13 Month Old Baby Broke The Looking Glass

Anyone superstitious out there? I am not, generally speaking, except for believing strongly in karma and the zodiac. Say what you will, all Leos I’ve ever met have been show-offs, and all Tauruses I’ve ever met (myself included) are stubborn as the day is long. But Friday the 13th? Meh. My friend Hannah will probably disagree with me, but I have no adverse feelings about it. If someone chases after me with a hockey mask and a chainsaw, I might change my tune but for now, it’s just the day Jake brought in three dozen cookies to school to celebrate his birthday, which is on Sunday.

Three dozen cookies. For his class. Because he has thirty-one kids in his class. I’ll leave it at that. I will not go into details about how I drilled my homeschooling friend Nan about the materials she uses and then promptly ordered them, not because I’m planning on homeschooling but because I’m planning on Tiger Mom-ing* the hell out of the kids since there’s no way they will be able to get what I want them to get out of school in a class of thirty-one. Mark has over thirty kids in his class too. But here I can feel myself working my way up into a frenzy again, and so I will let it go. OM SHANTI.

*I’m not really going to become a Tiger Mom, but I am going to have to supplement what they are doing in class, because as one friend said their math work seems like a cross between Sherlock Holmes and Yo Gabba Gabba. 5 x 6 = ___. Explain your work.

I need to get off this topic, quickly, lest I explode. Cookies. Here are the cookies Jake took to school – stars for the birthday star!

You know me, guys, I’m all natural ingredients and made from scratch and spinach smoothies and kale chips but when it comes to birthdays, I don’t fuck around. SUGAR COOKIES ALL THE WAY. They are made from scratch but they also have food colouring in them OMG. How else does one make “turquoise” frosting, I ask you?

I was doing some shopping earlier in the week. Mark’s idea for Jake’s birthday gift was to buy five of his favourite chocolate bars, wrap them up, and then hide them around the house. Clues will be given for this delicious treasure hunt. It’s very sweet, literally, and also I need to remember to put the dog outside for this activity.

I also looked in my favourite sleepwear/ lingerie store for new pajamas. The Blissdom Canada conference is coming up in less than three weeks, and on the last night they are having a wrap-up pajama party. PAJAMA PARTY SQUEE. I haven’t been to one of those in many years, but since my sleepwear verges on the ridiculous – pink and white pajamas with a hummingbird motif, recently – I thought maybe I should look for some new ones. This is what I look like on a typical Friday night, and yes, my husband is super lucky:

So I wandered into La Vie En Rose and walked out without pajamas – they were all either a) super sexy and therefore not really appropriate for a conference with women, at which I am going to try to maintain a somewhat professional aura while drinking copious amounts of wine, or b) kind of like the hummingbird pajamas, but with puppies, kitties, or ice cream cones on them. I did not go in there to buy hippo sock-slippers, but hippo sock-slippers I did buy.

It would take a stronger woman than me to look at those hippos and walk away, especially considering the emotional attachment to hippos around here. Poor Jake, yesterday he realized that next Tuesday would have been Foggy’s 48th birthday. There was much weeping and sadness, which was an inauspicious start to the day. I felt very, very sad for him as he cried softly into his Shreddies.

After I bought the hippo socks, I looked for a new lipgloss, and I found a shade called Wine Stain. I did not buy it. I feel that, while that may be a natural weekend look for me, I would rather have a lip colour that does not look like I’ve been a lush. I went for the cutely named Maple Sugar instead.


The winner of my giveaway is Lynn! Hope this gift makes you feel better about the whole ant/ hornet thing you went through this summer (the bug-phobic of you will not want to click that link. It will make you want to burn your own house down.) Lynn, I’ll send you your prize soon – if I survive the next week (details to follow if I survive it….) Thanks everyone for playing along! xoxo


  1. “5 x 6 = ___. Explain your work” I guffawed. I was so thankful that when Oldest was presented with homework like that and simply answered “30” without showing his work because it was IN HIS HEAD, his teacher considered Oldest to be “efficient” with his time rather than deficient for not showing his work.

    I’m afraid I might have had to have a talk with a teacher who insisted Oldest draw a picture or some other thing to show 5×6 on his homework. Evening time is limited, no way I’m going for spending it with kid doing pointless busy work instead of homework that actually helps him learn or remember concepts.

  2. “A cross between Sherlock Holmes and Yo Gabba Gabba” HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA.

    Also, will it make you feel better if I tell you that I’ve been chortling along with your description of looking for pajamas for the pajama party (hummingbird pjs, oh hee hee, so cute) and then suddenly realized HOLY FUCK I’M GOING TO BE THERE TOO I NEED PUBLIC PAJAMAS. Oh sigh. NOTHING I wear to bed is remotely appropriate for public viewing. It would have been nice to see you, but now I have to stay home. I’m sure you understand.

  3. Huh…I was just about to write an outraged comment about the number of kids in your boys’ classes – which is outrageous, by the way – but then I realized I don’t actually know how many kids are in my own kids’ classes. I’m all riled up now so if it’s more than 25 there’s going to be twice the amount of outrage.

    Speaking of outrage, on Friday my son came home with the box of wipes he keeps on his desk so he can clean his hands before eating (he’s in a portable), because the teacher told him he wasn’t allowed to have “anything with chemicals in it” at school. GROWL. Also: just realized that’s a totally unrelated anecdote. Apparently I have outrage to burn.

    I’m so excited to have won the contest! WOOT. Do you need my address?

  4. Happy Birthday man!
    I know that you baked the shit out of those non-healthy cookies with love. I mean, you can’t eat cookies any other way. If not, then you don’t have a soul.
    I didn’t know that you were going to blissdom…or maybe I did…and maybe that’s the reason why I’m jealous of you…no…it’s because of the hippo slippers. You didn’t go with the crotchless teddy?

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