Category Archives: Festivities

SANTA’S COMING (in less than three months)

Posted on by

Yesterday I kept hearing people say “It’s only three months until Christmas!” which got me to feeling like this:

SANTA’S COMING!  Of course, in three months from today I will be either a) taking down the tree and packing up the decorations because that is ENOUGH Christmas, or b) wishing I was taking down the tree and packing up the decorations and bitterly resenting those in my house who get in my way. 

I’m not sure why there seemed to be such a panic panic PANIC amongst my acquaintances when faced with the three months until Christmas thing.  After all, our answer to all Christmas problems came in August – the Sears Wish Book!

I have no idea why Sears sends its Wish Book out in August, but it sure did make for some enjoyable reading material.  When I was a kid, before there was so much child-directed marketing, the Sears catalogue was where our Christmas lists came from.  My favourite section – and it’s still my favourite section – was the “Gifts under $x”.  Some of those gifts, especially in the “under $10” category, are priceless. 

So I was flipping through the sections and, although my friends and I do not generally exchange gifts, I was immediately struck by an idea for my girlfriend who – and I say this with love – has a handbag obsession.  I found it!  The perfect handbag!  I think she’ll love it:

 
The only thing is I’m not sure what style.  Bunny bling?  Leo heart bunny?  No, I think etched leopard is the way to go.  Now, I shouldn’t be shopping for myself but…
 
 
 
mink collection plush cushion and throw?  YES PLEASE.  Again with the colour decision: pink seems more fun, but black seems more classy, no?  The satin sheets embossed with the Playboy symbol are also available, but satin sheets seem slippery.  It seems like you would be taking your life in your hands every time it was Business Time, you know?  Speaking of classy, here’s what I’m getting my husband for Christmas:
 
 
I can’t decide if he’d like the 1L glass or the 6-pack of shotglasses, so I’m getting him both!  Lucky guy.  Mostly for Christmas I think he’d like to get the real referees back in the NFL, but bikini babe glassware will have to suffice.  We can only control so much.  Speaking of control, have you ever been in a big snowball fight and just wished that your snowballs would be more uniform in size and shape?  Well, wish no more!  Perfect snowballs can be your reality for the low low price of $9.99!
 
 

It also features a long handle.  The Canada Survival Belt is what I’m going to get my father-in-law, unironically.  I think he would really like it.  It’s a fanny pack for beer! 

There are so many other items in the catalogue I would like to talk about – notably an interactive R2D2 – but they will have to wait for another day.  Well, okay, ONE picture of R2:


The kids really wanted this at first glance, but then I pointed out the excessive price tag.  “Well,” Mark said, “It IS a lot of money.”  “Yeah, we can probably get our own can of pop,” said Jake, before remembering, “But we aren’t really supposed to have pop anyway.  So it would be kind of a waste.  Hey, bobbleheads!”

Lucky Number Seven

Posted on by
It was Jake’s seventh birthday yesterday!  For the past week I’ve been reminiscing about my pregnancy and his birth: how I craved and ate a jar of Cheez Whiz a week, disturbingly enough; how I became a completely crazed hormonal being the day before going into labour, alternating between being annoyed at everyone in the world and sobbing with terror that all of the twenty or so people I had as back-up babysitting alternates would simultaneously be unavailable to take Mark and I would have to take him with me, or, worse, have the baby in the bathroom; how I thought a second baby would be easy because I’d already had one, only to discover that nothing prepares a person for looking after a one-year-old and a colicky newborn.  Most of all, I remember how I felt that Jake completed our family.
 
Jake shares a birthday with Prince Harry, and I like to say that he’s OUR Prince Harry – the madcap younger brother who shows that sometimes it’s way more fun to be the spare than the heir, so to speak.  Jacob even means “second son”, which I thought was very cool.  I can’t ever imagine life without him, he’s a great kid, even if I’m kind of expecting naked Vegas party pictures to surface in a couple of decades.
 
Touchdown, age eight weeks.

In the stroller, age seven months

Hanging out, age one.

The least-terrible two year old.

LEAVE ME ALONE, age three

A four year old superhero.
 
