Author Archives: Nicole Boyhouse

All The Appointments; Twelve Weeks In

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Last week my son had an appointment with an allergist, and the skin prick test did not indicate that he is allergic to the food that we thought caused a reaction a few weeks back. The next step is a blood test, and I have to schedule my own routine blood test, along with my mammogram, and all three guys have eye appointments this week and I have a dentist appointment THIS AFTERNOON and honestly, that would be an overwhelming number of things to do in normal times, let alone now.

I phoned the dentist on Friday, thinking that it would be several weeks before I got an appointment – my husband has one at the end of July – and when the woman on the phone said he can see you next week, how’s Monday afternoon I jumped on it without thinking. I shall report back.

Part of this is fear of the unknown; the lab services place is a gross petrie dish normally, what will it be like now? I’m trying to think optimistically that it will be BETTER, not worse, but still. Someone mentioned to me that with all the mask-wearing and hand-washing, it seems like an eternity since anyone’s had a common cold, and that is true. I cannot remember the last time I was sick, and one of the best things to come out of all this is that people who are sick – coughing and sneezing sick – are not generally going out in public. It was always a peeve of mine, when the children were small, that kids would end up at preschool VISIBLY ill, while their parents would say things like he was vomiting all day yesterday but drank water this morning, I’m sure he’s fine, and oh, it’s just a little bit of sniffles while their febrile child curled up on the circle mats, interrupted only to cough chestily. Now there is enormous peer pressure to keep everyone home, with nothing more than a seasonal allergy sneeze.

Anyway. So many appointments! After only going to the grocery store weekly, this feels like a lively and very busy runaround. So many places to go and things to do. It’s a ridiculous feeling, given what my normal pre-Covid life would have been like in June, although also not ridiculous, because things take so long to accomplish now, and will there be lineups, and should I take a book with me.

How am I possibly going to get back to the regular world? Slowly, I guess.

This week would have been my younger son’s grade nine graduation, and the mother of one of his friends organized an evening last week where the whole gang got together for photos. In a couple of weeks he will go to the school to pick up his yearbook and his certificate, and then it’s goodbye to junior high, I guess. It’s a small thing but still a thing, to be a little bit sad about. Online lessons seem to be wrapping up this week; they’ve gone as well as possible for my kids, every day is a gift, let us not wish our lives away BUT I am looking forward to the day that they are NOT doing online school.

Pandemic Reading

Speaking of landsliding and the kids getting older and I’m getting older too, I read this collection last week:

This is an interesting collection as it was written in 1974, so Alice Munro fans can see the change in style and prose. There is also an underlying counterculture theme in most of the stories, shown in descriptions of hair and clothing, as well as marital dichotomy.

I read this story, The Spanish Lady, when the kids were small and I remember gasping at this paragraph. I dog-eared the book and, coming across it again, I gasped. It is such a perfect description of mothering small children, and it is also a perfect description of motherhood for me now: all that time of care and confusion that seemed as it would never end seems as if it never was. 

LANDSLIDE, OMG, LANDSLIDE.

I have two new David Sedaris books to read: Naked and When You Are Engulfed In Flames, but I’m saving them. For what, I don’t know. Do you do this too? Do you “save” books for a certain time? Anyway, I reread this one last week while I drank copious amounts of coffee – to be possibly slightly regretted this afternoon when I’m having my dental scaling – and green smoothies.

The world does not need to read or hear about a privileged white woman’s outrage about current events and subsequent journey towards understanding and compassion, so I will spare you my thoughts. What I will say is that I acknowledge my extreme privilege and the fact that I have had little to no barriers or disadvantages in my life, and I understand that the world is full of barriers and disadvantages to other women of different races and backgrounds. The entire system is set up with barriers and disadvantages, which makes the reading of this book that much more poignant. This book is an incredible work of art, dealing with two sisters: one who follows Fate as it is determined for her and enters into an arranged marriage and subsequent move from Bangladesh to England to be a dutiful wife and mother, and one who enters into a “love marriage.” It is a gripping book about fate, love, sisterhood, and taking charge of your own destiny. Women are amazing, the world over. The world is full of incredible, strong women who do amazing things, and I am constantly humbled by that.

Yummy Things

There is no way to segue from Brick Lane to Yummy Things, but here we go.

I planted this herb garden a few weeks ago – a few? I have no idea when – including transplanting my grow-op cilantro. It is thriving and I love it. I have many plans for drying herbs and making my own mint extract, and meanwhile I made my very first homemade mojito on Friday.

I added way too much lime but still, it was good.

I bake snacks several times a week, but this was a new record: I took these blueberry-raspberry muffins out of the oven at 4:30 on Friday afternoon, and by 2:30 Saturday there was nothing but crumbs and a lone blueberry in the snack box.

Proof that there is always one spinach leaf that refuses to be blended.

