Happy Halloween, everyone! Whatever your plans today, I hope they at least contain some Fun Sized chocolates. Because I am a Very Fancy Lady, I have a big bowlful of full-sized chocolate bars, and because I get weirdly paranoid about Halloween, I also have purchase three giant boxes of mini chocolate bars and fruity candy, because what if we get swarmed by children and I run out of the big chocolate bars? What if? This has never happened, but there is a first time for everything.
Does Rex want to be a cowboy for Halloween, or would he prefer a tiny sparkly sombrero? We don’t know. We also don’t know what he’s going to think of Trick-or-Treaters. He doesn’t bark when people come to the door, but he is very interested in people, so we are going to have to make sure he doesn’t accidentally bowl small Paw Patrollers over.
This is my Annual Reminder that Teens Are People Too; my very strict rule is that if someone comes to my door on Halloween, they will get a treat. There is no age limit to this, I don’t even care if there is a costume involved, and I certainly don’t have a performance or singing requirement. I’m not telling anyone else what to do with their stash of Fun-Size Kit Kats, but in this house, everyone gets a damn chocolate bar, and I don’t care if the Trick-or-Treater is 6’2″ and is just wearing regular clothes. Halloween is for everyone!
My own teens are not Trick-or-Treating and haven’t for a few years now, but they have been pilfering from my boxes of mini chocolate bars, so maybe I should buy another box, just in case?
No. I need to stay strong. I HAVE ENOUGH.
Besides which, the guys have a lot of sugar cookies to eat, because it isn’t a festivity if there aren’t cookies involved:
The snow mostly melted, just in time for more snow coming this week. Prior to that we had a lot of heavy winds, and some of the decorations took the hit, particularly our hanging mummy:
My husband was out of town for a few days, but the boys managed to fix the decorations that ended up tangled in tree branches, but the ground was so wet from all the snow that they couldn’t get the mummy to stand back up. It took some effort but they jerry-rigged it to a tree. Between that and my younger son putting the winter tires on my car, I am really celebrating having teens, even more than usual. Even when they eat into my stash of mini chocolate bars.
The guys gave me this shirt for Christmas, and it has spurred a whole series of Fuck Things around here. For example, the song September only needs to play for someone to comment “Earth, Wind, and Fire. Fuck water.” There was a restaurant in a small town that we drove past this summer, called “Breakfast Matters…Lunch Too!” at which point, my younger son said “Fuck dinner.”
Good times. Today I teach my Strength and Tone Yoga class, and I think I’m going to take my ladies some Lindors from my secret stash that no one but me knows about, which is why it still exists; maybe I’ll dig out my little witch fascinator as well. Will it stay on during downward dog? Who can say.
Weekly Reading
The Wild Iris. I have been reading this beautiful book of poetry each morning prior to my yoga practice, over the past couple of months. It’s gorgeous. Thanks so much to Suzanne (HI SUZANNE) for introducing me to the incredible Louise Gluck!
The Dictionary of Lost Words. I think it was from reading a Bill Bryson book that I realized…the Oxford English Dictionary didn’t always exist. I mean, obviously! Someone had to write it! But imagine the work that went into that. It took decades, and that is the basis of this novel; the writing of the OED. Importantly, the story deals with words the dictionary DOESN’T include. There was absolutely a bias in the writing of the dictionary; words predominantly used by women and lower classes were typically not included. (There is a whole chapter on the c-word.) Given the fascinating topic, this book should have been a home run for me, but it wasn’t. There were good parts and it was thought provoking, but the story didn’t grab me; I had a hard time getting into it and I found the characters flat. I liked it okay, but not as much as I thought I would. This book got rave reviews, so take my review with a grain of salt, but I just could not CARE about the story as it was written, although I spent a lot of time thinking about the Educated White Man bias that decided which words were important enough to end up in the dictionary.
