I was at the library the other day, and the woman at the checkout very warmly thanked me for “bringing in my library card today.” My “you’re welcome?” must have sounded exactly the way I felt, and so she started to explain that not everyone brings their cards in, and pointed me to a little sign, heretofore unperceived by me. The sign gave numerous helpful hints as to how to remember to bring your library card to the library, such as putting your card with other important items, like a credit card or house keys. I tried to imagine a scenario in which I strong-arm the librarians into lending me books without a card. It’s one of those problems that I never would have guessed was a problem.
I met a former sex worker while in line at Superstore. I have many interesting conversations while grocery shopping, but this was the most fascinating. The woman was about my age, with shortish light brown hair, large glasses, a stoutish figure, and a fairly plain face. She was wearing a long down vest overtop a hoodie. In other words, she looked just like anyone you might see shopping at Superstore, and the only difference was she had a very fancy-looking bag made out of fur. She informed me it was from a fur coat given to her by a client when she was eighteen, but it didn’t fit her anymore, so she had part of it turned into a purse. It was a reminder to her to be grateful that she could pay for groceries without turning tricks anymore. Actually, her exact words were It used to be $125 for a suck and a fuck, but things are more expensive now. I’d have to do a lot more to pay for this! Grocery costs, am I right? Honestly, it was kind of inspiring. She wasn’t ashamed of her past, she did what she had to do to support her children, and now she had moved on in life.
Speaking of gratitude, today is a very special day! It is not only our 24th wedding anniversary, but it is also our older son’s 22nd birthday. It’s also Rex’s fifth birthday, and honestly, that is a lot of things in one day. Since Mondays are our son’s busiest day, we celebrated yesterday with a dinner out and, of course, cake.
What a joy to have this spiky-haired fellow in my life, what a gift he gave me when he made me a mom.
My husband and I have never really celebrated our anniversary on the actual day – this is a result of spending one’s second anniversary on the labour and delivery floor. That said, we have many exciting plans for this, our twenty-fifth year of marriage. My friend Laura (HI LAURA) recently discussed the unique features of long marriages, saying growing old with the love of your life is both an honor and marathon of patience, and there is a beauty in it that you never expected, and I agree.
I read The Five People You Meet In Heaven in 2003, and even though we had been married only a year at that time, a paragraph stood out and stayed with me. Marguerite said something about the bikini bathing suits the young girls were wearing and how she would never have the nerve to wear such a thing. Eddie said the girls were lucky, because if she did the men would not look at anyone else. And even though by this point Marguerite was in her mid-40s and her hips and thickened and a web of small lines had formed around her eyes, she thanked Eddie gratefully and looked at his crooked nose and wide jaw. The waters of their love fell again from above and soaked them as surely as the sea that gathered at their feet.
It’s one of the simplest, but most touchingly beautiful paragraphs about marriage I have come across.
Of course, I know many of you will wonder how we celebrated Rex, and I will merely reiterate what I say at Christmas: every day is Christmas for Rex, except actual Christmas. He is a creature who revels in sameness and predictability, and is much less happy when his daily schedule is disrupted. For such a big galoompa, he has an incredibly delicate digestive system, and he is also a fussy eater with a long memory. In other words, should we give him a very special treat, even if he can eat it without resulting in my grimly cleaning up after him and regretting all my choices, he will expect it every single day from here on out, and is likely to hunger strike when given his regular food. So we celebrate Rex by giving him the love and regular treats he gets every day. Every day is his birthday! Except his birthday.
Weekly Reading
If last week’s reading theme was Straight White Men, then this week’s is Grief. I am grieving that I actually read the entirety of one of the books, let me tell you. I should have DNF’d it.
