Everybody Dance Now
The other day Gonna Make You Sweat came on while I was working out, and I realized that I cannot hear that song without immediately picturing the dance scene in Old School. That movie is stupid and problematic, and neither the story nor the timeline make any sense, and yet I will never not find it funny. Back in the day when I worked on a trade floor, my work group were all guys, and one of them lent me his Old School DVD, which led to us all quoting from it all the live-long day. Not an hour went by without someone saying “It has three speeds,” or “What my friend is trying to say is that love is blind,” or “HE’S GONNA DO ONE!” or “Once it hits your lips it’s so good,” “Denver. The Sunshine State,” or my personal favourite, “EARMUFFS!” I realize that none of these statements would make any sense to anyone who hadn’t watched the movie ten times, but imagine, if you will, that each of these statements were considered by us to be a satisfactory answer to almost any request or comment. Nicole, are the prices in yet? Bring your green hat, let’s go. (Translation: yes, the prices are in, and I’m running the numbers right now.)
There is a scene in the movie where Frank goes streaking, by himself, and that made me think of my late father-in-law, whose greatest regret in life was that he didn’t go streaking in the 70s, when it was semi-popular to do so. Remember the song The Streak? The 70s were a magical time. Regrets, we all have them. I have one in particular.
Flash Flash Flash
Remember when flash mobs were a thing? I wish I had been part of one. I regret never being in one because I don’t think flash mobs exist anymore, and even if they did, how would I get myself involved? In any case, my enthusiasm for dancing far exceeds my talent for dancing. I am like one of the twins in the Charlie Brown Christmas, bad hair and all.
Maybe one day! Maybe one day I will have the opportunity to dance in a flash mob, and if the universe is listening, I will dance to anything but Everybody Dance Now would be amazing.
Those Are The Fax, Ma’am
I don’t know what made me think of it, but I realized that, like flash mobs, fax machines are a thing of the past. Isn’t it strange and kind of sad to think of all these completely obsolete items, probably residing in landfills? I mean, who would use a fax machine these days? I asked my husband about it and he said he thought his office still had them, but no one uses them. RIP fax machines.
Speaking of things made obsolete by the internet, remember Adult Video Stores? Or the Adult Video Section in regular video stores, that was cordoned off by a curtain? I mean, since video stores no longer exist, I assume that neither of those things exist as well, but did something else take their place? I have, it should be admitted, never set foot inside an Adult Video Store but now I’m wondering if they just became Adult Stores, the kind of places that sell – I assume – different lubes or costumes or what have you. But then again, all those things are available on the internet and one wouldn’t have to risk running into That Guy From Church while perusing the Naughty Nurse costumes or flavoured lubricant or something really awesome that I don’t even know about*.
Lettuce Pray
I’m going to address the elephant in the room: the lettuce shortage! My friend Hannah (HI HANNAH) mentioned it to me early last week, and I was completely surprised. The week before, I hadn’t noticed anything amiss in the produce section. WELL. Things change, roll with the punches; I went to Superstore on Wednesday and while they did indeed have lettuce, it was insanely priced. Iceberg was $5/ head, which, as Hannah said, is a lot to pay for crunchy water. Romaine was $8 for a three-pack of hearts. I ended up buying two bunches of kale for our Sunday night dinner; I always make a salad to go with that particular meal, and kale Caesar is a very popular choice in our house. I mentioned the shortage to my Thursday morning yoga class, and one of the ladies said that when she was young, they never had salad in the winter, only potatoes, turnips, and canned vegetables. I mentioned frozen vegetables and how great they are to reduce food waste, and she said that frozen vegetables were brand new when she was a child and they never had them. This probably indicates to you the demographic of my students.
Although I don’t tend to notice the price on produce that much, a few weeks ago cauliflower was something like $7/ head. This past week, Superstore had them on limited special:
Whatever you do, don’t go over the limit!!! That’s my two cents, anyway.