What’s Blooming

The Mayday bloomed two weeks ago and is all finished now, leaving behind a lawn full of petals.

The snowdrop anenomes are waving in the wind.

The biggest of the elephant ears were not blooming, and then suddenly they did.

The roses are still just sticks that are turning slightly green, the hostas are making their way upwards, and, as usual, the neighbourhood is full of beautiful tulip blooms while mine are nothing more than mysteriously flopped foliage.

Pandemic Fitness

Lots of walks and runs this week; I love looking at other peoples’ gardens this time of year. My husband and I have also seen a few coyotes, along with coyote PUPS, the sight of which had us nervously looking around for Mama Coyote. This morning we saw both, but happily Mama was eating what appeared to be a dead squirrel – yay Mama! – and was therefore too occupied to notice us.

Happy June, everyone! xo

A Very Fuzzy Birthday; Eleven Weeks In

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Every single time I water my outdoor garden containers, an incredible storm rolls in, complete with hours of pouring rain. It feels symbolic, but I can’t quite make the leap.

It has been a dreadful week for news, which I am not going to go into. The bright spot is that Covid cases are on the decline in Alberta, and that last week’s recoveries outweighed the new cases. We are still in Stage One of reopening, and for the Boyhouse, this means that we have been slowly getting back into the world with medical appointments. The guys all have eye appointments next week, and I had my annual physical last week; that was pretty exciting, to have a reason to put on a real bra instead of a yoga tank. Next up: blood work and a mammogram! I haven’t scheduled them yet because the idea of Doing Things is still pretty exhausting. Although, never have I ever gone for my physical and immediately just walked into the room, with no waiting, as happened last week. I should probably get all these things done while it’s still quiet. I’d like to get my dental appointments in too, but that seems like a bridge too far right now.

When you were a kid, how often did you go out for dinner? In terms of sit-down restaurants, for me, it was almost never. Occasionally we would get Dairy Queen dinners, maybe once or twice a month, but as for an actual restaurant, it might have been annually or semi-annually. I wonder if we are going to see a step change in consumption patterns; I wonder if restaurants are going to become the special treats they were for me, back in the Eighties. I wonder if shopping is going to change and we are going to buy new things for Christmas and birthdays only, and maybe Back to School, GOD HELP ME THERE HAS TO BE A BACK TO SCHOOL AT SOME POINT.

I wonder about travel, and how that will change, and what will be the impact on countries for which the travel industry has done more for their economies than any other industry combined. I wonder what will happen for my kids when they are old enough to fly the nest and get jobs; will they have careers, where will they go and what will they do.

Well. None of us know what the future will bring, and in the meantime, we celebrated a very fuzzy birthday this weekend. Barkley, a.k.a. Bokey, Bokey Boy, Boke Boke, Bokeroo, Barks, the Barkster, Barkles, Puppy, Puppy Pup, Mr. Fuzzy, Fuzzy Fuzz, Silly Billy, turned twelve. There is something very heart-wrenching about having a dog turn twelve; it’s a reminder that you don’t have much time left and every day is a gift. Hopefully we have lots of time left, and in the meantime, he enjoyed lots of treats, the slowest walk ever where we patiently allowed him to sniff Every Single Spot Another Dog Has Ever Peed On Ever, and a ton of attention which he didn’t understand but I’m sure he liked.

Pandemic Reading

My dear friend Taryn (HI TARYN) lent me this book MONTHS ago; I set it on my shelf and – shamefully – forgot about it. What a pleasure this was to read; it is one of the best books I have read ever. Linked short stories – my favourite – about a girl of Jamaican descent growing up in Toronto, with underlying themes about belonging, community, and mother-daughter relationships. It is so rich and wonderfully written; I can’t stop thinking about it. You could probably write an entire dissertation on every character in this book.

This was one of my favourite books growing up and I can really see why. It is the ultimate “Bloom Where You’re Planted” book; the underlying theme is that no matter your circumstances, you can be a princess. A princess is what you are inside, in the best way possible. In this case, being a princess means treating others with respect, politeness, kindness, and generosity, regardless of how they treat you. Sara is a very wealthy young girl who has been sent to boarding school, while her father goes back to his work as a colonel in India. He loses his fortune and dies – of jungle fever – and the mistress of the boarding school takes that opportunity to make Sara into a slave who lives in the attic of the school. Eventually, through serendipitous twists and turns, all turns out well. It is a children’s book after all, albeit one that deals with child malnutrition and exposure, and physical abuse. As any book written in the Victorian age, it is a product of its time, so in the background there are many ugly things like colonialism and a crushing class system; it shows the terrible way impoverished children – particularly orphans – were treated by society.

I have a theory that Burnett readers either love A Little Princess or they love The Secret Garden, but they can’t love both. It’s very true for me, I have tried many times to read The Secret Garden but I’ve never made it past the first chapter.

