Ever since he retired, my husband accompanies me to Costco almost every time I go. It’s like a standing, extremely non-sexy day date. We keep the magic alive, what can I say. Follow me for more marriage advice!
It IS nice to have the company, and to also have a witness to the absolute chaos that is shopping at the only Costco in a 200 kilometre radius. We were there a few weeks ago, and I learned an important lesson: the week before Mother’s Day rivals that of the one before Christmas. Evidently this has to do with the garden centre, and not because everyone is obtaining massive ingredients to put on a feast of sorts. Whatever the reason, both the parking lot and the warehouse could only be described as insane, with lineups to the cashiers snaking all the way down to the end of the store. Every aisle was crammed with people, and my husband suggested that we turn around and go home.
THERE’S NO TURNING BACK NOW.
I had a significantly large list to get through, and it would not improve by NOT shopping. Also, even with all evidence to the contrary, I had a weirdly optimistic feeling. There was a shopping cart with two wheels jammed into the meridian near our car, and we had rescued it rather than taking one from the carrel. I cannot save all the abandoned carts that litter the parking lots, but I saved that one. Also, who DOES that? It’s so much more work to jam half the cart onto the meridian than it is to just wheel it over to the carrel that is twenty steps away.
In any case, my optimistic feeling panned out. The shopping experience was somewhat hellish, to be sure. As we were finishing up, I told my husband I would just grab a few things from the produce section and meet him in the lineup. I started walking, holding my tomatoes, cucumbers, and sweet potatoes, and then I kept walking. And walking. Where was he? The lineup had magically disappeared and he was preparing to put our items on the conveyor belt.
And that is called Cart Karma, and is why we rescue shopping carts.
In my not-so-recent Ask Me Anything, my friend Diane (HI DIANE) asked What are three things you consider yourself an expert on? As I’ve gotten older, I feel like I am less and less an expert on anything, and more of a lifelong learner, although I do consider myself pretty knowledgeable in the area of karma, both cart and regular.
Sometimes I think of my life as one giant sand mandala, the kind that Buddhist monks make and then destroy as a way of practicing non-attachment and impermanence, except instead of a beautiful divine palace, my sand mandala is a pantry full of groceries. It’s a thing of beauty. I love the feeling of having a stocked fridge and pantry, so full of fresh ingredients, destined to become delicious meals. But nothing lasts forever, and I know that in mere days the stock will deplete, only to lead to me heading to Superstore and Costco with grim determination to create the mandala again. Impermanence!
I also think I am an expert when it comes to the sand mandala that is actual dinner. For over two decades now, I have honed my skills in this area. I make a weekly menu plan, I grocery shop, and then I execute. I know dinner is a struggle for many families, so I don’t want to flex too much, but I enjoy cooking and everyone in this house enjoys eating my cooking.
But dinner truly is a beautiful sand mandala. There is a lot of preparation involved, and although I am the kind of cook who literally throws things together with only a that seems good thought, and definitely no recipe, it still is a labour, the product of which gets destroyed upon setting it on the table.
The ultimate sand mandala at this time of year, though, is weeding the garden. Can a person be an expert on weeding? I don’t know, but if so, I am one. I spend time almost every day weeding, with the understanding that the next day, I will be out there weeding again. There’s no end to the weeds, and although that can feel a bit Sisyphus-ish, it’s also very Zen. Impermanence, non-attachment, etcetera.
Malcolm Gladwell popularized the notion that it takes 10000 hours to become an expert on something, and if that is the case, then most of us are experts on things we didn’t plan or want to be. Like, am I now an expert on laundry? Washing dishes? Vacuuming the floor because someone fuzzy likes to go on adventures in the vineyard and tracks in acres of dry grass and other vegetation remnants?
It’s best to practice non-attachment in those areas as well. Clean laundry, dishes, and floors are all impermanent and, like Newman said about the mail, they never stop. But the brief time where the laundry is clean and folded, dishes are all put away, and the floor is gleaming, well. It’s beautiful, and it – like everything else – will not last.
