These Pretzels Are Making Me Thirsty
I love listening to podcasts while doing menial household drudgery or slowly walking Barkley around the neighbourhood; it makes me actually look forward to doing dull things like folding the laundry or other mind-numbing tasks. I feel like I learn new things every day; I discovered the “We Didn’t Start The Fire” podcast, which goes through every single lyric in the Billy Joel song, with different expert guests for each topic. I am only at Sugar Ray, so I have many more episodes to go, but I’m learning so much.
Small note for anyone who wants to look up that podcast: they have the absolute WORST theme song, it is We Didn’t Start The Fire played on the kazoo. The kazoo! I will never understand some artistic choices. If you can get past the kazoo, the podcast itself is very enlightening.
On Stephany’s recommendation (HI STEPHANY), I started listening to You Can Sit With Us, which is not at all enlightening, but is just some younger women chatting about their lives in a mindlessly soothing way. Well, it’s not totally un-enlightening, because this week I learned about Thirst Traps.
I have a number of younger women on my Instagram feed, and so I had seen Thirst Traps without knowing there was an actual name for it. I just thought they were Sexy Photos That People Post On Instagram To Get Attention, Not That I’m Judging, but Thirst Traps is much more succinct.
At the dinner table, I told the boys that I learned what a Thirst Trap is, and their reaction was pure horror. “Oh, GOD.” my older son said. “How did you learn about that? Did one of your friends tell you? ARE YOUR FRIENDS POSTING THIRST TRAPS.” My younger son, apparently too anguished to speak, merely bowed his head, with his forehead in his hand, pained at the thought. I assured him that neither myself nor my friends were posting Thirst Traps, but that I heard it on a podcast, to which they responded with “WHAT PODCAST, WHAT HAPPENED TO THE FUCKBOIS OF LITERATURE?”
To be honest, I haven’t been listening to the Fuckbois; it is such a great concept but the execution is…not.
Anyway, there will be no Thirst Traps from me – for one thing, just no, but for another, my sons and a number of their friends inexplicably follow me on Instagram. My feed is almost entirely books, with some baked goods, a landscape, and an occasional selfie thrown in for good measure, so I’m not sure why any teenager would be interested in it, but in any case, No Thirst Traps For Nicole. The mental anguish of my children would be too much.
Let It Go, Let It Go
It has been a very productive week; I was completely inspired and motivated by my dear friend Allison (HI ALLISON) to tackle some shelves in our storage room/ pantry and purge items no longer needed. I did this years ago, when Kondo-ing everything in the house, but you know, I think as the children grow up I need to revisit my storage areas more regularly. No one has used Lego in years, not to mention the adorable Playmobil pet clinic. I gave those things to the little girls across the street, and put a number of things on my local Buy Nothing page.
What is it about purging our stuff that feels so great? I feel a Mary Oliver poem coming on:
It’s not like I want to burn or trash all my things – so wasteful, Mary! – or keep NOTHING, I do love my stuff, even as I let things go. One thing I haven’t been able to get rid of yet is a set of alphabet and farm animal fridge magnets. I know! It’s time. Just…not yet. I was silently judging my husband for not letting me get rid of his underwater camera that he took travelling when he was in his twenties, thirty years ago. I mean, it takes film. Film! We aren’t going to use it. But he’s sentimentally attached to it, just like I’m sentimentally attached to a box of fridge magnets, and I have a stainless steel fridge.
I Am Santa, Baby
My holiday cards and the photo calendars that I order for the grandparents every year arrived this week, which meant that I was able to package up and mail the parcel I send to my mother-and-sister-in-law. This is one of those jobs that feels like it should take, at the most, half an hour, but always ends up taking up an entire afternoon.
I have at times felt resentful that somehow the job of purchasing, wrapping, and mailing gifts to my husband’s family has fallen to me, but I remind myself that a) there are many, many jobs around the house that my husband does automatically, that don’t even occur to me to TRY to do, and b) our parcel makes up over half of their Christmas gifts, and so I would feel terrible if I didn’t send them. It’s unacceptable to me to think of my mother-in-law, all by herself on Christmas morning, with nothing to open. Also, choosing a gift for my nearly-eighty-year-old mother-in-law is not really in my husband’s wheelhouse, but it is in mine, so here we are.
Anyway, I had a few parcels to mail, and since it was November 16, I felt that the post office would be a quick in-and-out, and was I ever wrong. In fact, I am not sure I could have been MORE wrong. There were at least fifteen people in the lineup that snaked down the aisle, and only one person working at Canada Post. Forty minutes later, I collapsed into my car, exhausted. Note to everyone reading this: if you need to mail anything, go now, or just assume you’re going to need to schedule an hour for this errand and maybe take a book. Actually, even if you do go now, take a book.
Pandemic Reading
Speaking of books!
