Come to think of it, Superman is a douche


There is this strange phenomenon I’ve noticed this winter: no matter what the weather is like at all other times of the day, it will surely become much, much worse at school pickup time. I’m not sure what it is about the 3:30-4:00 time slot, but lately it’s been nothing but gale force winds, snow, and icy cold. It’s a wee bit depressing to be standing out in the playground, bundled up like I actually am in the Arctic, watching kids walk backwards because the wind and snow in their faces is just too much.  Also, my finger-that-was-nearly-and-unknowingly-amputated-whilst-carrying-groceries is now doing this alarming thing where it spontaneously goes numb, and the cold is just not helping that. 

Today the sun came out – thank goodness – and although it’s still woolly mammoth cold and we have had snow on the ground since October and we probably will have snow on the ground for weeks to come, spring IS coming.  I think.  No, it is.  One day I will put on footwear that are not boots, and a top that is not a thick sweater layered over a long sleeved shirt, and I will wear a coat that is not big and puffy.  One day.  It’s coming.


Meanwhile, this morning Jake used the word “douchey” to describe Superman.  I was both impressed by his apt description and startled by the inappropriateness of a seven year old usage of the word.  We had a rather involved discussion about the time and place to use a word such as “douchey”; i.e., not at school.  It’s true, though.  Superman is a bit of a douche.  I’m more of a Batman girl myself.  Or Wolverine. 

When you live with a housefull of boys, these are things that actually come up in conversation on a semi-regular basis: the ranking and ordering of favourite superheroes and WHY, what foods lead to the most odorous of intestinal gas, which Pokemon character is the fastest and which is the strongest, and how double light sabers are far superior to regular light sabers.  And, apparently, how douchey Superman is.

One of my husband’s colleagues was in a Superman movie when he was a kid, and we recently watched a clip of it on youtube.  “Superman was here!” a woman exclaimed to Clark Kent, who looks totally different from Superman because he is wearing glasses and regular clothes.  Dude, at least all the other superheroes have some sort of mask on. 

Speaking of the Man of Steel, I’m in a bit of a swoony mood this week because Saturday is my wedding anniversary!  We will have been married for eleven years, and the traditional gift for eleven years of marriage is steel!  So I will be looking forward to the receipt of my new car, a la The Price is Right.  A NEW CAR!  Kidding, I will not be receiving a new car for my anniversary, but I may be receiving a piece of steel, if you know what I mean.

Some euphemisms just don’t work.

This week, in anticipation, I have been using my favourite set of dishtowels, because I am a total hausfrau who celebrates life events via dishtowel usage.  Remember this set I bought from anthropologie, that was likely meant for a wedding shower gift but I bought for myself because it’s so awesome?

This makes me as happy as a material item possibly can.  It makes me happy every time I look at it.  I am living happily ever after, I smile to myself as I polish an apple.  Not everything from anthropologie is so awesome though.  I get the catalogue in the mail, and this was on the very last page:

If you have been searching for that elusive blue toile romper, look no more!  It can be yours for only $168. 

Old lady comfort outfits, represent.  All this needs is a white cardigan with a tissue in the sleeve to complete the look.

Maybe I need an outfit like that.  I was looking swoonily at our wedding photos, and was struck, as I often am, at how very young I looked:

Eleven years later, and I look like this:


Marriage has aged me!  Or maybe it’s all the talk about superhero douchery.

Comments

  1. You can post that fake picture all you want, we’ve all seen your Maui shots and you are lovely. So there. Happy anniversary.

    As for Superman being a douche, HE IS. That Crash Test Dummies song almost had me convinced that he isn’t, but if you are only good as compared to Tarzan then you need to set the bar a little higher.

    I’m a Batman girl. Wolverine is also on the ‘yes please’ list. And Thor.

