Category Archives: My Kids Are All Grown Up How Did This Happen

Random Semi-Related Things

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I Always Feel Like Somebody’s Watching Me

After a very busy and productive August, the garden is starting to take its annual September Slow Down. Every single day last month, I spent hours in the garden harvesting berries and vegetables, weeding, and deadheading. I was especially proud of myself for my management of what I like to call The Annual Zucchini Situation; I had been picking them when they’ve been of medium size, I’ve been using them up or successfully pawning them off on my very sweet friends, and no one in my house has mutinied due to the zucchini-in-everything Augusts of the past. A few weeks ago I was in the garden, thinking about this in a very smug way, and as we all know, karma does not enjoy smugness as a character trait. I immediately tripped over a massive zucchini that had apparently appeared out of nowhere.

I can only imagine it had been watching me for weeks from its hiding place under a large leaf.

Raspberry Beret

In addition to an actual ocean of tomatoes, I have been enjoying a tidal wave of raspberries. There is no need to figure out what to do with all of them, because as soon as I pick a bowl, it magically disappears. But a few weeks ago I had a bigger than normal raspberry harvest, and I also had an unaccountable gap in my weekly meal plan. I decided to do something I haven’t done in years, since before we moved here in 2023, which was to make breakfast for dinner. I thought I’d use the raspberries, along with my farm market peaches and nectarines, for a fruit salad to go along with my Famed Cinnamon Waffles.

The Landslide’ll Bring You Down

My cinnamon waffles were Famed only in my sons’ circle of friends. During their teen years, the boys had early dismissal on Fridays, and most of the time on those days my house would be suddenly filled with famished teen boys. I always made them cinnamon waffles because it was such a massive recipe, and then I would bask in the glory of being the Mom With The Best Waffles Ever. There is nothing, nothing so satisfying as cooking for teenage boys. No one is so ravenously appreciative.

Filled with nostalgia, I pulled out my waffle maker and went to grab the recipe for Nicole’s Famed Cinnamon Waffles, which were not Nicole’s at all, but merely a recipe in the little booklet that came with the waffle maker. And that is when I discovered that the little waffle maker recipe book was MISSING.

To my surprise, I immediately spiralled into the same kind of sadness that I had experienced back in 2023, when my bookmark collection was forever lost in the moving process. I assumed that the waffle recipe book had followed suit, and all was ashes. I was sad all over again, thinking of all those Friday afternoons when the mudroom was piled with gigantic dirty shoes and the dining room table was sticky with syrup, when Barkley braved the noise of ten teen boys in the house in the hopes of some dropped waffles, when said boys exited the dining room all saying That was AWESOME, Nicole, thank you! Never again would that happen for me, mostly because I don’t live there anymore, I don’t have teenagers, and Barkley is, sadly, long gone. Also because I would be unable to replicate the recipe. I was surprised at my sudden and intense reaction. Just feel your feelings, I said to myself sadly. The lack of the Famed Cinnamon Waffle Recipe felt devastating. Not as devastating as the bookmarks – I didn’t cry myself into a dehydrated state – but sad nonetheless.

Guess Who’s Back? Back Again?

As I wallowed in sadness, I realized that, current fashion trends notwithstanding, we are not in the Nineties anymore. We live in the Age of Information! And not all of it is Mis-or-Disinformation! I bustled over to my trusty laptop and searched up Cuisinart Waffle Maker Recipe Book and lo. There it was, the Famed Cinnamon Waffle recipe. What a time to be alive. I immediately printed it off and filed it in my recipe book, to ward off any future breakfast item-related sadness spirals.

1/8 of the waffle recipe

I Get By With A Little Help From My Friends

The happy ending to the waffle recipe sadness spiral reminded me how wonderful the world is, and not just because we can access any kind of information at any time. It reminded me of how all of you, dear readers, rallied when my bookmarks were lost. I was going through such a massive transition in my life, and the bookmarks felt symbolic in the saddest way. No one, not one person, said they’re just bookmarks, get over yourself. Instead, friends from near and far provided me with bookmarks. My friend Sammi drove over to my house with a selection immediately on hearing the news, I received bookmarks from Washington State to Marco Island, from the US Midwest to California, from Alberta to Saskatchewan to Ontario, from Barcelona and Portugal. My son made me bookmarks featuring Rex, Salvadore the gnome, and Gerbera daisies for Christmas. My sweet friend Gigi (HI GIGI) cross-stitched personalized flowered bookmarks for me. I keep my collection in a tin that my longtime friend Elise (HI ELISE) sent me, and every time I start a new book, I happily choose one and think of what a gift it is to have such people in my life.