More Alice Munro! Love her.

Yummy Things

Because it was Barkley’s birthday, I baked these “pupcakes” (thanks Lyn for the name suggestion! HI LYN) for the humans in the family. While looking for these dog face sprinkles at Superstore, I noticed that cake mixes are the new thing to be gone off the shelves. The baking aisle has tons of flour, and even some yeast, but the shelves holding cake mixes were completely empty. Has everyone given up on bread baking and moved on to cake making? I fully support your baking journeys.

We are trying to support as many Canadian wineries as possible; my husband’s lifelong friend – and, in fact, the friendship goes back generations as their grandfathers and fathers were both grape growers and lifelong friends – is a winemaker at Vineland Estates, which makes the BEST Cab Franc you have ever had. Seriously, it is the best. It’s tricky to get wines through the provinces, but there are (legal) ways to do this, and, long story short, I now have three cases in my basement. Or, as our winemaker friend says, 36 days worth.

Supporting Canadian wineries! It’s a hard job but someone has to do it, so I shall take it on myself.

Pandemic Fitness

The May walk/ run challenge is now over, and I clocked 257.6 kilometres for the month – mostly walking, but lots of running too. I’m very happy with that.

Other things to be happy about: today I went to Costco and hardly had to wait five minutes to get in the store, they are handing out masks to unmasked people at the door, and I saw a woman wearing a mask adorned with sequins. Sequins! It was very Pandemic at the Disco, and I like it. Hope you are all having a good week, stay safe, stay healthy. xo

Nicole’s Favourite Things: The Pandemic Beauty Edition

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All of the Zoom meetings, and Houseparty virtual wine evenings, and Facetime conversations have reminded me of a conversation I had a few years ago with an older, female member of my husband’s family. Someone had introduced her to the concept of the selfie, and so in an attempt to join in to Selfie Land, she merely flipped her camera and snapped a photo. Just snapped a photo, no lighting, no angles, just a photo taken close-up as she looked down at the phone. MERCY.

This woman told me how depressed and sad she was after viewing the photo; she had been quite a looker in her youth, and to see herself in such a state, well. I reassured her that NO ONE looks like that, and in order not to spiral into depression about one’s appearance, one must NEVER look at the camera in the way she did. Shoot from above, for the love of god, shoot from above.

As a digression, a while back – weeks? who knows, time has no meaning – Suzanne (HI SUZANNE) asked how to tell if the Facial Hair Situation needs to be Dealt With and I can say that there are two ways: the first is as described above, an unflattering, close-up, harshly lit, unfiltered selfie. The other way is not for the faint-hearted, and that is to buy a 10x magnifying mirror with a “daylight setting.” If you do take this course of action, it’s helpful to remember a) that no one ACTUALLY sees you in 10x magnification with ultra-bright lighting, and b) to look at your face dispassionately section by section, rather than as a whole. Those two tips will help you from spiraling into sadness after viewing your previously-just-fine face which has been revealed to have woolly, errant eyebrows and uneven skin tone, not to mention imperfections and blemishes you didn’t know you had. Well, as my friend Carmen (HI CARMEN) once said about her junior-high lip synch and dance routine to Opposites Attract captured forever on VHS, it keeps you humble.

Anyway, back to the accidental selfie. I have been thinking about that interaction a lot these days when having my virtual meetings/ wine parties/ coffee dates, as I adjust my phone and tablet constantly to get a good angle, and the right lighting, and still, sometimes, I look at my face staring back at me and it’s like I’m looking at the Crypt Keeper. Is that what I look like, Jesus take the wheel. I know some of us have been using this Pandemic and Time of Isolation to Throw Off The Shackles Of Modern Beauty Standards, but I find I have been the opposite. Which means it’s time for…

Nicole’s Favourite Things: The Pandemic Beauty Edition

As a note, with one exception, I purchased all of these items on my weekly shop to Superstore; and of course, no one is paying me to write about these things, I just love them.

Mascara

With the wearing of masks, mascara has taken on much greater importance to me than before. Now that I’m not wearing lipstick to the stores, and, indeed, with my entire lower face covered, I want to make sure my Smizing is working for me. Longtime readers will know that I have long been a fan of The Falsies by Maybelline mascara, and I still am. Loyal to the core, that’s Taurean me. But near the beginning of the Pandemic, Superstore was OUT OF THE FALSIES. This was a one-off occurrence and it was back on the shelves the following week, but since it was the beginning of the Pandemic, I had the kind of mental spiral that we can all relate to, thinking that this was going to be one of those shortages no one talks about, and I would never get my mascara again. So I panic-bought The Falsies Lash Lift, and I will say it’s pretty good too.

