Monthly Archives: March 2015
This is a million dollar idea.
The other day I was putting gas in my car and I reset the odometer as I always do whenever I fill up. I realized that I have been doing this since age 16, when my dad told me to, ostensibly to calculate gas mileage. In all these years, I have never once calculated the gas mileage, although I always reset the odometer, without fail. My dad would probably be disappointed to know this. I actually don’t even know the volume of the gas tank, and I don’t keep track of my gas station receipts, so really, there is no need to reset the odometer. And yet, if I don’t, I feel as though the apocalypse might be upon us, and so reset the odometer I will.
Friday afternoon the boys and I headed out to Dairy Queen to get the fabled Treatzza Pizza for Mark’s birthday party, and on the way home we were stopped at a red light beside a young guy who had music blasting. The music wasn’t the usual thumpy bass-heavy sound of today’s youth; curious, I cracked my window. All the better to hear you with, perfect stranger stopped at a red light next to me.
The song was Ring of Fire by Johnny Cash. It was BLASTING. The guy had his windows down and had a perfectly straight face. He wasn’t grooving. He wasn’t singing. He wasn’t even tapping his hands on the steering wheel, but he was playing Ring of Fire cranked up like nobody’s business. When the light turned green, I noticed that the car itself was a Lincoln sedan.
And how was the birthday party? MY GOD, LOUD. It was four hours and honestly, I now think that I was unbalanced to think that was a reasonable amount of time to have eight children in the house. I mean, sure, the kids had a great time. Everyone said the party was “epic.” And yet, with forty minutes to go until pick-up time, I looked at my husband and told him that I didn’t think I was going to make it. But make it I did; everyone was happy and the kids all brought tons of food for the food bank, so it was a win. Maybe next time I will schedule the party for three hours.
In the interest of grievance airing, I must tell you that I am constantly grieved by a failure on nail polish companies to make a long-enough brush to reach the polish at the bottom of the bottle. I long for a world in which I can actually use all the polish in the bottle, without tipping the bottle precariously, trying to get the polish on the brush. Years of throwing out 3/4 empty bottles of nail polish because the last 1/4 is inaccessible has made me feel slightly bitter towards all nail polish companies. This is the same feeling I get with lip gloss – I can see there is still lip gloss in the container, and yet the applicator cannot access it. It is wasteful and must be stopped. Petition forthcoming.
Years ago I saw an episode of Dragon’s Den or Shark Tank or one of those shows in which the panel displays disgust at someone for triple-mortgaging their house to finance a really ridiculous and un-saleable idea, and the would-be entrepreneur talks about how moronic the panel is not to take them up on the Coolest Idea Ever, and that their offer of $1,000,000 for a 5% stake in their would-be company is a steal of a deal. Do you know those shows? My husband likes them. I do not. But years ago I saw an episode that featured a young woman who had come up with an idea for a long, skinny spatula that was designed to get the last bits of conditioner or lotion out of the bottle. It was called the Spaddy Daddy. Someone needs to come up with a Spaddy Daddy specifically for nail polish and lip gloss. I’m putting it out there! Someone please grab that idea and run with it, so I don’t have to spend half a blog post writing about how stupid this nail polish and lip gloss waste is. Again.
Now that I’ve aired a grievance, I feel like I need to balance the scales a bit by telling you about something I love. My husband recently installed Sonos in our house, fulfilling his lifelong dream to watch a movie with surround sound in the comfort of our own home. Now, I don’t really care about movie sound, but he also put in satellite radio in our house and I am in love. The greatest thing about this technology is that each song title and album cover pops up on my phone, which means I get to look at Bob Seger and really admire his hair.
Seriously, look at his hair. It’s lustrous. Shiny. Full of wave and body. Things I never thought I’d say: I covet Bob Seger’s hair.
Now look at this:
It’s not possible for me to love this photo more. Look at the hair. The moustaches. The wide lapels and the (I assume) three piece suits? Damn, Dan and Coley really got it together for this album cover. Plus, look at the expressions on their faces! I’m not talking about moving in. And I don’t want to change your life. But there’s a warm wind blowing the stars around, and I’d really love to see you tonight. I feel like he really WOULD love to see me tonight.
It’s the Ultimate Pi Day! And other fun topics.