Unmask Alice. Now, this WAS a home run for me. This book was bananas. B-A-N-A-N-A-S. Did you read Go Ask Alice when you were a teen? I sure did and it scared the bejesus out of me. I credit it for keeping me from ever trying LSD or any hard drugs, and believe me, I was no angel. Who could forget the final freak out? Who could forget her ripping out her own hair and skin because she thought she was crawling with maggots? Who could forget when she ran away, got her period, and had no feminine supplies. Not that these things are equal, but all distressing. Anyway, the “diary” was completely fake and as an adult, of course, I can see it. I mean, no one goes from acid to speed to HEROIN to…pot. What I didn’t know is how insidious the author of Go Ask Alice was. This book is nuts and it takes you on a wild ride. It covers everything from Satanism to Art Linkletter, of “Kids say the darnedest things” fame. It’s wild and the side notes are supremely funny. At the same time, the religious background of the author makes things like the homophobia of Go Ask Alice even more disturbing than it was on first read. I had no idea that the author of Go Ask Alice went on to “edit” “real diaries” of many other troubled teens, right up until before her death in the early 2000s, always pretending that those diaries were completely authentic, although they all SOMEHOW backed up her own belief system. And just as soon as you think you know what’s happening, this book takes a crazy turn at the end.
Happy Halloween, everyone! Tomorrow is the start of Tiny Secret Festive Season! My Christmas bracelet is waiting in the wings, I have festive-scented hand soaps for every sink, and the fall-themed tea towels are preparing to go back in the closet, to be replaced by all the holiday ones. It won’t be long before I bust out the Christmas playlists and songbooks.
Rex will probably be glad for some Christmas music; I have been learning Bridge Over Troubled Water and it is a BITCH with key changes and difficult fingering.
Enjoy the festivities tonight, whatever you are doing, and best of luck to all my friends starting NaBloPoMo tomorrow! I’ll do my best to keep up with you, but no promises! Have a great week. xo
Oh man it’s one thing to find out about Santa and the Easter bunny but now you’re telling me that Go Ask Alice wasn’t real????? Hey it was real back when we needed it to be.
My youngest stepson has been “too old” for Halloween for the past few years but suddenly he’s all about it this year. We’ve got All The Candy on tap and we’re ready for a wild night.
“It was real when it needed to be” – totally! I mean, it got the job done, scam or not.
Hope you had a fun night!
Well let’s see here! As much as i love the sparkly sombrero, I think the cowboy hat suits Rex better, I agree- it’s hard to tell from his expression which he prefers. And, you are one of those awesome people who gives out full-sized candy bars, woohoo! Your trick-or-treaters will be happy.
Oh yes, I read Go Ask Alice. I never thought about it until you said it, but now it makes perfect sense that it wasn’t a real diary (duh!). Now I want to read Unmask Alice, and then go back to read the original “diary.”
i’m excited for your Tiny Secret Festive Season! I’ll be having an extra, extra-secret festive season. We still have Thanksgiving coming up and I don’t like to put out Christmas things before then- but I’ll be listening to Christmas music in my car (remember the debate about “Last Christmas” last year?) and happily looking at Christmas displays in the stores. I love November!
Last Christmas is one of the best holiday songs and I WILL DIE ON THIS HILL! November is a great month!
I also vote that Rex (my phone wants to autocorrect your dog’s name to sex) looks like he was born to be a cowboy. No one would mess with him
I have never heard of these Alice books. Goodness. They sounds jarring.
Curly was bummed that basketball tryouts are tonight. I assured her she will have plenty of time to trick or treat afterwards. I love that you support all trick or treaters, regardless of age, in there quest for candy. You are a generous fancy lady with those candy bars. Curly is wearing the giant cookie that I made for her when she was a toddler. Think soft cookie in the form of a sandwich board. Now that she is a teen, it barely covers her torso. Still cute though.
I’m here for your tiny secret festival season enjoyment.
That’s so cute! I thought of you because we had the cutest, tiny Cookie Monster last night. He was maybe two at the most. It reminded me of your fabulous Sesame Street costumes!
