This is the time of year when my friends in milder climates are talking about crunchy leaves, and the beauty and splendor of fall, and meanwhile, we are in full-on winter!
The Weather hit November 1, which felt very appropriate for Tiny Secret Festive Season. Temperatures plummeted to the minus double-digits, a ton of snow fell, and the roads were pure chaos, as is usual for the first few snowfalls. Because I am apparently an idiot, I decided to go get groceries on Designated Grocery Day, even though that was the day of an actual blizzard, with ice under the snow and the streets not yet cleared. I will just say it was a pretty unnerving drive, going up a slippery hill with a lot of traffic, wondering if I would lose momentum and either stall out or start to slide DOWN the hill. Anyway, I made it, and to no one’s surprise there were very few customers, so it wasn’t long before I was on my way back home, vowing not to take the car out again for any reason. Of course, Rex needed a walk, so we went five kilometres in unplowed, unshovelled, ankle-deep snow, which was delightful for him and a massive leg workout for me. Win-win?
I am feeling festive, people! In a tiny and secret way. I’ve also finished most of my Christmas shopping; I still need little stocking stuffers, but I’m done, done, done. Here’s a question: do you have gift-giving anxiety? I don’t generally, but there are two people on my list who I do worry about, along the lines of is this the right thing, will they like this, what if they don’t like it. Intellectually, I think this is silly. It’s a gift! I’m trying my best to be thoughtful! When I receive a gift I am universally delighted! But emotionally, well, it’s a different story. This is possibly because last year, I thought I had hit on the exact perfect thing, FINALLY, after all these years, and I was so excited, and I really realized what all those people for whom gift giving is their love language felt like, and then I never heard a word about the gift from the recipient. So that was disheartening.
Well, no matter. The shopping is done! I tried my best! This is all we can do, and now I’m faced with The Great Wrapping And Shipping Task.
One thing I haven’t done yet is creating and ordering photo calendars. Ever since the boys were small – I can’t remember how small, because honestly 2004-2007 is just one big blur – I have made a photo calendar for each set of grandparents and one of their aunts. This year, I thought, you know what, they are too old to do this now. I mean, they are 17 and 18! I’m not even sure I have twelve photos of the two of them together in 2022 and if I do, it’s guaranteed they will feature ridiculous posturing and facial expressions. This gift, I thought, has had its day and now that day has passed.
Well. I will tell you, people, what I thought was a natural end to something brought massive consternation and angst to the involved parties. My mother (who is probably reading this, HI MOM) and mother-in-law reacted with sadness and a LOT of passive-aggressive commentary (my mother-in-law informed me that she has saved every single calendar and when she’s feeling blue she looks at them in order to see their age progression), but my dad went full-on aggressive-aggressive. Why WOULDN’T I make a calendar? Age doesn’t matter! If my mother-in-law was unhappy, and my parents were unhappy, why wouldn’t I do something, something SO EASY, to make everyone happy? Their happiness was in MY control! This continued until I finally broke down, like a prisoner being waterboarded. Fine! FINE! I’LL MAKE A GODDAMN CALENDAR! I think those were my exact words. Essentially, my dad bullied me into making another calendar, and so evidently I will be making calendars until the end of time.
Well, maybe I’ll try something new and add photos of them throughout the years; that would be pretty cute, to have toddlers next to high school graduation next to a day at the zoo. Or Rex photos! I used to put Barkley in our calendar, so this seems like a natural progression. I guess I better figure it out soon because a) I have a coupon for printing, b) I want to just finish the job and get it in the mail, and c) everyone’s happiness is depending on me so I must start immediately.
