Our houseguests have gone home and it occurred to me, not for the first time, that our friendship is rare, in the world of Couple Friends: all four of us get along, as they say, like a house on fire. Not only that, but our kids all get along. Our older kids were born on the exact same day, only two hours apart, and even though those two had that special bond, they both have fun with the other two as well. In other words, all eight of us get along in any and all permutations and combinations, and I think that is very special. These are Our Friends, as opposed to friends who “belong” more to one partner than the other.
I don’t believe that when you get married, you have to share everything, even friends. There are things that are shared and there are things that are individual, and this extends to household items. The houseplants are mine, the leaf blower is my husband’s. The Peloton is mine, the squat rack is his. We share the Vitamix but each have our own coffee maker; mine is a standard drip pot, his is a fancy espresso machine that I refuse to learn how to work. The grills are his and the stand mixer is mine, the puzzle board is shared property. The televisions and sound systems are his, the piano is mine. The camper is his, but I think he wishes it was ours. Alas for him.
Nicole’s Favourite Things: The Mine, His, Ours Edition
Ours: Wine Tastings
If you visit me, there is a 100% chance that I will take you for a wine tasting. It is my number one activity to do with houseguests, and there is a special, personal reason for it that goes beyond my love of wine: my husband’s family used to own the vineyard and winery that is now Tantalus. My husband’s grandfather worked to own the land, and my husband himself planted a number of the old Riesling plants that are still producing fruit. The backstory might be his, but I count this as ours since our son now works for this very vineyard. And also, again, I love wine.
Mine: The Veggie Garden
I mentally split up our yard as well as the interior of our house. The large perennial border is ours, but the lawn is definitely his. The veggie garden, on the other hand, is mine. It’s early in the season yet, but everything is coming up nicely. I have already harvested the arugula, and the kale will not be far behind.
Anyone else hear the ominous music playing? IT BEGINS.
Every year, I kind of forget the vast volume of greens we get. It’s a good problem to have! Arugula salad for all!
His: The Iris Garden
I think of our flower planters as ours, but also a little bit mine, while the iris garden is definitely his. There were several old irises and tulips growing above the rock wall that lines our carport when we moved here, and my husband has spent a lot of time restoring the overgrown bed, weeding and dividing and planting. May is the month it really shines!
Mine: Gnomes
This is an obvious one; the gnomes are clearly mine. This year I decided to hide them all within the gardens, and seeing them poke out between the plants makes me smile. It’s the kind of thing I would have loved as a child, hidden gnomes, and it brings me so much delight.
Mine: Special Sunscreen
When we travel, my husband does not pack shampoo because, as he says, hotels always provide it. This is true, but also, I will never not take my own hair care products. Who knows what kind of products they have? Who knows what state my hair will be in, using some random product? What if they only have 2-in-1 shampoo and conditioner? Relatedly, he uses the same sunscreen on his face that he uses on his body and there, as with using hotel shampoo, I draw a very thick and bold line. I am very choosy about the sunscreen I will use on my face, and my current favourite is one that my friend Suzanne alerted me to: Neutrogena Face Serum Sunscreen. (HI SUZANNE)
It doesn’t leave a residue, it absorbs quickly, and it works under makeup. What more do I want from a sunscreen, other than SPF protection?
The makeup table that the sunscreen is pictured on is something else that is mine, and mine alone, although the ensuite is ours.
Outfit of the Month
I don’t think I have ever in my entire life considered my husband’s opinion when I buy clothes or get dressed. I just assume that if I like my outfit, he will too, but even if he didn’t, it would have no effect on my sartorial choices. As my beloved Aunty C says, I dress for me.
To that end, this month’s outfit involves a black tee from the Gap, Skechers shoes, the world’s most comfortable pants from Lululemon, and a silk scarf from Cambodia. I wore this for a girl’s lunch out, but I think this is a perfect travel outfit. I’ve had those pants for years and they are versatile, light, and stretchy. What more do I want out of pants?