Weekly Reading
My reading count this week is bonkers, and almost entirely due to the fact that I read a total of three books on Mother’s Day alone. What can I say, other than yoga and walking the dog, I did nothing but read that day. I also had two DNF’s that I expected to love and did not: Still Life and Mornings In Jenin. You win some, you lose some.
Pick a Colour. This was an interesting little book, told from the point of view of a nail salon owner, who used to be a boxer. It’s a commentary on social status, power dynamics, and the road not taken.
A Winter Book. My friend Laura (HI LAURA) suggested this book of short stories by a famed Finnish children’s author. These are auto-fiction, and span from the author’s childhood to her old age. My favourites were the episalatory variety, but all contain vast nature descriptions of the Finnish landscape, both within Helsinki and on the isolated island where she spent a lot of time.
The Bobbsey Twins and the Tagalong Giraffe. The book that spurred a lifelong desire to go on safari in Africa! I read this when I was seven, and for the past forty-four years I’ve been longing to go to Africa to see the animals. And I will be, soon! Now, will my adventure involve an orphaned baby giraffe named Crackers who I will accompany to a new herd of giraffes? Who can say? I hope so!
The Things We Never Say. If you know me at all, you know how much I love Elizabeth Strout. She is an auto-buy author for me; I love everything she has ever written, and this, her latest, is no exception. It is an incredibly moving story of a high school history teacher who learns a secret that changes how he views his own life and the world at large. As he teaches the American Civil War to his students, he is faced with a country divided, and he learns that everyone has things they never say to anyone. It is a statement on loneliness, and how a person can be dreadfully alone even when surrounded by people. Strout’s writing is, as always, beautiful and precise and I loved reading every word of this.
Kokoro. It would be difficult to overstate how much this book moved me, how much it resonated with me, how seen I felt while reading it. I wanted to note down every phrase that was meaningful to me, but I quickly realized I would be soon transcribing the entire book. This book of Japanese wisdom for living a life of meaning and fulfilment, particularly for people in midlife, is incredible in every way. I think I had an out-of-body experience reading this. I think the lessons are for everyone, but particularly for those of us in our “back nine eras.” Thank you again to my friend Laura (HI LAURA) for bringing this book to my attention, and I will be immediately looking up everything this author has written.
I cannot BELIEVE I forgot to mention one of my favourite Canadian groups, in last week’s post: Blue Rodeo! Here I am with JIM CUDDY, at a 2008 Plates of Gold Olympics fundraiser. If I look starstruck, it’s because I was. Also in the photo was my husband’s colleague’s wife and Kelly Hrudy, both cut out to make it look like it’s just me and Jim Cuddy. I also got to meet Sale and Pelletier, which will mean a lot for you pairs skating fans out there.
We have had houseguests for an extended long weekend, and it feels just like a holiday. I’ve been flexing my dinner-making muscles, as well as my wine-drinking ones. I’d like to extend my sand mandala metaphor to include the latter, but I cannot think of how to do it. xo
That’s an interesting metaphor for life.
If you do encounter an orphaned giraffe, will you tie a big red ribbon around its neck?
YOU KNOW I WILL!
An orphaned baby giraffe named Crackers?? Could there be anything more absurd? Now I want to reread a Bobbsey Twins book.
I like your sand mandala metaphor- much better than my own Sisyphus-ian attitude towards housework. I’m going to try to become more zen about these things.
i want to read Kokoro!!!
Jenny, I think you would love Kokoro! It was so inspiring.
It was very fun to read Bobbsey Twins, I loved those books as a child – I might reread “On The Farm” because I remember loving that one.
The Strout book sounds like something I’d like to read. Noted.
Isn’t a well-stocked pantry so comforting and satisfying? I also love my fully-stocked extra freezer.
I really liked reading this post; your attitude about karma and sand mandalas is inspired/inspiring. Even though I’ve put in my Expert Hours doing housework and childcare (and pet care!), I’ve also put in thousands of hours doing things I love. Now I’m going to remember that as a positive light. Thank you.