Hanging at the playground, age five.

At Elbow River, age six.
 
Going out for a birthday dinner, age seven.

Party like it’s 1979

Posted on by

It is, suddenly, fall.  My Manitoba maple tree has yellowed overnight, it seems, football has taken over Sundays, and the mornings are very crisp and chilly.  Although I cheerfully discuss with the children all the wonderful things to look forward to in every season, during the fall I very much mourn the end of summer.  This summer in Calgary has been one for the record books, I think, it has been really unusually sunny and warm.  It’s been perfect.  

Fall, to me, is the chilly, windy precursor to a long, long winter.  I like colourful leaves, apples, and back-to-school as much as the next person, but I long for that summer warmth.  Perhaps if I lived in a different climate, I would feel differently.  But this summer has been great, and this weekend was sunny and warm.  I am especially thankful for this beautiful weekend, not just because it is one more weekend to wear my summer clothes and sandals, but also because yesterday was Jake’s birthday party!  And I will say this: the party was a huge success.  We walked the kids over to the playground – sidestepping a dead squirrel on the sidewalk – where they made up their own game pretending to be various Pokemon characters, which carried over into our backyard.  Cupcakes, chips, and water guns filled the rest of the time, and all the little guests seemed very happy.  Wet and dirty, but happy.  One boy very gratifyingly told me that my cupcakes are the highlight of our birthday parties.  “They’re just so amazing!” he enthused.  Aw. 

All in all, a great time with minimal effort on my part.  I have never been good at organizing party games or activities, and so the fact that they largely entertained themselves was pretty fantastic.  Jake had a great day and his actual birthday is not for another week!  We should have a pretty good case of birthday fatigue on our hands by the time next weekend rolls around.

Jake himself has attained minor celebrity at school for being the kid who got barfed on, which I find simultaneously hilarious and revolting.  “What was it like?” a boy asked him, to which Jake worldly answered “You don’t want to know!  It was horrible!”  He later told me he is getting weary of talking about it.  It’s the price of fame, I guess.

Cupcakes, shopping, and Junior Mints

Posted on by

I am pleased to report the happy news that there have been zero barfing incidents since the first day of school.  Although, writing that, I just broke out into a cold sweat thinking that I just jinxed everything and now my children will be up all night barfing.  Cue the Stevie Wonder riffs.

I really, really hope this doesn’t come to pass, and not just for the obvious reasons: tomorrow is Jake’s birthday party!  After the insanity of Mark’s last birthday party, I privately vowed to never host another birthday party as long as I live, but Jake very sweetly only wanted to invite five of his neighbourhood friends – whose mothers I am all friends with – to go play at the playground and then eat cupcakes.  I felt I could really get behind that idea!  And so that is exactly what we are going to do, and the weather is going to cooperate as well, it seems.  At this very moment I have cupcakes in the oven – these cupcakes, if you’re interested – with the promise of making extra peppermint frosting just for the birthday boy.  I’m also wearing my brand new apron:

Isn’t it adorable?  It has cupcakes on it and I’m MAKING CUPCAKES!  I’m going to feature it in an upcoming “Nicole’s Favourite Things” post, but strangely, like kale chips and 70s soft rock, I am the only one in my house who does not revile this sweet apron.  What is wrong with everyone I live with?  I put it on last night to show the kids, who stared at me, making “Uhhhhhhh” noises until Mark said “Mom?  It’s kind of lame.”  I showed my husband, who wasn’t shy about sharing his unfavourable opinion.  But what does he know?  He also said “I thought when you said you had a new apron, it was, you know, the kind that is black and lacy…”  It’s not a French maid outfit, husband.  I’m using it for actual baking, not “baking”.

That was the strangest euphemism for sex ever, no?

Anyway, so cupcakes are on the to-do list today, as well as putting together loot bags.  I went out yesterday specifically to buy loot bag treats, a replacement shirt for the one that was barfed on, and shoes for Mark.  I’m kicking myself a little because – I don’t mean to brag, here, people – I am the most organized person I know.  Yet I fell down on this one.  I bought indoor school shoes for the boys weeks ago, but since they were in sandals all summer, I failed to notice that Mark’s regular outdoor runners were a size too small until the first day of school.  ORGANIZATIONAL FAILURE.  He could barely walk in them, poor giant-flippered child.  So I thought I would just pick up a pair while running all my other errands.