I will never forget how supported and loved I felt and still feel. Thank you, friends.

All You Need Is Love

Speaking of fun and exciting things in the mail, I received this from my friend Engie (HI ENGIE).

I literally screamed with delight when I opened it. Gnomes, love, AND math? I’m in heaven. Receiving fun mail reminded me that we are now into September, and it’s not too soon to start thinking about holiday cards. Are you a Holiday Card Person? If so, let’s exchange cards! (EXCHANGE is the key word here). Merely fill out this google form, and I will send you my address. If you are already on my list, no need to fill out the form, unless your address has changed. Now, I think that’s enough randomness – let’s get on to this week’s very mixed reading.

Weekly Reading

I had a DNF this week: Heated Rivalry. You all know I love a closed door romance, and whoa nelly, that was not this. It was way too spicy for me and I DNF’d at about the 12% mark, after the third graphic anal sex scene had me Kegeling like nobody’s business.

Her One Regret. From the author of The Nine Lives of Rose Napolitano – a book about a woman coerced into having a baby – comes this book about the biggest taboo in motherhood; namely, regretting becoming one. It is touted as a mix between a thriller and a manifesto, and indeed, it does get at some uncomfortable truths about early motherhood like exhaustion, resentment, change of identity, and overwhelm due to the stunning responsibility that is caring for a tiny helpless person. I will say that it’s pretty repetitive and overly convoluted, and every man in this book is as flat and one-dimensional as can be – they are all complete dicks. The “thriller” part was less than thrilling, in fact when the big reveal occurred I thought “Huh. Okay.” and moved on with my life. It does highlight that society views mothers that leave their families VERY different than they do fathers that leave, but mostly I felt it was kind of overwritten and a bit dull.

Inheritance. What makes a father a father? How does your biological ancestry affect who you are as a person? This memoir explores such questions after the author discovers, through an ancestry DNA test, that her long-deceased father was not her biological father due to a very sketchy infertility “treatment.” I will say that the author’s journey to peace with this very disturbing discovery is quite interesting and eventually lovely, but something did not sit well with me throughout this reading. I am in no way disparaging or questioning her lived experience. I am sure it’s extremely disorienting to discover that your father isn’t who you thought he was, and in the author’s case, this had larger implications. Her father’s family was a prominent Orthodox Jewish one, and on her discovery, she felt as though she had lost her identity and was subsequently traumatized. “It’s traumatic because I’m fifty-four years old and I found out the father I adored, the father who raised me, was not my biological father. That the family I thought I came from is not my biological family. That my ancestors are not my biological ancestors.” I understand this, however, I take a bit of issue with it. I would say that a father who adored you and raised you IS your father, end of story. I suppose I feel touchy about this because my beloved Grandma Fern was my step-grandma. We were not related by blood, but she was still my grandma. She cherished me exactly the same as she did her biological grandchildren. In the author’s case, a (sketchy) sperm donation does not make a father, in my mind. Anyway, this was a very interesting and kind of wild read about the nature of infertility treatments in the early 60s. I also learned a lot about Orthodox Judaism. This was definitely worth the read, and had me thinking a lot about the nature of families. I think there is just so much more to family than blood.

Walking With Beth. During the Covid pandemic, the 71 year-old author and her 101-year-old friend Beth deepen their friendship with regular walks and talks, and this book is a record of their conversations. Both women are from very prominent Canadian families, and so their recollections of their younger years were quite interesting to me, not to mention all they’d seen throughout their lives. Beth was born in 1920, at the end of the 1918 influenza pandemic, so it’s interesting that the two bonded 100 years later. This book introduced me to the concept of Anam Cara, “soul-friend,” of whom I am fortunate to have a few. “This friendship…was an act of recognition and belonging. When you had an anam cara, your friendship cut across all convention, morality, and category. You were joined in an ancient and eternal way with the friend of your soul. This art of belonging awakened and fostered a deep and special companionship.” This is a beautiful story of aging and friendship, and I LOVED the description of Beth’s outfits. Talk about goals! Thanks to Elisabeth and Pearl (HI ELISABETH HI PEARL) for mentioning this book.

Hello to September! We are going on a little road trip this week, and I have the feeling we will be seeing lots of fall foliage. In the meantime, take care, friends. xo

Nicole’s Favourite Things: The Summer Essentials Edition

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I will confess that for many years, I thought the change of the seasons was highly overrated. In my defense, I was living in Calgary, where winter is endless, spring and fall are so short they could be considered almost nonexistent, and summer was marked by cold winds, thunderstorms, hail, and mosquitoes. I could really imagine myself living in a place like Maui, where the annual temperature fluctuation was less than ten degrees, and the sun shone happily every day.