Oh thank you so much Nance! I’m so glad you liked it. Yes! We are all experts on the things we love.
I LOVE a well-stocked pantry and fridge! It makes me feel so cozy!
That is a beautiful pantry! I find that I organize mine (the size of one half of yours) and a day later it looks like I just threw everything in it. I also like the artistic touch of the bright red bag in the fridge reflection. I love to cook and plan meals but once in a while it gets old. What to make…spend an hour or more cooking a meal that will be consumed in minutes. Mind you I have been doing it for 50 years- that’s a hella long time.
Hahaha Rex just had his dog food delivery so I thought it should make an appearance! After all, he’s part of the family too!
Everyone needs a break from the dinner grind once in a while!
This is a great metaphor for life right now. Life with little kids involves so many repeated routines and tasks that are done and undone. I read Beth Kimpton’s book “Calm Christmas,” but I want to check out “Kokoro” too.
So many routines! So many tasks!
I have heard about Calm Christmas from a few people now, and you can bet I’m going to read it!
Beth also has a companion podcast to Calm Christmas. Since I know you love Christmas and podcasts, I am certain you will adore it.
I didn’t realize that – WILL LOOK IT UP IMMEDIATELY!
Oh, I can’t wait to get that Strout book! I’m on hold at the library. I love her.
I love the idea of the mandala, of the impermanence of the things we do and create. The impermanence of our lives, really. Something to mull on.
It’s all impermanent! But in a good way, I think.
Strout is one of my all-time favourites and I LOVED this book!
WILL YOU BE COMING TO CAPE TOWN AFTER THE SAFARI?? You absolutely have to let me know once your husband has finished the master travel plan 😄
I really like the non-attachment idea. I think the reward moments make such a difference to the “sand mandalas”: happy guests after a dinner party, fresh fruit and vegetables from your garden, climbing into bed with fresh linen… those small things make it all worth it.
Running feels similar. So many repetitive hours! But then race day arrives and suddenly the whole thing makes sense again!
Catrina, sadly, no. We are flying in and out of Johannesburg but are being picked up and dropped off immediately before and after safari. One day we will meet up (maybe even in Switzerland, I have to get on that with my husband!)
Small things do make it all worth it! There is so much comfort in those little things.
Switzerland it is!!
Ha! I am reading this right before I go outside to weed– which is something I love to do even though it is thankless and never ending. I have been putting on my weighted vest to pull dandelions, and it is a helluva core workout. Ben and I also costco together– it’s where we spend most of our money, so we might as well enjoy it 🙂
Oooh I bet it is a good core workout! I am so happy we both love weeding! Weeding and reading.
I didn’t even realize Strout wrote a new book, so I immediately ordered it from the library. And I just now checked the status of your book and it’s out on loan and there are two people on the wait list. I think that is so cool!
I’m reading an enjoyable book now – Cherry Baby by Rainbow Rowell. I’ve enjoyed her other books, so picked this one up. The last book I read is one of the best books I’ve read in a long time – The Sweet Spot by Amy Poeppel. Very few books make me laugh out loud, but this one actually did. The characters were hilarious.
I only found out about six weeks ago and immediately pre-ordered it!
Awww, that is very nice to hear. Thanks so much for telling me, Bijoux!
Someone else just mentioned Cherry Baby…who was it…I liked Eleanor and Park so maybe I’ll read that! I am going to put The Sweet Spot on my list RIGHT NOW!
I needed your impermanence talk this morning. I’ve been slacking on yard work — I used to be in my garden beds all the time. I haven’t even planted my zinnias yet (I know).
I do the laundry, dishes, all of that, and I really do love that moment when everything is done, even though I know it will all be waiting again the next day.
Maybe I need to stop waiting for one big yard work day and just do a little bit of weeding each day instead.
You were my TED talk this morning. You just didn’t know it. 🤣
Oh I meant to tell you my zinnias are up! But not all that I planted are up, so I put in a few seeds today.
