Last week I was applying makeup while wearing my robe and Jake peered over at my exposed legs. “Mom, you should go put your stockings on,” he said in a voice of concern. I assured him that I didn’t need to wear my stockings anymore! Happy news! He repeated his request, slightly louder. I repeated […]
High Maintenance Girl
April 7, 2011 by 8 Comments
Sally: Which am I? Harry: Oh, you’re the worst kind. You’re high maintenance, but you think you’re low maintenance. Sally: I don’t see that. Harry: You don’t see it? Waiter, I’ll have the house salad, but I don’t want the regular dressing. I want the balsamic oil and vinegar. But I want it on the […]
When I am an old woman
April 5, 2011 by 11 Comments
When I am an old woman, I will wear an excessive amount of Chanel Number 5. I will wear thick, bright layers of lipstick that will feather and bleed into my papery skin. I will make wildly inappropriate jokes and sexually harrass all the male orderlies at the home and earn the reputation of being […]
The Hunger Games versus Harry Potter
March 16, 2011 by 9 Comments
I’ve been unwell for the past couple of days; I’ve had the cold that has been going around the kids’ school, and while it isn’t devastating, it is annoying in one of those “I just went through an entire box of Kleenex” sort of way. Yesterday was spent in a cold medication-induced fog, the kind […]
All the cool kids are doing it!
January 6, 2011 by 10 Comments
And so will I – a Year in Review. Yes, I know it is the sixth of January and most year in reviews have already been posted, but I was far too busy writing about people who eat toilet paper and watching When Harry Met Sally. So what happened in 2010 over at the Boy […]
Baby It’s Cold Outside, aka The Holiday Date-Rape Song
December 12, 2010 by 14 Comments
I was sick this week with a weird little illness that manifested itself as a sore throat, tight chest, and overwhelming exhaustion. Today is the first day I haven’t felt as though if I closed my eyes for more than a blink, I would succumb to narcoleptic urges. Unfortunately I woke up with no voice […]
The Elderly and the Fireplace Channel
December 8, 2010 by 9 Comments
So no one died or was dismembered from the swim lessons yesterday, happily enough. They froze, because our lovely city seems to be practicing the utmost frugality when it comes to heating municipal swimming pools, and also it is December, but they are still in one piece. So that’s a win. To warm ourselves up, […]