The Unexpected Journey. In the interest of full disclosure, I must say that I picked this up thinking it was a memoir. It is NOT. It is a prescriptive manual on caretaking for individuals with various forms of dementia, and I believe that there would be good takeaways for anyone caring for terminally or chronically ill people. There are some very sobering statistics regarding the toll this takes on caregivers’ health, and some very encouraging words about accepting help and caring for oneself while caring for others. It’s an easy-to-read book, very simply and clearly laid out, and I can see this being a very good resource for anyone who is a caregiver, particularly of a person with cognitive decline. It wasn’t right for me, but it could be very useful for someone else.
How To Lose Your Mother. I read Fear of Flying years ago and I remember exactly two things from it: a lot of chlamydia, and the “zipless fuck.” The author of this book asks us to imagine being the only child of Erica Jong, the woman who brought us the concept of the zipless fuck, where two strangers just come together and fuck, no strings, and almost no words. The author also says that she has no compunction – none! – in writing about her mother, since her mother wrote about her for her entire life. And this is where I have a problem, not with the tit-for-tatness of this book, but because the author states that she loves her mother MORE than a daughter has EVER loved a mother, and that the two of them are closer than ANYONE could EVER be. Those statements are followed by what is quite honestly a grim and disturbing account of life with a dementia-addled narcissist. I don’t blame her for her resentment and bitterness; by all accounts Jong-Fast had a very unhappy childhood with a neglectful and distant mother, one more interested in exploiting all her relationships than having loving ones. But the details of her mother now – SHE IS STILL ALIVE – are awful. Jong-Fast writes about her mother losing control of her bowels in bed, never showering, and drinking all day long. The best-case scenario that I can think of is that Jong-Fast needed money to keep her mother in what she calls The Most Expensive Nursing Home In The World, and so she wrote this gross and mean memoir to get some cold hard cash. The worst part about this book is the writing. It is very poorly written. It reads like a collection of unedited Morning Pages. The sentences are jerky and abrupt, the story, such as it is, is disjointed, and it is SO repetitive and full of name-drops. If we had a drink every time she wrote “since I got sober” or dropped a big name, we would all be hospitalized for alcohol poisoning before the second chapter. The is an affront to every aspiring author out there who is struggling to get published. This is the problem! Nepotism is the problem! AND I CONTRIBUTED TO THIS PROBLEM BY READING THIS ABSOLUTE GARBAGE. Well, I did it, so you don’t have to.
Promise Me Sunshine. I needed a palate cleanser after the last book, and this delivered! This was such a sweet and heartwarming read; a romance between two people who are learning to live again after the loss of loved ones. It is a truly lovely musing on the nature of grief, and how we can lose someone beloved but also keep their memory in our hearts. The characters were charming and well-written, and the whole book was – despite, or maybe because of the sadness – delightful and warm.
I have a exciting and social week ahead of me, friends, including a visit tonight from one of my dearest friends! I hope you have a beautiful week, and I hope spring is springing for you. xo
Your review of that Mother book cracked me up! Love it! Also love you in your wedding dress. Classically stunning is how I’d describe you. Happy Anniversary! And Happy Birthday to your son. One of our grandchildren was born on our anniversary and I appreciate that because I will always remember her birthday. My daughter had all three of her kids in August (on purpose!!! I’ve never understood her reasoning for that) so it can be a challenge to get the dates straight.
My husband’s birthday is this week, but he has a big meeting that day in the late afternoon, so I decided to make his cake yesterday. He always jokes about ‘Double Chocolate Cherry Surprises’ being the best thing ever. So, I made a chocolate cake that had dark sour cherries in the mix, a cherry preserve spread in the middle, and a chocolate icing. He was quite pleased.
On purpose! That’s skill! I was…not good at timing things like that!
That cake sounds delicious, honestly. Yum! Almost like a black forest cake!
Happy anniversary and happy human and canine birthdays! The cake looks lovely.
W&W turned two on St. Patrick’s Day. I took him outside for 20 minutes, supervised, because that is always what he wants most. And for her, I met every bid for attention with cuddles and pets, because that’s what she always wants most (and gets every day, but she just got more than usual).
Awww that is very sweet, Steph. BTW happy birthday to North!!!
