Category Archives: Illnesses

Don’t it make my brown eyes bluuuuueeee.

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So I’ve been blue, due to a number of factors, the most pressing being disappointment over not being offered a writing contract that I had my heart set on.  I’ve been in mourning about it, wallowing and eating all manner of bad things, and reading my most favourite comfort book, Diary of a Provincial Lady.  That book never fails to cheer me up.  It’s like chocolate cake and macaroni and cheese for the mind.  It is possibly the wittiest book ever written, and contains such gems as:

Move about after dinner, and meet acquaintance whose name I have forgotten, but connect with literature.  I ask if he has published anything lately.  He says that his work is not, and never can be, for publication.  Thought passes through my mind to the effect that this attitude might with advantage be adopted by many others.

Right?  Mark said “I’m sorry you’re sad you can’t write for those people.  But you can still write at home!  On your computer!”  True. 

Do you have a comfort book?  I once dated a guy who had a comfort movie.  Whenever he was feeling ill or down, he would watch Rudy.  The thought of it makes me snicker, and not in the kindest way.  Remember the scene – if you ever had the misfortune to watch said film – when all the players brought their jerseys to the coach.  “It’s for Rudy, Coach.” 

It just occurred to me: maybe I’m like Rudy.  I do have a lot of heart.  That’s depressing.

It also occurs to me that perhaps I just need an excuse, at this time of year, to have an emotional breakdown.  Remember last year?  When I had a complete breakdown at the fact that my printer wasn’t working and ended up sobbing, on the phone for hours with the Dell representative who kept speaking in soothing tones and asking if maybe I should get myself a drink of water and not to worry, he was going to to take care of everything?  I’m a mental case.

Not helping matters is the fact that we are all a tiny bit sick.  Nothing full blown, nothing major, but the boys both woke up Friday morning with slight runny noses.  Two things: a) that was fast, normally the first cold of the year occurs within the second week of school, not the second day, and b) five years old is NOT too young for a man-cold.  Jake became completely indignant that he was going to go to school, despite a tiny sniffle and slightly watery eyes.  “I can’t BELIEVE this,” he said, “This is the SECOND TIME I’ve gone to school like this!”  I related this amusing anecdote to my husband but ended up having to explain the concept of the man-cold to him, which was somewhat awkward.  I tried to make the explanation as general as possible.

And how was the first day of school?  It was excellent.  Both boys are, as anticipated, in the same class at school.  The benefits of this arrangement far outweigh the negatives, not the least of which is that I don’t have to be room parent for two separate classrooms and, with any luck, I will only receive ONE copy of all the notices that come home from school.  Also the boys are ecstatic to be together, and their teacher is fabulous, one in a million.

On the way home from dropping the boys at school, I saw a woman with a very small boy, standing on the sidewalk watching a wood chipper at work.  That brought me back, intensely.  I don’t know how many hours I spent watching various large machinery at work, boys in tow.  I don’t know how many times I would take them outside to watch the garbage truck pick up the trash, or watch sidewalk repairs, or to the nearby construction site where a large office building was being built.  “Diggies!  Diggies!  Happy!  Happy!” one-year-old Jake would say from the stroller, clapping his hands.  A gas station in our neighbourhood was demolished, and believe me, I spent days watching the machinery tear down the buildings and dig out the contaminated soil.  It got so that the crew would wave when they saw the three of us walking up the street.  My jeans would be caked with mud from carrying Jake, his muddy rubber boots bumping against my thighs.  I would be tired, so tired, but would stand there with my fascinated boys, daydreaming about other things.  And now we’re in a whole new chapter.

  

“What grade are you guys in?”

Updates and a meme!

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I feel like I, perhaps, left my dear readers hanging; I will make amends by updating you on the goings-on in the Boyhouse.

1) Mark has been using an inhaler for a week, and he has NOT COUGHED FOR A WEEK.  Happy coincidence?  Related: I have been sleeping uninterrupted through the night.  Not once have I woken up and listened to coughing for two hours!

2) I found a new esthetician.  I chose this particular place because of the incredibly convenient hours, but they also advertised “pain-free” waxing, of which I was deeply skeptical.  Now, you may or may not believe me, but the waxing was actually PAIN-FREE!  For every ending there is a beginning, I suppose. 

3) Related to aging and fleeting time:
 a) INXS’ “Devil Inside” was played on the local “oldies” station, and
 b) While in the pharmaceutical section of Wal-Mart, I noticed three ladies who appeared to be in their sixties giggling and talking to one another with regards to their favourite product.  The product in question?  Personal lubricant. 