Speaking of happiness or the opposite, Time Change. It is hard to believe that this ridiculous imaginary construct is still going on, but here we are. Let’s send out all our love and good wishes to the moms of little ones who are now waking up at ungodly hours (and, let’s face it, me, because I get up between 4 and 4:30 normally, so you can imagine what my internal clock is doing) and who will be having meltdowns and falling asleep in their dinners this week (again, me). (Lisa, you okay? HI LISA) I have been ranting about Time Change for years, and so I won’t repeat myself, but for god’s sake, can we just pick a time and stick with it? There is a great article about it in National Geographic, and I love that it possibly started with a satirical letter by Benjamin Franklin; if indeed that is true, that seems fitting.
Weekly Reading
Well, one benefit of finding myself awake extremely early on a Sunday morning meant that I got some extra reading done. It was a week of two hits and a meh.
The Marriage Bureau. One of my yoga ladies loaned me this book, knowing my love for The Crown and Downton Abbey. I was under the impression that it was historical fiction but it’s not really; it’s more like a collection of anecdotes from researching the archives and old interviews of the founder of the Marriage Bureau, a matchmaking service in England in the 1940s. I did enjoy thinking about how people meet other people, and possibly marry, at that time but I didn’t love the writing style. I found it stilted and a bit clunky. It’s in development for a television series and I think it would play well on the screen, but it’s kind of tedious to read. Still, interesting to think – how did people meet during a war? During colonial times? Were these marriages successful? Out of all the marriages that resulted from the matchmaking, only two ended in divorce, which is a pretty good success rate.
Book Lovers. I will admit that I was a bit hesitant because this is such a popular book, and sometimes these popular reads do not live up to the hype for me. However! Nothing disappointing about this! It was tremendously fun and just a delight to read! It’s like a very witty, twisty Hallmark movie, in the best way possible. I loved it! What a feel-good book!
Blue Nights. Whenever I read Joan Didion, I become obsessed with Joan Didion. I end up looking at photos and reading her biography and imagining life in the Sixties, being a writer in Southern California with all the other famous writers. I imagine working at Vogue in the Fifties – think of that! Anyway. Blue Nights is a very moving book about the loss of her daughter, reflections on their life together, and her own struggles with the aging process and loss of health. It is in no way uplifting, and it is quite tragic, more in what is left unsaid than what is said, to roughly quote Hemingway (did I just quote Hemingway, obviously I am affected by Time Change).
It’s shaping up to be a very cold week here, as in “minus twenties” kind of cold. It’s officially Legwarmer Season, as well as Tiny Secret Festive Season! Whatever Season you are celebrating this week, I hope it’s warming and lovely. xo
Wow. That’s something about the calendar. We (by which I mean Beth) makes one for her mom every year but I think if she wanted to stop, that would be allowed.
Lol apparently this will NEVER be allowed, and I’ll be making calendars of full adults! Wow, that sounded weird and creepy but I’m not deleting because you know what I mean.
I’m amazed/entertained by the calendar *situation* but the elders have spoken. No doubt you’ll take their opinions into consideration for fear of never hearing the end of it. Damn, it is cold where you are. We’re having a summer-like fall so I have yet to wear boots or jeans. Even though I have them out ready to go. Stay warm
The elders have spoken, indeed, Ally!
No boots or jeans! Wow! I mean, it’s suddenly painfully cold here and my boots and jeans have been in rotation for a while. Mind you, the cold we are having right now is not unusual but not typical either, if you know what I mean.
Wait. You have all your Christmas shopping DONE??? Ack. I have some ideas floating around in my head, but haven’t actually purchased a single thing. I also went back and re-read your post about the Tiny Secret Festive Season, and it’s making me think we need to move American Thanksgiving up a little. I’m always adamant about not starting Christmas until Thanksgiving is over, but who am I kidding? I’m looking at Christmas decorations all the time and I can’t wait to get started. If we just had our Thanksgiving BEFORE Halloween, I wouldn’t have this problem. I also appreciated the idea to make and freeze cookie dough- it’s so easy to make the dough if that’s all you’re doing, and then pulling it out to make cookies in December would be easy. I’ll do that this week!