Lash Lift is, cost-wise, 50% higher than The Falsies, which seems extreme from a percentage point of view, but in actual dollar terms it isn’t much; this is not an expensive mascara. The difference would be less than a cost of a latte, or around the value of my annual Child Benefit. I don’t think I’ll buy it again, though, I still prefer the less-expensive Falsies.

It is REALLY hard to take a photo of mascara without getting those Cora-From-Downton Crazy Eyes.

Wrinkle Fighting

With the wearing of masks, my forehead – the bane of my existence – has become front and centre, attention-wise. But let’s be clear, when one is in their mid-forties, one can expect some marionette lines, wrinkles around the eyes and forehead, and less elasticity than before, even for those of you with perfect skin. I love the Neutrogena Rapid Repair line; it contains Retinol and Hyaloronic Acid and other things that will make your skin tingle until you are used to them. The Rapid Tone Repair is great for uneven skin tone and wrinkles, and at night I use the Rapid Wrinkle Repair on my forehead and around my eyes. I think it actually is helping, but the economist and statistician in me think it’s impossible to tell without a control, etc., and every day that goes by ages us, so how can we ever tell, let’s just hope this works.

It’s that time of year when I’m outside for many hours in a day, and nothing, NOTHING, is so aging and wrinkle-inducing as the sun. If you, like me, derive great pleasure from the outdoors and turning your face to the sun, it is very prudent to have a good sunscreen, from a skin cancer prevention perspective, as well as a wrinkle prevention one.

I love this sunscreen because it doesn’t make me all shiny and greasy.

For the last couple of years, I have been using The Body Shop Chinese Ginseng and Rice mask twice a week. It’s exfoliating and brightening, and I love it. It also tingles when you wear it, and it looks ridiculous, but it really works. I am sure you can order this online, and sometimes The Body Shop has a Buy Three Get The Fourth For Free promotion, but that’s a pretty big gamble if you’ve never tried it before. I usually partake in their promotion in January of every year, and so I have a stockpile in my bathroom cupboard.

Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful.

Don’t Despair About Your Hair

Ooooh, this is the big one. I feel fortunate in that I was Thinking About Growing Out My Hair for a long time, and this whole Quarantine and Isolation has really taken the decision out of my hands. I have written already about my hair colouring adventures, so I won’t bore you with it. Let’s just say I am THRILLED with the results and I honestly am not sure if I’ll ever go back to salon colouring.

Garnier Belle Colour is the brand I have been using, not for any particularly well-researched or thought out reason, but because when my mother called me, back in March, to tell me that salons would be closing and we talked about home hair colour, she said “That will probably be the NEXT thing that there will be a run on!” and people, I panicked. I panicked so much that, even though I had a few glasses of wine in me – it was a Friday – my husband drove me over to the neighbourhood Shopper’s and I literally ran in, scanning all the colours until I found one that pretty much matched me. Let me tell you, it is not that easy to match a red. This was one of the only reds on the shelf and so I grabbed a few boxes. I’ve been so happy with it, and I’m even more so today because yesterday I was at Superstore and not only was it on sale for $4.98 per box, I also got PC Optimum points for the purchase.

It’s super easy to use and non-drippy, and it also makes my hair feel so soft and full.

For the week before colouring, I love these spray root cover-ups. My darling friend Allison (HI ALLISON) sent me the one on the right years ago, but Shopper’s also had the one on the left in stock. Again, if you don’t have red hair it’s probably much easier to find a match, but these colours seem to be the Snuffalupagus of root sprays.

I generally wash my hair every other day – and bun it up on the non-wash days – but because of a few factors I now wash it three days a week. Wednesdays are grocery days and they are also the day that I am going two days between washing, and so I need a dry shampoo. I’ve tried a few but they all turn my hair GREY, which, why am I even colouring it if I’m going to have it grey, but this L’Oreal one does not. I think the one less shampoo probably helps with colour fade as well.

Tell me: do you have any beauty tips and tricks for this Pandemic time? Do tell. xo

Grievances, Big and Small; Ten Weeks In

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Big Grievance: Masks

Despite my diatribes about shopping carts, I like to think that I am a very open-minded person. Unless a person is blatantly racist, misogynistic, homophobic, or similar, I am usually able to see things from their point of view, even if I disagree, be it about politics, parenting, books and movies, or moustaches.

Small grievance digression: the boys are STILL sporting moustaches, and have no intentions of shaving “until this is all over” which, really, is so vague as to make me believe that I am going to be looking at Ned Flanders/ Errol Flynn facial hair until the end of time.

Anyway, back to the big grievance. I have a policy not to get into arguments online; such arguments are futile and pointless and only lead to bad feelings. Generally speaking, no online argument has ever changed anyone’s mind and it only serves to fuel feelings of frustration about ignorance and the state of the world. However, a woman who I know vaguely through the yoga community posted a link about Costco requiring masks to shop at its warehouses, with the caption “Not a chance! I will stop shopping there if they push me to wear a mask. How ridiculous!” The comments – don’t read the comments, people – were supportive of this anti-mask stance, in that “we have to stand up for our rights!” Our rights to shop at Costco maskless? I guess.