I love your honest reviews and also Happy Anniversary and Happy Birthday to your son and Rex! That marriage quote is beautiful and so is your wedding pic!
PS. That Superstore story is awesome. 🙂
Thanks so much Anna (definitely skip that book! Unless you want to hate-read)
Who doesn’t bring their library card? Our library even has an app and if you’re logged on, your card IS RIGHT THERE. I do not understand my fellow humans.
So much celebration in your house all at once! Yay for everyone! Birthdays, anniversaries, and everything else! Any excuse for cake is welcomed in my world.
I loved Promise Me Sunshine. It delivered! There was sunshine! Also, if you wanted a glimpse into my own married life, that book is about as close at it gets.
See, that was my question. I didn’t even know it was possible to ASK to take out library books without my card! The Calgary library has an app with the card, which was handy, but this one didn’t.
I love knowing that about your married life! Are you the Lenny or the Miles? Or do you switch on and off between the two? It was a lovely book.
Hee hee! Rex!!! I actually know exactly what you mean… Muffin’s birthday is coming up, and I thought of all the fun things we could do for her, including making a “cat birthday cake” (actual recipes online of cakes that a cat could eat, which are actually things like pureed cat treats made to look like a cake) but then I thought about how much I would be cleaning up vomit. She also has a sensitive digestive system, and it’s not worth it. So we will just give her lots of love… as we do every day.
I love the baby photo of your son, and your wedding picture!!!
That second book sounds horrible, but Promise Me Sunshine has been beloved by so many bloggers, I might try it, even though it’s a romance. It actually sounds good!
Hahaha YES YOU GET ME.
Promise Me Sunshine IS a romance but it’s more than that – it’s kind of a book about friendship and grieving and living with loss. I really liked it!
Happy Anniversary! Happy birthdays! As a former librarian in a small town, I can verify that people often don’t bring their library cards. Not only that, but they’d expect staff to know who they were and get offended if they were asked for their names! (Or how to spell their names! Ha! Ha!) (And we usually DID know who they were.) It wasn’t a huge deal to look them up, but I always had a warm spot in my heart for those who were kind enough to present their card, as it did make things easier. And of course you are a considerate person who presents her library card! And you have the most interesting conversations in grocery store lines!
Michelle, I had NO idea this was a thing! It cements my idea that Kelowna is a small town. It’s not technically, but it has that feel! I didn’t know not having a library card was even an option at the library!
I love that pic of you in your wedding dress – classic and gorgeous! And that cake! I did once go to the library without my card (not sure why, I think I was on a walk and decided to pop in to pick up my holds). Anyway they let me check out my books after confirming a few details (I had no ID on me) but said it would be a one-time thing. I was very grateful. Happy anniversary.
Oh that was nice of them to give you that grace! I just always have my wallet with me so no problem – but I didn’t even know you COULD take a book out without a library card!
Happy Anniversary and birthday to your oldest – and birth day to you. I feel like moms should also be celebrated on their children’s birthdays to honor the work we did to bring them into the world!! Do you still vividly remember his birth? I still recall the many details of Paul’s sort of stressful arrival, which ended with an emergency c-section. I wonder if those details will ever fade!
I’m so puzzled at the library card thing. I actually have my library card number memorized because I misplaced my card at some point but I worry that something will go wrong with my many eBook holds if I get a new one. I recently found the mini card that goes on a keychain when we were emptying out the stroller to prepare to sell it at some point! So now I no longer have to type it in, but I still do most of the time since it’s such a habit.
Oof, that book about the mom while she’s still living… That’s a bad look. I plan to read that last one, though. Right now I’m reading “More Than Enough” by Anna Quindlen and I’m really liking it! There’s infertility and dementia storylines in the book but neither are triggers for me.
I do vividly remember his birth! Also I had preeclampsia so I remember being SO BORED on bed rest.
Well now I feel like I should memorize my library card number! Eep!
Happy anniversary and happy birthday to your son! Love springtime celebrations!
