laundry and then write out some Christmas cards, wrap gifts and package up the parcel I have to mail out, and make gingerbread dough for the freezer, for later rolling and decorating. Getting the parcel packaged up is my least favourite Christmas job, so I’m happy to have it done. I contemplate baking muffins, but decide to wait until tomorrow to do that. I clean up the kitchen and wash dishes AGAIN. It’s the third time today, for those who are counting. Yes, I have and use a dishwasher, but not for the blender and big mixing bowls. I fold the laundry and feel extreme gratitude for podcasts for entertaining me throughout such domestic drudgery.

4:15 pm DOWNTIME! I have been playing Christmas music on the piano since November 12, and the Charlie Brown Christmas songbook is the perfect amount of challenging and fun, as it’s “swing” and I was classically trained, so a very different way of playing. I play a few songs and then read for a while. My older son gets home from work and the gym and we chat for a bit. He’s busy with university applications these days and it’s exciting and stressful.

5:30 pm COOKING, CHATTING, EATING, CLEANING! My younger son gets home from wrestling practice to tell me that he is going to participate in a study at the university about the effects of concussions on young athletes, and I go from zero to WHEN DID YOU GET A CONCUSSION. He gives me the Relax, Mom speech and says that he is going to be part of the control group, i.e., the non-concussion group. He tells me that he is getting fitted with a special mouthguard that will monitor his head speed and reactions, somehow, and that he needs to go to the Sports Med Centre next Friday. I write it down in my calendar, and we talk some more while I prepare dinner. By Thursday, I am tired, and so our dinners are very simple and generally consist of something like tacos or, like today, wraps. The guys get sauteed chicken in theirs, but mine is avocado. The guys set the table and feed Rex, we eat and talk, and then the boys help me clean up, but I would like it noted that I am now doing dishes for the fourth time today. This is average.

7:10 pm WIND DOWN TIME! At this point in the day, Hurricane Nicole has become Gentle Breeze Nicole. I’m tired. I put on my jammies and start my several-step skincare routine. I am Team Pro-Aging, but also, I’d like to try to look less haggard. I read my book for a while and talk to my husband. We realize that it was six years to the day that my father-in-law passed. Neither of us like to dwell on “death anniversaries,” so we don’t. I have a nice thought about him though, and then I get really, really tired. I go to bed around 8:25, which is early, but my bedtimes creep earlier and earlier throughout the week. I might stay up until 9 tomorrow!

I hope you enjoyed this peek into my week! I’ll be back to regular programming on Monday. Have a great weekend, be well. xo

Gifting

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Last week I received a complimentary “New Puppy Package” from the vet, despite the fact that Rex is not a puppy, and in it was a stuffed squeaky toy. As I paid for the visit – and the lice treatment, ew David – the vet unpackaged the toy and gave it to Rex to play with. He seemed to enjoy it immensely, and then as soon as we got home he dropped it in the snow in the backyard. I picked it up and took it inside, and he immediately went to the door with it in his mouth, to drop it back in the snow. This went on for a while. Finally, my younger son came home from school, witnessed this back-and-forth, and said “Mom, give up. He doesn’t want it in the house. You’re never going to win this.”

I don’t like to anthropomorphize, but it felt like Rex was pretending to like his gift, but once he got home he didn’t have to pretend anymore. I suppose we have all been there. For the record, I have since tried to bring it back inside, but he continues to take it outside and then ignore it. It feels like a judgement.

This brings me, strangely enough, to Christmas shopping! Quite a few people have asked how I always finish my shopping so early, and the keys to this success are a) I don’t have a lot of people to buy for, b) I start in late October, block off a few hours here and there and just push through, and c) I don’t stress out about finding the Perfect Gift, I just try to find things the recipients will like and then call it a day.