Good luck with the calendars…
See, this is the great thing about Canada. Our Thanksgiving is the second Monday in October! So Festive Season hits for me as soon as Halloween is over!
Ok, I’m with Jenny. WHAT? HOW? Please explain. I have bought exactly 2 presents so far.
And too funny about the calendar thing! hahaha. Photo gifts are so wonderful, but they inevitably end up being a lot of work to put together! One day you’ll all be glad you have them though, I’m sure. 🙂
I’m sure I will, and I’m now of the attitude that I’m just going to have fun with it and find all sorts of cute old pictures.
My chin dropped at the thought of being DONE with Christmas shopping. Huh? Tank is going to study in Limerick, Ireland next semester and I’m hoping to send Ed and Mini there to visit Tank over their spring break and that would count as their Christmas gift. Translation: lots less shopping for me. I have a few ideas for some of the other people, but that’s it.
How sad that the recipient of that amazing gift never mentioned it. Goodness, how sad.
I slept 10 hours on Friday night, so while my sleep was impacted by the time change – I’m surviving. I highly recommend a long-ass sleep the night before. As if any of us can make that happen. Mine was part of the aftermath of my ER visit earlier in the week.
I’m thinking about getting my Christmas houses our earlier this year. It’s so much work, why not set them up and then enjoy them? Your tiny festive season is contagious, I guess.
The calendar – well, at least you know they’ve enjoyed them for all these years. They sound fairly easy to please.
Well, Ernie, I mean…I don’t have six kids and a ton of nephews and nieces to buy for like you do! But I do think that a trip to Ireland sounds like an absolutely perfect gift. After all, experiences are much better than “stuff” I think!
Last year, when I had water leak onto my already wrapped Christmas gifts someone I don’t know at all made a rather snarky comment along the lines of: who has Christmas gifts purchased and wrapped in early December – it serves her right.
Humph.
So I think it’s wonderful you have all your gifts purchased but…my goodness…I do not. I have almost nothing done and I don’t even have good ideas this year. Sigh. Thankfully, we don’t exchange very many gifts, so it’s not a huge list I’m shopping for and this year I’m really aiming to bring as few items into our house as possible. A few things (like a jumbo reading pillow for my daughter) ARE big, but have a very specific use. I did buy the pillow this weekend, so I guess I have a few things.
On the calendars: this SAME thing happened to me. I casually mentioned a year or so ago I thought I’d stop doing them and my parents were NOT okay with this. I make three different calendars: one for my parents, one for my in-laws, and one for my daughter so it’s a lot of work and I also add in all the relevant family birthdays/anniversaries. It’s a huge labour of love, but I’m 90% done and just waiting for a good sale on Vistaprint.
Re the snow: I’m so glad it’s you not me. I know it’s coming my way, but it was 25C here on Saturday and I LOVED it. Winter seems to last forever, and I appreciate when fall is more than a 2-day leaf fest. This October was stunning and so, so mild (likely a result of global warming, so it’s horrible that it’s warmer, but I do love it…)
Wow, now I don’t feel so bad. I just do the one calendar for everyone. I have a coupon for Vistaprint, it is supposed to be for holiday things which might only be for cards…but I’ll give it a try. I’m also refreshing my email constantly to see if I get a good deal. I’m hoping for 50% off!
I haven’t even started my Christmas shopping and now I’m pseudo-stressed about it. Although, I have to laugh at you thinking the grandparents wouldn’t want pictures of the children as they get older. As if it matters to them!
Since you are officially in winter with snow and everything, I’m going to quit complaining about our weather. We’re still firmly in fall and I’m going to enjoy every bit of it until snow comes. I love that Rex loves the snow and I hope that gives you joy!
Oh no, I totally knew the grandparents would want photos of the boys, it’s just that *I* didn’t want to do it anymore! Ah, no matter, I’m going to try to have fun with it and fill it with old favourites.
