Category Archives: Meme Monday

Get Off My Lawn

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Ever since I complained about my too-tight-post-vacation pants, my Facebook feed has been full of advertisements regarding the most efficient way to get rid of belly fat, the one simple exercise to rid myself of belly fat, the one surprising food to avoid to eliminate belly fat, and ways to become bikini ready in just ten days. Well, thanks, Facebook, but I think I’m good now. My pants fit again so you can go back to advertising whatever it was you advertised before (Yoga studios? Clothing stores? Makeup? I don’t really know.).

How was your weekend? Mine started off by the delivery of a new freezer and fridge for the basement; their chilliness warms my food-hoarding little heart. I am beyond excited to be able to buy tons of produce and not have to play Tetris to get it all to fit in my fridge, and now I have an actual honest-to-God freezer to freeze things instead of jamming things into the beer-fridge-sized freezer and the compartment on my fridge, breaking my nails, and crying. The receipt of these items meant that my husband and I had a lot of reorganizing/ purging/ moving things/ swearing to do in order to make everything fit. It turns out that we have differing opinions on what sort of things are appropriate to keep – old golf how-to manuals versus a box of old fridge magnets – and that if a dumpster were in the neighbourhood, I should not leave the house lest my husband gets hold of my boxes of old Christmas cards and the kids’ old art projects. Not that I’m really a hoarder – I happily packed up many boxes and bags of things to be donated/ recycled/ garbaged – but it turns out my husband is much more brutal in his spring cleaning efforts than I am. I AM NOT GETTING RID OF THE FRIDGE MAGNETS AND ART PROJECTS.

Anyway, after the excitement of the new appliances, then there was the excitement of Mad Men! I sternly told the boys to shower and read their books in silence, because I had been waiting for ten months to watch this show and sssshhhhhhh. I will say this: it did not disappoint. I was struck, watching the scenes on the plane, by how much air travel has changed in the past 40-50 years. It used to seem so glamourous; now it’s all about watching your seatmate grossly eat Cheezies and drunkenly pass out beside you.

So that brings us to Monday morning. Apparently it is Bermuda Shorts Day today, which, if you did not go to the University of Calgary and are therefore in the dark why a) anyone would wear Bermuda shorts and b) why that would occur in April in Calgary, here is a little background information for you. Basically, it boils down to the last day of classes being celebrated by much drunken debauchery. The reason I know that it is Bermuda Shorts Day today is that I live in walking distance to the university, and while I was peacefully folding clothes I looked out the window and saw hordes of students in various ridiculous shorts-based outfits, walking down the street, beers and red Solo cups in hand. I smiled to myself, thinking of my youth and many fun Bermuda Shorts Days of my own…when I saw a girl chug a beer and throw the can on my lawn. I ran – not walked – to the front door and by the time I got there I noticed people putting their empty cans underneath the tires of the cars parked on my street. Whipping the door open, I screamed “HEY! DON’T THROW BEER CANS ON MY LAWN!!!” while the students looked on, startled. One young man in cutoff denim shorts with the pockets hanging down started collecting the cans while the rest stared at the crazy red-haired hausfrau reaming them out. At least I wasn’t wearing an apron and/or hair curlers. “Have a good time, but have some fucking respect for my neighbourhood. I don’t want to see this shit ANYMORE!” and mid-sentence a cop car patrolling the neighbourhood for drunken debauchery pulled up. Good timing, sir! I left him to it while watching out the window with a furrowed brow at the state of the young people today. GET OFF MY LAWN AND TURN OFF THAT INFERNAL RACKET.

Happy Monday to everyone! On that note, it’s a good day to get to know each other better – did you know littering makes me lose my mind? – and so I bring you Meme Monday. If you want to play, either blog these questions or answer in the comments. Getting to know you…getting to know all aboooouuut you…

Is it spring where you are?

Well, yes, in that it’s “spring in Calgary” spring, and not “things are actually growing and blossoming” spring. Things are brown, mostly, but there are some tiny buds on the trees and the glacier in my back yard is starting to retreat so, yes. Also, two magpies got into a fight with a squirrel yesterday in the trees in our front yard; I’m not sure why. Maybe the magpies had a nest nearby, or maybe they were just being assholes. Either way I was rooting for the squirrel.

glacier

Kind of depressing glimpse at my back yard. At least it’s melting!

 

What was the last book you read, and would you recommend it?