Go Ask Alice absolutely traumatized me, but I was fascinated and re-read it many times. Like you, it gets all the credit for keeping me away from hard drugs (and making me afraid of teenagers, because I was sure they were all going to try to give me acid or something). The movie only added to my fears. I’m definitely interested in Unmasking Alice, thanks for sharing this!
I live in town I am absolutely inundated with trick or treaters. I had to resort to miniatures because I have to buy the BIG bulk bags, and that’s all they contain this year. I have 400 or so pieces of candy and I will probably not last for the full hour that they are allowed T/T here. (You can leave your light on longer if you want, but I am always cleaned out in an hour and the streets go completely quiet — it’s eerie!)
Wow, that’s a lot of trick or treaters! We had fifty-one, which is a record!
I didn’t know there was a movie until I read this book, and it sounds nuts!
Love the doggie pics and I love reading your posts about your teens! So fun for me as I have teens too (well, almost- 12 year old will be 13 in December, and a 14 year old). Most bloggers I read have younger kids than I do. 🙂 Happy Halloween! I just picked up an extra bag of candy too because even though we don’t usually get too many trick or treaters, what if this year we DO?!? Hahaha.
Exactly Kae! WHAT IF???
I remember hearing about Go Ask Alice, but I never read it.
I agree with trick or treating. My freshman daughter went trick or treating with a friend yesterday. However, she learned online that certain areas prohibited trick-or-treating for children above the age of 12. Who does this? Boo.
I love your shirt. I love Rex. I love that you’re learning Bridge Over Troubled Water. Xoxo
WHO DOES THAT?? I had a couple of guys who I am sure were over 18, but hey, maybe they were just hirsute for their age? Whatever, they got a big Snickers.
Rex is going to steal this blog, but you know that. As for candy for tonight’s festivities, this is the first time since the pandemic that Trick or Treat is happening around here. We used to get around 200 kids at the door, but who knows this year. I have 178 pieces of candy + plastic bloody eyeballs, hoping it’s enough.
Tiny Secret Festive Season is a delightful post. Nice slippers, wonderful soap.
I hope your night was great!
I think it was NGS who suggested that I do NaBloPoMo and just post a photo of Rex every day, and Ally, I was tempted. Tempted! But I’ll just inundate my readers with cute photos in my regular posts.
Rex looks fabulous in his various headwear. I would enjoy seeing him in your witch fascinator as well, if you are taking requests. 😉 I really enjoyed hearing about your child saying, “Fuck dinner.” I look forward to a time when my child is old enough that casual cursing is a fun thing we share!
I read The Dictionary of Lost Words and… liked it. It didn’t move me as much as I hoped (although I did cry at one point). But I really wish there had been MORE of the nitty gritty about the words and how they are chosen and why some are discarded etc. etc. That part was so fascinating! I had no idea how biased the DICTIONARY was. And yet, it makes total sense, after having it pointed out.
I will try to get him to keep a fascinator on! It might work. Casual cursing is very fun EXCEPT when they accidentally casually curse in front of Grandma, or someone else who doesn’t like it. Then, it’s awkward.
I haven’t thought about Go Ask Alice in years and now I’m going to have to read Unmask Alice STAT. 8th grade health class was a real trip due to being required to read GAA I tell you…
We also have a new (to us) dog this Halloween. She barks like crazy whenever someone comes to our door so I anticipate my nerves being shredded by the end of the evening (our dog’s nerves possibly too). With our old dog we got around this by having whoever went TOTing with the kids take the dog too, but this year Oldest is in college and youngest is going TOTing at a friend’s house so we’ll just be in our house with our barking dog.
I also firmly in the give candy to anyone who comes to the door camp. I really don’t care if they’re in costume or say TOT or look old, just take some candy or else I’m going to have way too much left over and eat it all. As a practical matter what happens is that the older kids usually get lots more candy because they come later when I’m eager to off load as much candy as possible.
Oh that’s true, I used to just put half a bowl of candies into whoever came the latest to my door! Last night I had a couple of guys who I swear were over 18, but oh well, here, have a Snickers.