I awoke at 6 a.m. this morning feeling like a pioneer.
Your snow makes me glad I don’t have any. It will arrive soon enough. But because our trees don’t have any leaves, when it’s sunny here, there’s more sun all over our house. 🙂
Your dialogue about the calendar made me laugh so hard this morning. Thank you for that. Can I go take a nap now?
Yes absolutely – naptime for Kari! The snow is a bit of a trouble when it comes to traffic and driving, but it does look pretty. I am hoping the sun will come out soon, because blue skies and white snow is so pretty.
My jaw dropped at least a couple of times while reading this post. “That much snow already???” and “She’s done with her Christmas shopping already???” Well, it rained one night and into the morning last week, and it was the one day I was going in to the office, so I dressed in my first winter-wear for the season — a cashmere sweater, skinny jeans and knee-high boots. I turned out a space heater the next day, too, when I was working from home. On the gifts front, I have not bought a single thing, and not in a hurry to think of what to get people on my dwindling list. I miss making calendars. My late MIL and her husband loved the calendars, and it was fun to put together. But it was also hard when we didn’t have as many pictures to include. I tried to include some of their pictures, specially pictures of my son with them and some years, it was slim pickings!
Yes, this is my problem – I don’t have that many photos of the two of them, and the ones I do have, they are shirtless on the beach making silly postures. I mean, I could do that. I have done that in the past. But I think I’m going to go with a bunch of photos from both this year (my son’s graduation, etc) and some from years past. And of course, Rex!
Your calendar story had me howling with laughter! So did your thoughts on changing the clocks back and forth. And you are amazing to have all your Christmas shopping done! I haven’t even thought about it yet.
Thanks so much Michelle!!
I miss the Fall of my youth in New England. Here in the Pac NW we are having an “atmospheric river” and temps in the low 40s. Temps in the low 40s don’t sound bad until you pair them with rain absolutely dumping and feeling damp every hour of the day in the semi-darkness. I know I should be used to this after 30 years here but sometimes it’s still tough. Sigh.
ANYWAY, I do have gift giving anxiety because I realize I’m not a great gift giver. I grew up in a family that didn’t do a lot of gift giving and did not do any creative gift giving and I feel like I never really got the hang of it. Making matters worse, my husband is a terrific gift giver. His love language is gifts. This combination makes me anxious every year. He’s finally learned that he needs to send me info throughout the year about things he might like and I’ll pick a couple so it’s kind of a surprise but not really. He always seems pleased but I feel vaguely inadequate. Why can’t I just wrap my acts of service and have done with it 😉
Okay, I would 100% rather have snow and cold than pouring rain and 40s. I mean. At least with snow there is a chance that you can stay relatively dry and that your hair won’t be ruined the second you leave the house!
Lololol I want to wrap my acts of service too!!!
The boys phones are probably packed with selfies and pics of themselves out in the wider world – I’d be asking for photo contributions for the calendar.
How sweet your Tiny Secret Festive Season is! Seems you can enjoy the run up because of your organisation and preparedness while many of us are actively trying to avoid thinking about Xmas looming ominously on the horizon… that said every year I make an advent calendar for my kiddos and love how that extends the run up to the season, via the making of & then the daily openings.
Hi Fi! That’s not a bad idea – one of my sons probably has more photos than the other, who basically takes no photos. But they are often together so we will see! It’s a good avenue to investigate!
I love an advent calendar and I love that you MAKE one! How awesome is that!
Ack! It looks so cold! You Canadians are made of sturdier stuff, I tell you. I think you should always make calendars of your boys. Even when they are married and if they have kids, just calendars of them. LOL.
Hahaha that made me laugh. JUST THEM!
Oh Nicole, I died laughing that you through that there was an age limit for calendars for grandparents! The best you can hope is to phase it out when the kids are 40.
We’re having a crazy warm streak of weather the likes of which I have never seen before in November. The longer that the good weather stays the harder it’s going to be to when it inevitably goes.
