Travelled down that road and back again

So I’ve been feeling blue and gloomy and then I realized this morning that in four weeks the kids are back at school, and a cursory glance at their dressers indicates that every single pair of pants they own have no knees. I’m not saying they have small rips, either, I mean that when they are kneeling on the ground large amounts of their legs are exposed. So I took my blue and gloomy self to the mall today, where I was immediately faced with the Gap, advertising – girls of the 80’s, are you ready for this? – jeans with zippered ankles. Zippered ankles! I stood and stared until it got weird, then I snapped out of my reverie to notice the mall was filled with young girls, all wearing jeans tight at the ankles with big, blousy tops and pointy-toed flats. What’s next? Acid wash denim? Bubble skirts? Going through a can of Salon Selectives hairspray every week to obtain rock hard four inch vertical bangs? Because I honestly don’t think the environment can withstand that kind of abuse.

If that wasn’t enough, I walked past the Apple store and the hundreds of people waiting for the new iPhone. There’s a new iPhone? My cell phone doesn’t even have voice mail. I feel like maybe tomorrow I would be shuffling around with a walker, wearing turquoise slacks and a floral blouse, with matching plastic jewellery and a gigantic purse containing a change purse and a roll of Scotch mints.

Then – I know! There’s more! – I walked by American Apparel and it reminded me of this article about the company’s sketchy hiring practices and the ensuing boycotts. Of course, that affects me not at all since American Apparel is not one of the two stores that I actually purchase clothing from, given my great dislike for going into different stores with different sizing methods and different clothing qualities.

When I was in university, I waitressed at a chain restaurant that had similar hiring practices. If a person was to drop off a job application, one was supposed to put a mark on it indicating that person’s “bar appeal”. If that person sat next to you in a bar, my manager explained to me, would you start up a conversation? If not, perhaps there was a position for that person in the kitchen. American Apparel’s hiring practices are not exactly unique, but they are distasteful. In a weird way, it made me think of that Seinfeld episode where George hires a secretary, passing up all the gorgeous, sexy women for the plain and hyper-organized and efficient one. Then – of course – he becomes insanely attracted to her efficacy on the job and they end up having an affair. The point, I guess, is that one should not judge a book by its cover? Or maybe that being a Type A is really really hot? I don’t even know what my point is, except that in writing this, I’m not so blue and gloomy. Even though I feel a bit like I’m one step away from getting a once-a-week hairdo at the local beauty parlour and finding a secondary use for bread bags.


  1. They’re still lining up for the iphone? The line was insane Tuesday as well.
    I already re-purpose breadbags, it’s when you start re-purposing the tags that the bread comes in that you are in trouble. Or making plastic canvas kleenex box covers.
    I saw acid wash at H and M a few weeks ago. Made me want to break out my plastic beads and jelly shoes.

  2. Were there any rolled jeans or shoulder pads?

  3. OMG, I have been SEEING the tight-ankle jeans! I cannot BELIEVE MY EYES. I think the next thing HAS to be slouch socks. And overly-coordinated outfits: white shirt, pink skirt, white and pink slouch socks, pink sneakers, pink earrings, white hair thing (BANANA CLIP??).

  4. HG: Just you saying you saw acid wash makes me shudder. NOOOOOO. Say it’s not so! Oh, and kleenex box covers – or one of those toilet paper covers that is a doll’s fancy skirt, with a doll sticking out of the top.

    Swistle: Slouch socks. Slouch socks and banana clips that match the outfit, you are right, that is the next thing!

  5. Oh, man, I had totally forgotten about Salon Selectives! I used to love that stuff. Love. It. I’m pretty sure that I am to blame for the hole in the ozone layer. I’m so sorry, but in my defense that was a long time ago and I was young and stupid.

    I am totally getting one of those iPhones, though. My current cell phone is like 5 years old and lacks voice mail, too. I’m ready to move up in the world. Now we’ll just have to see if I can wrap my antiquated mind around it.

  6. I haven’t thought about banana clips in years! And Salon Selectives! Your post made me laugh; love it! I hope that doesn’t mean I’m getting old.

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