Now I’m living in a place in which each season really is three months, and each builds into the next gradually, rather than going straight from Snow to Mosquitoes. I can really appreciate the beauty in each season and what they have to offer. That said, I am truly a Summer Girl at heart.

I love summer. I love the ease of getting dressed, I love wearing skorts and sandals, I love that “stepping into an oven” feeling when I come out of an air-conditioned house, I love the abundance of fresh produce, I love my garden, I love my flowers, I love it all! I don’t love the occasional smokey skies and the existential angst of being in a drought and thinking about the state of the world, but you know what, there is no sense in being anxious about something I can do almost nothing about. Stuff your worries in a sack, and then take that sack and frolic in the sunshine. Or, as Mary Oliver says, take your old body out in the morning and sing.

Nicole’s Favourite Things: The Summer Essentials Edition

Hello Hawaii

Recently my dear friend Suzanne (HI SUZANNE) was talking about “signature scents,” and I realized that in summer, my signature scent is Hawaiian Tropic sunscreen.

I love that coconutty floral scent, and I also love how it adds a little shimmer to my skin, in addition to being a great sun protectant. On the parts of my body that are not exposed to the sun, I have been using Nivea “Firming” lotion this summer, and I would like to go on the record to say that “firming” is too tall an order for a bottle of lotion. However, it is a really good moisturizer, with a light scent that allows the Hawaiian Tropic to shine through.

You Otter Know

Speaking of Hawaii, some of you might remember that we took many spring break vacations to Maui when the boys were younger.

2012

Since the boys were fairly young, and since Maui is a pretty expensive place, we would always go to Costco and the grocery store, and make most of our meals at the condo we would rent. And if you are a Canadian going into a US grocery store, no doubt you will be able to relate to our feelings of awe and wonder when we did so. US grocery stores have an incredible variety of cereals, cookies, and other snack foods, in comparison with those in the Great White North. As a brief aside, I clearly remember “going across the line” when I was a very young child, and trying a Twinkie for the first time. I was so excited. Twinkies were not then available in Canada, but they were heavily advertised in Archie comics, and I Could Not Wait to try one. Imagine, then, my grave disappointment when first it hit my lips. The idea was better than the execution.

Anyway, Maui grocery stores were literal heaven for my children, who had never seen such a vast array of packaged goods, like Young Nicole as regards Hostess snack cakes. Nowhere was this wide variety more apparent than in the frozen treat aisle, where my children were introduced to Otter Pops. They had, of course, had Mr Freeze and other such treats, but we were incredibly charmed by Otter Pops, with their clever names and array of flavours. Sir Isaac Lime! Little Orphan Orange! Poncho Punch!

Fast forward to this summer, when I was in Costco and I saw Otter Pops! I immediately and nostalgically texted our family chain, asking if I should buy some, expecting that I would get, at best, a “ha ha” reaction. But no! My son said “sure” and to make a very long and quite uninteresting story short, we have been enjoying Louie Bloo Raspberry and his friends as after dinner treats.

I like that they don’t have food colouring in them anymore, I like that they are small enough to be just that tiny bit of sweetness that is sometimes required after dinner, and I love that each treat reminds me of those vacations with the boys.

2013
2014
2014

Everything Happens For A Riesling

On the topic of refreshing treats, let’s talk wine. I am a red wine girl, but in the summer, I love a crisp glass of white. I love buying local, and I cannot get any more local than Tantalus Vineyards. Their 2025 Riesling is award-winning and highly rated, and it’s a perfect drink for a Friday on the deck.

Clawing Back

I love a boozy beverage or glass of wine as much as the next person, but sometimes I want a little something that is nonalcoholic. My friend Sammi (HI SAMMI) introduced me to NA White Claw.

I was a bit skeptical as I don’t like the regular White Claw, but these are delicious and refreshing. The mango is a great flavour, as are lime and black cherry.