No no, it’s an age limit for ME! I just didn’t want to do it! Ha! We had the most gorgeous fall and then it was like, wait, it’s winter now.
Wow! Christmas shopping done??!! That’s impressive. I have just started thinking about it. Barely. I laughed so much at how the grandparents love (and demand) calendars. That will give you something to do while the rest of us shop. Oh man, your weather. I golfed today; it was a tad chilly but not bad. We are heading to Calgary this coming weekend so I guess I’ll have to dig out my boots mitts and big coat. Yuck.
Bring layers! It’s cold!
So many things to think about here. First, how in the hell is it that cold and snowy there already while it nearly hit 80 degrees here today and I’m in shorts and the AC is running? (I will admit, it is a bit unusual at this time of year).
Christmas shopping done? How? Did you start in January? No, seriously. What is your strategy/plan that allowed you to pull this off so early in the season? I have a few gifts but no where near where I need to be.
The calendar thing is hilarious (“This continued until I finally broke down, like a prisoner being waterboarded. Fine! FINE! I’LL MAKE A GODDAMN CALENDAR!”). When you make the calendars, go ahead and throw in the ridiculous posturing and facial expressions photos as well. I think that would go over surprisingly well.
My strategy is that I start thinking about it in October, then I do a mix of mall shopping and online shopping and I block off a few hours for each and I just GO. I don’t have a huge family to buy for so that makes it easier.
NICOLE. YOU ARE FINISHED WITH YOUR CHRISTMAS SHOPPING? FINISHED????
I’m over here feeling proud that I already have some ideas for Christmas presents. Wowzers! Good job on being on the ball this year!
I think you’re going to enjoy the conversation Bri and I have on the podcast tomorrow – we talk all about gift giving and how stressful it can be!
The photo calendar thing is something! I’m sorry you got bullied into it, but hopefully it’s not too much work to do a new calendar this year.
I am sooo happy you loved Book Lovers. That will probably end up being my favorite romance of 2022.
Oh I am so excited about your pod! I really love this season, Stephany. Gift giving isn’t my love language, that is for sure!
The calendar thing cracks me up and I love your thoughts on alternate approaches. Your kids seem too easy going and friendly for this, but it would be funny if all the photos were of them hiding, teen-like, from the camera. Shielding their faces with coats, covering their head with their hands, flipping the camera the bird. That would serve your family right! 😉
I woke up at 2:30 yesterday morning! I suppose my body thought it was 3:30, but that is still too early!!!!!
Suzanne, you’ve seen my instagram feed – most of the photos I have of the two of them together (because I like making the calendar with every photo of the two of them) they are shirtless on a beach, posing like “where’s the beach? That way.” So…I mean, it’s fine. I could do 12 identical photos but…
So I swear I commented on this post yesterday but it must not have gone through! Thanks for the shout out to parents with young kids. This time change SUCKS. I much prefer springing forward to falling back. That said, shifting Will’s bedtime back did really help. But that made for some long nights last week.
OMG the calendar thing. So I made one of our small family for my MIL as a Christmas gift but it’s easy to do because we have so many pics of the kids. Each month I make an album of favorites in google photos and then use those albums to make our calendar (and our annual family photo album). But my side of the family also makes a calendar. I’m 1 of 5 kids and there are 10 grandkids. My SIL used to make it every year – bless her. But my brother and her started the divorce process last summer so I somehow got stuck w/ making the calendar and OMG it was the absolute worst. My mom wants a pick of each kid on each page of the calendar, but the older grandkids are 14-18 so do you think we have a lot of photos of them to choose from? Plus we put a photo of the person on their birthday and then ideally a photo of the couple on their anniversary. And ugh. It was the worst puzzle – how can I use X photos and find a combination of all 10 grand kids for 12 months. I love puzzles generally but this is the worst. There are some pics of groups of grandkids like around holidays or the summer so those months are easier but it’s still god awful. Oh and they wanted it done in December so people could order them for January. I did it all last year and then my mom said – oh do you think we could add pics to December of everyone by their trees? I was like – YOU GO FOR IT I AM DONE WITH THIS GOD AWFUL PROJECT WITH NO UPSIDE. And I don’t even order the dang thing since I get the one of my little family.