Of course, some people are easier to buy for than others. My parents, for example, are the easiest; my dad in particular has received aftershave, golf balls, or some kind of shirt on rotation for every single Christmas, Father’s Day, and birthday from me for the past thirty years or so, and he always is happy with his gift. He’s the type of person who will ostentatiously wear his shirt or aftershave the day after it is gifted, to show his appreciation, and I am HERE for it. My mom is similarly easy to shop for since I know her taste, her size, and her favourite colours and scents, and I know she’ll like anything I give her.

The guys are also fairly straightforward. They know that I am an early shopper and that I do not want the stress of the mall, or the worry that online orders won’t arrive, in December, and so they provide some ideas and then I freestyle with them. All three of them generally receive some combination of shirts, workout wear, and books, with one larger item connected to their individual interests. For example, this year my younger son is getting a new kick pedal for his drum kit. I can guess at books the three of them are interested in, but I am always appreciative of my younger son’s giving me specific ideas as to manga that he wants. Have you ever looked at the manga section in a bookstore? It’s overwhelming to say the least, and I don’t know if he wants Chainsaw Man Volume 4 or Vinland Saga 2, if you know what I’m saying. Looking at the selection of books, I feel like I was dropped into an alternate planet where I don’t know the language or the customs, and I’m just blindly groping my way through. Manga is not in my wheelhouse; neither is fantasy or sci-fi, but I scan blogs and reviews (HI ENGIE) to cobble together ideas for my older son.

There are a couple of people on my gift list who are more challenging, as I have alluded to before, and I do get a little anxious about it. Many years ago I decided I was not going to do this anymore, and I did not buy them gifts, and I will tell you that that decision was a huge mistake. What I didn’t understand was that the gifts from our household constituted essentially 90-100% of the gifts under those trees, and when I realized they had zero gifts to open on Christmas morning, I was wracked with guilt. Thinking of it now, I STILL have to close my eyes and take a deep breath. It led me to a complete shame spiral and an examination of the kind of person I want to be. I want to be a generous person, not just gift-wise, but emotionally, and so I now push through my low-level gift-giving anxiety. Basically, I just Hail Mary it, and like any Hail Mary, sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t, but at least I tried.

On a related note, I finished the calendars! Or, the goddamn calendars. They are done, they are ordered, and they contain what I am going to whimsically call an eclectic mix of photos of old favourites, recent photos, and Rex. It turned out to be fairly fun, as I got to travel down memory lane with the old photos, and it gave me an excuse to include my Favourite Photo Of All Time:

MY HEART. This photo was taken in Palm Springs just before the 2010 Olympics, hence the t-shirts. The boys could not believe that we could be in snow-and-ice covered Calgary, get on a plane, and suddenly be somewhere where there was grass! And flowers! The miracle of travel. Honestly, I still feel that way when I travel, how incredible it is that in only a short amount of time you can arrive somewhere completely different from the place you left.

It was so cold this week; we had a few days that the temperatures dipped into the minus 20s, which is not just Cold but COLD. It’s a bit early in the season for such temperatures, and it made me think about all my friends in much warmer climates; specifically, my Florida girls (HI SUZ HI STEPHANY HI JENNY). I have been talking about one day showing up on your steps to swim in your pools and hang out on your lanais and look at your butterflies, and, in Jenny’s case, chatting about clothes and hair and shopping with your daughters, and HERE I AM. ROCK YOU LIKE A HURRICANE.

My husband joked that if Hurricane Nicole was like Me Nicole, she would start off really strong in the morning and then get sleepy and fade to a slight breeze and a bit of rain by 7:30 pm and he wasn’t far off in that assessment. I’m glad Nicole wasn’t too bad for my friends – except for wrecking your hair with rain and wind, sorry about that – because I’d feel awful if my namesake was a real bitch.

Weekly Reading

Black Cake. This was an excellent novel about family, legacies, and traditions. It follows estranged siblings who are dealing with their mother’s death, and discovering her life story and secrets. It is so well-written and spans decades, which I absolutely love, and shows how the characters are all interconnected.