Of course, this blog is mine, and mine alone. Perhaps my husband would have a different view on things, but he doesn’t have a blog! I’m pretty sure he agrees on the iris garden, makeup table, and gnomes though. What are your favourite things this month, friends? Tell me everything. xo
We got married kind of late in life (36) so I feel like we have less that is “ours” and more that is his/hers. We are both fiercely independent people but we meld well together. The house is “ours” but nearly all of our furniture was acquired before we got married so there are things we own that the other person wouldn’t have chosen (like my dining room table which I love – he’d prefer a different style or the area rugs he purchased which are fine but not what I would have chosen). And the piano is definitely mine! I’ve heard people refer to marriages as either start-ups or mergers; ours is definitely a merger!
A new favorite thing for me this past month is chia seeds! I eat them in my yogurts and oatmeal. They can be annoying to pick out of my teeth but it’s a nice way to get some extra fiber (trying to get more fiber = “tell me you are in your 40s/50s without telling me you are in your 40s/50s).
I love chia seeds too!
We merged furniture when we were first living together, but all that furniture has moved on to other households! I can’t think of a single piece in the house that we didn’t buy together – oh wait, I have a decorative piano stool that was my great-grandma’s. The piano is mine because I am the piano player, but we did buy it together (my childhood one went to another home!). The TV’s are his because I don’t care about TV’s!
You have a beautiful property. I love the hidden gnomes and I am envious of the garden. Between a cold spring and Beth being gone for the past couple weeks we’re behind getting plants in the ground. Preparing the beds is a her-job. Plus, even if I wanted to dig them up, I’m about to leave to join her and we won’t be home until the second week of June, so I’m not sure how much of a garden we’ll actually have this year. It depends on how well the seedlings in pots do without me looking over them.
I hope your seedlings do okay! When we lived in Calgary I did all the work on the gardens, he did all the work on the lawn. But here, the gardens are really really big so we both do a lot of work in them. He definitely does allllll the work in the irises, which is no small feat. He helps me prepare the veggie garden by rototilling and netting the berries, adding soil, etc., but in general I do all the work in the growing season.
I’m with your husband on the shampoo while travelling. I just use whatever the accommodations provide. Sunscreen though – yes, face and body have entirely two different needs. Love your gnomes and your garden and taking your guests to a winery. What a delightful hostess you must be. Things I’m loving this month: flowers on my counter, getting together with friends and so much laughter! You can’t underestimate the power of a good belly laugh.
Oh so true, Pearl, there’s nothing like laughing until you’re crying and your stomach hurts!
We are in wine country after all, so it feels like my duty to have my guests enjoy the local offerings! Plus my son works there now, so it’s a nice connection.
That friendship sounds AMAZING! You’re truly lucky to have that.
I love the hidden gnomes, and I love those black pants! They’re Lululemon- do they still make them? Which ones? I want them!!
I feel like I should know this, but am drawing a blank- what kind of wine do you drink??
First of all, the bad news. I just checked the lulu site and they don’t have the pants! I cannot remember the name either, it was a few years ago I bought them. I’ll keep looking, because sometimes things come back. I have also bought their “city sleek” pants and they are amazing. I have them in different colours and in crops as well.
As for the wine! I generally drink red, and I like a really thick heavy red, like a syrah or shiraz. I also love cab franc and cab sauv. But when it’s summer, I find the red is too heavy, so I like a very cold Riesling or a rose!
I have always been in more of a mine/yours kind of couple. I mean, definitely there were things that were bought when together, or activities that were done together or friends that were shared, but I think I will always keep my own bank account and I don’t really like people borrowing certain things of mine. As far as skincare, I think your husband and I are kindred spirits, as I always just use the hotel shampoo and I put the same sunscreen all over my body (including face).
We’ve been together 28 years and married for 24, so a lot of things have been amassed in the marriage. Like, I don’t think we have any furniture in this house that we didn’t buy together. Also, he doesn’t really borrow anything that I would consider “mine,” but I wouldn’t care if he used my stand mixer, for example. We have both separate and joint bank accounts.
You use the same sunscreen on your face? I feel like it would be too heavy for me – also I wear makeup over top, and I know you don’t, so maybe that’s part of it!