I am going to push for a little bit of weeding every day – or nearly every day. It takes only 15-30 mins or so for me to go through the yard and weed, deadhead, etc. And then I get to check on my little plant babies!
OMG! Yay! I just put mine in the ground this weekend. This post inspired me. ❤️
I’m so glad! xoxoxo
Such fun to check in and see your (huge) reading this week (week? Yikes!). Ah, Costco. When I used to have to travel far to one, I never got out of there for less than $250. Now that one is only about ten minutes away, I never get out of there for less than $100. Is this better? I suppose. But if you go more often, what’s the law of diminishing returns? Rick and I don’t do well there. He can power through. I stop everywhere. And the crowds can be — well, a lot! How many cart collisions have I seen. And all this reminds me, next time I go, I need toilet paper and paper towel.
I digress, but I used the restroom at the Costco I go to and they had the worst toilet paper. You would think that they would be promoting what they sell, but if I’d never bought Costco TP and was judging by the bathroom, I’d never buy it. Just saying….
Well done on the weeding. Not my skill set, which is why this year, for the first time, I’m hiring it done (in the front yard; I’ll tackle the herb garden myself!) I’m rather excited! Have a great week!
You know what Jeanie, you have hit on something big. What IS the law of diminishing returns? I go about every 2-3 weeks now, and I’m not sure my expenditures are LESS as a whole. But it’s probably better than the days when I would only go once every 4-6 weeks and would “load up” because I didn’t want to come back. Now I only buy things that are on my list, EVEN IF IT’S A GOOD DEAL. I figure, the good deal will be there when I need the item.
I’m reading and loving the latest Strout book. I was to savor every word but I also am so pulled into the story that I can’t put it down. I had to stop reading earlier than usual last night because I was just SO VERY TIRED (still trying to bounce back from that late flight last week…). I should finish it in the next couple of days.
I wish I had your dinner skillz!! It is not my favorite part of the day. We have one very selective eater one that is a decent eater but doesn’t like anything remotely spicy. So they tend to eat something different from us and I make something for Phil and me. It’s such a headache and always a rushed experience since they wanted to eat dinner about 3 minutes after we arrive home, ideally. But someday, I will enjoy making dinner again, but not until I’m retired.
Let me tell you, Lisa, you have something huge to look forward to, and that is when the boys are teens/ tweens. OMG SO SATISFYING. They mow everything down like nobody’s business and it is SO gratifying.
I loved that book so much!!!
Oh Nicole I love the idea of approaching these, let’s say, less desirable parts of the everyday as one would a sand mandala!
I do sometimes wish that a stiff wind would wind its way through my home, whisking away all the fur tumbleweeds. But perhaps if I lean in to the idea that the tumbleweeds are teaching me non attachment to my clean floors I will feel less despair.
Suzanne, I hear you. My floors are generally clean for 30 minutes to 6 hours, depending on how soon Rex goes out or someone else (MY SON WHO WORKS IN A VINEYARD) comes in with muddy boots. NON ATTACHMENT but also, it would be nice for a mopped floor to stay shiny for a while longer.
I’m trying to decide whether the photo that accompanies your discussion of “Pick A Colour” is very artistically staged or an amazing coincidence. It’s gotta be the former, right? Your painted toenails can’t just HAPPEN to be in that photo. (But if it was unintentional, that’s just further proof that we’re living in The Matrix.)
Nice to know you’re an expert weed puller. If you want to scratch that itch some more, I’ve got a yard full of crap that needs digging up.
It was absolutely staged!!! Thanks for noticing!
Hahahaha thanks for the offer!
What a beautiful way to think about everyday tasks – making sand mandalas! I really love that. You’re going to Africa!! How exciting! I sincerely hope you get to meet a giraffe. My husband and I go to Costco together nowadays too, and it’s SO much nicer for me. When I used to go alone (because hubby was working) I remember being exhausted after lugging 24-packs of Perrier, bulk laundry detergent, and every other HUGE item through the checkout and cramming them into my car. I always seemed to end up with some kind of minor injury – scraping my hand on the cart, hurting my back lifting heavy items, and once I even dropped a huge glass jar of mayonnaise on my foot. Having my husband’s help makes a huge difference. To me, that’s a hot date!!