Girls, Girls, Girls
I am very sad to say that Pippa the ornamental pepper plant has died. I was weirdly devastated by this. Apparently ornamental peppers are very easy to grow, as long as you live in a warm, humid climate, which is the opposite of the climate in which I reside. I kept looking sadly at her rapidly dropping leaves and wrinkly fruits, and then took matters into my own hands. Pippa ended up in the compost, and I ended up in the garden centre, and how I didn’t come home with a van full of gnomes, I will never know. Wow, the garden centre has a lot of Christmas gnomes. Anyway, what I did end up bringing home were two lovely plants that will hopefully not die in my chilly, dry house. Meet Eva and Stella!
Is my life goal of becoming a Crazy Plant Lady hampered by the Death of Pippa? I hope not. Actually, given the probably outsized nature of my sadness about Pippa, it probably escalates me firmly into Crazy Plant Lady Territory. Particularly since I refer to the plants, including Noelle the Christmas Cactus, as The Girls.
Weekly Reading
We All Want Impossible Things. Oh. You guys. I have been reading Catherine Newman since 2004, back in her Babycenter days, and, as I have surely mentioned, her writing was one of the inspirations to starting this blog. Her writing speaks to me so much, and I almost feel like I have one of those parasocial relationships with her. Anyway, this is her first novel, and I absolutely devoured it and didn’t want it to end. It is a novel based on her actual experience, of her best friend dying in hospice of cancer. The way she writes about hospice is beautiful and heartbreaking and also weirdly hilarious. It’s Signature Catherine Newman, that mix of wrenching and hilarity.
I listened to an interview of her on a podcast – I am not going to say which one because I DEEPLY dislike the podcast, but I made an exception for her – and she said that because this was her first novel, she read a book about how to write a novel, and I found that incredibly reassuring and inspirational. I mean. There is hope for all aspiring writers! And this book is about hope, and grief, and finding beauty in the most painful situation possible. There is also a scene in which she is plucking chin hair for her incapacitated friend, and I would like to tell my dear friends who in the terrible event that they are similarly incapacitated, I will offer my chin-hair-plucking-services. May that day never come, but I found that to be The Testament in Ultimate Friendship.
Startup. Speaking of parasocial relationships, I kind of feel like I have one with Doree Shafrir, who cohosts my current favourite podcast, Forever 35 (“a podcast about the things we do to take care of ourselves” – ladies, you are speaking my language). This is a novel about three women, whose lives become intertwined in the tech startup world. It’s a statement on toxic masculinity in tech culture, and I am here for it. It’s so smart and readable! The characters and their issues are so real; I dove into this book and did not want to come up for air.
So many random things to talk about! I have many more topics to touch on but that will have to wait for another day. Have a beautiful week, friends. Happy Thanksgiving week to all my American beauties! xo
*if you understand that reference, you have watched a lot of Old School. Not to worry, you’re in the Trust Tree with me.
That cauliflower pricing is so funny.
Right? Usually it’s “above limit *pays $2 more*,” not two cents!
The medical field still uses faxes way more than you’d think. I have gotten three faxes already this morning and it’s only 9AM.
They’re more secure than emails so I think it’ll be a while before they disappear completely.
Oh that’s interesting! And that makes a lot of sense.
Have you seen Ticket to Paradise? It has a hilarious scene involving Gonna Make You Sweat (here’s a link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JSgBWTOXjCY). On Friday night I was cooking dinner while listening to the Spotify playlist version of the mixtape one of my college roommates gave the rest of us when we moved out of our shared apartment. When that song came on I was KEENLY AWARE that my 17yo had a friend over, and that I MUST NOT get caught in any Julia Roberts/George Clooney moves.
I have not seen that BUT NOW I WANT TO. The other day I had my headphones on and was grooving to Good Vibrations, and my own 17yo was not that impressed by my moves. Or my out-of-tune singing.
I’d just like you to know that when I was a young woman straight out of college working as a paralegal I was the only one in the whole darned office who could get the fax machine to work. It was my duty to do that because I was the youngest one in the office and it was universally decided that as such I should be the one to deal with new technology. I hate fax machines.
This is infuriating on so many levels. SO MANY LEVELS! Now I hate fax machines on your behalf.
Well, I’m very sorry about Pippa! Just know that she’s still with you (since you put her in the compost.)
