Last week I was applying makeup while wearing my robe and Jake peered over at my exposed legs. “Mom, you should go put your stockings on,” he said in a voice of concern. I assured him that I didn’t need to wear my stockings anymore! Happy news! He repeated his request, slightly louder. I repeated […]
Archives for 2011
High Maintenance Girl
April 7, 2011 by 8 Comments
Sally: Which am I? Harry: Oh, you’re the worst kind. You’re high maintenance, but you think you’re low maintenance. Sally: I don’t see that. Harry: You don’t see it? Waiter, I’ll have the house salad, but I don’t want the regular dressing. I want the balsamic oil and vinegar. But I want it on the […]
When I am an old woman
April 5, 2011 by 11 Comments
When I am an old woman, I will wear an excessive amount of Chanel Number 5. I will wear thick, bright layers of lipstick that will feather and bleed into my papery skin. I will make wildly inappropriate jokes and sexually harrass all the male orderlies at the home and earn the reputation of being […]
STRIPPING! Boom chicka wah wah! UPDATE
April 2, 2011 by 12 Comments
So here’s what you may not know about getting your varicose veins stripped: it really, really hurts. I know! News flash! But honestly, I was unprepared for how much it would hurt and how difficult it would be to walk afterward. I am happy to tell you that today I am moving around and even […]
I’m used to nice things!
March 30, 2011 by 7 Comments
I had a plan to write a really funny post about how yesterday’s Costco trip destroyed my faith in humanity, but my neighbour restored it; and how the entire city suddenly got over their collective seasonal affectedness disorder because the sun came out and the temperature got above freezing and this was the actual, number […]
Soccer Moms: not just about tracksuits anymore.
March 28, 2011 by 5 Comments
So, after a flurry of activity this weekend, I am much more in control and not so sad, despite the fact that it is still snowing. Still snowing. It’s been a week now of snow, blowing snow, and the sky matching the snowy, snowy ground. Someone who lives in a much, much nicer climate than […]
The Apocalypse? Or PMS?
March 25, 2011 by 12 Comments
Yesterday I was so blue and everything seemed bleak and grim: my legs ache and hurt constantly, there are unspeakable tragedies all over the world, I need to do the soccer scheduling, I have to write an article for the community newsletter, the sky is grey, it’s been snowing for five days, it’s cold and […]