I will leave it at that.

Marilyn over at A Lot of Loves tagged me in a meme, about seven posts that I’ve written.  I love memes!  I especially love them on Friday nights when I have a big glass of wine beside me.  I had to dig through a whole lot of archives, and discovered posts I had forgotten that I had even read!  But here goes!

Most Beautiful Post
This was tricky because I don’t tend to think I write particularly beautiful posts, but I do like this one about happiness with children (plus it has super cute pictures of my kids as babies!), and I also like this one about my very grumpy grandpa.

Most Popular Post
My post that has the most pageviews is this one, and I’m going to guess that its popularity is based on the fact that I reference “mom jeans”.  My second most popular post referenced Scaredy Squirrel, which just goes to show that in order to gain popularity you need name-drop a little. 

Most Controversial Post
I’m not huge on controversy around here, but my post on breastfeeding spurred some discussion.  Breastfeeding = controversy, AM I RIGHT?  If you want to ignite some flames, just bring up breastfeeding!  But I urge you, my dear readers, to always be kind, especially to hormonal and sleep-deprived new mothers who may, years later, still ache about certain memories.

Most Helpful Post
Oooh, this is a tough one.  I don’t feel my posts are particularly helpful OR informative, unless you want to commisserate about weird things.  However, here is my public service announcement about what NOT to say to pregnant women.  I urge you to read the comments. 

Post Whose Success Surprised You
Well, obviously the one about Scaredy Squirrel, because I discussed DEAD SQUIRRELS in my neighbourhood.  Not exactly that interesting.  Kind of revolting, really.  I was also surprised at the success of my varicose-vein stripping update, but I guess it was popular because I used the word “stripping” in the title.  I imagine the people who were googling “stripping” were probably somewhat disappointed when they ended up at my blog.

Post That You Didn’t Feel Got The Attention It Deserved
Hey, I’m just happy to be here.  I’m happy that people read my blog at all.  However, early on in my blogging days, I wrote this about Woodstock, Ann Landers, and Alice Munro, and I really liked it.

Post That You Are Most Proud Of
Honestly, I have no idea.  My favourite posts are always the ones leading up to Christmas, but I found this little gem in the archives.  It’s not exactly fine literature, but it pretty much sums up life in the Boyhouse.

Moose versus Caribou: The Untold Story

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Yesterday was what I will call a trying day.  My choice of activity for the gloomy day was not great: I decided to take the boys to the mall to buy four – FOUR – birthday gifts, and while there we stopped by the pet store to look at the various rodents for sale.  Much discussion ensued regarding hamsters, gerbils, and guinea pigs and the sort of pets that the boys would buy when they were grown up and could make their own decisions regarding pets, without the opinion of their mother who is firmly of the belief that ONE DOG IS MORE THAN ENOUGH.  Mark was extremely tired and when Mark is extremely tired, his behaviour exhibits a certain clinginess not usually seen.  I’m not exactly complaining – it’s not like the house was full of tantrums or tears or fights – but having someone within a two foot radius of me all day long is tiring.  Also tiring is answering the constant stream of questions, such as “If you were a waterfall, what waterfall would you be?  Would you be Takakkaw Falls or Bow Falls?” or “What hooved animal is your favourite?” or “What body of water do you like best?  Do you like lakes?  Or oceans?”  I strive to be an involved parent but really.  By the end of the day I felt like screaming “SHUT UP!  JUST STOP TALKING!  I DON’T KNOW IF I PREFER GRIZZLY BEARS TO BLACK BEARS!  I THINK HAMSTERS ARE EQUALLY AS CUTE AS GUINEA PIGS!”  But, despite my own exhaustion, I did not.  I did not because I know that this is the way Mark reacts when he is exhausted, and I also did not drink any alcohol, and because of those two things I think that maybe I deserve some sort of prize. 

Why were we both so tired, you may ask?  It’s because Mark had yet another of his middle-of-the-night two hour coughing fits.  It’s gotten to the point where it’s hard for me to remember what life was like before the cough.  But I’m optimistic that at some point in the near future, there may be an after the cough, since I have excellent news: I have found a doctor to replace my retiring doctor, we had an appointment today, and he has prescribed an inhaler for Mark!  This is momentous indeed.  It’s like I won the lottery.  I feel incredibly fortunate in a right-place-right-time sort of way, and also a tenacious keep-calling-until-someone-answers sort of way. 