I haven’t seen Old School, and now I feel like I really missed out. But I’m glad you included a reference to something I CAN understand, Peanuts Christmas! I’m amused that you called out the twins, because I don’t think any of them are exactly great dancers (what in the world is Shermy doing in the back there???) Ah, almost time for the annual viewing of Charlie Brown Christmas!
See, the twins have hair that was just like mine when I was a kid. Kind of fine, super straight, and bowl-cut-ish. I feel at one with them.
That’s my 2 cents. Ha! I come for the chuckles and you certainly provide 🙂
*takes bow* thank you, thank you very much
This is so funny. While I was dying laughing at the Old School part, Ed was making his breakfast. He’s home for Thanksgiving break. I ended up reading him most of your post, which prompted him to pull up the dance scene in Old School. We own that movie and we find it hilarious, while dumb and goofy. Neither of us could remember the dance scene, but there it was. Hilarious. Our favorite family quote from the movie is DUDE, YOU GOT A *UCKING DART IN YOUR NECK!
I’d like to offer my availablitiy for an organized blog-readers flash mob. Let’s do this. I am not a great dancer either. I am, after all, trained as an Irish dancer. Think UNABLE TO USE MY ARMS EFFECTIVELY WHILE DANCING BECAUSE OF THIS FORMER STIFF ARM TRAINING.
I also chuckled out loud at you developing into a Crazy Plant Lady. Coach just heard that families will spend on average an extra 1,000 a month on groceries right now. Well, that stink because we are not an average size family.
I have owned several printers with FAX capabilities but never knew how to use the FAX component. My doctor’s office will not email me scripts, etc, but they offered to FAX them. I was like, HUH. Coach’s office still faxes things, probably because of medical stuff. I don’t konw the number so I always have to drive to go pick up what I need.
That We All Want Impossible Things book sounds great. I had not heard of her and didn’t know that she is what prompted you to start blogging.
Thoughtful of you to think of your American friends as we get ready to celebrate Thanksgiving. Much appreciated. I’m excited to have my college crew home. xo
ERNIEEEEEEE THE DART IN THE NECK. Omg. It is just one of the funniest scenes OF ALL TIME. I am laughing just thinking of it. Then he falls into the cake table and into the pool. I AM DYING JUST THINKING ABOUT IT. “YEAH! THAT’S AWESOME!”
Dang – I forgot to mention that I also died laughing at running into That Guy From Church. This post was full of great bits. 😉
There are TWO Adult Book Stores right over the Wisconsin border, which is approximately a 40-minute drive away. So there is good news for you. Not everything is out of trend. Let me know if you want me to pick something up for you.
Yesterday, I spent $4 for a dozen eggs that were neither brown nor organic. Simply mediocre white eggs. Sigh.
I’m so sorry for your plant’s death.
I also give my plants names!
WELL! Who knew? Not me!
I just realized that food prices musts be so high up here compared to you, because I thought “$4, that’s a steal!” I pay $6 for a dozen eggs, although they are “free range” they don’t get much cheaper than that.
I love that you name your plants and also am not surprised that you name your plants!
Nicole, the first thing I thought when I saw your post was, “How amazing! Two Nicole posts in one week!” and it took me until the very end of the post to realize it is MONDAY and therefore a regular Nicole posting day. (Right? It’s Monday, yes?) But my mind is addled beyond recognition. I have been to the grocery store 85 times in the past three days.
I love your new plant friends. They look lovely and sturdy and I have no doubt you will enjoy a long relationship with both of them.
And I really hope that you get your flash mob wish one of these days!
(See how I am ignoring the lettuce shortage???? SO IGNORING.)
HAHAHAHA it is indeed Monday!
I sure hope these plants are sturdy. I THINK they are? But the death of Pippa was so sad. I have never had a plant die like that before, so quickly!
My fax story that not only do I remember faxes, I remember when we would hold them all until after 5:00 to send when long distances rates had gone down.
Oddly enough faxes are considered to be more secure than email, so for some of the agencies that I work with for insurance and taxes still require them. I haven’t run into this yet for my current job, but in my old job we had a web fax service.
This is so interesting to me and of course, that makes sense!
WHERE IS REX? I come here and expect at least one photo of the Glorious Black and White One and all I get are photos of BOOKS and PLANTS?! Come on, Nicole! You KNOW what your readers want. Rex content.