I feel like 90% in our house is mine LOL – my husband is so very non-materialistic and he often sighs if I bring home another thing (which often turns out to be something he likes/enjoys but would have never thought about or bought himself). I wish my husband would be a little bit more “into things”…
Your garden is amazing, I live vicariously through your raised beds, your vegetable bounty, and your delightful gnomes!
Your outfit looks so comfy and chic, and I love that scarf!
I am like your husband in one respect: the TV! I think that if left to my own devices, I’d still have the 12 inch TV/ VHS combo I had back in the 90s. So I definitely think of it as his TV!
Thank you – I love the garden and gnomes too! I feel like that outfit would suit you as well.
Garden gnomes!!! I can’t think of anything more delightful. I think I need some outdoor gnomes ASAP! I can just see myself talking to them whenever I come across them. Do you talk to your gnomes? We’re about to celebrate 33 years of marriage, so most of the stuff in our house is “ours”. But I have my Peloton, my sewing room, my piano, my craft supplies, and my dollhouse. Does he have anything? Most of his stuff deals with the ranch, like tools, tractors, equipment, fencing supplies, etc. That’s all his!
I love your clothes and scarf!
Michelle! You don’t have garden gnomes? YES YOU DO NEED SOME IMMEDIATELY!!! I am always talking to the garden generally, telling it that it’s doing great!
Our situations are similar – all of the equipment and tools are definitely his!
I feel the same way about our friend group (kind of yours, but times two, I guess). The kids still hang out together, WITH US, voluntarily! So weird.
Many, many of the things in our life are very much Mine or His. I wash and cook stuff, he cleans up and fixes stuff. He loves hot weather, I very much do not. Sometimes we just stare at each other in mutual incomprehension. But I think our parenting skills complement each other well, and we like being together even when a lot of being together for us is parallel play.
Parallel play! That describes a lot of our evenings, when I’m reading and he’s watching sports!
Random question that popped into my mind that really doesn’t have anything to do with this post- does your husband read your blog? My husband does, theoretically, but he usually forgets all about it. Then he’ll pop in randomly and read a post, compliment me, and forget all about it again. I’m fine with that!
I love your garden, the gnomes, and those mountains in the background. So you’re telling me if I came to visit I could see mountains AND go to a wine tasting. Hmmm….
When I travel, which isn’t much, I just use the hotel shampoo. Or better yet, I’ll wash my hair right before we leave and if the trip is short enough, I won’t need any shampoo at all. With sunscreen… let’s just say I’m trying to get better about what I put on my face in general. It’s come to my attention that people are very particular about what products they use, and those people look way better than me. I’m slowly but surely coming around to the “take care of your skin” philosophy.
Jenny, now that he is retired he does read the blog! Back when he was working he read it only rarely.
Yes! If you visited, there would be mountains, a lake, and definitely wine!
I am one of those people who is very particular about the products that I use on my face – actually, all the products, because I’m very fussy about my hair care as well.
We have a bit of the mine/yours/ours thing going. The garden is mine, while the lawns/tiles are G’s. The house and car are technically all mine, but in practice, the house is ours, and the car is G’s. I also rely on whatever shampoo the accommodation has. I have two lots of sunscreen, but I use the main sunscreen on my body and on my face if I am using it that day (eg beach days or extended periods outside in summer in the middle of the day). If I just need sunscreen on my face (most days), then I use my face sunscreen. I know that’s weird, but if I use the main sunscreen I’m usually doing something that will require me having a shower as soon as I get home and washing my face.
I love your garden gnomes peaking out from the plants. Very cute!
Oh, that makes sense, if you’re going to wash it off anyway and if it doesn’t bother your skin, why not!
Your husband’s family used to have a vineyard?! How cool is that! But now I’m even more upset that you’re not coming to the Cape Town winelands! There are over 300-something vineyards waiting here for you, Nicole!! (see how I’m desperately selling Cape Town to you??)
We are married for 33 years TODAY and we definitely have “his” and “hers”. I would never touch his car (we only have one and I’m permanently assigned Passenger Princess status), his desk/laptop, or his wine.