I’m so excited for tomorrow; it’s the Ultimate Pi Day! 3/14/15!!! ππππππππππ all day long. Maybe I should write this entire post in Greek letters for celebratory reasons.
We are having a celebration of another sort tomorrow; it’s Mark’s birthday party. This afternoon is dedicated to party preparation: Jake is tasked with cleaning up the Lego pile in the basement, Mark is tasked with putting together candy-filled loot bags, and I am taking the boys to the nearest Dairy Queen to buy a Treatzza Pizza. This Treatzza Pizza has been the subject of many a conversation and much excitement and anticipation. I can’t wait to try the Treatzza Pizza! one of the boys has said at least twice a day for the past month. I’m not sure where Mark even got the idea for one; to my knowledge he has never tried such a thing. Marketing! It works, apparently.
Anyone else ecstatic that it’s Friday? Friday the 13th notwithstanding, I am pretty relieved that this week is behind me. The week we switch to Daylight Savings Time is the most exhausting week of the year. I love that several people separately sent me this article, “Alberta Senior Hits Pancake Circuit To Petition Against Daylight Savings Time.” I love this on so many levels. I love that people see someone petitioning against DST, and THINK OF ME. I love that I have something in common with this Alberta senior. I love the term “Pancake Circuit” and want to insert it into every conversation from now on. “I ate a lot of pancakes last year because I went to every pancake breakfast I could.” That, my friends, is dedication. I especially love the opening paragraph:
An 81-year-old senior whose body gets thrown “out of whack” by the annual switch to daylight savings time hit the pancake breakfast circuit to gather signatures to petition the province to end her misery.
She goes on to talk about how difficult it is for staff in seniors’ residences to rouse residents in the morning to ensure they don’t miss their breakfast. YOU DO NOT WANT THE OLD PEOPLE MISSING THEIR BREAKFASTS. No one wants light-headed, grumpy seniors. It’s the same way with the kids – I’ve had to coax my own early-birds out of bed every day this week, and they are usually the bounce-out-of-bed type. Will no one think of the children or seniors?
I’m telling you, this woman is my people.
Also this week was my second-to-last School Council/ Parent Association meeting that I chaired, and that I was almost late for. My husband had a painter in to do a quote for us, and it required so many decisions and colour swatches that I ended up running out the door to make it on time. When I got home later that night I had a list of possible colours, but no actual paint chips, so I had to run to the paint store to figure out what, exactly, the painter had recommended. Right now I’m waffling between a very deep avocado green or a deep blue for the kitchen and a bluish grey or darker bluish grey for the upstairs bathroom. We have settled on a dark rust colour for the downstairs bathroom, which will be quite a change from the current baby blue. On the one hand I’m very excited for the change. Changing paint colours makes the house feel brand new! On the other hand, I’m tired just thinking about having painters in the house, with all the mess and disruption, and possible “dog-brushing-against-wall-and-getting-all-painty” issues. Princess problems, I know.
Here’s some fun news: I buy all my various vitamins and supplements online, and so I get a lot of “20% off! Free shipping!” emails from the company I patronize. Yesterday, I got an email from them with the subject line, “Nicole, slim down for spring! Save 20% on all fat burners!” Then, today I received an email with the subject line, “Nicole, crank up your libido with help from Supplements Canada – 20% off plus free shipping!” WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO TELL ME? This wouldn’t be so bad except for the newsletter I received in my in-box with the subject line “Why Your Husband Doesn’t Want Sex.” I swear, opening my email is becoming very damaging to my self-esteem.
Nicole’s Favourite Things: The DST Edition
Anyone else feeling a little tired this week? I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Daylight Savings Time is one of the stupidest, most antiquated rituals in our society today. And if ONE PERSON says “it’s for the farmers,” you will be able to find me over there, warming up my slapping hand. That is all I am going to say about this topic, because I have said it all before. I will say this, though: for years, years my husband has been telling me that my complaints about time change are “overblown” and “silly” and this week he has been EXHAUSTED SO IN YOUR FACE, TIME CHANGE IS THE WORK OF THE DEVIL.