Faxing was the bane of my existence in my last job. I had to have young adults fax something to get money from one account to another and they 1) didn’t know what a fax was and 2) didn’t know how to do it. I started looking up all local libraries and calling them and it turns out that most public libraries still have (working) fax machines. That is all. Use that information as need be, although maybe it’s different in Canada where people HOG PHOTOS OF THEIR DOGS.
Hahahaha I’m so sorry! IT WILL NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN!!! *floods internet with Rex photos*
Oh, I wonder if there’s any one who could resist shaking their booties to Everybody Dance Now??? Your first paragraph makes me want to watch Old School!
That sign for the price of lettuce above the limit cracked me up! And your commentary on it made me LOL even harder! Too funny! I wonder if it was a typo — because really??
So sad about Pippa. I’m not a good gardener/plant caretaker — many of mine just don’t survive. 🙁 But your new girls look pretty and hardy!
I’m shaking my booty RIGHT NOW just humming Everybody Dance Now!!
We still have fax machines at work – they generally sit dusty and unused. But in addition to medical offices wanting information faxed, shockingly some government agencies what info faxed. Oh sure, there’s that one agency that’s all fancy with their encrypted email thing; but the rest of them want it faxed.
And this nonsense about it being more secure than email? Have these people never worked in an office when fax machines were all the rage? I can’t tell you how many personal details I was privy to because people would forget to either check the machine for an incoming fax or would leave the paperwork they were faxing at the machine.
Oh yes!!! All the unattended faxes! That does seem alarming.
I have never watched Old School, and even though I really want to know what the references mean, I probably never will. I also was not aware there was a song called The Streak. Is it all about streaking? I am pretty sure I would never have gone streaking even if I was alive and of streakable age in the seventies, but I have gone skinny dipping, and I think that is something everyone should experience.
I worked at Chapters with a guy who said he worked at a Classics video store, and when I said that sounded cool, he clarified “Classixxxx”. Okay then.
The song is about streaking! It’s super silly but kind of fun – I wonder if you could find it on YouTube. I have neither streaked nor skinny dipped!
Ohhhh yeah that’s a totally different kind of video store than I was originally thinking…
1) your TWO CENTS Lolololol
2) humor and hospice: one of my favorite pairings! I shall be reading it. I was a hospice-time caregiver to my mother in law, and that included bathing her and doing her hair. I’ll bet I can relate.
Oh, I think you would really like this book! The author is now doing volunteer work in hospice, after her experience with her friend.
Welcome Eva and Stella! May you both live a long and beautiful life. I have mixed results with houseplants. But I keep trying 🙂
(I’ve decided that my strategy with your blog posts will be just to pick one topic and stick with that. Otherwise, like I said before, I could just write a whole blog post in your comments section and I know you don’t have time for that.)
Lol, I wouldn’t mind that at all Katie! I hope my Eva and Stella live and thrive in their new home!
It sounds like Pippa should have been living with me in hot, humid Florida. RIP Pippa.
I imagine getting fresh produce in the Cold Tundra would be a challenge.
I don’t even remember Old School, but I’m giggling at the sound bites!
I was at the pharmacy the other day and the lady in line ahead of me couldn’t get her RX because the Dr. hadn’t FAXED it over yet. I looked around and wondered if it was 1999? Granted, I was at a small town Pharmacy in the mountains…
I MUST know, what the podcast is that you despise?
Oh, should I say? Okay, I’ll say. It’s (stupidly) called Moms Don’t Have Time To Read Books; I had read a book by the podcast host and I have a DEEP VISCERAL dislike of both her and the podcast! I vowed never to listen but I love Newman so much! And the interview just confirmed my feelings about the podcast and the host.
Wow. I’ve never heard of that podcast and I will be sure to steer clear of it. Thanks!
So I have never seen Old School! There are so many movies I haven’t seen so I can’t participate in the exchange of movie lines. My husband loves to quote movie lines and they just sail l over my head. Or recently in a bloomberg chat (I am going to guess you had a bloomberg terminal?) they were quoting lines from Planes Trains and Automobiles. Again, I’ve never seen it so I had nothing to contribute. I could have texted my husband to ask for a line to quote but I didn’t want to pretend to be in the know so I just stayed silent.