Getting Off

If you are having an outdoor event, you should invite me. It’s an insurance against mosquito bites, because I will get them all. If there is a single mosquito within a four kilometre radius, it is going to find me and bite me, and then the bite will swell enormously only to eventually fade into a purple welt and, later, a bruise. I am so sexy and irresistible to mosquitoes and any other biting insect. They love me. They cannot get enough of me. I am Paul McCartney at the height of Beatlemania, and mosquitoes are my screaming fans, all wanting a little piece of me and my blood. My husband sometimes victim blames me for “not wearing proper clothing” because I am often, like a dance hall girl in the Yukon gold rush, boldly exposing my ankles and arms. But I will say the victim blaming is unfair, as clothing is only a small hurdle for mosquitoes to conquer; they can and do bite right through such impermeable articles as jeans and raincoats. If you are siding with my husband right now, claiming that it is not possible, let me assure you that it IS. I have had bites on both my bum and my mid back while wearing such clothing, and I promise I did not expose those parts of my body. I think the only clothing solution would be to don a full-on beekeeper-style outfit, and I am just not willing to do that to walk the dog.

I have tried natural remedies, I have tried every hippie, plant-based, essential oil-infused product there is, and every time, every single time I have been immediately swarmed. There is only one thing I will use, and it’s DEET.

Listen, I don’t love spraying my entire body with Deep Woods Off every morning before our walk, but I would rather bathe in DEET than be covered in welts, bruises, and bites, downing Benedryl every night just to get some relief. I always shower post-walk-and-garden, and so if I’m low-key poisoning myself, it’s only for a few hours each day. Even with the afore-mentioned drought, mosquitoes still abound in the early morning near the shady creek where we walk. Or, at least a few abound. Yesterday I thought it had been hot and dry enough that I would forgo the Deep Woods, and sure enough, I have three enormous, very itchy bites. They may have been the only three mosquitoes in the valley, but they found me. At this rate I will be Deep Woods-ing myself until fall.

The creek is practically nonexistent, where are the mosquitoes coming from? Rex doesn’t know.

Outfit of the Month

Recently my friend Birchie (HI BIRCHIE) said just because we don’t live near the ocean doesn’t mean we can’t go to the beach, which I took as a sexual euphemism of some sort. I don’t know what sort. But of course what she meant was that lake beaches are good beaches, and I have many such at my disposal.

When we used to come here on summer vacation, we would take the boys to the beach almost every day. Then, we moved here, and I rarely, if ever, go to the beach. I walk adjacent to the beach frequently. I drive by the beach all the time. But I don’t go, and that is a real shame.

My friend Joy (HI JOY) suggested a picnic and visit at the beach, and I just can’t believe we don’t do this more often. She also kindly took these outfit photos: comfy coverup dress from La Vie En Rose, and Skecher sandals.

The handkerchief tankini top and swim bottoms are also from La Vie En Rose. I find they always have great end-of-season sales, and I have gotten a lot of mix-and-match pieces very inexpensively over the years. Plus, it’s a Canadian company!

Summer is half over already! I am going to take my old body out into the morning and sing. I hope you have had a beautiful July, my friends. What are your favourites this month? Tell me everything. xo

Don’t tell me what to do, whimsical rock!

Pencil Marks

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My husband works out every day in the mid-to-late morning, and he uses our extensive speaker system rather than headphones, which means I can frequently hear what music he’s working out to. Instead of a carefully-curated, peppy and motivating playlist like the one I use, he just has a playlist of “songs that he likes,” which can lead to what I think is an eclectic soundtrack for weight lifting. I find it amusing, for the most part; a Taylor Swift song might follow Enter Sandman, and then we could suddenly be thrown into early-2000s hip-hop, after which is Crazy Train. But the other day the song Buy Dirt came on. I went downstairs and, upon seeing my crying self, my husband turned off the music.

He had the same level of baffled bewilderment as when I talked about White Wine in the Sun, as well as when we watched a recent Joni Mitchell tribute and Both Sides Now was performed. I just don’t get why it makes you so sad, he said. It’s a song about…clouds?

My whole life, I have been very emotionally moved by music, very frequently to tears, and not always are those songs obviously wrenching to others. Some are – Landslide, for example – but others, like Is Somebody Singing or Miley Cyrus’ The Climb can destroy me emotionally because of specific memories associated with them. Usually I can hear at least a few lines or maybe an entire verse of my own personal tear-jerking songs before welling up, but I didn’t even make it to “chasing dollar” in Buy Dirt. I don’t even know if I made it to the lyrics, honestly, before dissolving.

A few days later, when he watched me emotionally decompensate just thinking about the song in our silent house, my Man of Action deleted it from his playlist. I’m sick of it anyway, he said, but I really know he just didn’t want me to accidentally hear it.