The mayor of the city I lived in didn’t have his library card and was quite indignant with my colleague about being able to sign out his books. My colleague stood his ground when the mayor said, “Do you know who I am?” His reply, “No, that’s why I need your library card.” LOL That story was staffroom fodder for weeks!
I read Virginia Roberts Giuffre’s memoir, Nobody’s Girl. Oh, it is so sad and infuriating, but I am glad I read it.
There is a scene in Tina Fey’s Bossypants in which she’s working at the YMCA, and a YMCA bigwig came in without his ID and was like “Don’t you know who I am?” She was like “We have never met before.” That reminded me of this! Lol!
Hmmm…should I read that memoir? Going to look it up right now!
I never remember my library card!! 😬To the point that I added it to my phone so I can check books out anyway. However, our librarians can use any ID to look up a card, so they are quite blase about those of us who forget.
Happy anniversary!!!! And happy birthday to two of your boys. 🥳🩷🥰
I didn’t know this was a thing, that you could use ID! I just always have my wallet with me so I always have my card.
I lost my library card for a few years so always checked out at the machine where I could use my login. I have continued to use the self-checkout on the rare occasion I take out a non ebook My thought when you spoke about the woman at the counter was “of course Nicole always goes to the counter- it’s another chance for her to have human interaction”! Love the grocery line convo- you meet the most interesting people. Wow. Congrats on many happy years as well as your boy & dog birthdays!
Well to be honest, this branch doesn’t have self-checkout! So I am always at the counter. In Calgary I almost always used self-checkout because I almost always had Barkley with me, and would leave him tied to the bench outside. I was always worried that something would happen to him (what? I don’t know. Someone would steal him? He’d be sad? Someone would think I abandoned him? I really don’t know) so I would just dash in, grab my holds, zoop through the self-checkout, and dash out!
Happy Anniversary, Nicole! I absolutely love your wedding photo. So elegant!
We got married in 1993 and my wedding dress and hairstyle reflects the era…. it’s quite hilarious.
That Eddy & Marguerite paragraph really sums it up beautifully. A deep appreciation that comes with time. Solid love, that counts for a lot.
I’m excited to see all the things you have lined up for this year. How close to the actual day do you celebrate your anniversary? We celebrate our sometimes a few days later, but mostly WEEKS later!
Oh thank you Catrina! I am just like you – we often celebrate weeks later. Basically if we celebrate within the calendar year I call it a win!
happy anniversary Nicole and happy birthday to your son.
long marriage is really a journey of love, companionship, and forgiveness (to us and to the other person). If we think about the modern society, equal “power” between man and woman, it’s almost a miracle anyone can remain married for decades. It’s also the most beautiful thing/achievement.
Hahaha it does feel like a miracle when you put it like that, Coco! It’s true, it’s a beautiful thing.
Only you can manage to combine a library mention, a conversation with a sex worker at the check out line and THREE anniversaries in ONE post LOL
Happy anniversary (24 years is amazing!) and happy birthday to your son and to Rex! So much love to celebrate! <3
I mean, you KNOW you’re always going to be in for a weird ride with me when I get onto different topics!
Thank you!
Only you can manage to combine a library mention, a conversation with a sex worker at the check out line and THREE anniversaries in ONE post LOL
Happy anniversary (24 years is amazing!) and happy birthday to your son and to Rex! So much love to celebrate! <3
That cake looks delicious. I loved the taking-it-in-stride description of the confrontation with the former sex worker. And I enjoyed enormously the review of the Molly Jong-Fast book.
Thanks so much Swistle! I kind of loved how the sex worker just super-casually mentioned it to me, and then we got into such an interesting discussion!
Happy Birthday Rex! (And your son, and Happy Anniversary to you and Rob!) For Mulder’s last birthday, we made him wear a stupid birthday hat, but made up for it by giving him steak, which he threw up later, so clearly we should have taken a page from your book.