So today, in contrast to yesterday, has been a glorious day.  We decided to take the train downtown to see my husband at his office building, which brings me to this: public transit is a funny thing.  The children think that the train is the greatest mode of transportation ever invented.  I, on the other hand, spent the train ride a) wondering just how many viruses were living on the rails and seats, and b) being amused at the conversation between the two young men who were discussing the comic book convention that they had recently attended, and their own ideas for future comic books. 

Well, it’s Friday.  I’m happily partaking in some Cabernet while my husband watches a television show on golf techniques and my children play what is possibly the loudest game ever, involving Hot Wheels cars and lots of cheerful screaming.  Just another Friday night.

Sloth and the Splash Pad – Summer of Awesome

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We have been on summer vacation for one week and we have turned into a slothful people.  This is why I don’t register the kids in any organized activities; we are too busy being completely lazy every morning to get anywhere.  I’m in my sweaty yoga clothes, drinking coffee and accomplishing nothing, until finally showering at 10:00, which sounds pretty benign until I realize I’ve been up for over five hours.  It’s all we can do to get organized enough to leave the house by early afternoon.  Mark has created a game he calls “Left Hook” which involves a chutes and ladders board, the corresponding superhero game pieces, sharks, and death.  This game goes on for hours.  HOURS.  Each morning he sets up the board and the boys are occupied for a very long time.  Jake joins in as well but alternates between Left Hook and his own complicated game that involves aliens, clay, and death.
The weather here has been so sunny and warm that I secretly wonder if I moved without knowing it.  I don’t THINK I did.  When it’s warm like this I have the frantic urge to seize the day and spend every second doing warm-weather activities, like swimming.  Not that I am swimming.  But I’m enjoying watching the kids swim.  I am also defiantly displaying my scarred, scarred legs. 
Outdoor pools are something of a novelty to me, since it is rarely so warm here that one would crave “cooling off” in a pool.  Mostly when it is warm I have the urge to become as hot and sweaty as possible in the hopes that I will store up the heat for when the weather turns.  There are a few outdoor pools here, and we have been enjoying them, by the time I pull myself together and get the kids in their suits and sunscreen.
Yesterday we went to an old favourite, a little wading pool that has been recently turned into a splash pad.  If you’re in the area, you should check it out with the following caveat: the recent refurbishment means that grass sod has been newly laid and so, in the spirit of following the signage to keep off the grass, there is very little space to lay out picnic blankets, although I’m sure that will sort itself out as the summer goes on.
The kids had a great time, despite being disappointed that their friends couldn’t join us due illness.  I managed to snap some super cute pictures; however, I was disappointed to discover that unfortunately I a) didn’t notice the moms in bathing suits standing behind the kids, resulting in mom bums in the background of most of the shots, and b) I don’t know how to photoshop things. 
I used little black stars to mask the moms behind Jake.  I AM CREATIVE.

Mark got soaked and then coughed for an hour. 
Oh, post-pneumonia-infection cough!  When will you leave?

Calgary may not be the prettiest city around, but look at that blue sky!  And look at me, wearing a bathing suit and NOT EVEN CARING ABOUT MY VERY SCARRED LEGS.
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As some of you have noticed, I have a new logo!  I love it so much.  My beautiful friend Tracy, over at makemesocial.com made it for me.  She’s creative and fabulous and she sees me every morning at 5:00 am and she LOVES ME ANYWAY.  Those are my feet, by the way!  Thanks Tracy – you’re the best, baby.  xoxo