  2. I love Superman since he is one of the few superheroes who doesn’t have some type mental abberation motivating his good deeds. Wolverine in the comic books is actually a rage-aholic with a life long penchant for violence only slightly legitimatized and tempered by Professor Xavier’s tutelage. Batman watched his parents get murdered — you just know he’s mentally unbalanced. And probably cries after sex.

    I don’t think I understand the insult douche or douchey. “HEY! You’re akin to an outmoded way of cleansing a vagina!” Is it wrong that I feel this infers my vagina is something less than amazing?!

    And yes, my vagina is amazing. Ditto for my vulva, which is why I would never throw my arms up over my head while wearing a romper. That model’s vulva probably hater her now.

    • But aren’t Superman’s parents on another planet? That’s going to mess a guy up too. Ah, we all have our baggage. I admit the whole billionaire thing plays in Batman’s favour. MATERIAL GIRL. And re: Wolverine…but…but…Hugh Jackman…

    • I choose to focus on the “useless and outmoded” part of douches, not the vagina part. My vagina is self-cleaning (like an oven! But less hot! And, cleaned more often! Nevermind!) therefore anything which purports to clean it for me is useless and dumb. Like Superman. Except I kind of like Superman. He’s OK by me.

    • But Clark Kent was adopted and raised by salt of the earth people who taught him good values. Jonathan and Martha were FARMERS!! From Kansas. I really can’t stand Batman. He’s grumpy and utterly humourless and his only friend is his butler. He’s the emo version of Iron Man. Go for Iron Man!

      I now know an uncomfortable amount about clara’s lady parts.

  3. OMG! thank you I was looking for a romper just like the one you posted and only 168$$$!!! its amazing!!! I always wanted one like that..and the blue flowers too! I have searched far and wide for one just like that! I hope they have my size..and the perfect outfit for picking oranges!

    PLS shoot me now….lollll

  4. June marks the 20th anniversary of my 1st date with hubs. I am pretty much ready for that jumper. Mind you, I think I had that jumper in junior high. From Mariposa. NO NATURAL FIBRES were harmed in the making of it.
    I really have no opinion on superheroes. And EVERYONE knows that green single light sabers are SO VERY LAME.
    Such is my life.

    • I *may* have had a similar outfit from Mariposa, only maybe SHORTS and in pink. Glad our style has evolved. NO NATURAL FIBRES HARMED – that is good stuff!

  5. You should definitely buy some commemorative plates for this occasion. Then hang them on your wall until they grow dust animals.
    Superman was on the other day on tv. My son was not impressed by the quality graphics that 1970 had to offer. Kids…
    Yea, what is with that weather always getting worse at pick up time? I think mother nature has something against us smoking hot mommas. She wants to frazzle our coiffs.

  6. Yesterday, I kid you not, my husband quizzed my 6.5 year old about which is cooler: Superman or Batman (batman), Batman or Power Ranger (Batman), Batman or giant shark with chainsaw and automatic rifle (giant shark) …etc. It took a long time to beat the giant shark. Obviously.

    My kids went through a phase where they wanted to watch old Superman cartoons on DVD from the library, late ’50s it felt like. Thankfully that passed. We don’t talk about Superman much any more and I’ve noticed no one else likes him either. He’s the gateway superhero maybe.

    That romper makes me peal with laughter and also echo Nan’s comment about the jammin’ up the vulva. As a long torsoed woman who can’t even wear a one piece bathing suit, my genitals weep.

    But not for you, and your steel anniversary. Huzzah!

  7. Miss Elise says

    Too right about the Anthro outfit. Totally reminds of what my Nana used to wear. Love Superman though. 🙂

  8. You just KNOW that jumper’s going right up your butt with every move you make. Maybe you can wear it while Taiwanese dating.

    It’s been a while since I discussed the relative virtus of Superheroes. But I think I sort of agree with you AND Nan – how does surviving after your whole planet blows up not fuck you up at least a little? Not to mention his penchant for only dating women with alliterative initials.

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