The Thursday Murder Club. I don’t often read mysteries, but I enjoyed this book about a quartet of septuagenarians who meet on Thursdays to discuss unsolved murders. The developer for their retirement community is found dead under mysterious circumstances, and so they are on the case! It’s nice to read a book about older people who are thriving and enjoying life; this isn’t a thing that happens much in literature. There was a line about how they used to get up early because there was so much to do – work, family, etc. – and now they still get up early because who knows how much time they have left, and they want to make the most of it. I liked that a lot.
Even So. Hmm. Okay. So. The first two-thirds of this book was really great; in fact, I thought “this is the story I’ve always wanted to write.” It read like a thriller; very fast-paced and action-packed, about a very well-off woman who has a seemingly beautiful life but blows it up by having an affair. It’s REALLY good. But then, it takes a turn and becomes a religious allegory. The last third of the book is all about redemption and forgiveness and is very heavy on Catholic imagery and beliefs. Essentially, it IS an allegory, with themes of sin, lust, greed, followed by guilt, redemption, and forgiveness. I wish I had known that going in. It felt like a book I might have read when I was in confirmation class at age 14. It’s almost like the author wanted to hammer her faith into the reader’s head; it’s pretty over-the-top. Unless you want a lesson in Catholicism or God’s plan for your life, I would pass on this book.
Consent. I have read many, many books in my life, but none so abjectly horrifying, shocking, and disturbing as this. This is a memoir written by a woman who entered into a relationship with Gabriel Matzneff, who was an acclaimed writer who wrote about pedophilia, RAPING CHILDREN and having sex with young girls and boys. Did you hear that? He won awards for his work. The author entered into this relationship when she was 13 and he was 49, and all the adults in her life, including her own mother, were complicit. It is absolutely unbelievably shocking. A fourteen year old girl, who essentially is living in a hotel with a fifty year old man, skips school constantly and no one does anything at all. When she leaves him at age 15, because he had taken up with a younger girl, her own mother says “are you sure? He loves you so much” which, what. This woman is only three years older than I am, and this took place in the 1980s. The 1980s! So many adults saw this relationship, knew about this relationship, and shrugged it off because Matzneff was, apparently, a literary giant. This man wrote about sex tourism in the Philippines, where he would buy 11 and 12 year-old boys for his own sexual pleasure. He wrote about all his young conquests, including the author of this book, and people bought those books and applauded him, awarding him literary honours. How did this happen? This is just such a disturbing book and if you have daughters, maybe take a pass.
On that note…time to sign off. Have a beautiful week, everyone! xo
North gets a little irritated every time they hear me listening to someone like Olivia Rodrigo or Girl in Red. It’s like I’ve stumbled into some world I’m not supposed to know about. Not as mortifying as your thirst trap example, clearly, but along the same lines.
That last book sounds quite disturbing.
It’s so disturbing!
I should listen to more podcasts. To be clear, I don’t listen to any. This includes my own. I need an occasion to listen to them. I’m never in the car long enough, I don’t go on long runs, and when I walk, it’s with another person, so listening to a podcast would be impolite. BUT I really like your suggestions. I like the idea of a play by play of the song We Didn’t Start the Fire.
That one is really good and none of the episodes are overly long. Then again, I have time on my hands as my dog walks take at least thirty minutes to go a shockingly short distance.
I don’t know why podcasts haven’t stuck for me. I used to listen to The Office Ladies podcast and loved it… and dabbled in a couple of others… but for some reason I prefer audiobooks.
I love that your sons and their friends follow you on Instagram.
Also, I read AGAIN the blurb about Consent and am horrified anew. This sentence stuck out to me particularly: “When she leaves him at age 15, because he had taken up with a younger girl,” A YOUNGER GIRL? YOUNGER!!!???
Also, the Mary Oliver poem is perfect for my state of mind currently, which is Get Rid of All The Things. I have found that I am ready, now, to get rid of my daughter’s high chair, and, in fact, feel mystified as to why I felt it crucial to keep at ANY point. We are constantly evolving.
YOUNGER GIRL. Isn’t that insane. This happened so recently too. I am just…what.
I just asked Mini if she knew what a thirst trap was and she almost fell off the couch as she was trying to swivel around to see my face while I was casually calling this out to her from the kitchen. So funny. I had never heard of such a thing. Goodness. I died at your description of discussing the concept with your boys.
I am incredibly behind on Christmas shopping and I’m already dreading the post office. My in laws, who could’ve written the last overly-Catholic part of that book, do not like gifts. They do not want gifts. Have I mentioned how strange they are? When the kids were really young, I made videos of them and sent them to her while they were in Florida. Then she admitted once that my FIL accidentally taped over one when he was trying to tape golf off the TV. I almost wept. So.Much.Time.Creating.That. I believe in their estimation gift giving sort of detracts from the holiness of the holiday. They also don’t shop for or buy gifts, which is fine. They send a check usually for us to do something with the kids. My dad, on the other hand, sends a specific list of books he’d like. I used to buy my mom a nice top, but she doesn’t really go anywhere anymore, so she’s become more challenging to shop for. I really need to get a move on in my shopping efforts.