Friday the 13th, and Privilege Problems

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I just realized, now, that it is Friday the 13th!  Maybe that explains things, and by things I mean my state of crossness and irritability, although I really think that my attitude is more likely attributed to my lack of sleep and excessive worry due to my son having pneumonia, rather than the date.  I have been extremely irritable and plagued with what I refer to as Privilege Problems.  Don’t worry!  I’m not about to complain that my personal chef has been using just too much asiago, or that my housekeeper has been cleaning the bathroom so frequently that she is going through an excessive amount of cleanser, or that my stylist keeps putting me in Michael Kors, when I just want vintage, dammit!  I just mean that I have been having problems that are not actually problems, but are instead irritants that seem exceedingly important, but really are not.
Nicole’s List of Not-Really-Problems
1)      It is two weeks until my next scheduled hair appointment, and yet my hair looks and feels like straw.  Orange straw.  I have an emergency box of temporary hair colour in my bathroom cupboard but can I actually use it with only two weeks to go until my appointment?  I don’t know.  I can’t decide.  I am going to see my in-laws next week, and I don’t really want to see them with straw-like, orange hair, but is it silly and/or bad for one’s hair to apply temporary colour two weeks before permanent colour?  I JUST DON’T KNOW.  I could dither about this all day long, but fortunately I have other things to think about.  Such as avoiding breakouts prior to next week. 
2)      A few weeks ago my husband had the snow tires taken off the car, and today he asked if I would take it in to get the tires retorqued.  This was completely unreasonable, given that, other than filling it with gas, car issues are HIS department.  I do not deal well with car issues, even ones as innocuous as getting the tires retorqued.  I have been known to burst into tears when the “washer fluid low” light comes on.  I cannot, and have never been able to open the hood on my car.  I did take the car in but felt tremendously resentful for the entire day.
3)      My kids are going to be in the same class next year.  This actually seems like it might be a real problem.  Due to the school board’s budget cuts, the class that Mark was supposed to be in was eliminated, and instead they are going to be together in a Grade 1-2 split class.  My options are to a) suck it up, b) place Jake in the Montessori Grade 1 class (our school has a Montessori stream along with the regular program), or c) switch schools.  Neither b nor c seem like viable options to me, so I guess I’m going with suck it up, buttercup.
To counteract my irritability, I am going to list off all of the happy things from the past couple of days.
Nicole’s List of Happy Things, Complete With Pictures
1)      I planted a few very hardy plants!  They look pretty and it was so lovely to dig in the dirt again after such a long, long winter.
Does it look like Mark is saying “That’s what she said?”  Or is it just me?
Flowers!
This is what happens when I ask them to look at me and smile.  It does not go well.
2)      The new dog groomer did a great job on Barkley, and was less expensive than our old groomer.  The consult wasn’t even something weird, like I had imagined, although on the topic of the dog’s face, the groomer asked if I would like for him to have a moustache.  I laughed, but realized quickly that this was not a joke.  Um, no thanks.
3)      Mark is coughing much less, thanks to the miracle that is antibiotics.  I may – MAY – even get some sleep tonight.  Then I will surely be less bitchy and irritable.  Surely.

Pneumonia! It’s pneumonia!

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So it turns out that Mark has pneumonia.  Pneumonia!  Here’s a tip for you: if you are ever feeling a little low on the mother guilt factor, try sending your child to school with pneumonia.  Mother guilt deficit erased immediately. 

I was speaking with my elderly neighbour about Mark’s chest x-rays, and she cheerfully replied, “Just be glad you live when you do, because kids used to die from pneumonia ALL THE TIME!”  Believe me, I am thankful every single day, for numerous reasons, that I live in the modern age, so I found that reminder unnecessary, although somewhat cheering.  I am a big believer in home remedies and natural remedies and vitamins and foods that heal, but I also love the miracle that is modern medicine. 

Speaking of modern medicine, Mark is already happy and on the road to good health, and he insisted on going to school today.  “I’m FINE, Mom, please stop asking” he sighed as I bustled around him, worrying and fretting and reassuring myself about his temperature.  I took him to school, not without phoning AND talking to his teacher in person, asking her to phone me if he even looked slightly listless.  Then I spent the morning checking my cell phone and rechecking my cell phone and phoning my husband to make sure the phone was still working.  It kind of reminded me of dating in the nineties.  “Is he going to call?  When is he going to call?  I have to go to the bathroom – what if he calls?  Did he call?”  What is dating like now?  Between texting, cell phones, email and Facebook, people are virtually connected all the time.  There are just so many ways to wonder if someone is going to call.

In the end, when I went to pick him up at lunch, Mark bounded out the door with no coat and no backpack, saying that he was going to go back after lunch and it was really too warm for a coat.  So it appears things are getting back to normal.  I’m looking forward to getting some normal sleep, although tonight is a school council meeting and that is never conducive to a good night’s sleep, unfortunately.

To calm my nerves this morning, I went to the garden centre, which is a place I should never be allowed to set foot in without supervision.  I now have a number of frost hardy plants sitting on my deck, just waiting to be planted.  Then I baked a giant pan of brownies, courtesy of Swistle, which are to be taken to the meeting tonight, and which turned out so well that I have been telling every random person I meet about them.  “Hey!  My kid has pneumonia!  But let me tell you about these brownies.”  I’m planning on adding them to my cooking blog, which right now has a terrific recipe for cinnamon bread, if you are looking for a great snack for kids. 

