SANTA’S COMING (in less than three months)

Yesterday I kept hearing people say “It’s only three months until Christmas!” which got me to feeling like this:

SANTA’S COMING!  Of course, in three months from today I will be either a) taking down the tree and packing up the decorations because that is ENOUGH Christmas, or b) wishing I was taking down the tree and packing up the decorations and bitterly resenting those in my house who get in my way. 

I’m not sure why there seemed to be such a panic panic PANIC amongst my acquaintances when faced with the three months until Christmas thing.  After all, our answer to all Christmas problems came in August – the Sears Wish Book!

I have no idea why Sears sends its Wish Book out in August, but it sure did make for some enjoyable reading material.  When I was a kid, before there was so much child-directed marketing, the Sears catalogue was where our Christmas lists came from.  My favourite section – and it’s still my favourite section – was the “Gifts under $x”.  Some of those gifts, especially in the “under $10” category, are priceless. 

So I was flipping through the sections and, although my friends and I do not generally exchange gifts, I was immediately struck by an idea for my girlfriend who – and I say this with love – has a handbag obsession.  I found it!  The perfect handbag!  I think she’ll love it:

The only thing is I’m not sure what style.  Bunny bling?  Leo heart bunny?  No, I think etched leopard is the way to go.  Now, I shouldn’t be shopping for myself but…
mink collection plush cushion and throw?  YES PLEASE.  Again with the colour decision: pink seems more fun, but black seems more classy, no?  The satin sheets embossed with the Playboy symbol are also available, but satin sheets seem slippery.  It seems like you would be taking your life in your hands every time it was Business Time, you know?  Speaking of classy, here’s what I’m getting my husband for Christmas:
I can’t decide if he’d like the 1L glass or the 6-pack of shotglasses, so I’m getting him both!  Lucky guy.  Mostly for Christmas I think he’d like to get the real referees back in the NFL, but bikini babe glassware will have to suffice.  We can only control so much.  Speaking of control, have you ever been in a big snowball fight and just wished that your snowballs would be more uniform in size and shape?  Well, wish no more!  Perfect snowballs can be your reality for the low low price of $9.99!

It also features a long handle.  The Canada Survival Belt is what I’m going to get my father-in-law, unironically.  I think he would really like it.  It’s a fanny pack for beer! 

There are so many other items in the catalogue I would like to talk about – notably an interactive R2D2 – but they will have to wait for another day.  Well, okay, ONE picture of R2:

The kids really wanted this at first glance, but then I pointed out the excessive price tag.  “Well,” Mark said, “It IS a lot of money.”  “Yeah, we can probably get our own can of pop,” said Jake, before remembering, “But we aren’t really supposed to have pop anyway.  So it would be kind of a waste.  Hey, bobbleheads!”


  1. Problem: I feel an almost insurmountable urge to get my husband the Canada Survival Belt, but we live in America. Wither the America Survival Belt? And does it also include a gun holster or possibly Republican repellant – take your pick?

  2. I haven’t seen this year’s Wish Book yet. I has a sad.

  3. Yay, Santa! I love that movie.

    I’ve started Christmas shopping. I’m nearly done with the kids, at least.

  4. Bunny bling. Totally bunny bling. And my Dad got my Mom satin sheets for Christmas one year and…. I’ll just stop now, for all our sakes.

  5. I love that first picture! Oh Christmas time what joy and fun.

  6. I got sad that my kids don’t have the same Wish Book experience I had as a kid. Then I was relieved.

  7. That reminds me, the Wonder Woman earbuds I ordered from the Sears wish book should be here today! They’re a gift for myself!

  8. The Bunny is in the book? What the hell?
    I do need that beer belt.
    I mean that screams “I’m fucking drunk but also trendy.”

  9. I had to recycle the Wish Book shortly after it arrived. I couldn’t take the “Mom! I want this! Mom! I want that!”. Sadly my hasty recycling meant that I missed those exceptional bikini glasses. Now those are something special indeed.

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