That book, ‘Consent’, sounds awful. I think the murder mystery book is on my book club’s list for ’22.
Hahaha, oh, Mini!!! That’s too funny.
The Consent book, what? WHAT? NO! The Thursday Murder Club reminds me of The Postscript Murders by Elly Griffiths, which I highly recommend.
Still haven’t listened to any podcasts. Sigh.
I did know about thirst traps, which makes me feel a tiny bit better about how late in the game I learned about what the taco and eggplant and peach emojis meant.
Lol, it took me a while to figure out the emojis too, solidarity.
I had to Google Thirst Trap – and now I know why your boys were horrified! LOL…I wonder if I should toss that term out in conversation with Man-Child just to witness his face?
It’s certainly not fair, that we are the ones who end up buying for our spouse’s family but then again, I’m not mowing the grass or taking out the trash. And I really enjoy buying for my sweet mother-in-law. And she always calls me first to thank me because, as she says, “I know you were the one that made it happen.” I love her dearly. And have informed my husband that he needs to walk the straight and narrow because she will be mine if we divorce!
I recently read The Thursday Murder Club, on Swistle’s suggestion – I think, and really enjoyed it.
Aw, your mother-in-law is so sweet! I hope you can visit her sometime, I know you’ve been missing her.
I found the part where you discuss Thirst Traps with your horrified children to be completely delightful. I am sorely, SORELY tempted to go right now and broach the topic with the teenagers in my house.
I sometimes feel very resentful about being 100% in charge of gifts for Paul’s family. But. Also. I like shopping and wrapping and mailing, so it just makes SENSE, and also!! also!! he would literally send nothing to them, not even cards!!! and I cannot cope with that. So when I am feeling a little bit bad that he is the one automatically in charge of dealing with the mouse traps, I think of the gifts/cards and stop feeling bad.
I mailed the boxes today, and I was fearing a long line, because someone came into the library a week ago mentioning that the line for shipping was out the door so they were coming to the library to kill some time before trying again later, and today was a week later than that. But I walked in, a clerk was available and friendly, and I got my stuff mailed, and I feel so relieved. (While I was being helped, FIVE more people came in, and then the line stayed that same length. So I must have zooped right into a lucky gap.)
Thank you, Swistle, I feel seen – one year I left it up to my husband and nothing got sent. Nothing at all. I have never gotten over that.
I had never heard of thirst traps. I’m sure my kids assume I’m too out of it to know what that is (they were right, till now!) so would probably have a heart attack if I said those words. So I’ll just keep my new knowledge to myself.
I’m starting to really love Mary Oliver- maybe I need a book of her poems for Christmas. Which book are these poems from? Or would you recommend a different one to start with? Thanks!
These poems are from her collection Devotions, and I think it’s her best collection. I think that would be a perfect one to start with!
I had an entire conversation with my husband, who has never listened to a podcast in his life, about “Stuff the British Stole” and how I think the second season is better than the first, which I already thought was excellent, and I think he was mostly bewildered that I have such strong opinions on podcasts. Non-podcast listeners must find all of the podcast talk quite confusing.
I have You Can Sit Next To Us in my library, but haven’t started it yet.
I knew what a thirst trap was. Your boys are hilarious!
I saved some of my more ‘nostalgic’ toys from my girls’ childhood to share with future grandkids. Hey, they don’t make those letter/number fridge magnets anymore; hold onto them.
Please excuse me, but I read: his underwater camera as his underwear camera.
The consent book is horrifying; wtf people!
Lololol his underwear camera is for a whole different kind of blog! A thirst trap kind of blog!
When podcasts were a new thing, I listened to lots of them. Loyally. But over the years I’ve gotten away from them, although I keep a list of ones I think I might enjoy. I slowly am getting rid of stuff around here, but I like to have some stuff, the right stuff, of course. I’m not familiar with Gabriel Matzneff and find him repulsive. I don’t think I’ll read the memoir, but take your point that what he did is not ok, now or then.
I cannot, for the life of me, get into podcasts (or audiobooks for that matter). I much rather READ myself than listening to someone, especially when the podcast is like a “conversation” between people. I do occasionally listen to “This American Life” in podcast form, although it’s a radio broadcast originally, so the format seems different (it’s more story-telling than conversation).
I also buy the Christmas presents for my in-laws – why is it that such things fall to the women in families? I generally don’t mind doing it, just bothered sometimes by the obvious expectation that I will take care of it. Ha.
I can’t with audiobooks either, but I find that podcasts keep my brain occupied while I do boring things. But I’m with you – definitely would rather read than listen!
Ooh, I am glad you are listening to You Can Sit With Us based on my rec. I feel so special! It’s really a brain-candy type of podcast, but I love it for what it is. And I am tehehe-ing about the convo you had with your sons about thirst traps!
I also love listening to podcasts while doing mundane chores! It makes folding laundry a bit less annoying. 🙂
That “Consent” book sounds horrifying. HORRIFYING.
It’s 100% brain candy and I AM HERE FOR IT!