Sally: Which am I? Harry: Oh, you’re the worst kind. You’re high maintenance, but you think you’re low maintenance. Sally: I don’t see that. Harry: You don’t see it? Waiter, I’ll have the house salad, but I don’t want the regular dressing. I want the balsamic oil and vinegar. But I want it on the […]
When I am an old woman
April 5, 2011 by 11 Comments
When I am an old woman, I will wear an excessive amount of Chanel Number 5. I will wear thick, bright layers of lipstick that will feather and bleed into my papery skin. I will make wildly inappropriate jokes and sexually harrass all the male orderlies at the home and earn the reputation of being […]
STRIPPING! Boom chicka wah wah! UPDATE
April 2, 2011 by 12 Comments
So here’s what you may not know about getting your varicose veins stripped: it really, really hurts. I know! News flash! But honestly, I was unprepared for how much it would hurt and how difficult it would be to walk afterward. I am happy to tell you that today I am moving around and even […]
I Also Hate Camping
March 10, 2011 by 5 Comments
Two days ago, Jake and I were driving home from the grocery store when it appeared that my street was underwater. An enormous ark-like flood of muddy water filled my street, and my first thought was that it didn’t seem warm enough to melt that much snow, when I noticed that the water was bubbling […]
I’m Back and I’m Stylish!
February 27, 2011 by 8 Comments
I was vacationing in California for ten days, escaping the frigid cold back home. However, since cold follows me like a puppy, temperatures were far below normal in Palm Desert and Anaheim, where I was. Almost everyone I et commented on the absurdly cold weather, but since it was still comparable to an average ten days […]
"Child abuse": a little rant
January 24, 2011 by 10 Comments
How was your weekend? Mine was quite lovely filled with lots of socializing – hello, fulfilled New Year’s Resolution! – and food. Much delicious food, most of which was made by me. Yesterday I made my friend Happy Geek’s favourite pasta salad, and now I am ruing the day that I discovered said recipe, as […]
Blue Monday Cures
January 17, 2011 by 9 Comments
Today is Blue Monday, the day that is scientifically and mathematically proven to be the most depressing of the year. So let’s fight the power, shall we? If the best way to spread Christmas cheer is by singing (implied: Christmas songs) loud for all to hear, then C(x) = f(singing), then it follows that the […]