Oooof I know what you mean about the physical labour that is Costco. I used to think it was better than any CrossFit class, pushing a heavy cart through the snowy parking lot with the wind whistling in my face…and then unloading it all into the house and carrying it all downstairs to the pantry…SO MUCH WORK!
My husband and I go to Costco together and he really ruins my vibe. I want to go up and down every aisle and examine the new books and toys that have been added, even though I’ve never bought a single book or toy. I want to spend dozens of minutes in the produce section, weighing the pros and cons of the oranges versus mandarins or green beans versus lettuce. But when he comes, we have a list and we must follow the list. And that’s fine! It’s efficient! It’s probably a real cost saver! But sometimes a girl wants a leisurely trip, you know?
OMG your husband and I would get along so well. That’s how I shop too! And now my husband will grudgingly do it my way but at first he always wanted to look at other things. I was all stern: NO. WE ARE GETTING WHAT IS ON THE LIST. THAT IS ALL. I feel like we could reach a happy medium!
NO! Nicole, you are a mission-oriented shopper?! How did I not know this? But how do you find new delicious dips and know when the wrapping paper arrives?
Ohhhh I am on a wrapping paper hiatus because I have SO MUCH. I bought a three-pack of the birthday wrap and I think I’ve gotten through…1/10 of one roll? And I keep buying Christmas wrap so I have a HUGE stash of that.
You know… groceries run and meal prep are our dates activities! so romantic, isn’t it?!
I like the analogy of sand bag, we really can’t hold into anything, thus we need to appreciate the few moments that we can get a hold of anything we love.
Oooh that is a great analogy, thanks Coco!
Damn Nicole, you sometimes impress with your metaphors, but the sand mandala is spot on. I also really think you should share some of your non-recipes sometime… it always looks delicious (and no shame in flexing that you have the meal planning and executing down. I do too and I think it’s a honorable skill!).
Also, I also rescue grocery carts in the Costco parking lot (I know it’s a huge pet peeve of yours that people don’t take them back to where they belong and I couldn’t agree more!)
SAN!!!! Thank you for rescuing carts! It IS my pet peeve, why are people so lazy???
I will share some non-recipes! Thanks for the post idea, it’s a good one!
I love when my husband is around to do errands with, and that he wants to do them with me. ‘Date night’ is a concept that always sort of intimidates me, but errands are a low-risk way to spend time together.
The Bobbsey Twins! We had shelves and shelves of those books when I was young. Nan and Bert! Freddie and Flossie! Two sets of twins, no wonder it seemed like the mother was kind of absent, poor woman was probably exhausted.
Costco spikes my anxiety, but no complaints about the parking lot – ours has splendidly wide spaces and I appreciate it every time I am there.
I still have all my Bobbsey Twins copies! That one, and Adventures On The Farm were my absolute favourites.
I don’t belong to Costco or Sam’s Club. I think I’m the only one who doesn’t have that secret card you flash like a bar you’re entering to make a secret bet..lol. I love that you’re doing a 360 from a Bobbsey Twin book to the real thing. So exciting! PS I’m super good at organizing and being neat!
It’s a secret, exclusive club that we Costco members are in! And – I don’t want to brag but – WE HAVE THE EXECUTIVE MEMBERSHIP. It’s SO fancy! Lol!
I love organizing things and it kind of puts me off when things aren’t in their “place.” I like neatness! We are twins!
I used to be a master at getting dinner on the table with the weekly meal plan and everything but now I mostly decide on the day what we’re going to eat and walk 500m to the shop to buy what I need. It’s better in some ways and worse in others and of course completely impractical for when I was running after kids all the time. My son was saying he has been picking up what they need for dinner each night on his way home from work. He saves money that way because he doesn’t buy ingredients for meals he doesn’t end up making.