I’m glad you liked Promise Me Sunshine, I really enjoyed it. I never seek out this genre at the bookstore, but when my blog friends say one hits for them, I’m happy to give them a try.
Your dress is so different from the dresses of 10 years prior. I was married in ‘93, and my shoulders are HUGE and puffy. Carolyn Bessette really did brides a favor with that slip dress she wore, didn’t she? You look amazing, I always love it when you share this picture.
I forgot my library card once, and was humiliated, but thankfully the librarian was kind and not judgy, just looked me up with my ID. Now it stays in my wallet so this will not happen again.
When I balance my checkbook (I still have a checkbook), I feel like it’s a gratitude practice for being able to pay my bills. I remember when I was in college, I worked in a hotel and our hours were inconsistent. My roommate worked at the same hotel. So there were weeks where we got hardly any pay, and we had to juggle bills and avoid answering the phone. I’ve never forgotten how stressful that was, and am always grateful to pay all of our bills and have money left over. Kinda like the sex worker with the fur handbag, I guess.
Oh YES, being able to pay bills is such a big thing. You know what I’m constantly grateful for? Running water. I literally think of it every day. It’s an everyday miracle!
My SIL got married in I think 1989 and if you didn’t know the year, you could have 100% guessed it based on the hair and dress style.
Happy anniversary! I gave Annabel a piece of summer sausage after a walk ONE TIME and now she JUMPS HIGHER THAN THE KITCHEN COUNTER after EVERY WALK demanding her sausage. Totally get it.
WHY are their memories so long? Why?
Happy Anniversary & Birthdays!
Thanks Gigi!
Happy Trifecta Day!
I met a sex worker this weekend! I was at a financial independence conference, so I was meeting a ton of people. I rarely ask folks what they do for work, since it’s normally the least interesting thing about a person, but I slipped up and asked, and she answered. I wasn’t sure what to say after that, but now I realized I should have asked her the same questions that I asked all of the non-sex workers: how did she hear about financial independence, where is she in her journey, is she planning to retire early…so in the end it was a missed opportunity. My bad!
Book wise, I am so happy that you read Promise Me Sunshine this week, and oof you needed it to balance out the rest of your reading. I’m putting the other two books on my DNR list (do not read). I have fond memories of sneaking Erica Jong out of my mom’s book stacks at an inappropriate age.
Oh I do wonder now, where she WAS in her financial independence journey. I hope she can retire early.
My mom did NOT have Fear of Flying, so I was an adult when I read all about the zipless fuck! And also so much venereal disease!
I have never met a sex worker anywhere.
To my knowledge.
Happy everything! What a celebratory time at your place. I completely understand (and agree) about Rex’s birthday. Piper, my remaining resident cat, just turned 16 earlier this month. There was literally nothing I could do that would be considered Special for his birthday; this is a cat who demands ice in his water bowl, and I always comply. Sigh. He is the boss of me.
Nance, if this woman hadn’t told me she was a sex worker, (former sex worker) I would have never known! So perhaps you HAVE met some!
Ice in the cat’s water bowl – I bet Rex would love that! I am NOT going to do it or else I will have to do it forever.
Mulder loved ice in his bowl too, but he wouldn’t leave it there, he would pull it out and play with it and make a big mess everywhere, so we rarely gave it to him. Your idea to NOT do it is the correct one.
Eeep! Okay! Noted! My floors are messy enough with big paws that attract dirt and giant body that likes to roll in dry grass!
Happy twenty-fourth anniversary, happy birthday to your adorable spikey little guy (not so little any longer!), and happy birthday/un-birthday to Rex. I had a giggle about everyday being Christmas, except Christmas, and the same with his birthday. You a funny gal!
Ok, I’ve had some bizarre conversations with people, but you have me beat with the former sex worker. And, how does she keep that fur purse groomed? Did you ask that? Because I’d like to know if it gets baths and a blow-dry.
Who would go to the library without a library card? It’s like trying to buy booze without your ID. Right?