At this point I wasn’t trying to start an argument, I was curious. Why though? Why no mask? Was there an actual physical issue that precludes mask-wearing? What is the big deal? I equate stores requiring masks with the ubiquitous No Shoes, No Shirt, No Service policy; I really wanted to know her reasoning.

The answer, such as it was, that it was she did not think that masks are useful and that she believes in her right to choose.

Her right to choose, as if this was an abortion issue, not a let’s-wear-masks-during-a-global-pandemic-for-an-hour-to-buy-groceries issue.

Also, you know who DOES think mask-wearing is useful? The entire medical community.

I pressed on a little, and kept getting comments that “people’s rights are being taken away” and “this was oppression,” which, really. Oppression. Rights being taken away. If wearing a mask indicates one’s level of oppression and lack of human rights, then one is living a very charmed and lucky life. Imagine equating a mask with oppression. Imagine talking to a woman from, say, Iran about your rights being taken away.

All this from a yoga teacher, who should, by all definitions, be concerned about the more vulnerable in our society and who also would require people visiting her studio to remove their shoes upon entering. Even in my old stroke survivor yoga class, students removed their shoes upon entering the studio, the only exception being a person who was in a scooter and whose feet never touched the floor. If we yoga teachers can require shoe removal as a sign of respect and cleanliness, then I think we could also put something over our noses and mouths in a time where an extremely contagious respiratory virus is rampant.

Well, I don’t unfriend people easily – it took me twelve years to unfriend my cousin who constantly spewed anti-vaccination information and promoted his diet as precluding the need for vaccinations and modern medicine – but this was a no-brainer. I have no time for this. However, there is always a bright side. Based on the people who are going to boycott Costco for mask requirements, there should be fewer people in the queue to get in; fewer STUPID and SELFISH people in the queue. Oppression of human rights indeed.

(I don’t know who to credit for this image but I like it)

Small Grievance: Child Benefit

I do not ever apply for the Canada Child Benefit while filling out my tax return. As far as I can see, I do not qualify for anything, which is perfectly fine, of course. So when I received an envelope from Revenue Canada, I stared at it before opening. Did I file something wrong? Nothing strikes fear in the heart quite like an unexpected envelope from Revenue Canada. What I found inside was startling: my Child Benefit had been calculated, and my annual entitlement was to be deposited into my account shortly. My annual entitlement of $3.28.

$3.28! I’m sure the costs of calculation, mailing, and depositing far exceeded that amount, but okay. Maybe I’ll treat myself to a very small latte, or a block of tofu and a pack of gum.

Very Small Grievance: Rogue Spinach Leaves

Every day I make myself a green smoothie and every day, every single day, there is one spinach leaf that gets stuck on the side of the blender and refuses to be a part of it. That is, when I’m lucky it’s stuck on the side of the blender; sometimes it drops into the smoothie, unperceived by me until I drink it and get a soft, weird-tasting leaf in my mouth.

I’ve tried everything, and still, one leaf.

Not Really A Grievance: Goutweed

My very lovely elderly neighbour, many years ago, transplanted and watered a particularly invasive and ugly non-variegated variety of goutweed in the space between our houses. She is unable to do yardwork now, and the goutweed had spread and grown and started to choke out our shrubs and the variegated, snow-on-the-mountain goutweed that was also growing in that space. It had also started to creep into one of my gardens, and something had to be done. The boys and I spent two and a half hours yesterday digging it out. Have you ever tried to dig out goutweed? There is a reason it is used as an aggressive groundcover. As I said, this is not really a grievance, as I really enjoy this type of work, and it was a Project that was Very Satisfying to complete. My muscles are a TINY bit sore though; apparently goutweed can be used medicinally for inflammation. This seems like the ultimate irony.

Pandemic Reading

If we want to talk about oppression…this book deals with an “honour killing.” It’s quite fascinating and explores a community in which rules are rigid and women’s rights are non-existent.

A woman deals with her nasty husband’s sudden and extreme spiritual awakening; this book is very witty and also ended much differently than I thought it would, which I genuinely like.

This was okay, a light weekend-style read.

Yummy Things

Other than yesterday, the week was cold and rainy, which I usually find Oppressive Like Masks, but for some reason I instead found the rain to be energizing and invigorating. I went for walks in the rain – what have I become – and I leaned in hard to Cozy Rainy Day activities. I made three different kinds of ice cream – mint, strawberry, and vanilla caramel swirl – baked a lot, and made jam.

Also, three perfect avocados! At the same time!

