The Apocalypse? Or PMS?

Yesterday I was so blue and everything seemed bleak and grim: my legs ache and hurt constantly, there are unspeakable tragedies all over the world, I need to do the soccer scheduling, I have to write an article for the community newsletter, the sky is grey, it’s been snowing for five days, it’s cold and damp and I have to wait outside for 30 minutes between the times that my children finish school at lunchtime, after which I can’t get warm or if I do I have to leave to stand outside again to pick up Mark after school, I stepped in dog poop while cleaning up dog poop, I have surgery next week and so much to do before then and it’s March break starting Monday, the dog stinks, what if I turn into a weirdo mother-in-law and my children become estranged to me in their adulthood, human atrocities do not seem to warrant international intervention unless such atrocities occur in an oil-producing nations, there is going to be an election and I don’t want one, I have to go to Costco, my driver’s license is about to expire and the province did not send me a renewal notice, which is the second time something like this has happened, which makes me believe that it was delivered to someone else and they didn’t bother to drop it at my house, despite the fact that I always, always drop off my neighbour’s misdelivered mail no matter how unimportant it looks.
Everything seemed overwhelming and glum.  I took extra Vitamin D tablets, made my favourite dinner – much to the disappointment of all other family members who do not share my affinity for Greek salad and pita bread – drank some wine and ate a piece of chocolate birthday cake, and then the sun came out for five minutes and I felt a little better. 

All those sad things are still sad today – except for the driver’s license part, which I renewed this morning thanks to the very kind man I spoke with on the government hotline who tipped me off that rates are going up effective April 1st – but I realized something: you know when you feel hopeless and depressed and loathing and like nothing you do even MATTERS, and ew, you have dog poop on your boot, and everything is so overwhelmingly sad but then you look at a calendar and do some back counting and then a lightbulb goes on and you realize – you REALIZE – that there is a reason, a very hormonal reason that you feel that way, and then you know you’re going to feel better soon?  Yes, that.

So I feel slightly more in control of things this morning.  Yes, I have no control over terrible things in the world but I can donate to relief efforts.  Yes, it’s cold and horrible but maybe it will stop snowing soon and March break means I do not have to do the pickups and dropoffs in the freezing cold.  Yes, my legs are constantly aching and swollen but maybe they won’t be in three weeks’ time.  Yes, I have to go to Costco but at least I can get one of those giant logs of goat cheese for five dollars.

I don’t like being sad.  That’s probably the most inane sentence ever uttered but it’s true.  My husband and I were talking the other night about how we used to like adventure travel and how I actually used to have a backpack to put my clothes in and how there were hundreds of places I wanted to experience.  Now, however, I said, looking out the window at the blowing snow “I don’t want to go anywhere cold.  Or anywhere that makes me sad.  I want to go where there’s nice fruit and it would be nice if we could go somewhere I can keep up with my yoga practice.”  My husband looked at me for a minute while I listed off all of my travel requirements then offered, “So you only ever want to go to Hawaii?”

Hawaii would be lovely, it’s true – who wouldn’t want to have a pretty drink with an umbrella in it and get to make “Getting Lei’d” jokes? – but even lovelier was Jake, climbing onto my lap, saying that he wished my operation was tomorrow so I could feel better right away, and if I needed anything he would get it, unless he couldn’t reach it in which case I may have to help him.  And I do feel better.  It’s Friday after all, I have a great yoga workshop to attend this weekend, I have an episode of Parks and Recreation to watch tonight, and Cadbury Mini-Eggs were on special at the grocery store. 

How about you?  Any plans for the weekend? xo


  1. That is a lot of stuff going on with you. I have had those days where it feels like nothing is going right.

    If I ever go on vacation I definitely don’t want to go to anyplace cold either.

  2. Awww you need a good cry to let it all out and maybe some girl time with a good friend, a glass of wine…or a bottle…and lots of giggles.

    hugs across the miles…you’ll feel better soon.

  3. I think it’s partly this time of year, too, for those of us in snowy locations. *sigh*

  4. It’s been grayer than normal and that too is making me a wee bit down. That and my house. But cheese! And little boys! And chocolate! And sledding! And pajama days! And cheese!

  5. I just wanted to let you know that this weblog is being featured on Five Star Friday!

  6. Days like that feel so overwhelming!

    Hope you can have a fun and relaxing weekend!

  7. The grey weather is totally getting me down too. That coupled with the fact that due to my dad’s health problems my parents announced that they are no longer babysitting my kids – ever. Add in the aforementioned PMS, plus general world disorder, and I am right there with you in the black land of blahville.

    Hang in there. It’s spring. Things will brighten up literally, if not figuratively, soon. Hope everything goes well with the operation. Good luck lady.

  8. I’ve been feeling pretty good this week, but my last six or so have been much like what you just described. I’m so sorry (that you have to go to Costco – shudder). It’s amazing how, once you have kids, the little buggers will almost never let you build up a decent head of self-pity – they’re always puncturing it by being so damned sweet and adorable. It’s annoying, really.

  9. When I was younger the PMS thing seemed like a non-issue, but now that I am entering My Special Lady Years it seems that the PMS thing is out of control. I really hope that in years to come the kids don’t remember weepy, screamy, two-days-a-month mommy, and instead remember not-quite-as-screaming other days mommy.

    Man, I need chocolate STAT. I’m with you, sistah.

  10. That effing pit is a terrible place to be regardless if it is short lived or ongoing. Each hour seems like an eternity. I so get how you feel and know that I am always an email away.
    Also, I’m putting a hit out on that facking furry fack Phil who said winter was going to be over soon. You want in? I’ll save a testicle for you to punch.

  11. Good luck w/ the operation! And that chocolate totally qualifies as medicinal chocolate. Is there such a thing as a “How To Be A Good Mother In Law” manual? If no, you should write one.

  12. Hawaii would be awesome. Or Aruba. Or Bermuda. Or southern Italy. Or… I could go on. Sorry you were having the blues.Congrats on being on Five Star Friday!

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