So there is a fancy salad place in my building and I treat myself to one salad there/week now that I’m back in the office. My husband grumbles over it because with the tip (not necessary but I worry about these businesses so I tip even though they are not really providing tip-worthy kind of services) it ends up costing like $14. But now there is a lettuce surcharge if you want romaine – which I do. So my husband is extra grumbly about that! He spends about $7 for lunch, the lucky duck. But he has no dietary restrictions so he can get a sandwich at Potbelly. He has major lunch privilege as a person with no restrictions and a ridiculous metabolism. That is all.
Oh, and we had an ‘adult’ kind of store that you mention on the street that I used to walk along when I lived downtown. It was called, wait for it, “lickety split.” My husband recently noted that it has now been turned into a CBD store. There was another ‘adult’ store that had a mechanical pen!s that you could ride! Can you believe that? It was quite the hot spot for bachelorette parties and such. I have only been once to buy some lingerie for a friend’s bach party. My friend and I went together to get her something racy as a joke. And when we were checking out, my friend said “I can’t wait to see this on you.” I am a very very shy, prudish person so I was absolutely mortified! But my friend thought it was hilarious!
I haven’t read anything by Catherine Newman but plan to read this novel, and I am on the hold list for a book that I think is about raising toddlers. Because I need some humor/real talk about life with toddlers!
LICKETY SPLIT OMGGGGGGGG LISA
I don’t think I can get over that store name. I don’t think I will ever not think of that now!! I don’t think I’m a prudish person but occasionally I will read something and think “you know, I’m not as free and easy as I think I am.”
Your husband totally has lunch privilege! I think that your once-a-week salad is a perfect treat. You work hard and you deserve it!
Nicole, I’ve never seen “Old School,” but your post made me want to… perhaps over the holiday since we don’t watch football.
It seems a bit like a movie we like to quote from called “This is the End” https://www.imdb.com/title/tt1245492/ This movie is also inappropriate and problematic, and oh so bro-y. My kids never fail to be surprised and delighted that I’ve watched it so many times.
I have never seen that but they sound very similar! It is definitely a bro-y movie but I admit I laugh the entire way through. It’s so silly and stupid and I HAVE A STUPID SENSE OF HUMOUR!
I don’t know how you resisted the Christmas gnomes!! Very impressive! I’m don’t have good luck with house plants either. Right now, I’m trying to keep a simple air plant alive…and it’s looking very sad.
I don’t know how I resisted either. Well, I do. I have many, many Christmas gnomes. Now, if they were REGULAR gnomes, I would have filled the minivan!
I just want to know the name of this podcast you deeply dislike, haha.
I have had clients ask to fax something to our work and we’re like… “we don’t even have an office.” lol
A flash mob – what a random “bucket list item” to have, Nicole. But I think it’s awesome. If it ever happens, please make sure somebody’s recording it 🙂
Isn’t it weird to think of things that have disappeared because of the Internet that we took for granted as teenagers/young adults. I’ve never ventured into the Adult Section of the video store (haha), but I remember many nights when we go pick out movies for movie night with friends.
Also, kale caesar salad is amazing (I love kale-ANYTHING!).
Oh if ever I am in a flash mob, IT WILL BE RECORDED!!!
Dying at the cauliflower sign. Wishing your new plants – and you – the best. Cringing at the thought of doing a flash mob… dancing… in public… no thank you very much! And, re: fax machines. When I started working for the federal gov’t in health research in 2001, they still wanted IRB renewals/applications to include: 1) full content on a *3.5 inch floppy disc*, 2) 25 *printed* copies of the renewal/application for the members to review. At cost to our branch. I said, um, thanks, but no. I’ll email you a Word doc of our application, give you one printed copy, and will let you eat the cost of printing a copy (one ran to 50 pages…) for all the IRB members if you want to live in the dark ages. We also used the fax. Extensively. It was… mind-boggling then, which of course means that now, 20 years later, it seems mind-blowing (in my mind – ha – a step up from mind-boggling…).
Floppy disk! That’s a blast from the past!