I’ve never been in a drunken stupor, but…

Here it is, Wednesday of time change week and not one complaint has passed my lips. Not one! My husband, in years past, has generally adopted the traditionally masculine attitude that my vehement feelings against the observation of Daylight Savings Time and the subsequent semi-annual fuck up amounts to Nicole Making A Big Deal Out Of Something Very Minor And Unimportant. Yesterday, however, he admitted he was feeling quite tired and out of sorts and maybe it was due to time change. At this admission, I feel vindicated.
My children have been just fine; I guess they’ve reached the age where an hour here or there is No Big Deal At All. However, I stand in solidarity with all you mothers out there who are dealing with hot crying messes every evening and wide awake little people at ungodly hours of the morning. I shall not rest until the country has caught up with Saskatchewan, which is miles and miles ahead of the rest of us for their refusal to adopt Daylight Savings Time and its abhorrent spring forward/ fall back rituals. Also, please feel free to give a verbal dressing down to the next person who says that DST is “for the farmers”. Bitch, please. Do you have any idea what time farmers get up in the morning? The actual clock has nothing to do with it, so shut up, goddammit. If I was that kind of person I’d allude to a conspiracy theory cooked up by people who want to keep mothers down by totally fucking up their children twice a year. But I’m not. Still: DOWN WITH TIME CHANGE.
Speaking of fucked up, how about that mayor of Toronto? Wowza, is that embarrassing. I mean, we’ve all done silly things under the influence of alcohol or excessive Girl Guide cookie consumption, but smoking crack? In a drunken stupor? Listen, we all know how I love my red wine, and my cosmopolitans, and my margaritas, but I don’t think I’ve ever been in a drunken stupor in my life. I don’t like hangovers and I don’t like falling over. The closest I’ve come to that, lately, is becoming extraordinarily drunk at the Banff Springs Hotel with my husband and two people we met at the bar while listening to a blues guitarist. The couple was from Boston, and so they and my husband immediately bonded over the Patriots. 
So no drunken stupors for me, but I’ve done plenty of silly things after consuming one too many glasses of wine/ cosmopolitans/ margaritas.
1) I completed this Cosmo quiz and realized that the answer is “yes”.
2) At Blissdom Canada, I lay down on the hotel hallway and put both legs behind my head to show Allison and Hannah that I totally could. I blame Allison for being such a doll and bringing the peach daquiri mix and rum.

3) I bought hot pink yoga pants online.

4) I once danced the macarena in a Mexican bar wearing Daisy Duke shorts, high heeled sandals, and a crop top.

5) One Friday night when my husband was golfing, I live-tweeted my viewing of Top Gun. “Permission to fire, sir!” “Never fire unless fired upon.” GREAT advice.

6) I have, on numerous occasions, accidentally flashed my cleavage.

7) I was not drunk while making this gingerbread house! But the result was so depressing I had to comfort myself with a bottle of wine.

8) I was also not drunk in this photo! But I was fairly high on painkillers following varicose vein surgery. I was also super excited to eat the pretty fruit kabobs my friends had sent over.
9) I illegally brought drinks in glass containers down to the pool in Maui – in the dark! – and forced my dear, sweet friend Joanne to do the same. Everyone give some love to Joanne – she was my accomplice in illegal activities. And yet I look so INNOCENT.
10) I got pregnant! Hey, it was Stampede week. And then six to eight months later, I walked around looking like this:


  1. This slayed me. You dropping to the floor and putting your legs behind your head in a hotel hallway JUST BECAUSE WE ASKED was one of the finest moments of my life.

  2. As usual ..I read one of your posts and laughed uncontrollably …I can relate to the sneaking booze out in public..one year on Canada day in Ottawa with friends on Parliament hill we snuck booze around in subway cups lol

  3. As usual ..I read one of your posts and laughed uncontrollably …I can relate to the sneaking booze out in public..one year on Canada day in Ottawa with friends on Parliament hill we snuck booze around in subway cups lol

  4. Solidarity on the DST hate. Oldest handles it just fine, but Youngest is 4 and was a hot mess by 6:00 pm the Monday after the time change and won’t really iron out for a few more days. Meanwhile everyone downtown lost their collective minds with the time change making the drive home from work (all of 5 miles) take 45 minutes. This was a big part of the reason Youngest (whose daycare is right near my office and, therefore, commutes with me) was a disaster.

    Oregon really needs to ditch the time change because it’s totally meaningless here in the law Fall and Winter. For example, right now it’s 8:26 a.m., pouring rain, and dark as night. No early morning light was had and now no evening light will be had either. BAH!!!

  5. Steph Lovelady says

    I don’t like the time change either, but it is easier now that the kids are 7 & 12. Most of the photos after #1 make me thing you couldn’t possibly be the boring friend.

  6. I didn’t know the human body could even DO that.

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