My great victory? I control the TV remote!! Granted, only for the one hour before I go to bed, but still. You have to celebrate all the wins you can get 😆.
OMG happy anniversary Catrina!!! *throws confetti* *feels bad about the mess* *vacuums up confetti*
I love love love that you have Passenger Princess status. It’s my dream to have my own chauffeur! I mean, I kind of have one in my husband, but he can’t ALWAYS drive me around…
Ooooh 300 vineyards! I have had South African wine and it IS delightful. Another plus for Cape Town!
It’s SANDAL season! My toes can be free. That’s the biggest win right now.
I wish one of us thought of the outside as “ours.” Instead, no one claims it and the yard is a jungle. Our neighbor has actually started coming into our yard and digging out plants and it turns out that I just don’t care. STEAL IT ALL, ROBYN.
Hahahaha is Robyn coming in on the sly to dig those plants? That’s really funny!
SANDALS. Love that season!
Robyn literally digs them up AND then texts me. I haven’t cared yet.
We did hire some guys to come out and clear the beds and lay down gardening barriers and mulch so that is being done AS I WRITE THIS. I might have to tell Robyn to calm down until I figure out what’s next.
Your veggie gardens are so beautiful, Nicole! As is “his” iris garden – the colors are gorgeous! A favorite thing from my month is a decision I made to have a “uniform” for my daughter’s dance comp weekends; no decisions or perseverating, just black jeans + a t-shirt with a sassy dance mom saying + sensible sneakers. One less thing to plan for was a gift, haha!
Oh I love a uniform! I feel like I have seasonal uniforms as well. It’s such a smart idea, no decisions necessary!
Fully agree of dressing for ourselves. I also never ask my husband’s permission for almost anything I do for fun (shopping, running, books, travels). I think that’s a big part of why we have a good marriage as we respect space and autonomy of each other while enjoying each others company.
Coco, yes! It always makes me sad when someone needs to ask “permission” of their spouse.
I love all your hidden gnomes! So cute.
Thank you so much! They make me smile!
What a gorgeous property you have. That view! How do you live there and not dissolve into tears because of it (and feel constant gratitude)?
Maybe you do.
Those irises are incredible. I don’t have room for them in my small yard, but if I did, I’d have as many as possible. Some of them smell so heavenly. Do your husband’s have a scent?
I love the hidden gnomes. I have small figures tucked into some spots of my back yard such as an iron frog, lizard, and a few others, especially around the pond area. Soon to be placed will be my little ghostie rocks. That’s definitely my thing. Rick is more about maintenance outdoors than he is aesthetics.
I DO feel constant gratitude, Nance! It feels pretty amazing to be here.
The irises aren’t scented, not that I can tell anyway.
I love love LOVE that you have little figures in your backyard. I would absolutely love to see more photos of those!
Many years ago, my husband was gifted tickets to see the rock band Rush in Las Vegas. I’ve seen them a couple of times, but it’s really, really his thing, not mine. So he invited his BFF to go. They made the long drive, spent the night, saw the concert, spent a second night, and made the long drive home. I was so relieved to not have to go. His BFF asked him, “How did you get Julie to let you come? I had to do x, y, z.” I was shocked. I mean, first I didn’t even want to go, but to have to ASK to do something you really want to do (or wear, or hairstyle, whatever) is crazy. I mean, sure kids were smaller back then, and it meant I was home alone with a kid, and BFF’s wife was home alone with 2 kids…but still. It’s a weekend. The tickets were free. They stayed at a cheap motel and ate cheap. I could understand if it were an expensive trip or something, but wow.
Anyway, your husband’s iris’s are indeed amazing, as is your garden. I love plants, but I put very little work into keeping them alive, and it shows. Sadly.
Ugh, J, that kind of thing makes me crazy. There’s a big difference between “checking if it works for the other partner” and “asking permission/ getting someone to let you do x” It feels kind of gross!
Yes, that’s it exactly. Nothing wrong with making sure it fits into our life, but permission? It is gross. I could go on for quite a while about the imbalance of power in that marriage, even though I do like them both a lot. I won’t bore you, but let’s just sum it up with something BFF’s sister told him: “You’re living her life, not yours.”