Do you like your KOBO. I am thinking of getting one. I notice you still get paper books as well.
Whatever works – your son sounds like he knows what he’s doing! I think it takes a little while to figure out meal plans to ensure no food waste (sometimes I still find a lone mushy mini cucumber in the crisper!)
I do like my Kobo, but mostly for travel. I like loading it up with like ten books before I go on a trip. Kobos are compatible with Libby and the Canadian library system, which is the main reason I have one, as opposed to a Kindle. I greatly prefer reading on paper books, but the Kobo is unbeatable for travelling.
This was lovely to read. The concept of impermanence with chores is definitely something that I need to remember. BUT! It could be worse. I’ve always wanted to hire a cleaner but then… it doesn’t stay clean… so it doesn’t save me time really…
When are you going on your safari adventure???? That’d be so amazing!
Daria, I feel the same way about a cleaner! Unless they are in my house every day, it’s a waste of money (can you imagine having a cleaner coming every day? So expensive). I don’t mind cleaning, really, but then I’m not as busy as you are!
I will be telling you everything about the safari! It’s in South Africa and we are going to three different game reserves. I can’t wait!
Bobbsey Twins TAKES ME BACK. Those are the stories of my early childhood. I read them all and loved them so, so much. (That and Nancy Drew.)
I am trying to find Koroko and none of my libraries seem to have it; I may need to buy it new because it sounds AMAZING!!!
A safari. I cannot wait to hear all about it, my friend.
Did you also like Trixie Belden? I liked her a lot, but Bobbsey Twins were my favourite. SO MANY CLIFFHANGERS!
As I said to you on text, I want to somehow consume Koroko and have it in me at all times!
Ah, Nicole, you and I have many things in common (I too read the Bobbsey Twins), but keeping a stocked pantry and fridge is not one of them. I tip my hat to people who do and plan their meals, I’ve just never been able to. Having lived this long, you’d think I’d be an expert and some things, but now that I think about it – nope, nothing comes to mind. I’m an expert at procrastinating, if that counts. Off on a safari! How cool!
There are lots of things I don’t do – but yes, grocery shopping and dinner is my thing!
I’m currently on a plane that was set to leave at 5:30PM. We’ve been sitting on the plane since 6:00 or so. This has been a test in staying present and not getting worked up. Definitely requiring yoga breath. I too love a full pantry and fridge, it feels so satisfying! Sometimes I wonder why I clean, it seems I turn around and it’s a mess again! Such is life…
Oh god, flying can be so annoying! I hope you made it to your destination safely and not too late.
Something about your sand mandala idea… it makes you wonder what the real product of one’s labour is, no? Is the product of making delicious meals the salad itself? Or is it the nourishment we give our bodies, the joy we have in tasty food, the satisfaction of combining foods in ways that satisfy. The salad is just the physical thing.
Is the idea of not holding on to things and leaning into impermanence – is it specifically about physical things? Or are their emotional/mental/things of the soul that are equally impermanent and we should learn not to hold on to them?
It’s probably all of those things – nourishment, joy, satisfaction, and the pretty salad!
You certainly do have Good Cart Karma! Also, I can’t put away or save a parking lot cart without thinking of you.
My husband always wants me to tag along with him to Costco, even stating that it’s like a date. Me? Hell no, that is NOT a date. 🤣 But, fun is what we make of our daily life.
You’ve given me more books to look into for future reading. I hope you enjoyed your houseguests Immensely.
Fun is what we make it! Not that I would necessarily put Costco in the fun category, but it’s nice to have company.
OMG until I moved out the house we had lived in for 38 years, I had Bobbsey Twin books. I never re-read them, but I just loved having them. I put them in a free little library to go to good home. Sigh.
I hope someone is enjoying those books right now!
I love that you read that Bobbsey Twins book before your African safari. I’ve always wanted to go on one, but I don’t know if I’m adventurous enough. I will live vicariously through you!
GET READY STEPHANY!!! You will be inundated with photos!