I read so many books on vacation that I was considering a “Monday on the Margins” type post in the style of my erudite friend Allison, but actually the last book I read was Bossypants. And yes! I’d recommend it. That was about the sixth time I’ve read it – it is a hilarious and entertaining read, and since I read The Bear on vacation and I cannot read anything remotely heavy for a while.

Reality TV – yes or no?

I feel like I’m the star of my own show – Real Housewives Near The U of C With Food Hoarding Issues. But no. I think reality TV is a wretched chapter in the history of television, and I will not watch any of it.

Who is your favourite cartoon character of all time?

Well, that’s easy. Ralph Wiggum.

ralphwiggum

Do you have a song stuck in your head right now? If so, what?

I always have a song stuck in my head and it can vary from “Summer Breeze” to “Wake Me Up Before You Go Go” to “Linda Put The Coffee On” to “Empire State of Mind” – you should hear me hit the high notes. Today I have “Monster” by Eminem and Rihanna stuck in my head, over and over, I wanna be the Bruce Lee of looseleaf. But that is a post in itself.

Go ahead, play along! And Happy Monday/ Bermuda Shorts Day to all. xoxo

All Baking and No Eating Makes Nicole Go Something Something

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Happy Monday, I say from my perch on the office chair with a big coffee next to me. It’s Day…I don’t know how many days it’s been painfully cold but suffice it to say it was an indoorsy kind of weekend. Jake came down with a cold – probably because I’d JUST finished saying how lucky we’ve been and how we haven’t even had a cold in the house since late September – and so the boys did not even go to karate class on Saturday. Quiet weekend indeed. I baked some cookies in honour of Valentine’s Day.

Vday

SOME cookies. Eighty four, to be exact. Sadly, they are almost exclusively made of butter so I cannot eat them.

I also shot a couple of videos for Yummy Mummy Club:

Quinoa

The video on how to make quinoa as a breakfast cereal is right here. I’m wearing the apron my mom bought me for Christmas, from a lingerie store. The last video I shot I wore my old cupcake apron and my mom’s feelings were VERY HURT that I wasn’t featuring my lingerie apron. See Mom? I’m wearing it! I just like to switch things up a little.

Speaking of lingerie, I had a post all planned about thongs, but it will have to wait a day or two because my dear friend Kimberly from Make Mommy Go Something Something tagged me in a meme! And it’s Meme Monday so really, what could be better? NOTHING, that’s what!

1) If Jane had 3 apples and John had 78 nails, how many layers of clothing are you wearing (how is the weather in your neck of the woods?)?

Well, Kimberly, I am currently wearing jeans, a turtleneck, a huge sweater, and I’m sitting in front of a space heater because it’s OMG MY FACE HURTS cold outside. It’s the kind of cold that I always think “That’ll wake you up in the morning!” when I drop the kids off at school. Seriously. Every time. Oh, and I’m wearing my favourite thigh high thick grey socks OVER my jeans and fuzzy slippers.

socks2

I’m bringing sexy back…to the store for a refund.

2. What is keeping you sane during these long winter months?

Honestly, I’m at the point where I can’t remember what grass looks like. I’ve probably already lost my sanity. Oh! But I’ve been on a Margaret Atwood binge lately. Last night I picked up Cat’s Eye and remembered how hard it is to put down. *yawn* Which means I stayed up until 9:30 last night reading. 9:30! Clearly I HAVE lost my sanity!

3. If you were on a boat with a box of chocolate and your Mother In Law, who would you throw overboard?

What kind of chocolate? I kid, I kid. My mother-in-law has been knitting up a storm for me this winter and honestly, it’s made a huge difference in my quality of life. So far I’ve amassed six scarves and four pairs of legwarmers – plus she is currently working on an infinity scarf for me. To add to the sweetness, she sends them to me all wrapped up in ribbons with a note that says “Custom Made For Nicole”. Cute! So I’ll toss the chocolate and keep my mother in law and her knitting needles.

102

 

4. What’s in your underwear drawer besides underwear?

I have so many of those bra inserts that come in yoga tops. I don’t like wearing the inserts, but yet I feel like I MIGHT want to some day. I like to keep my options open. So I have about forty of those inserts taking up valuable panty space…I should go throw them out RIGHT NOW. I won’t, but I should. WHAT IF I NEED THEM?