Rex ended up being exhausted from checking out who was at the door and eventually just stayed on his cushion!
It sounds like your house is THE place to go trick-or-treating! What fun! We live far enough out of town that we never get any trick-or-treaters. I stopped buying Halloween candy long ago, so if someone makes the effort to stop by, I don’t know what I’ll do!! Granola bar?
Ha! That would work in a pinch. Can of pop maybe?
Rex definitely looks like he wants to be a cowboy.
Our town does trick or treating the Sunday before Halloween during the day. I was out of town, so I left my husband in charge with eighty billion pieces of candy and toys and we only had five kids come by!! So, basically, I think you probably have enough candy and I how you get more visitors than we did!
That’s interesting! I have never heard of that before. We had 51, so all the full-size bars were gone but I have lots of minis left.
Full-Size bars! You must be legends in the neighborhood! Your t-shirt is so funny. I have some sympathy for Lydia, as it turns out.
Poor Lydia! She’s much maligned and only 15. I still laugh at my shirt, though. As I’ve gotten older, I have developed huge sympathy for Mrs Bennett, and huge disgust for Mr Bennett.
Right? Mrs. Bennett was completely right to be legitimately concerned about her girls becoming homeless/destitute and Mr. Bennett’s all oh la de dah my high-strung foolish wife. Jackass.
He is AWFUL!!!!
Too late, but for the record, I vote for the cowboy hat.
This was the first year neither of my kids went trick-or-treating for reasons I may or not blog about, kind of depending on how things shake out over the next several days, but it was sad for everyone.
Oh, shit, sorry to hear this. xo
Megan from The Mom Hour wrote a piece about teens and Halloween that aligns with our view. I think I was kind of judgy about teens trick or treating before that but it totally changed my view. I mean, we always gave candy to whoever came to our house but I might have been a little eye-rolly about uncostumed teens. Not anymore. Come one, come all! We had about 40-50 trick or treaters this year. And Paul went out for about 1.5 hours total with a little break in between. The weather was unseasonably nice – so nice that he didn’t have to wear a coat over his this Paw Patrol costume! But omg did he get terrified by some dogs while trick or treating… He is a very very sensitive child and for some reason is absolutely terrified of dogs. Will appears to love dogs and gets excited when he sees them on walks which makes the owner thing he wants to pet them and then he turns on a dime when the dog approaches and loses his mind. It’s very confusing for dogs/owners… I’m hoping this intense fear of dogs subsides. Our neighbor has the sweetest Great Dane so I am hoping with time they’ll see that most dogs are sweet and not to be feared. But I also am a little bit afraid of dogs, too… So they probably inherit some of that fear from me.
But full sized bars! Wow! We got 3-4 full sized bars last night! That never happened when I was a kid! But one house had a selection of full sized bars that included a mounds. What child is eating Mounds and wants a full-sized bar of it? We are not mounds or almond joy eaters. No thank you. Paul almost reached for the full sized mound but I deterred that and pushed him to get the full sized PB cups instead.
Mmmm PB cups. Why are the mini ones so mini now?
I hope your guys outgrow the fear of dogs, although some fear is not a bad thing. I remember a kid running up to Barkley, hugging him and pulling his tail. Barks was fine with that – he was used to little kids – but I did mention to the mom that maybe her kid shouldn’t do that because some dogs will bite if that happens. I mean, it’s startling for a dog!
You are the Fanciest Halloween lady I know! I agree…give anyone candy when they come to your door. I’ll be over next week!
Rex can wear anything or nothing and he’s hands down the cutest!
Your shirt is everything. Your family saying fuck this, and fuck that is my favorite thing to read today!
You have three men in your house now…they can all do manly things!
Thanks Suz, it cracks me up!
I am in full agreement that anyone who comes to my door on Halloween gets candy. Heck, walk anywhere nearby my house on Halloween and I will huck a fun-sized Snickers bar at you just for fun.