Our Sunday dessert was chocolate-dipped strawberries, a very nice treat after all that digging.

Pandemic Fitness

My Sunday walk took me to the university; I hadn’t been on campus since 1998, and I was surprised to see so many changes, so many new and beautiful buildings. It was good to see my old stomping grounds to be basically unchanged – except for the absence of the Prairie Chicken! – and just as ugly as it used to be. Ah, I can feel the dinginess of those windowless offices just by looking at this.

Never did I think I would become a woman who would wear her son’s outgrown windbreaker to run in the drizzle, but here we are.

I hope you are all having a fabulous, unoppressed week. Fight the power! xo

We Are All On Edge

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One of the benefits of having a personal blog for twelve years (twelve years! Egads.) is that people really know where I stand on important issues. It is no secret that I have Very Strong Feelings about Returning Shopping Carts, and so when several friends pointed out the above Shopping Cart Theory, I had to smile and agree.

Then, of course, because it’s the internet, and because people are humourless and self-righteous, there was some uproar about the Shopping Cart Theory. It’s ableist! It’s not fair to judge people based on a single action!

And to this I sigh deeply. In terms of ableism, I think it is IMPLIED that if a person is physically – or mentally, I will include mentally because I know there are some women who suffer post-partum depression and damn if shopping with very young children isn’t trying enough, sometimes it’s just as much as you can do to just buckle those kids back into the car seat and drive away without having a complete breakdown – unable to return a cart, that person is exempt from the Shopping Cart Litmus Test. We who believe in this test are not monsters who believe that the world is black and white, and that people with physical disabilities are bad people because they cannot return their shopping carts, my god. I think with everything that it is implied that there are going to be some very good exceptions to the rule; a lot of places offer carry-out groceries, but some don’t, and OKAY, FINE. There are people for whom it is not physically POSSIBLE to return a shopping cart, yes, and for those people I would take that cart back myself, we after all must look after each other in our society, but I have a hard time believing all those carts scattered through the Costco parking lot are a result of physical disability. In fact, the carts that are specifically dragged up over the curb and onto the median and left there are done by people who have much more strength than I do, and I am physically fit. Have you ever TRIED to pull a cart up over a sharp curb? Doing so requires much more effort and physical strength than wheeling it back to the carrel. Plus, those medians are there for the physically disabled to use, as a safe walkway for those with walkers or wheelchairs, and so I very much doubt that the physically disabled are a) able to transport a cart in such a way, and b) would do so in order to sabotage their own well-being.

Second, in terms of judging people based on their actions, well. What else are we judged for if not our actions? I agree that some rhythm can be given for first offences, after all, we all make mistakes. I once screamed Don’t ever fucking call here again, you piece of garbage to a telemarketer who had phoned and asked for my husband several times in a two-day span, without compassionately considering that this was his job, such as it was, and that we all need to feed our families, and he was merely a cog in the giant wheel of telemarketing, not the perpetrator of the industry. So yes, perhaps we should not immediately jump to conclusions about whether or not a person is a good or bad member of our society, but still. If a person rarely or never returns a cart? Well. I think we all know what my thoughts are.

What about the argument that leaving shopping carts willy-nilly pell-mell in the parking lot supports the creation of jobs, in that there are people whose job it is to collect carts and bring them into the store, and that returning carts to the carrel would unemploy those people? That point of view is stupid and I reject it completely. Sure, there are people whose job it is to clean bathrooms and to collect garbage, but does that mean that we should all defecate on the floor and throw our garbage everywhere? NO IT DOES NOT. That would be STUPID, as well as INCONSIDERATE, GROSS, AND DISGUSTING. The people whose job it is to collect the carts can just as easily be employed by bringing the carts from the carrel to the store, and in taking your cart back, you are actually making a person’s job easier.

All of which is to say I applaud those companies that implement coin-operated carts as people obviously require financial rewards, rather than spiritual ones, at least in this lifetime. It is a depressing, yet accurate observation.

Whew. I was not even planning on talking about that today, let alone diving into Our Collective Contributions To The Societal Good, but here we are. Yesterday I was at Superstore, where, thank god, they have coin-operated shopping carts and so my faith in humanity isn’t eroded on a weekly basis, at least in terms of shopping carts, but slightly in terms of What Are We Even Doing. Despite the diatribe above, I try, oh my god do I try, I try all the time not to judge. And so when I saw a couple – perhaps in their fifties, certainly not what I would consider aged – shopping, I did try to think that maybe there was a Very Good Reason they were shopping together, despite the myriad signs requesting only one shopper per household wherever possible. Perhaps it was not possible. Perhaps something is going on that I don’t know about. This couple, despite all the many, many signs and the very regular reminder over the loudspeakers that there is one single line for checkout and to please wait for the Superstore employee to tell you what till to approach and when, marched right over to Till 7, and prepared to unload.