Now I’m off to my meeting where I am going to officially become the chair for the school council!  The chair!  Bossiness in action, let me tell you. 

Cheerful thoughts for a crappy weekend

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It has been a dull, dreary weekend.  It started for me at 6:20 am on Saturday when Mark woke me up with the words no one likes to hear, “Mom, I feel like I’m going to barf.”  Fortunately no barfing ensued, but unfortunately he spent the weekend feverish, lethargic, and without an appetite.  Then the snow continued to fall, the endless snow in this endless winter.  I feel like Laura Ingalls in The Long Winter but without the actual hardships; no one is starving, freezing to death, or spending days either grinding wheat to make bread or twisting hay into fuel to keep warm.  I’m actually wondering if the snow will never stop.  Maybe a woolly mammoth will take up residence in my yard.  That would be interesting, to say the least. 
So I spent much of the weekend monitoring Mark’s temperature, staring sadly at the grey sky and masses of snow and obsessively refreshing the online weather forecast, and wallowing around nursing hurt feelings from perceived slights by a variety of sources.  Poor me!  It was like a little black cloud was following me around, and I spent many hours in a state of gloom.  When I feel gloomy like this, there are a few ways for me to turn things around: wine, yummy food, and thinking of cheering things. 
Here are the cheering things from this weekend:
1)      Yesterday, while I was getting my roots done in the salon, the perky, very young new shampoo girl chatted with me about her weekend plans.  She was telling me that she was going to go dancing that evening, and then proceeded to ask me, startlingly, if I ever went to her favourite nightclub.  When I responded, she exclaimed “Why not?  It’s so fun and they play GREAT dance music!”  I refrained from mentioning that the last time I “went dancing” was the last time bodysuits and high-waisted coloured jeans were in style; likely I was wearing those with my Rachel haircut, drinking $3 triple vodka slimes.  Probably the dance music was along the lines of “I Like To Move It (Move It)” and “What Is Love (Baby Don’t Hurt Me)”.  She proceeded to discuss the pros and cons of clubbing: on the one hand, if you get there before ten o’clock you avoid the lineups, on the other hand, if you go that early then the dance floor is dead.  Just completely dead.  I had an image of me completely asleep in a corner by the time the club started shaking; besides which I have no idea what people actually wear to clubs anymore.  Maybe bodysuits and high-waisted coloured jeans are actually back in style.  Nonetheless, I did appreciate her high-energy chatter even if I felt like I was ninety years old.  What do the kids like to do on Saturday nights nowadays?  As it was, my husband and I watched The 40 Year Old Virgin, which never fails to make me laugh.  “Now you let your seed blossom into a plant.  Then you fuck the plant.”  Good times.
2)      My husband was watching golf this weekend, and the announcer said “I’ve really been impressed by the way he stroked it.”  I’m sure Clarence Carter was very pleased.  Ah, there’s nothing like sports related unintended sexual innuendo.  Of course there’s curling – “Hurry!  Hard!  Hard! HAAAARRRRRRRDDDD!  WHOA.  Whooooaaaa.” – and football – “Now that’s some really good penetration” – but golf, I find, is the most amusing.  On a non-sports-related front, a friend mentioned that he finds the new “chip” credit cards entertaining – “Just go ahead and stick it in the bottom”. 
3)      A friend of mine wrote an article about undergarments, specifically shapewear, and just casually mentioned that nothing gets between Oprah and her Spanx.  That image is alarming, to say the least, but in the cover photo of this month’s O Magazine, you can really tell that it’s true!  Ewww!
4)      It’s my birthday in four days!  I can hardly believe it because a) it’s really really cold, and b) I missed about a week, mentally, due to my surgery so I keep thinking it’s only March.  No.  It’s BIRTHDAY TIME!  I need to find myself a tiara and dust off my “IT’S MY BIRTHDAY” sandwich board.  As an early gift, my husband made me a mixed CD – a mix tape!  Squee! – and it’s chock full of my favourite types of music, including, but not limited to, the Tina and Ike version of Proud Mary and the song Baby Come Back.  You can blame it ALL ON ME.  I was wrong, and I just can’t live WITHOUT YOU! 
And now you can blame me for putting that song in your head.  Tell me some cheering things, come on, tell me something good!