Teenagers ARE fun, aren’t they? I miss my little squishy babies, but damn, grown-ass kids who are funny and sweary are pretty fucking awesome too.
If you’re interested in the making of the Oxford English Dictionary, check out The Professor and the Madman: A Tale of Murder, Insanity and the Making of (well, you get the point). It’s quite a ride.
Lol, I just pictured you throwing mini Snickers down the street like the opposite of an old-timey paper delivery kid. Did that make sense? I am assuming that you will know what I mean!
Oh, Rex looks like such a gentleman in both — but the cowboy hat hides his eyes and makes him look more mysterious!! Although I like to dress my (son’s) dog in silly gear. I put a blond wig on him one time; I had him wear my reading glasses another time; and I had him wearing a floppy sun hat another time. He cracks me up! He probably wants me to go to work instead of working from home and pestering him endlessly! LOL
Full-size candy bars! You certainly are the fancy lady! I know when my son and his friends used to go trick-or-treating, the neighborhood that handed out full-size candy bars were looked at with awe and illicited joyful comments/feelings among themselves.
We had about 75 trick-or-treaters, which is very low compared to how many we normally get. I brought my son most of the KitKats from our stash even before ToT day came when we saw him last weekend, and my husband gave away the leftover candy today. Too much temptation to have them around.
Isn’t it nice to have your kids be able to do big chores? It’s like, “Oh, you really are grown up already!” It’s not a grown-up chore but I still remember when my son was old enough to go by himself to go downstairs for a hot cup of coffee for me when we were in a hotel that didn’t have a coffee maker in the room — and the first time he pumped gas for me.
A WIG, I didn’t even think of a wig! This changes EVERYTHING M!! Well, I have my work cut out for me *sources wig and moustache glasses*
Ha ha! I can’t wait to see Rex in many more costumes, including a wig! I bought a child’s blond wig at a after-Halloween sale when the dog was less than a year old — so still a puppy. He was in the backyard with the two boys hanging out, and when I went out wearing the wig, he looked at me…then lost his mind when I started talking. It was like he thought, “I know that voice! But I don’t know that person where it’s coming from! Disconnect! Doesn’t compute!!” He ran around in circles and looked at me and ran around in circles some more! It was hilarious!!
That’s so funny!!
How is Rex always so photogenic? I love him so much, ahhh.
Full-size candy bars! Now that is the house I would trick-or-treat at. I would be so nervous that I’d have all of these full-size candy bars left over, haha. We got barely any trick-or-treaters this year, which was disappointing. Maybe because Halloween was on a Monday? Who knows. I hope you got a lot of kiddos!
I just bought The Dictionary of Lost Words! It was one of my rewards for getting my vaccinations, lol. Hopefully it works better for me, but my expectations are tempered a bit.
Happily, all full-size bars were gone! We had 51 kids! We had a lot of minis left though, although they are rapidly disappearing. I am interested in your views on Dictionary – Suzanne liked it and so did many other people, it might have been my own headspace.
I am (too) late, but I vote for the Cowboy hat – I really hope Rex went for that one 🙂 it suits him. I am also so glad to hear that you don’t discriminate when it comes to trick-or-treaters… anyone who goes on Halloween to ask for candy is not out doing stupid nonsense and a little (or even full-size) chocolate hasn’t harmed anyone. 😉
Is it really time for the holiday decorations already? I love Christmas as much as the next gal, but this is all happening so fast.
It’s freezing and snowing here, so it feels very Christmassy! I love the holidays so I try to extend the season as much as possible.
I do not get trick or treaters, but I wholeheartedly agree that all should get candy. However, I am not down with the “trend” of people taking all of the candy when there is a bowl left out for people to SHARE. Seriously, people. Where were you when Mr. Rogers talked about sharing??? Sigh. (There were multiple NextDoor posts about this and while usually I laugh at NextDoor, I was similarly incensed on their behalf…I guess I am a crabby old person now. ;>)
My son told me that one of his friends did that and I was SHOCKED! That’s so greedy!