I’ll never tire of seeing that gorgeous wedding dress with the gorgeous bride in it!
I hope your friend visit went swimmingly.
You know what, I have NO idea how she keeps the purse looking fresh. How does one maintain fur? I really don’t know. Do they still have fur-cleaning places? Did they ever? Now I am curious.
Happy birthdays and anniversaries! Yay! What a lot at the same time! That means that March is an auspicious month for your household! I am sure it must be strange but wonderful to see that spiky haired baby as a grown up person. I think of my parents a lot and wonder how they feel about me being a grown up person. Actually I was looking into some housesitting and one woman mentioned that she had three kids, ages 67, 69 and 71 and it gave me a giggle thinking that (a) the lady must be in her 90s and (b) kids!!
I can totally understand that old lady! I refer to my kids as my kids, and really, they are in their twenties. It is strange and wonderful, all at the same time – exactly!
First of all, happy anniversary! And happy birthday to your son, and Rex! ♡
That quote from Laura and the paragraph you shared about marriage are so beautiful. I don’t know why, but I’m not even married and passages like that are enough to make me cry! Maybe it’s the way me and my boyfriend constantly talk about the future, one where we finally don’t have 2,500 miles between us, who knows? I may have an idealized version of marriage too but the uncertainty of the road ahead with my best friend seems very exciting.
You look so beautiful In your wedding picture! 💗
Thank you Alondra! When I read that paragraph so long ago, the idea of growing old with my husband seemed so far away. And yet here we are! It’s such a fascinating thing, long marriages. When we started out we were the young couple on the block, and now I see that my son’s boss is closer in age to him than us, and we are now the old couple! Or older couple. It’s a really beautiful thing.
Molly certainly cannot love her mother MORE than a daughter has EVER loved a mother, and be closer than ANYONE could EVER be… that’s my claim to fame! How dare she?!?!!
Your wedding anniversary AND your son’s birthday AND Rex’s birthday all on the same day? What a special day in your world! In my family, my grandparents’ anniversary was the same day as my brother’s birthday! I’ve probably told you that every single time you’ve talked about your wedding anniversary. OOPSIE.
Promise Me Sunshine! I love that this book is going around blogworld. It was such a fantastic read!
Hahaha Stephany, and I am QUITE sure you’re not going to write a terrible memoir about how awful your mother is! While still claiming to love her mother MORE than anyone has ever loved a mother! Wow, what a train wreck.
I love knowing about birthdays that land on special days! My birthday is shared with Queen Elizabeth II (RIP!) and I love knowing that. It’s also close to Easter some years but has never fallen on actual Easter!
When you quote me in your blog posts I feel like a real writer. Thank you for that!
xoxoxo
Just a late comment to say happy all-the-things. Love that your family is able to celebrate so much joy in such a short period of time. <3
Thanks so much Anne!
The library thing. Ours has gone through phases. In children’s they have almost always been willing to look it up. And half the children have them memorized anyway bc you need it for the computer.
Initially when I moved here and got a card, I think they would willingly look it up. No id or anything. Then a director was a stickler for cards and they would ABSOLUTELY not look it up. (Except in Children’s especially if you were a regular.)
Now I am a Library Trustee and they again happily look it up. They also pre-print computer guest passes and you can just grab one. The idea is LEND THE BOOKS! So as long as you have a card number, they will look it up. I support this. All sorts of people forget cards for all sorts of reasons but we want EVERYONE to have books. And they will not if someone is a jerk when they forget their card. They may never come back. Same with fines for overdue books. So many people stop going to the library when the fine gets even bigg-ish. Nearly everyone around us has foregone fines. If it’s gone for a LONG time and you try to check out more books without returning the well overdue book, you will be denied. But you will also be told as soon as you return or replace the missing one, you will be good to go again .
I remember when they eliminated fines from the library in Calgary – I know it was a big thing and so important!
Until I came here, I had no idea that you could even take out books without your card. It just never occurred to me!