It IS a moving song, but I was much more emotionally fragile than I have been in a long while, for a few reasons. Typically every month before my period, I have a day or two of fatigue and disrupted sleep, a couple of hot flashes and an elevated resting heart rate. This month, I have had to date fourteen solid days of that with no period in sight, plus a very upsetting new symptom I had never had before: no appetite. This lasted for days. Not only did I have no appetite, but I had revulsion for food. I love food! I love to eat! I am, like Andy Sipowicz, an enthusiastic eater! But there I was, pushing my pasta around my bowl like a picky child, asking if it tasted weird to anyone else. This lack of appetite was accompanied by an intense, constant, and unquenchable thirst, to the point that I started googling am I diabetic, signs of kidney disease, and is HRT right for me?

This was reason number one for my emotional fragility: I was running on days of poor sleep, a racing heart rate, and almost no food, with a bloated and extended torso from all the water I was gulping down. Not to mention the hormones! Or, lack thereof, I guess.

But there was another reason I was fragile, and that is that my older son left on Saturday for an eight-week solo backpacking trip around Central and Eastern Europe. I am truly so happy for him; we encouraged him in this, and he planned it all so well. It’s something I really wish I had done at his age, and I think it will be such a great learning and growing experience for him. He’s seeing the world! The birdy is really flying far!

But the truth about it, it all goes by real quick. Every single month we all marvel that it’s a new month, how did that happen, time goes so fast, it’s almost May, can you believe it. My god, time really does go by real quick. My son is off seeing the world, all by himself. This feels like a whole new era, and it’s a wonderful new era, but the pages are flying off the calendar at cartoonish speeds.

I have loved every single age and stage my sons have gone through, every one of them. (Even when we were thirteen? my younger son asked. Yes. Maybe even especially then! I have so much love for the growth and expansion of those early teen years.) I am so proud of them; I can barely believe my good fortune. Sometimes I feel like I will literally explode, I love them so much. I will literally explode and all that will be left of me will be a pile of heart-shaped confetti.

When I was a kid I loved the book Jane of Lantern Hill, and I remember reading the part where Jane asks her mother if they could ever stop time. At the time, I thought that was absurd, why would anyone want to do that? I couldn’t get older fast enough. I wanted to be grown, to be autonomous, to be on to the next thing.

Well. I don’t want to stop time, but it all goes by real quick.

I have had some tests and I am confident my doctor, who is a brilliant and progressive young woman, will have some solutions for my physical self. In the meantime, the present moment is what we have, and so I will be over here, sweatily appreciating it. Thank you, body, for bringing me this far in life. Thank you for being a wonderland that is doing miraculous things as my estrogen plummets the depths of the ocean. Thank you, deodorants, for existing. Thank you, modern world, for giving me washing machines to wash my extremely sweaty jammies every day and for the clean tap water that I can gulp down to compensate for this excessive perspiration.

My son has landed safely in Europe to start his adventure. My best friend Tara (HI TARA), whose eldest daughter has travelled solo extensively, texted me with the uplifting message that we raised our children to be independent, so we shouldn’t be surprised when they are. We did! Look at them fly!

Watch their pencil marks and the grass in the yard all grow up.

Weekly Reading

Simple Abundance. My dear friend Michelle (HI MICHELLE) had mentioned this book to me last year, and I decided to start reading the short daily essays on my birthday over the next year. It was a really lovely, uplifting experience. I think it probably would have been a bit better had I started in January as the book intends – each month builds on the months before – but it was still a wonderful reminder to look at the simple things in life and take joy in them.

Wilderness Tips. his is a reread, but it’s been a while! There are some really great stories in this collection, and in my current state of mind I was particularly moved by the last paragraphs in the last story, Hack Wednesday.

When The Cranes Fly South. DO YOU WANT TO READ A SUPER SAD BOOK THAT WILL MAKE YOU STARE OFF INTO THE DISTANCE FOR A LONG TIME? This is the book for you! In retrospect, maybe not the best choice for this past, emotionally fragile week. Wow, it’s sad. An elderly man, whose wife is now in dementia care, lives alone with his elkhound dog, and has home care come in four times a day (this is Sweden, and such things are realities! Yay Sweden). His son, quite rationally and reasonably, thinks that the giant dog is really too much for the situation. After all, the old man sleeps most of the day, the dog gets very little exercise, and he’s worried the old man will fall when he’s taking the dog out. Very reasonable and rational. But also, the dog is the man’s main companion and great love. As the man snoozes the day away, he dreams about his long life; his loving mother and kind of awful dad, his move to Northern Sweden as a young man, meeting his best friend and his wife, and his son’s childhood. It is a very moving story about breaking cycles, new generations, love, and what matters in life. Fun fact: this is translated from the Swedish by Alice Menzies, and that was the name of one of my great-grandmas!