Wow, I had a lot to say about that. I still have some PTSD from that project apparently. I do wonder who the child w/ the young kids who works full time got stuck with that job? Hmm….
LISA. That sounds like an actual nightmare. There are ten grandchildren on my side (and one great-grandchild!) and I have never once thought to coordinate with my brothers. That is just TOO MUCH COORDINATION. That sounds like the worst job, no thank you. The part about adding pics of everyone’s trees…just no.
I hope this week doesn’t suck too much with time change!
Nicole! How did you think it would be okay to stop doing photo calendars?! You aren’t even allowed to phase them out. 😛 I’m so impressed by your snow and Christmas shopping prowess. Actually, it’s the self control I admire more than the actual shopping. I know that if I finished shopping this early, I’d buy a ton of extra crap between now and Christmas… That said, would you ever share what your favorite things to give are?
Incidentally, I’m donating a bunch of office pants using your recent cull as inspiration to declutter my closet. So maybe one day I’ll be prepared for the holiday season as you are now.
Oh yes! I should do that as a whole post! I will have to be careful though, because my mom reads this blog, and my husband occasionally does.
Good for you for donating office pants! Office wear is a big hurdle for women who are looking for work and have limited means.
YES, thank you!!! Post Holiday gift reveals are fine too… there are always birthdays and anniversaries and things 🙂.
And what you mentioned about work wear is what propelled me–it felt stupid to just let it all sit there when they could go off into the world and be useful.
I would have been the same about the calendars: intending to stop, then reluctantly agreeing to continue, then starting to think of fun ideas! And now that you KNOW you’ll be continuing to do them, it seems like extra fun to think of ways to accumulate extra photos of them over the coming year! And maybe this will continue into the years of them working and marrying and having children, and that will ALSO be fun, in its own quirky way!
I find I am agitated about the person who never commented on their exact right gift.
Thank you, Swistle, I am also a) weirdly happy about going through old photos and b) low-level agitated about last year’s gift and wondering what will happen with this year’s.
I’m a bit agitated about the calendar thing: you wanted to stop clearly, and then family members told you that you were obligated to continue doing emotional and physical labor for them, apparently without end?! I am kind of puzzled why a number of people find that funny/amusing?
I don’t deny that it can be fun to look at old photos and it is sometimes fun to do things that you thought you didn’t want to do in the first place, but I personally would definitely not want any gift where the gift-giver said to me, “Oh, all right, I’ll make the goddamn thing for you then, if I must.” I wouldn’t be able to look at it without feeling bad.
It’s nice that you are able to find some fun in it under the circumstances, which suggests that you have a nice relationship with your family on the whole, I guess.
Thanks Kay, I appreciate your support and comment!
I don’t know if I should laugh that your parents/in-laws pressured you into making a calendar or if I should be appalled. I mean, I guess, it’s supposed to be a compliment about your awesome calendars?
I’d definitely take it as a compliment, even though you were bullied into keeping up the tradition.
I grudgingly take it as a compliment!
Feeling ever-so-grateful that we’ve moved to donating in each others’ names. The calendar thing might have tossed me right over the edge. Right over.
And, wow. The gifts being done? Impressive. Truly impressive.
I visited Calgary in January one year (yes, voluntarily) and was awed by the amount of snow that was on the ground (i.e. they stopped plowing down to the pavement) and piled up in parking lots, etc. Blew me away.
Oh yes, there’s just no getting around it. It’s almost impossible some years to get down to the pavement, and all that snow has to be plowed somewhere so it is piled high.