All Of This. Sometimes I read a memoir of someone who has basically the opposite life of me, and this was that. The author’s husband died of pancreatic cancer, and he was diagnosed two weeks after she had asked him for a divorce. This isn’t your typical Mourning Widow Memoir. Instead, the author talks about how toxic her marriage was and how essentially she was glad he died because it made her free. A very large chunk of the book is devoted to her healing process, which can be summed up in this way: she put herself on a dating app with the description “recently widowed and DTF.” Much of the book is about her sexual experiences and how open she was with her children about those experiences, and you know what, I don’t THINK that I am a prudish person but then I read something like this and I realize that I AM. This was well-written but I found it quite disturbing and unsettling.

A Room Called Earth. I picked this up on a whim at the library and I’m glad I did. It is such a unique and interesting book, following a young autistic woman who goes to a party. The book is the description of the things she sees, perceives, and feels. It was fascinating and really well-done.

The temperatures popped up around freezing this weekend, so my husband was able to put up the outdoor balls on the tree; I’m starting to think about decorating the house. As my son says, it is now Legal to play Christmas music, and obviously my first song was Last Christmas! It’s getting festive around here! I hope you have a festive – and, for my coastal friends, tropical storm-less – week! xo

Three For Thursday: The One Month Rex-aversary Edition

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Today marks one month since the day Rex came into our lives; within only a day I couldn’t imagine NOT having him in our lives. He is an incredible gift to our family and has been a source of unmitigated joy and happiness. Every morning I wake up thinking “We have Rex!” Thinking about seeing his fuzzy face and petting his giant wiggly body is even better than the feeling I get when I wake up and think happily about the cup of coffee I’ll be consuming in short order, and that is really saying something.

I was surprised at how quickly he adapted to the rhythm of our household and to our daily schedule. I didn’t really know what to expect, but within a day or two he was perfectly in tune with our lives. We have had zero behavioural issues, and he has been perfectly delightful. I often look at him, marvelling at how perfectly suited he is to our family and how incredible it is that he became ours.

So it’s a Three For Thursday today, and it’s all about Rex.

  • Rex Gets Steps. When my husband first broached the idea of having Rex, he said it will be nice for you to have a dog to go on your walks with, about which I weirdly got my back up. I am not lonely! I said snappily. I don’t need anyone to go with me for walks! I’m perfectly happy by myself! Well. That was true but also, walking Rex is so much fun. He really is a great companion and he’s very fun to watch at the offleash, as he plays and runs and rolls like a maniac in the snow. As a matter of fact, he’s actually changed my exercise priorities a little; usually at this time of year I would start running on the treadmill, not wanting to break my legs running on ice, but I find I’m not interested in that at all. I’d rather get all my cardio from the Peloton and the elliptical in my basement, and then save my hips and knees for extra-long walks in the heavy snow. We go a minimum of 5 kilometres a day, and I feel joyful throughout, just seeing his happiness. It’s true that I didn’t need the motivation of a dog to go for long walks, but I really like the motivation of a dog to go for long walks.
  • Rex Scratches The Itch. I had made an appointment with the vet this week, as Rex was due for a few shots, and I wanted him to meet his new vet and transfer all his files from the old one. When I get up early to practice yoga, Rex is still sleeping in his crate; I had noticed in the past couple of days that he had been scratching a lot at that time. Well, dogs scratch, and I didn’t think a lot about it. The vet asked me if he had been scratching, and immediately he went into Scratching Overdrive. It was uncanny; right that moment he scratched and started biting at his fur. As she examined him, she said “Oh! That’s a louse!” People. It is amazing I didn’t faint dead away, as she grabbed a tiny comb, put the louse on a slide, and showed me. REX HAD LICE. My immediate question was CAN I CATCH IT, thinking of all hugs and pets and having my face and hair close to his body that has happened in the past month, but the Very Reassuring Answer was No. Lice doesn’t go between species. Just as I breathed a sigh of relief, I had my second question, How do we get rid of this? I imagined having to shave him bald in the midst of winter – would I need to find him a giant dog sweater? – or having to go through his fur with a tiny comb. IMAGINE. Fortunately, neither of those things are necessary; instead, he ate a special chewable treat that, as the vet says, kills the lice almost immediately and then he has another Very Special Treat in two weeks. My third question was HOW DID THIS HAPPEN. The vet said it came from another dog, of course, but I couldn’t imagine how. It has been so cold and snowy that we have hardly seen other dogs at the offleash, and besides, he didn’t have “extended physical contact” with any of them. The vet mentioned that it would likely come from a doggy daycare or similar, which we haven’t put him in, so it’s possible he had lice eggs this whole time – shudder – that just started hatching now – SHUDDER SHUDDER SHUDDER. Anyway, he’s treated, he isn’t scratching anymore, and I find it a bit amusing that I have gone through my entire life, including having two children in schools that frequently sent home Lice Notices, and I have never had to deal with it until now. Dog Lice is much preferable to People Lice, from what I have observed.
  • Rex Is My Shadow. Rex is very affectionate to everyone in the family, but he seems especially attached to me. He just cannot be close enough. If I’m making dinner, he lies in the kitchen, forcing me to showcase my flexibility by stepping over him in gymnastic ways. If I go to sit in my reading chair, he will get up from 20 feet away to lie at my feet, because 20 feet is Just Too Far. If I’m on the Peloton, he lies beside it, and when I am in the bathroom, he will sit at the door until I open it. It is very cute, but it does make me feel low-level guilty when I leave the house. My husband was working at home and texted me this photo of him waiting at the back door, taken while I was at Costco.