And let me tell you, by the end of the day I was so frustrated and crabby that I was ready to burn the whole mall down.  I went to every single store that sold shoes and I purchased the only pair of boys’ runners in Mark’s size.  THE ONLY PAIR.  I have written many times about my frustration over the lack of selection for boys’ wear, but that really took the cake.  I ended up paying an exhorbitant price for a simple pair of running shoes which will likely be outgrown in six months, although thankfully they can be passed down to Jake as well.  BUT STILL.  Then I attempted to find party favours that were not embossed with Tinkerbell or Barbie, but again, this was futile.  I ended up going to the dollar store where I found not only Star Wars-themed Pez dispensers, but also Angry Birds-themed napkins and bags, and gigantic packages of candy, including Junior Mints!  I hope I don’t eat all the Junior Mints before I get them into the loot bags.  Who doesn’t like a Junior Mint?  They are so refreshing!

So the first week back at school has been full of excitement, hasn’t it?  There are a few other things going on around here that are amping things up a little, such as an in-law visit and preparing for the first school council meeting.  Suffice it to say I’m looking forward to my Friday night cocktails/wine/any alcohol at all.  How early is too early for a drink, really? 

Ketchup Chips are a Canadian Thing?

Posted on by

Right this minute, there is a news story on TV, in honour of Canada Day, all about the words “eh”, “knapsacks”, and “washroom”, and how ketchup chips are a Canadian thing.  American friends, I must know this for true: are there no ketchup chips in the States?  Really?  If that is true, I am very sad for my friends south of the border.  I am also sad that this is the news channel I watch of my own volition.  Who needs real news anyway, when I can marvel over Americans calling them “candy bars” instead of “chocolate bars”? 

Related to the state of my mind right now: Jake and I just sang “Call Me Maybe” together and it was a proud, proud moment for me.

Also a proud, proud moment: on Thursday I took the boys to the local amusement park where we met up with friends, and the kids rode the log ride all by themselves.  For me, this is quite possibly the greatest developmental milestone ever, the fact that I never again have to sit in a big plastic log zipping down a big slide with slimy, possibly decades-old water splashing all over me.  And why was I feeling verklempt about the passage of time?  For no good reason, that’s why.

Speaking of the rapid passage of time, today I heard on the radio – not my usual oldies station, but an actual modern, for-the-young-people station – something disturbing.  For the long weekend, the station was playing various number one hits from years past.  One of the flashback years was 1995. 

Now, I don’t know about you, but to me, 1995 does not seem so long ago.  It doesn’t seem worthy of a flashback hit.  But then again, when they played the song, I could clearly recall dancing to it in the bar, probably while drinking a vodka slime out of a jug, and wearing a crop top and high waisted jeans, with my Rachel haircut.  I was twenty years old: a significant number of years have passed since those days.  All I’m saying is that I can really understand how old people say that something happened a couple of years ago, when the reality is that the relevant event really took place decades ago.

More on the passage of time: this weekend my parents took the kids up to the lake without me.  This is the first time such a thing has happened; my parents have looked after my kids overnight before, but this was the first time that they have been taken to a second location.  After typing that I realize that I just made it sound like my parents abducted the kids, but no.  A fabulous time was had by all.  They celebrated Canada Day by going to the nearby small-town parade, where they waved flags, ate ice cream, and went on bouncy castles and through obstacle courses.  They had a great time.  I, on the other hand, celebrated Canada Day by eating scrambled eggs and drinking coffee while watching episode after episode of Mad Men, nursing a little hangover since I was at a party the night before and I didn’t get home until almost 11:30.  See what happens when the kids are away?  NICOLE’S GONE WILD. 