*raises eyebrows*
This is definitely a fun list and breakdown! I’m right with you on the wine tasting (and I’d put that as one of the few things in my “ours” category). All the more special given your family connections. And those irises are fantastic. I have a soft spot for irises (Aunt Iris was one of my favorite aunts.) These are just beautiful. And I’m a tad envious of your garden. You’ll be eating well and it’s lovely.
It’s hard for me to find a lot of “ours.” We’ve been together 30 years but not married (maybe someday when we’re older!). So in the “Mine” category fall my house, cottage and cat; and paints. For Rick it’s his house, guitar and bicycle. Classical concerts are his thing, Broadway and theatre mine (though we cross the “ours” line on those too.) I suppose travel falls into an “ours” — at least some travel! It’s a bit of a tough call. Maybe when we move in together in a couple of years that distinction will be easier!
Travel is definitely “ours,” but I will say he does the planning and I do the going! It’s the way I like it!
I love that you had an Aunt Iris! I don’t think I have any family members with flower names. Oh wait, yes, I had an Aunt Violet, but everyone just called her Vi.
Well, since my husband and I share a love of the same activity (wine tasting at wineries), HELLO Nicole!!! My dream job would be to work at a winery, serving flights to people from around the world. Just chatting and making new friends. THE LIFE!
All your flowers are so lovely. All we’ve been getting is rain and colder temps, with just a few hot and humid days thrown in. We are headed out of town for an outdoor wedding, in the rain! I’m not happy, but I feel so bad for the bride!
Oh what a bummer about the wedding! That’s really too bad.
You would love it here, Bijoux! So many wineries!
I hear you on the “mine” and “his”..Both of us know that it’s all ours, but we both know that some things are certainly separated. I know that when it comes to decorating, it’s pretty much my decision. Let’s face it. He doesn’t have a style and some things he suggests, I cringe a little..lol. He has a knack for landscaping. He knows what looks good with what plant, and when this plant dies back, the one next to it will bloom. It’s all about balance, I suppose! Your view from your yard is always stunning!
Judy, it sounds like you have a really great partnership! It IS all about balance!
I laughed out loud seeing your zucchini plants with ALL the space around them…yes, we’re all preparing for the onslaught of your lovely garden, which provides so much good food, but also so much good blog fodder. How cute to hide your gnomes! Your potted plants always make me swoon—looks like a page out of Home And Gardens.
Nicole, we also have several couples who we never tire of, and our kids love them and their kids too. Some of them we’ve been sharing time (holidays, vacations, big events) with for the last forty years. I always feel blessed when it comes to our relationships.
How sweet that your husband has his Iris Garden; I’m so impressed!
I have so many favorite things this month—where to begin? My kids, my grandbabies, our newly finished home, time spent with dear friends and family. I am a lucky girl!
We are such lucky women, Suz! So much joy in our lives. I am so happy you also have those friends who are like family – and not to mention your actual family, which is a true blessing!
I allowed for a LOT of space for the zucchinis! GET READY EVERYONE!
Your garden is just… *heart eyes* I am not someone who has ever felt any sort of DESIRE toward gardening, but I just want to plop down right in the middle of your garden and live there forever. You’ll have to do all the ACTUAL gardening (sorry), but I will be very, very appreciative and give lots of Words of Affirmation!
What’s mine is the cats. I’m just grateful they let me use things like the couch and the bed and my laptop (Lila loves lying on an open laptop) from time to time.
Also, was it you who recommended the Tarte BB Blur?? Because I AM OBSESSED. That is my favorite thing right now!
Oh my gosh the view from your garden is spectacular. I can see why you would enjoy spending time out there, it’s fantastic.
Quick list of his and my things:
– Garden and lawn: his
– Kitchen: his
– Coffee machine: his
– My office: mine
– His office: his
– Bookshelves: mine
– Wine fridge and cabinet: ours (fellow wine lovers over here)
– Craft supplies: mine
– Garage: his
Um, brb. I’m having an identity crisis over realising I don’t really declare much at home to be mine.