5. Do you trust yourself with sharp objects near your face? (as in, do you pluck your own eyebrows? Do you have any eyebrow horror stories?)

I do pluck my own eyebrows because if I had to wait 4-6 weeks to get waxed, it would be a nightmare. I’d look like Martin Scorcese crossed with Frida Kahlo. It would not be a good look for me. And here’s a secret…I also pluck my upper lip. I KNOW. The feminine mystique takes quite a beating as we age, doesn’t it? Now, my husband has seen me give birth – twice – and yet I will not allow him in the room if I’m plucking my upper lip because I want to keep the romance alive, people. Feeling like your wife might look like a 70s rocker or possibly Magnum PI without the help of a tweezer is probably not conducive to romantic thoughts.

6. I am terrified of dead bodies, spiders, and the dentist. What are you scared of?

Moths. Good lord I just typed “moths” and I think I had heart palpitations. Either that or I’ve had too much coffee. THIS is what happens when I stay up until 9:30 on a Sunday night!

7. Does your husband cut up the back of your legs with his long toenails when you sleep?

Um, no. No he doesn’t.

All right, it’s my turn to think of seven questions and tag seven people but you know, I like Kimberly’s questions, except for the toenail one. I’ll keep those and add the last question: are you wearing nail polish? And if so, what colour? (I have red on my toenails and pale pink on my fingernails, FYI). I tag the following wonderful bloggers:

Hannah from Hodgepodge and Strawberries

Allison from Bibliomama

Sarah from No Whey, Mama

Swistle from Swistle

Lynn from Turtlehead

Alex from I Don’t Blog

Peady from Tempered With Kindness

You don’t have to be a blogger to answer these questions – feel free to comment on any of the above. Have fun! Happy Meme Monday! xo

Everything’s Coming Up Nicole!

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I know I’m a couple of days late, but Happy Robbie Burns Day! I had a friend tell me excitedly that there are vegetarian versions of haggis available, to which I blinked a few times in response. Blink. Blink. The meat in the haggis isn’t what’s stopping me, people.

One of my friends posted a photo of her baby wearing a 30 year old onesie that had a Care Bear on it; I think it was Bedtime Bear. Remember Care Bears? I had – and this probably won’t surprise you – Cheer Bear, the pink one with a rainbow on its tummy. Just thinking about that makes me smile; in fact, a lot of things are making me smile today. Negativity brings us all down; I find that even if I don’t react to negative information or negative comments, they still grate on me and put me into a bit of a slump. I think the opposite holds true for happy things, so here are a few things that are making me happy today.

Becoming a Bonnethead. My friend Hannah is starting a series of posts recapping all the Laura Ingalls Wilder books and giving some historical background, and I am just going to say this makes me extraordinarily happy. Like, insanely excited. I think all us rabid Laura fans should unite and become Bonnetheads. Not literally – it might be strange to see us walking the streets in sunbonnets, and much less charming than the Red Hatters – but in our minds. Every morning, let’s put on the sunbonnets of our souls. Her first post is here. Pig slaughter and meat smoking? Good times in the Big Woods.

Giant Socks. I am embracing the trend – and I use that word very, very loosely – of wearing giant socks on the outside of my pants. Why on the outside, you may ask, joining the club started and chaired by my husband. My pants are too tight to wear them underneath, that’s why. Once you get used to wearing giant socks outside your pants, you become addicted to the cozy feeling. See also: my penchant for legwarmers. It’s like that secretary in Splash, but with socks instead of a bra. And also, better.

socks

 

1 Cup Pyrex. Several weeks ago, my favourite little one-cup measuring cup met the granite countertop with more enthusiasm than was necessary, resulting in shards of Pyrex in the most surprising places. It proved oddly difficult to find a replacement. There were tons of cheap plastic cups and tons of giant four-cup cups, but my humble little one-cupper was proving to be a rare commodity. Today I FOUND ONE! The fact that this is one of the most exciting things that has happened to me in a while probably says something about me.