Zero-Sum. Before he left, my older son was telling us about his Managerial Economics course, and – as my husband and I both have Masters in Economics – I was extremely interested. It sounded like Managerial Economics was similar to Industrial Economics that I took back in 1996 or 1997. In any case, game theory featured heavily, which was very exciting to me. And then, my library holds came in and Zero-Sum was one of them! It was like my very own Baader-Meinhof phenomenon. Anyway, I have never before read Joyce Carol Oates, which seems like a grave omission. Every short story in this collection contains a zero-sum game, and it is absolutely fascinating and almost breathtaking in its literary creativity. The writing is just so smart, and every story is such a brilliant and interesting topic. Some of the stories were a bit dystopian/ horror based for me, but most of them were diabolically good.

I am going on my own, much less exotic adventure this week: a road trip to visit my parents. That is, if the weather-warning level spring snowstorms stop for a couple of days. Hopefully there won’t be any avalanches! In the meantime, take care of yourselves and I’ll see you next week – when it will be May. Can you believe it? xo

Nicole’s Favourite Things: The Morocco Edition

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October has felt like a very discombobulating month for me: the first two weeks were spent travelling, the next week was spent preparing for and celebrating my husband’s birthday, and this past week was all about getting back into the swing of things. It feels like a lifetime ago that I was enjoying myself in Morocco, and so this month’s Favourite Things is dedicated to that incredible trip, and also this heart-shaped leaf.

Nicole’s Favourite Things: The Morocco Edition

Beast of Burden

There were many highlights of the trip, but The Highlight would have to be riding camels into the Sahara Desert. It was such a sensory experience on all levels: the sights, the sounds, the feel and smell of the camels. I looked around me at the vast desert and felt how very lucky I was to experience such a place in such a way.

Incidentally, I am sure this hat has made it into my Favourite Things before: it’s completely foldable and squishable, and has a UV brim to protect my face. It really made a difference in terms of keeping me cool, and it also has a chin strap to prevent it from flying off.

Camels are ubiquitous in Morocco, and not just for carrying the likes of me around; they are an important part of the economy, and sometimes they like to block off traffic.

There’s lots of sheep around too; we spotted this herd just walking along the sidewalk, completely unsupervised. The best part is the shop they are in front of.

And let’s not forget about the donkeys! Donkeys are still used in many places, particularly rural villages and in the narrow streets of medinas where vehicles are not allowed.

Midnight At The Oasis

The night we spent in the Sahara was absolutely magical; we watched the sun set and the full moon rise, along with the sunrise the next day. It was all incredible.

Also incredible were our accommodations. We stayed in a “tent” that had air conditioning, wi-fi, a king sized bed, and hot showers, and we had a five-course meal for dinner and a beautiful breakfast buffet. Camping, Nicole-Style.

Rock The Kasbah

I really wanted to see the famous kasbahs of Morocco, and I was not disappointed! Our tour took us down the Road of a Thousand Kasbahs, and it was everything my kasbah-loving heart could want and more.

I find it fascinating that structures built hundreds of years ago have withstood earthquakes and weather, and are able to keep their inhabitants warm in the winter and cool in the summer. Some of the adobe walls are two feet thick! The desert and the Atlas Mountains can get quite cold in the winter, and the summers see temperatures in the 40s, so those thick walls are very important.

Funky Cold Medina

The word medina simply refers to the old part of a city, but it is ubiquitous with Fes, which has an absolutely incredible medina that, if you got lost, you may never find your way out of.

Most of the medina in Fes is covered, giving much-needed relief from the sun, but I still opted to wear this UV protectant poncho that I purchased from Solbari, an Australian company. The Australians know what’s what when it comes to sun protection. It served two purposes: UV coverage and also coverage coverage. Morocco is a fairly conservative Muslim country, but they do not expect tourists to adhere to any particular standards of dress. That said, my feeling is that when I am visiting a country, I want to show respect for local culture and not draw unnecessary attention to myself, and so I kept my shoulders and knees covered at all times in public. This poncho was perfect, as I could wear a tank top underneath for comfort.

As you can see, some of the doorways to some of the side streets were pretty small.

Many of the side streets were also very narrow, as you can see by my shoulders nearly touching the walls.

Much of the medina is filled with shops, some that are more for tourists, and some that are essentially shopping centres for locals. This is a touristy one.