And may I take this opportunity to say that this is a VERY good policy in these Pandemic Times. It is efficient, and safe, and allows for sanitization and social distancing and all those other things that are currently of Utmost Importance, and I applaud Superstore for the implementation of this policy, as well as their coin-operated shopping carts.

The very lovely young woman in charge politely asked them to go back to the line – not even to the back of the line, just to the starting point – at which the man, who happened to be unmasked and standing a little too close to the lovely young woman, began speaking in a very loud and sharp manner about the injustice of it all. The lovely young woman then pointed out that he could now go to Till 4, as it had just been cleaned, at which point the man continued to grumble very loudly about this policy which he didn’t know about, how was he supposed to know, and what difference could it possibly make what till he went to, he was going to talk to management.

SIR, HAVE YOU READ THE NEWS LATELY OR PERHAPS TURNED ON YOUR RADIO?

Well. People are on edge. I smiled at the lovely young woman, when it was my turn, insomuch as one can smile while wearing a mask. I complimented her hair, which is truly beautiful, long and golden blonde and always in a thick braid. I hope that her day went well, or, at least, that she is now deadened to the stupid actions of people who do not listen to loudspeakers or read signs or follow the simplest of rules.

Don’t Call Us, We’ll Call You; Nine Weeks In

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Things have been starting to open up around here, in a slow way and with many rules and restrictions in place. Last Monday (Monday? I think? All the days blur together.) I received a phone call, which, if it’s not a telemarketer or an automated voice telling me that I haven’t paid my taxes and someone is on their way to arrest me, is rare. But happiness of happiness, it was the orthodontist office calling to make an appointment for my younger son to come in on the very first day that the office opened, which happened to be Thursday. I was so happy to hear from her; in the very least, I would not have to resort to DIY orthodontia for his loose bracket.

A few weeks ago, when May 14 was given as the date that dentists, orthodontists, and other medical professionals could re-open their offices, I called the orthodontist only to get an answering service saying please don’t call us, we will call you. I resigned myself to many weeks more of Not Going To The Orthodontist, and so this phone call and ensuing appointment was pretty unexpected and exciting.

We were emailed a long list of instructions as to visiting the office, as well as a form that my son had to fill out indicating that he has no Covid symptoms, he is not being tested for coronavirus, has not been out of the country or in contact with anyone being tested, symptomatic, or out of the country, etc., etc. I went through the instructions with my son, who wondered he was part of a drug deal or maybe an undercover sting operation, rather than a simple orthodontist appointment, which, well. I get it. He was to come through the back door, alone, and masked. I was to call from the parking lot to let them know we had arrived and await their instructions as to when he could approach the door. I was to wait in the car for him, and he came back with stories of hand-and-mouth sanitizing and a hand-written note saying that the next appointment would be in 6-8 weeks and don’t call them, they’ll call me.

My big question was – and still is – when will we be Done With Orthodontia, and the answer is Who Knows. The orthodontist told my son he’s Getting Close, but he’s been saying that he’s Getting Close for many months now, so this is not indicative of anything at all. My experience with orthodontists is that they give constant false hope as to when braces will be removed. My older son’s orthodontist said “another four to six months” basically after every appointment; this new orthodontist doesn’t seem to give that kind of information. It’s just Getting Close.

Well, it doesn’t really matter, does it. The upside of distance learning and my incredibly truncated teaching schedule is that when I’m making appointments for the orthodontist, or anything else, for that matter, I don’t have to think about timing; how to schedule without missing important classes, how to squeeze in an appointment between my classes and my son’s, how to juggle everything. We are going nowhere and doing nothing, so we can take any spot available.

I had a really lovely long weekend. The weather was gorgeous, I was able to get in a lot of gardening, walks, and general outside time, and we had a (socially distanced, don’t judge) visit with my parents, who I have missed very much. The boys and I hadn’t seen them since February, and my husband hadn’t seen them since Christmas. It felt wonderful and almost normal, and it was a reminder to me that there are many joys to be found in our lives. I have been thinking about that a lot lately, but it will have to wait for another post.

Pandemic Reading

This book was beautifully written, very rich and layered, and yet I will not give it an across-the-board recommendation. It is VERY sad and also potentially very triggering. It deals with a woman in two time periods: 2000 and 2017, and this woman had what is referred to as “an affair” with her 42-year-old teacher, at age 15. There are many facets to this story, and it is all very sad and kind of terrifying too; the book is worth reading, absolutely, it feels like an important book, but I am putting a lot of caveats out here.

After I read My Dark Vanessa, I desperately needed a palate cleanser, and who better than Nora Ephron? This is my second-favourite book of hers, and it is one that you a) do not have to think much about and b) is cheerful and chatty.