Anyway. I realized it’s been a few months since my last “Nicole’s Favourite Things” and I have so many favourite things lately (not Daylight Savings Time) that I need to share. Do I need to give my usual caveat? This is not sponsored, I am not being paid to write this, I did not receive anything for free, these are just things I love. Without further ado…
Nicole’s Favourite Things: The DST Edition
My Babies
Not the boys – although they ARE my very favourite things, but who wants to read about that? No, I’m talking about my new grow-light system and the plants that are referred to in my house as “my babies.” The babies are growing! I need to thin them out a bit more, but every time I do my husband says in a shocked voice, “You’re KILLING your babies?” and then he says, as I tentatively pluck a few out of the soil, “Mommy? Mommy? Why?”
I’m hoping to be able to harvest the lettuce and arugula soon, but it looks like the herbs have a long way to go.
Gloves With Touch-Screen-Friendly Fingertips
Every winter, my hands get more and more painful as the months go on. I have enormous Canada Goose mittens, but they are so big and unwieldy I cannot do things like open doors or hold things while wearing them. The solution is to wear these thin little gloves underneath so I can unlock the house or – on the rare occasion someone phones me – answer my phone without the skin of my hands instantly freezing. Granted, this winter has been exceptionally mild – sorry, friends in the East! – but this thin glove/ thick mitten combination is a winner.
I know, I have ginormous hands. These are men’s gloves, in a size large.
Baby Got Back Yoga Wear
It’s not really called that, it’s Lululemon, but these pants – their Skinny Groove pants – are hands down the most flattering and comfortable yoga pants I have ever had, and I have worn a lot of yoga pants in my time. Every time I put them on, I think Oh my god. Becky, look at her butt!
And on the subject of yoga clothes, I bought this sweatshirt, made by Om Girl, and I am in love with it. It’s cozy and roomy enough for layers, which is exactly what I want in a sweatshirt. Also, it’s kind of blingy, which I like.
Hey, do you like my hair?
Hair Products
Years ago I tried using Pantene products and they left my hair very limp and kind of greasy, which turned me off them for nearly two decades. Recently though, someone (HI CARA) mentioned Pantene and I thought I might give it another try. Hey, I’m not twenty anymore, my hair is processed and fried and maybe I should give it another try.
I’ve been using these alternately with my favourite Organix Coconut products and I tell you, I’ve been having fabulous hair days. This is notable because I normally do not have even “good” hair days, let alone “fabulous” ones. Maybe it’s the combination of the two products; remember way back in the day when Neutrogena launched a whole line of shampoos that were supposed to make your favourite shampoo work better? Talk about great marketing: don’t give up your favourite shampoo, just use these Neutrogena ones for ten days out of the month and LOOK HOW MUCH BETTER YOUR HAIR WILL BE. That’s pretty clever, but maybe there is something to switching around the same old, same old. In any case, I’ve been happy with the results. I also am using this sweet little product:
It makes my hair nice and soft, and it smells like coconut, which is my favourite.
This is my hair today, on just a regular Tuesday in March. I guess the moral of the story is that Pantene didn’t work for me back in my twenties, but now that I’m t-6 weeks until 40, I’m really seeing results.
Note: the lipgloss I’m wearing in the photo is Daniel Thompson #1 The Gloss, and it is the best neutral gloss I have ever found. I am honoured to call the talented Daniel Thompson my friend – his high-end makeup is the best quality around.
Nicole Nail Polish
While we’re talking beauty products, I love the Nicole line by OPI. For one, it has my name on it. For another, the nail polish is long-lasting and they have great colours. The shades I’m wearing on my fingernails and toenails are both from the “Carrie Underwood” collection, which for some reason makes me smile. The Sally Hanson Insta-Dri is a really great top coat and it dries everything quickly, so you don’t have to worry about putting your socks back on after you’ve given yourself a pedicure. I mean, if that’s something you worry about.
Routine De-Odor-Cream
The moment you’ve all been waiting for – when I tell you about the virtues of natural deodorant. Longtime readers will remember me waxing poetically about my friend Neige and her deodorant business. It took me a while before I could bring myself to try it, because I didn’t want to smell like a feral hippie. People, Routine De-Odor-Cream is the most effective natural deodorant. It lasts me a solid twenty-four hours, and that includes a 90 minute Ashtanga yoga practice. Even AFTER a sweaty yoga practice and twenty-four hours of wear I pass the sniff test – no feral hippies! I like all their scents, as you can see…
But what I want to talk about is their newest scent: Like A Boss. It smells like a fresh soap, it’s a new creamy formulation, and you need it in your life! Check it out at routinecream.com.