Dancing Queen, Feel the Beat of the Tagine

The food in Morocco was so good; while travelling, I am always a bit concerned if vegetarian food will be available and, frankly, tasty. I was not disappointed! There were so many good options at every meal, and I am still thinking about what is called Moroccan salad, which is a variety of dishes with cooked vegetables of all sorts. Our hosts at one lunch made these incredible flatbreads – rghaeif – filled with vegetables, and at another there were giant, flavourful bowls of white beans and lentils. One host made vegetable pastilla just for me, and at a restaurant run by a women’s collective, the ladies made me a noodle dish topped with almonds, raisins, and cinnamon that sounds insane, but is just insanely good. I did not go hungry, let’s put it that way. Moroccan people are noted for their generosity and hospitality, and there was always so much food everywhere we went.

One of the things my husband and I were dreading, that ended up being an incredible and fun experience, was a cooking class. This class took place on a little farm outside of Marrakech, and was run by a women’s collective created to employ and empower women in the area. I figured that this would be a dull thing, but nothing could be further from the truth: when we got there the young women started playing music, including ABBA, and I couldn’t help but dance as we created our salads and tagines.

It was, as you can tell by my expression, very fun. The tagines we made were delicious too – the traditional Moroccan dish is often made with just vegetables, and it is wonderful with couscous.

When I went to sign their guest book, I noticed this in the frontispiece:

Cooking is love made visible! I feel seen.

Outfit of the Month

I was chatting with my friend Nicole (HI NICOLE), and she asked what the temperatures were like, since she couldn’t tell from my clothing choices. Well, it was hot! It wasn’t as hot as it was two weeks prior to our trip, when it was 45 degrees in Marrakech and even the THOUGHT of that makes me melt, but it was still plenty hot. The order of the day was light, loose clothing. This outfit consists of the lululemon dance crops, a tank top with what is actually a bathing suit cover-up over top, and Skechers shoes.

I also often wore the silk scarf I painted with my friend Sandi (HI SANDI) over my hair when I felt it was necessary.

That same scarf served me well in Paris, for a little pop of colour when we were visiting the works of Monet.

Tomorrow is Halloween, and I’m feeling pleasantly nostalgic for the years when the kids were small and my husband competed with the neighbour for the best house on the block (anyone remember CHAD I WIN?). Our house was a destination, one that allowed for me to live out my best Fancy Lady Dreams by giving out full-sized chocolate bars. These days we only have the two neighbour boys visit our house, and since we are going out, I think I will drop off the bags of goodies I have for them. Naturally there are full-sized chocolate bars involved, as well as bottles of pop, which my son informed me are hot commodities among the Trick or Treat crowd. I am looking forward to seeing all my friends’ posts – both in the social media world and the blog one – of their dressed-up Halloweenies! And after that – it’s Tiny Secret Festive Season! More about that on Monday. Happy Halloween, friends! Enjoy a treat or several. xo

Holiday 2024 Roundup and Reading

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I am a person who derives a lot of energy from the idea of a Fresh Start, and it doesn’t even have to be anything as significant as a new year. It could be a new month, a new week, a new day; even a new lipstick or pair of panties will signify a Fresh New Start, and I will be energized at the thought. A new era is upon us, I’ll think on a random Tuesday, Today is where your book begins, the rest is still unwritten, I’ll think while applying a new shade of Maybelline Ultimatte.

And so it was that I found myself de-Christmassing and deep cleaning the house for many hours yesterday. I don’t know when exactly I started this routine on New Year’s Day, but it does feel like the Festive Season is officially over for me, and so all signs of it are now packed away until November.

Half of the holiday season was marked by a completely empty nest, as the boys went on a road trip last Saturday to visit some friends; they are returning tonight and I can hardly wait. Recently Kamryn (HI KAMRYN) asked How are you managing adult children, how do you set boundaries, how often do you communicate? Well! It’s a New Era indeed. We were all having dinner the night before they left for their trip, and Landslide came on the playlist. My husband looked at me for a moment, and then said “Maybe we should put on a different playlist when they’re gone.”

When they were younger, any time we reached a new era I would think I’ve been afraid of changing because I’ve built my life around you and then my eyes would well up and threaten to spill over; one would think that I would be a complete mess these days, particularly over the holidays when they are not here. In a completely unexpected turn of events, I am not a mess at all. Or much of one.

No one is more surprised than me, honestly, but I really love having adult children, and I only get happy nostalgic feelings when something like this reminds me of what the holidays used to be. Also, a huge upside of an empty nest means that I can really put that Jimmy Buffett song into action: why don’t we get drunk and screw?

I mean, not every day, but it’s nice that the option is there.