Yummy Things

It was my mother’s birthday just after Mother’s Day, and so I took her a cake. This is a chocolate layer cake with raspberry filling and chocolate ganache, and it’s VERY good. It is also vegan, and I’m really glad I took a photo because the two hour car ride to my parents’ place was not kind to it. By the time we got there the little blobs of frosting on the top had melted a bit and the raspberries had fallen off. Still, it was delicious.

Pandemic Fitness

Since the weather has been great, I’ve been really enjoying my runs and walks. I mean, look at that blue sky!

I hope you all had a lovely long weekend, and have some yummy things coming your way today! xo

Pandemic Mother’s Day and Panic; Eight Weeks In

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I had to physically go to my calendar and count, because it seemed wrong today; eight weeks? This is the ninth week now? The calendar has reassured me that yes, those are the numbers we are working with today. Eight weeks in quarantine, or, semi-quarantine, I guess. Can you say you’re in quarantine if you are the designated grocery shopper and prescription picker-upper? In any case, we have just completed our eighth week of *gestures widely* all this.

You may have been in lockdown mode for a while when you start having serious kitchen dance parties with a carrot.

You may also have been in lockdown mode for a while when you start reorganizing and cleaning your spice cupboard, when you decide that you must move all the living room furniture to clean underneath it where the Roomba can’t go, and when you go into an incredible panic spiral when baking powder becomes unavailable.

Here’s the thing: I have baking powder. I buy it at Costco and so I always have backup. But for some reason, the lack of baking powder on the shelves, even though I do not currently need baking powder and in fact it will be a while before I do actually run out of baking powder, has me completely Panicking At The Disco. The Carrot Disco, if you will. I started to search up substitutions for baking powder and discovered cream of tartar, mixed with baking soda, can be effectively used, and so I started adding cream of tartar to Every Online Shopping Order. At one point, my husband asked me to please stop, we surely have enough cream of tartar, which – prior to the Pandemic At The Disco – I only ever used to make play dough. It has been a while, dear reader, since I made play dough.

I felt powerless to stop my quest for baking powder. I came across this article – What a Starvation Experiment Reveals About 2020 Food Insecurity – and it is fascinating. I had read about that experiment before, in terms of how food restriction permanently shifts your brain chemistry and behaviour, and it is fascinating to think that one day in the far future, we might still be trolling aisles and grabbing desperately for yeast and flour and toilet paper and – in my case – baking powder. What is this Pandemic doing to our brains and behaviour patterns? The economist in me will be interested in future studies, but meanwhile, if anyone needs me, I’ll be in the kitchen mixing 3/4 teaspoon of cream of tartar with 1/4 teaspoon baking soda.

Another thing that has been absent from grocery shelves for weeks is sauerkraut. This is not something that affects me personally as I am not a fan of sauerkraut in the least, but my husband and younger son enjoy it, and one of the lunches they have been making recently is corned beef Reuben sandwiches. They were down to their last forkful of sauerkraut, and at that time it had been completely unavailable for three weeks, but my darling friend Denise – HI DENISE – came through and gave us a jar.

How was your Mother’s Day? After a few weeks of gorgeous weather, it turned cold and snowed a bit, so naturally I went to the garden centre Sunday morning to buy a few plants. I figured there would be very few people there and I was right. Traditionally this is my Mother’s Day gift – plants – but the boys also surprised me with popcorn and a viewing of my favourite movie, When Harry Met Sally, on Saturday night. We had a barbeque Sunday, and a nice family walk, and altogether it was a lovely, if cold, day.

Pandemic Reading

This is the sequel to Lives of the Saints, and I read it shortly after studying Lives of the Saints in first year university. I must have blocked it out. It’s a very dreary book and very sad; if you are in the market for a lot of brooding and a quest for belonging, then this is the book for you.

I read this for my long-defunct book club back in 2003, and it’s still a really wonderful read; a lovely celebration of womanhood and sisterhood. I really enjoy reading books that delve into a female point of view of a traditionally male story; this is a Biblical re-imagining around the story of Jacob and Joseph.

I loved this book when it first came out and I can see why: it’s a fascinating story about the Russian pairs skaters Gordeeva and Grinkov. There is a lot of detail about how the Soviets identified and trained young athletes, and then how lives changed with the breakup of the USSR. It’s a love story, of course, but if you are interested in figure skating, it is fascinating from that point of view.

I have been reading one Mary Oliver poem a day, just before I start my yoga practice. I limit myself to just one poem and then I think about it all day; her poetry is beautiful and uplifting.

Pandemic Fitness

It’s been a good week for walks and runs, and I bought some new running shoes, curbside, from The Tech Shop. They were having an insanely good sale, and while it was a bit disappointing that the only colour they had in the shoes that I like was exactly the same as my old shoes, the new ones are so nice and cushy.

I hope you all are still well. Stay safe! xo