Shamrock Shakes
With St. Patrick’s Day fast approaching, I made this healthy version of a Shamrock Shake for Yummy Mummy Club, and I’ve been having one almost every day since then. It’s so nice and minty, which makes me feel refreshed all day long. I highly recommend it!
I think that covers it! All my latest favourite things – now, won’t you share yours? What are you loving these days? xo
You don’t have to go home but you can’t park here.
I’m going out on a limb here, but I would venture to say that if you polled any random number of parents and asked them what issue do you hate the most about the school your children attend, most of them would say the parking. The ones that wouldn’t say parking would be the ones whose children are bussed to school and who do not have to endure the daily clusterfuck of school drop-offs and pick-ups.
We have 600 students at our school, and many of them come via bus. A few walk, and a lot are driven. We do a mixture of walking and driving, depending on weather conditions and what I’m doing after I drop off the kids. When I drive, I park about a block away, and we walk. It works well because I avoid the insanity that is parking close to the school: people will make u-turns in the middle of the very busy street, in front of oncoming traffic, just to get a spot near the school. They park across the street and then jaywalk into busy traffic, rather than walking the extra thirty seconds – literally, thirty seconds – to the crosswalks on either side of the front of the school. This month’s school newsletter had a whole section on “please do not park in the school bus zones” because that is actually something that needs to be told to people. Don’t drop your precious snowflake off in the bus zone because BUSES ARE USING THAT ZONE. We all have precious snowflakes, let’s model good behaviour by not a) parking like an asshole, b) turning u-turns in the middle of a busy road like an asshole, c) jaywalking across the busy street while also holding babies and small children like an asshole.
And then the alley, my god, the alley. The alley beside the school is filled, constantly, with people parked on either side, creating a narrow one-lane passage. People park on blind corners and in no-stopping zones, because they are too damn lazy to park elsewhere. I feel sorry for the people who live there because people are always parking in front of garage doors and on garbage days, the garbage trucks get stuck in the melee.
Since the kids come home at lunch, I usually drive through the alley. I park in a legal zone, wait for them to come out, and drive them home. Always, always, there are people parked in insanely illegal ways further down the alley. These are kindergarten parents who are letting their kids have a little playtime on the playground before taking them home. Every single day, I fume a little as I slowly drive past the cars parked on either side of the corner, which makes a terrible blind spot in which I cannot see oncoming traffic. Kids pop in and out of the playground, which makes me nervously drive about 3 km/ hr. Yes, I could change my own behaviour, but the kids come out of their respective doors, run to the car, and we go home. In a perfect world, I would be able to drive through the alley normally. And until this year, I did. This year, every day I think that if there were bylaw officers around the school, they’d make their fiscal year in about two days.
Then yesterday, I saw a man parked on the wrong side of the road, on a corner, in the no-stopping zone. It was like the trifecta of illegal parking. He was in his car, on his phone, while – I assume – his kindergartener played on the playground equipment. And I don’t know if it was the full moon or the fact that the guy was too lazy to get out of his damn car and do his internet-surfing on the playground bench in the sunshine, or if I had just been pushed too far, but I thought, goddammit, I am the Chair of the School Council and this is unsafe and I AM GOING TO CONFRONT THIS MAN. Those of you who know me know how very unlikely it is for me to actually confront someone, rather than ujjayi breathing and thinking he had a good reason to do what he did.
I drove over there – with kids in the car, on the way home for lunch – and gestured to him to roll down his window. He did so, and I said, politely and perkily, that he wasn’t allowed to park there. “Well, where am I supposed to park then?” he asked me, and I just looked at him for a moment. Blink. Blink. I said he could park anywhere that wasn’t illegal, and pointed out the no-stopping sign that he was RIGHT BESIDE. “Oh, so none of these cars are supposed to park here?” he said a tad bit belligerently. Well, I said, not the ones that are parked between the signs that indicate NO STOPPING. Reading comprehension: it’s a skill we can all work on. We stared at each other for a moment, and then I felt an impasse had been reached. I shrugged, said that I thought I should let him know, and drove away.