I never thought I could ever love another dog, but Rex has proven otherwise, and every day I am so grateful to have been so very wrong. xo

Sudden Season Shift

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This is the time of year when my friends in milder climates are talking about crunchy leaves, and the beauty and splendor of fall, and meanwhile, we are in full-on winter!

The Weather hit November 1, which felt very appropriate for Tiny Secret Festive Season. Temperatures plummeted to the minus double-digits, a ton of snow fell, and the roads were pure chaos, as is usual for the first few snowfalls. Because I am apparently an idiot, I decided to go get groceries on Designated Grocery Day, even though that was the day of an actual blizzard, with ice under the snow and the streets not yet cleared. I will just say it was a pretty unnerving drive, going up a slippery hill with a lot of traffic, wondering if I would lose momentum and either stall out or start to slide DOWN the hill. Anyway, I made it, and to no one’s surprise there were very few customers, so it wasn’t long before I was on my way back home, vowing not to take the car out again for any reason. Of course, Rex needed a walk, so we went five kilometres in unplowed, unshovelled, ankle-deep snow, which was delightful for him and a massive leg workout for me. Win-win?

I am feeling festive, people! In a tiny and secret way. I’ve also finished most of my Christmas shopping; I still need little stocking stuffers, but I’m done, done, done. Here’s a question: do you have gift-giving anxiety? I don’t generally, but there are two people on my list who I do worry about, along the lines of is this the right thing, will they like this, what if they don’t like it. Intellectually, I think this is silly. It’s a gift! I’m trying my best to be thoughtful! When I receive a gift I am universally delighted! But emotionally, well, it’s a different story. This is possibly because last year, I thought I had hit on the exact perfect thing, FINALLY, after all these years, and I was so excited, and I really realized what all those people for whom gift giving is their love language felt like, and then I never heard a word about the gift from the recipient. So that was disheartening.

Well, no matter. The shopping is done! I tried my best! This is all we can do, and now I’m faced with The Great Wrapping And Shipping Task.

One thing I haven’t done yet is creating and ordering photo calendars. Ever since the boys were small – I can’t remember how small, because honestly 2004-2007 is just one big blur – I have made a photo calendar for each set of grandparents and one of their aunts. This year, I thought, you know what, they are too old to do this now. I mean, they are 17 and 18! I’m not even sure I have twelve photos of the two of them together in 2022 and if I do, it’s guaranteed they will feature ridiculous posturing and facial expressions. This gift, I thought, has had its day and now that day has passed.

