So stabby.

I feel like I must be mere minutes away from the start of my ladies’ holiday, given my current state of stabbiness.  It is a good thing for the world that I am not walking around with a knife tied to a broomstick, a la Peggy OIsen, elsewise everyone I encounter today would find themselves impaled.

I won’t go into enormous ranting details, except to say that I am going to be chaperoning a field trip to the museum tomorrow, under duress.  This is in addition to volunteering for Jake’s in-class field trip on Friday, and also in addition to the approximately one hundred hours I have spent volunteering this school year.  I understand that not everyone can volunteer, not everyone has the resources to volunteer, but dammit, do I have to volunteer for everything?  I mostly feel put-upon about the field trip, given that I hate – HATE – going on field trips, being responsible for groups of children that are not mine, and riding on the deplorable school bus.  Well, there’s nothing for it except to lay in a supply of Advil and start my ujjayi breathing now, and to impotently shake my fist at the world at the thought of spending the day with seventy seven-to-nine-year-olds. 

Whew, just writing that made me think longingly of a bottle of wine.

There are lots and lots of happy things in my life, however, and so I will go through them now, so as not to become a bitter old woman who runs people over at the Co-Op with her cart, and complains viciously of slow service and the price of butter.

1) My girls’ night away was fantastic, even if my husband has dubbed it the “world’s lamest girls’ night ever” because we went to see a display of the late Princess Diana’s dresses.  What, it was awesome.  Also we had some good food, good wine, and went hot tubbing, during which activity we were apparently checked out by men twenty years younger than us.  I say apparently because I tend to be oblivious when it comes to these situations, and was only informed of it later, but I always welcome the chance to feel like a chaste Mrs. Robinson.

2) Chalking this up under the “even filial love is blind” category, I was watching The Avengers with Jake and he told me I look JUST LIKE Black Widow, who is played by Scarlett Johansson.  JUST LIKE HER.  There ARE undeniable similarities: we both have red hair and we both wear all black.  However. On a related note: Jake can have any dessert he wants this week.

3) After our poor fireblighted tree was taken down, we were left with a stump and the contact information for “The Stump Doctor”.  The Stump Doctor came last night and ground up our stump.  I don’t know why, but just saying The Stump Doctor gives me a fit of the giggles.  Thank you, Stump Doctor, for grinding my stump.

4) Despite my husband’s assertions that I bought too many bedding plants, I managed to plant them all in an attractive manner.  This occurred between rainstorms, so I’m happy that I don’t need to “water until established”.

5) One very, very kind person told me that my hair reminded her of an old Finesse commercial, and since I have, shall we say “issues” about my hair, this was a very welcome compliment.  It also reminded me of the shampoo line called Gee Your Hair Smells Terrific.  Remember that?  Man, I wish I had some.


Just looking at that makes me feel much less stabby.  Hardly stabby at all, actually!  I feel much less like this and much more like this.  IT’S MY JOB.


  1. I don’t recall that shampoo at all and now I feel as though I missed out on something terrific. My son’s class is going on an all day field trip to Science World next week which I have thus far avoided signing up to chaperone (why is Blogger underlining this word – is it not the correct spelling??)…though if I get sent home the “We Will Cancel The Trip Unless One of You Bastard Parents Signs Up To Come Along” Notice, I will relent. Sadly.

  2. Oh my god, I remember that shampoo, and now I miss it fiercely. I mean, how wonderful was that? And what would I give to have someone smell my head and be inspired to use the word “gee” in a sentence?

    So far anyway getting enough parent volunteers at our school hasn’t been an issue – it’s the opposite, really, there are always *too many* parents wanting to participate, and it ends up being not so much a class activity as parents taking their own kid & maybe the kid’s best friend on an activity at a drastically reduced price.

    I can’t ever go, of course, and I get no end of grief from 7yo about it. He always stares at me mournfully and starts packing the bags for the guilt trip whenever the permission slips come home.

  3. You’d think that w/ homeschooling I wouldn’t have to volunteer very much. But no, I’m not immune to the insulting notion that SAHMs Are Happy To Volunteer! Fuck. I flesh out the boys’ schedules w/ lots of sports and classes, so I have more than my fair share of stabbiness about this issue. I do more than my share, and I know a great many people who do fuck all for the clubs or teams in this town.

    As I noted on twitter, it’s wrong to cast this as a dual income family vs mom-at-home issue. It’s about being a lazy dick and not carrying your weight when it comes to parental responsiblity and isn’t about gender or employment.

    Grrr — namaste mutha fuckahs.

  4. UGH, there is NO school volunteer duty worse than field trips for me. I hate them so much, they are one of the few activities I don’t get guilted into doing. I volunteer in the classroom, at activities, at special events, on the PTA board, but I will not do field trips. Hell, I don’t even care if they cancel them due to lack of volunteers anymore, I will not do them. Oldest is well aware that I work F/T and would rather spend my limited volunteer hours in his classroom or doing other events that do not require me to chaperone other people’s kids outside of the structure of school, so he doesn’t even bother to give me the guilt face anymore.

  5. A trip to see Diana Dresses is an AWESOME girls’ night out.

    “Because isn’t that why you wash your hair in the first place?”—ha ha ha! Brilliant ad copy.

  6. Rachelradiostar says

    You are clearly a SAINT! Please know that as you seem to enjoy it, please could you volunteer to come plant my “too many” bedding plants for me. It is raining a lot. You are so experienced and so reliable. I know I can count on you xxx
    Next time school asks – mention you need PAYING FOR YOUR PROFESSIONAL TRIP ACCOMPANYING ACTIVITIES!!

  7. It sucks when people who already volunteer the most get taken advantage of. I always volunteer for the field trips because I don’t work, but I’m usually thinking “please don’t pick me, please don’t pick me”. They usually pick me. When I met my friend Kim the first time and she immediately said “oh my god, your hair is the awesomest”, for a minute I thought she was making fun of me. So I hear you.

  8. Does it grow back hair? Because I’m missing chunks of mine. If any man got that close they’d be all “I think I can see your brain.”…yea, I’m that sexy.
    So Mrs. Robinson…do you think some of the older kids at school also think that you’re smoking hot? That would be awkward.
    Are you only asked to participate because you’re on the PAC?
    I’ve only been asked twice and it has been for my son’s class. I’d like to volunteer more…maybe next year.

  9. Miss Elise says

    I volunteered to go on my daughter’s field trip to the swimming pool with ALL of second grade. It was insane…plus two other schools joined us for public swim time! …and I also won volunteer of the year award…I got to the pool and realised that I had forgotten my suit! Well done me! So I had to drive home and get it and come back to my group who was waiting with the ever patient teacher.

Leave a Reply