My husband and I went up to the lake to spend the night and bring them home today.  When I asked them if they missed me, the answer was “Um, not too much.” and “It was kind of MORE fun with just Grandpa and Grandma!”  Well, I guess that’s to be expected.  I’m not exactly known as Super Fun Mom – I did, after all, just buy them math flash cards, some workbooks, and journals for the summer. 

Hippity Hoppity

Posted on by
Last night my husband and I went on a DATE to (belatedly) celebrate our tenth anniversary and I got a new dress and shoes!

It was exactly a year and a week since I had my varicose vein surgery, and so I thought I would celebrate by wearing shoes and stockings, rather than my usual boots.

It was fabulous going on an actual date – my husband and I go on about four dates a year, so when we do go out it’s an event.  Last night was also an event in that, as we were driving to the restaurant, we came across a squished roadkill rabbit!  Ew!  Gross!  Even in all its grotesqueness, I couldn’t stop giggling, thinking of all the disappointed children who would be doomed to spend the holiday without chocolate eggs.

It reminded me of the story I was told once by a guy who worked out in Rimbey, Alberta, who hit – but did not kill – a deer with his car on Christmas Eve, and ended up, in order to be humane, having to shoot it, his children looking on from the backseat of the car.  His children who thought their dad had just shot one of Santa’s reindeer.  I wonder if those kids are still in therapy.

We did have a lovely Easter weekend, complete with colouring eggs and then – as we traditionally, if unorthodoxly do – having the children hide them for us to find, in the backyard.  We did that this afternoon, once the sun came out, although the kids took to hiding some of them in the snow that’s still there.  For those of you who live in milder climates, I envy you.  You probably don’t know the joys of digging a hardboiled egg out of a snowdrift.

This morning the boys had an Easter treasure hunt, complete with complicated clues such as “Where do wet clothes go after they have been washed?” and “What do Mini-Wheats and pizza sauce have in common?” (answer to the latter question: they are kept in the same cupboard).

That is my new favourite picture of the boys, reading their clues.  It sums up their personalities perfectly.
Speaking of a-little-bit-evil, right this second the boys are watching The Phantom Menace, which I saw in the theatre but not since – and for good reason, because it’s terrible.  It turns out that I actually have very little knowledge about anything Star Wars-related, to my children’s grave disappointment.  In fact, due to the combination of Lego Star Wars Wii and a number of Early Reader Star Wars books, my children know much, much more than I do.
Did anyone watch the Master’s this weekend?  I watched it by osmosis, which means I know who won and I know that the runner-up (is he called a runner-up?  I don’t know.) had a double eagle, which is only the fourth time in the history of the Master’s that such a thing has happened.  It was, my husband said, a very exciting Master’s.  Maybe the most exciting Master’s ever!  Which…well…is not really that exciting. 

So, that was my weekend.  Colouring eggs, a date, some roadkill, a treasure hunt, lots of golf commentary, and the lamest and most totally confusing movie ever.  How was your weekend?     

Eight! Eight! Eight is Great!

Posted on by
Yesterday I was doing some things around the school (putting up posters asking for volunteers to help in the naturalization area.  Do you want to help?  No?  Yeah, neither does anyone else.) when I heard the kindergarten class singing their morning song.  It is a song familiar to me, since I heard Jake singing it all last year.  Hi there neighbour!  What do you say?  It’s going to be a HAPPY DAY.  It proceeded to wedge itself into my brain, supplanting Pinball Wizard (That deaf dumb blind kid sure plays a mean pinball!).
When my alarm went off this morning, I thought “It’s going to be a HAPPY DAY”, because not only is it my tenth anniversary – I did not receive any tin foil, sadly, but my husband did present me with a bouquet of my favourite Gerber daisies – but it is also Mark’s eighth birthday!  Nothing says romance like going into labour and delivery on your second wedding anniversary after being on bedrest for three weeks with pre-eclampsia and checking your own urine for protein twice a day! 
But it is a special and happy day in our house.  I have made a big gooey chocolate layer cake, there is the promise of TAKE OUT PIZZA tonight, and a nice bottle of red with my name on it.  Figuratively speaking.  The wine is not actually named Nicole.
Happy Birthday Mark!