Well. I will tell you, people, what I thought was a natural end to something brought massive consternation and angst to the involved parties. My mother (who is probably reading this, HI MOM) and mother-in-law reacted with sadness and a LOT of passive-aggressive commentary (my mother-in-law informed me that she has saved every single calendar and when she’s feeling blue she looks at them in order to see their age progression), but my dad went full-on aggressive-aggressive. Why WOULDN’T I make a calendar? Age doesn’t matter! If my mother-in-law was unhappy, and my parents were unhappy, why wouldn’t I do something, something SO EASY, to make everyone happy? Their happiness was in MY control! This continued until I finally broke down, like a prisoner being waterboarded. Fine! FINE! I’LL MAKE A GODDAMN CALENDAR! I think those were my exact words. Essentially, my dad bullied me into making another calendar, and so evidently I will be making calendars until the end of time.

Well, maybe I’ll try something new and add photos of them throughout the years; that would be pretty cute, to have toddlers next to high school graduation next to a day at the zoo. Or Rex photos! I used to put Barkley in our calendar, so this seems like a natural progression. I guess I better figure it out soon because a) I have a coupon for printing, b) I want to just finish the job and get it in the mail, and c) everyone’s happiness is depending on me so I must start immediately.

Speaking of happiness or the opposite, Time Change. It is hard to believe that this ridiculous imaginary construct is still going on, but here we are. Let’s send out all our love and good wishes to the moms of little ones who are now waking up at ungodly hours (and, let’s face it, me, because I get up between 4 and 4:30 normally, so you can imagine what my internal clock is doing) and who will be having meltdowns and falling asleep in their dinners this week (again, me). (Lisa, you okay? HI LISA) I have been ranting about Time Change for years, and so I won’t repeat myself, but for god’s sake, can we just pick a time and stick with it? There is a great article about it in National Geographic, and I love that it possibly started with a satirical letter by Benjamin Franklin; if indeed that is true, that seems fitting.

Weekly Reading

Well, one benefit of finding myself awake extremely early on a Sunday morning meant that I got some extra reading done. It was a week of two hits and a meh.

The Marriage Bureau. One of my yoga ladies loaned me this book, knowing my love for The Crown and Downton Abbey. I was under the impression that it was historical fiction but it’s not really; it’s more like a collection of anecdotes from researching the archives and old interviews of the founder of the Marriage Bureau, a matchmaking service in England in the 1940s. I did enjoy thinking about how people meet other people, and possibly marry, at that time but I didn’t love the writing style. I found it stilted and a bit clunky. It’s in development for a television series and I think it would play well on the screen, but it’s kind of tedious to read. Still, interesting to think – how did people meet during a war? During colonial times? Were these marriages successful? Out of all the marriages that resulted from the matchmaking, only two ended in divorce, which is a pretty good success rate.

Book Lovers. I will admit that I was a bit hesitant because this is such a popular book, and sometimes these popular reads do not live up to the hype for me. However! Nothing disappointing about this! It was tremendously fun and just a delight to read! It’s like a very witty, twisty Hallmark movie, in the best way possible. I loved it! What a feel-good book!

Blue Nights. Whenever I read Joan Didion, I become obsessed with Joan Didion. I end up looking at photos and reading her biography and imagining life in the Sixties, being a writer in Southern California with all the other famous writers. I imagine working at Vogue in the Fifties – think of that! Anyway. Blue Nights is a very moving book about the loss of her daughter, reflections on their life together, and her own struggles with the aging process and loss of health. It is in no way uplifting, and it is quite tragic, more in what is left unsaid than what is said, to roughly quote Hemingway (did I just quote Hemingway, obviously I am affected by Time Change).

It’s shaping up to be a very cold week here, as in “minus twenties” kind of cold. It’s officially Legwarmer Season, as well as Tiny Secret Festive Season! Whatever Season you are celebrating this week, I hope it’s warming and lovely. xo