Archie Comics. During winter break, my husband found a box of his old belongings, among which were Atari games, a Rubik’s cube and Xeroxed cheat manual, and a pile of Archie comics from the 70s. What fun! I had a great time reading through them and asking myself the age-old question, am I a Betty or a Veronica? I’d like to be a Sabrina, the Teenage Witch, but most likely these days I am Miss Grundy.

archie

 

Cleaning Out My Drawers. It’s funny what you find when you go through a drawer that is generally untouched. I have a few drawers downstairs that I shove various items into that I don’t feel can be thrown out. Today I looked through one, trying to find a camera battery charger, and found the following items: a bag of Halls in a flavour that they don’t make anymore, and haven’t for some time, a deck of playing cards with a Kokanee beer motif, a couple of blank party invitations with Bakugan characters and the slogan “Have A Ball” on them, some free NFL stickers from Sports Illustrated, extra bolts for baby gate installation, and a manual on installing and caring for a Peg Perego infant car seat. This was an even better haul than the time I found maternity pantyhose in my lingerie drawer.

Let’s make it a Meme Monday! What’s making you happy today? Let’s rub our rainbow tummies, give the Care Bear Stare, and spread some cheer.

Bringing Sexy (or Blogs) Back, Festivus Style

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So far, Christmas vacation has been epic. EPIC. On Friday, after coming home from yoga in minus-JC-it’s-cold temperatures, I declared a lazy day and decided that we would not be leaving the house. Instead, I cracked the big bottle of Bailey’s and glugged it into my coffee. Thus armed, I watched The Price is Right with the boys, and it was Firefighter Day. I repeat, Firefighter Day. Just when I thought things couldn’t possibly get any better than that, I remembered I had two avocados in the kitchen and then made myself a double batch of guacamole for lunch. The boys had pancakes, and – other than my Santa tummy from three coffee and Bailey’s and two avocados’ worth of guacamole – it was pretty much the best day ever. Today I plan on making a giant bowl of popcorn and watching Elf with the boys. “Things busy for you?” Dr. Hipster asked this morning. “No,” I replied, “I’m embracing sloth.”

Today is Festivus, for all you Seinfeld fans, and so in addition to being slothful I am also going to air my grievances. It’s been said, lately, that blogging – story telling, personal blogging – is dead. Dead! While I recognize the surge in popularity of review and giveaway blogs, I am not writing this from beyond the grave. Let’s take back the blog, people.

While writing last week’s book post, my friend Allison and I were talking about how fun it was to do memes, old school memes, and it is my personal resolution to bring back the meme. Bringing sexy back, in meme form. Since it’s two days until Christmas and I’m a sloth, I bring you…

Meme Monday: Festivus Television Version

1) What is your favourite Christmas television special and why?

The original How The Grinch Stole Christmas. No contest. Maybe Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more. Exactly.

2) What is your least favourite Christmas special and why?

Ugh, Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer has always held least-loved spot in my festive television viewing world. Poor Rudolph – the story is terrible, and the creepy clay-mation…I’ve never made it through an entire viewing. I’d rather watch the news when they report on December 21 that “Malls Expected To Be Busy Today” followed up by “Airport Also Expected To Be Busy.”

3) What is the Christmas movie you cannot live without?

Elf and Christmas Vacation, of course. These are viewed annually, along with Little Women and When Harry Met Sally. As a side note, I’ve reached the point in my marriage where my husband will no longer watch these movies with me. The boys will watch Elf, but other than that I’m on my own. Apparently my husband has “bought the cow” and he no longer needs to romance me by watching me recite all the dialogue to When Harry Met Sally. If anyone needs me I’ll be on the couch with my DVD’s and some guacamole.

4) Name a Christmas special from your childhood that is so obscure you’re not even sure it exists.

Does anyone else remember The Little One, or is it something I have made up in my jasmine of my mind? It was a show about a donkey who was no longer good at…doing donkey things? I don’t know. He was heading for the slaughter house, I guess, but SOMEONE bought him because he was perfect for a job. That job was carrying Mary to Bethlehem. I feel FAIRLY certain I watched this at Sunday School. Has anyone else even heard of this or did I just make it up?

5) Name a “very special” Christmas episode of your favourite childhood television series.

This is hard, because I remember so few things from my childhood – except for those I may have made up, i.e., the donkey movie. Also I didn’t watch much television as a child other than The Muppet Show and Lorne Greene’s New Wilderness. However, I do remember watching Silver Spoons – remember that show? – and there was a Christmas special about a family living in a CAVE because they had no money. Did this show really happen or did I dream it? I DON’T KNOW EITHER.

So it’s your turn! Christmas memories, TV style. Bring back the blog, people, and sexy too, while you’re at it. Or just Festivus-ly air your grievances.

Merry Christmas to all of you, dear readers. xoxoxo