Last night I was waiting for the kids at karate and got an email from the school. It outlined, in detail, alley parking bylaws! I didn’t even complain to the school; I didn’t bring it up, I didn’t make any phone calls, IT JUST HAPPENED THIS WAY. I guess I’m not the only one who broke.
Robbing my children of joy and wonder since 2004.
It’s only 12:45 and I feel like I’ve already accomplished SO MUCH today; one of those accomplishments was “going to Costco.” I have discovered the key to non-frustrating Costco trips – other than Shopping Cart Karma – and that is to go more frequently for fewer things. Of course, this would not be feasible if I lived in a rural area, but I’m 15 minutes away from my nearest Costco and so that half-hour round trip made more frequently is well worth it to not almost die from the physical exertion of pushing several hundred pounds of things through the parking lot, and then unloading all those things from the car and putting them away, necessitating several dozen trips up and down the stairs. Smaller frequent trips = Costco happiness.
Longtime readers will remember how I used to loathe Costco with all my might; I’d spend all the time shopping steeped in resentment, and also I would be deep breathing for fear all those gigantic boxes would suddenly let loose and fall on me, killing me instantly. This was a silly fear for in all these times, I’ve only been almost killed once by a falling pile of tampon boxes. Well, “almost killed” is probably an over-statement. In any case, I actually ENJOY my Costco trips now; possibly because the children are growing so rapidly that they eat every single thing in sight. They MIGHT even have eaten these, if I had deigned to buy them:
Ha! Just kidding. They’d never eat those. Hell, I don’t think I would eat those, and I am exactly the target market for such things. Kale and chia tortilla chips. Please. That’s too sad even for me.
It was insanely busy in there, but I amused myself the way I usually do when I’m in a giant lineup: by surreptitiously peeking at other people’s cart contents. It’s so interesting. I often wonder what people are going to make/ cook/ do with the variety of items. It’s a fun little game. For example, the man in front of me had nothing whatever except a giant pork tenderloin and a 1000-count box of Splenda packets. I wonder if people are looking at my cart, wondering about me, although my cart was a little boring today: mostly fruit – fresh, frozen AND dried – nuts, and chocolate, with a flat of Perrier thrown in for balance.
I also bought a few candy-type things for loot bags because…we’re planning a birthday party for Mark! This is big news; we haven’t had a kid birthday party for a few years – neither boy has wanted one, but this year, Mark does. Mostly, it’s going to be eight kids “hanging out” in my basement. I’m not going to lie: I’m slightly nervous at the thought of having EIGHT KIDS IN MY BASEMENT FOR FOUR UNSTRUCTURED HOURS but maybe it will be fine. Mark isn’t interested in party games or the like, so the vague plan is for the kids to play Just Dance and watch a movie on DVD, but we shall see. Hopefully it will be fine; as long as I remember to put away my husband’s free weights and reiterate that no one is allowed on the elliptical machine, there should be few injuries, at least. I’m sure the kids will have fun – there’s going to be pizza and a DQ Treatzza Pizza so ALL WILL BE FINE, RIGHT?
One thing that we are doing, and have done in the past, is eliminate the gifts and instead ask guests to bring food bank donations. This works well for us; Mark is a pretty charitably-oriented guy, and really doesn’t need a whole bunch of gifts – he has two sets of doting grandparents, aunts, and uncles, plus gifts from us. But the other day I saw an article in Today’s Parent about “No Gifts, Please” and the Facebook comments were as full of anger and vitriol as a piece on measles outbreaks. I know, I know, don’t read the comments. But really, you would have thought that, instead of focusing more on “good times with friends” and less on “unwrapping a ton of things to add to the million things in the kids’ room” meant “depriving child of all joy and wonder in life.” Well, if that’s true, so be it. My children will look back on their childhoods and say well, it was pretty good, except for the total absence of joy and wonder.
Speaking of joy and wonder, yesterday I had my hair coloured and cut – a week late, due to my pressing commitments as Book Fair Lady – and today I am having the best hair day ever. Soft, bouncy, shiny…and the only witnesses were the people shopping at Costco and the girls at the dog park. Due to the miracles of the modern age we live in, you are now witness to Nicole’s Best Hair Day of March 2015. Yes, I’m calling it now, I don’t care if it is only the fourth.
SO much better than the before photo, am I right?