Back to the topic at hand, for me the key to a good relationship with my sons is the ability to step back and trust that they will make good decisions, and if they make mistakes, to trust that they will fix them and learn from them, or live with them. This isn’t always easy, of course. The other key is to keep open communication and to keep my judgements to myself. I never want to put guilt trips on my kids or to make them feel badly about themselves, and so unless I am specifically asked, I don’t offer unsolicited opinions. This is also not always easy! Particularly when they are going on an eight hour road trip through the mountains, and it’s snowing and raining the entire way, just as a small example.

In terms of boundaries and communication, one of my sons does still live with us, so I talk to him every day. I text with the other one a few times a week, and I generally see him weekly when he comes home to do his laundry and to share in our big Sunday dinner. I am not an overbearing type, so I step back and let the communication flow in a way that makes sense. The exception to this is when they are, you know, driving in winter conditions for eight hours, then I not only ask for updates but I also check where they are via location tracking, which is something I do NOT do normally.

When my kids were very small, I came across Kahlil Gibran’s poem On Children, which starts Your children are not your children and continues You may give them your love but not your thoughts, for they have their own thoughts. You may house their bodies but not their souls, for their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams. I have kept that in my mind ever since, and I try to remember that they are their own people, they are not me, they are not my chance to live a different life.

Moving on! I had a lot of downtime this holiday season, and so was able to read some good books.

The Knockout Queen. I was about halfway through the first chapter and I thought “hmm, something seems familiar.” And indeed, I had not only already read this in April 2021, but I also apparently liked it a lot since I gave it a 4.5 star rating. Yet I couldn’t remember what happened! Can I blame the pandemic? I think this was exactly after my first vax, maybe I was foggy. Even though I have a huge stack of books that I have actually not read, I decided to keep going with The Knockout Queen and I’m so glad I did. What an excellent book this was, what a statement about the nature of violence and the way we view it differently depending on if it involves a man or a woman. Rufi Thorpe is such a talented writer, and I just sank into this book and resented everything that took me away from it. It is not at all a forgettable book, so I am going to just go ahead and hope that my complete memory lapse was indeed vaccine and pandemic related.

Tell Me Everything. This book felt exactly like a love letter from Elizabeth Strout to her devoted readers. The moment I heard that she had a new book, and that book involved both Lucy Barton AND Olive Kitteridge, I put it on my Christmas wish list and mentioned it approximately ten times a week. Well, Santa did bring it for me and it did not disappoint! Not only are Lucy and Olive central to the story, but there are characters from every single one of her books, even the more obscure Abide With Me, even her debut Amy and Isabelle. I can imagine a scenario in which someone who HASN’T read Elizabeth Strout’s works obsessively might be looking askance at this book, like “who are these people and why are they all together” but OH, for us fans, oh, it is wonderful. I loved every single vignette, every single moment, every single slice of little lives. The book addresses all the unrecorded lives of everyone surrounding us, and you KNOW that is my favourite thing. I love thinking about how extraordinary all of our ordinary lives are, and this book just hit perfectly. 

Love Your Life. And now for something different! Listen. If you pick up a Sophie Kinsella book, you should expect a Sophie Kinsella book. What can I say, the woman sticks with what works, and in this case it’s an Opposites Attract-type rom-com. It’s fluffy and silly but also fun, let’s not overthink things here. Two people meet on what sounds like the weirdest writing retreat ever, where everyone has fake names and are not allowed to divulge any personal information to each other. Wouldn’t you know it, these two people immediately start boning and fall instantly – INSTANTLY – in love. When they get back to regular life in London, reality hits. Ava is wildly unfocused and chaotic, whereas Matt is dutifully but unhappily working for the family firm. These two characters cannot sustain the magic that they had at the weird writing resort, but a satisfying twist that has each of them adopting a little of the other’s personality makes for a happy ending. Is this realistic? Of course not, we don’t read Sophie Kinsella for realism. It’s a fun bit of escapism and was a pretty cozy holiday diversion. 

My book total for 2024 was 130, and of those 118 were women writers, 99 were fiction, 12 memoir, 18 other non-fiction, and only one book of poetry. That felt off to me but then I remembered that I spent at least nine months re-reading selections from Mary Oliver’s Devotions, but I didn’t “finish,” as it were. I don’t have any particular reading goals this year, except an evergreen one of not being afraid to DNF a book if I’m not enjoying it. Life is too short to read unsatisfying books! We will see if I keep to this goal, because I have a tendency to push to the end, just to see.

Happy New Year, friends! I hope you had a beautiful holiday season or – if you’re an Orthodox kind of person – are still having a beautiful holiday season! xo