When I was pregnant with Jake I started to develop varicose veins. My calves are full of what I would call normal-looking varicose veins, puffy and purple. My left leg, however, looks like a miniature boa constrictor somehow found its way under my skin and is attempting to suffocate my knee and thigh. It’s not […]
Makeup, Wine, and Say Anything
January 9, 2011 by 12 Comments
I live in a neighbourhood with a lot of senior citizens, so I’m pretty used to opening my mailbox to find flyers from McInnis and Holloway about planning my own funeral so that things will go just the way I imagine. Not that I imagine my funeral much, but it’s nice to know that the […]
I Don’t Have Bieber Fever
November 20, 2010 by 4 Comments
This week saw the culmination of all my book fair coordination efforts. I have been living and breathing the book fair. My life has been consumed by the book fair. I was even, unbelievably, dreaming about the book fair. Now the book fair is over and I feel empty inside. Actually I just feel exhausted. […]
Travelled down that road and back again
August 5, 2010 by 6 Comments
So I’ve been feeling blue and gloomy and then I realized this morning that in four weeks the kids are back at school, and a cursory glance at their dressers indicates that every single pair of pants they own have no knees. I’m not saying they have small rips, either, I mean that when they […]
Me, I want a hula hoop
June 16, 2010 by 3 Comments
So here’s the thing: if you are trying to cut back on unnecessary consumption, and you decide on the third rainy, dreary day in a row to run to the mall to pick up some Father’s Day cards and also some teacher appreciation gifts, do NOT under any circumstances just “pop in” to Lululemon to […]
Oh, Blanche
June 3, 2010 by 4 Comments
Rue McClanahan died! I always secretly thought that I would be like a non-slutty Blanche Devereaux when I am old: reeking of Chanel Number 5, making suggestive jokes in response to normal conversation, wearing support stockings and bright lipstick. Query: have I already turned into a non-slutty Blanche Devereaux? I thought I had a few […]
Mmm…George Clooney
April 11, 2010 by 4 Comments
Have you seen the movie Up in the Air? If not, I recommend you do so; it is an excellent movie. I say this with authority because I actually stayed awake through the entire film. This is notable because I’m famous – in my own small circle, anyway – for falling asleep and missing the […]
