The Third Dimension (of Top Gun)

It was pointed out to me that Top Gun – TOP GUN – is being re-released in 3D!  This month, in an IMAX theatre near you!  As thrilling as that may seem, I do find myself wondering if watching that (much beloved by me) movie in 3D on a huge screen would actually enhance the experience.  I’m sure the action sequences would be intensified, but would the volleyball scene be better or worse in 3D?  I’m not convinced either way.  Slider’s oiled up posturing might border on the frightening.  Or, it might be awesome.  Either way I’m not going to find out.

Oh, my.  I went looking for this picture and fell down a rabbit hole.

Sorry, I cannot help myself.
Okay, one more.
Whew.  Where was I?  I think I blacked out for a minute there.  I need an antidote to all this glossiness.
And…there it is.  Now I can focus.
No matter how awesome a 3D showing of (talk to me, Goose) Top Gun would be, I won’t be seeing it.  The reason is that a) I very, very seldom see movies in the theatre, and b) if I do see a movie in the theatre, I want it to be Les Mis, which I still haven’t seen and, if history is any indication, I probably won’t see until it’s on video-on-demand.  Watching movies in the comfort of my own home does have its benefits: unlimited access to the wine bottle, the ability to pause the movie when said wine consumption is high and a visit to the ladies’ room (or, in my house, the room that I am forced to share with the boys) is necessary, and the fun of munching on snacks that did not cost $10 per portion.  The downside, of course, is not seeing the movie as it was intended to be seen, i.e., on the big screen.
The last movie I saw in the theatre was The Lorax.  It was in 3D, which was my first 3D movie ever.  It was all right, but the only reason we went to see it in the first place was because our family was visiting our in-laws, and it was raining and cold and an outing was most definitely in order.  Prior to The Lorax, I saw Cars 2 in the theatre (don’t get me started) and prior to that?  Pirates of the Caribbean Part 2.  I don’t even have any idea when I was in a theatre prior to that, which means in the past eight years I’ve been to the theatre three times.
Oh wait!  I forgot – there was a fourth time, when my girlfriend and I went to a screening of Mirror Mirror, courtesy of my lovely friend Marilyn.  So, four times in (at least) eight years.  My record is not great, so I’m guessing I’m not seeing Les Mis anytime soon.
My memory of Pirates of the Caribbean is fuzzy; Jake was about ten months old at the time and I was exhausted.  He woke several times a night until he was four and a half years old, for the love of god, but I was also tired from the following: pregnancy (years 2003-2004) and interrupted sleep, having a newborn (2004), having a nine month old baby and being pregnant (2005), and having Jake, who was colicky and, as I said before, was a terrible sleeper (2005-2010).  Anyway, my parents were watching the boys for a matinee (since even they weren’t crazy enough to babysit in the evening at that time) and I almost immediately fell asleep.  I slept through the entire movie, waking once in a while to scenes of creatures with squid heads. 
All of which is to say, no matter how much I love (Son, your ego is writing cheques your body can’t cash) Top Gun, I won’t be seeing it in 3D.  If you see it, let me know how it goes, okay?


  1. I’m just not sure rereleasing Top Gun in any form was necessary. I mean, sure, I loved it when I was 16, but at 43 the excitement has faded. Putting it in 3D isn’t going to make any difference. Sorry Goose, Maverick, and IceMan. Whatever Slider…

  2. I saw Top Gun at an IMAX theatre when I was….16? It almost made me vomit. (to be fair, almost all IMAX movies make me vomit…motion sickness I guess?) I think 3D would kill me.

    The best parts were: a) in the lovemaking scene, the size of the trail of spit between Maverick and Charlie’s mouth was OUTSTANDING and b) the guy sitting next to me who was pretending to be an air traffic controller. No really. Just waving his arms around along with the guys on the flight deck. Ohhhkay!

    Great pictures. Especially that last one! Really special.

  3. My cousin looks enough like Val Kilmer that it’s always felt a bit weird to personally find him hot. So that last pic is perfect! 🙂

  4. I think the 3D phenomenon is a blight on the face of the earth (also, get off my damn lawn). I’m not one for paying fifteen bucks to re-watch a movie in the theatre, either. Unless it was Room With a View. Then I would probably go. But not if it was in 3D.

  5. Oh, Val, how low we have sunk. Actually, he’s looking better in that picture than I’ve seen him. A friend of mine worked on a set with him a couple of years ago and was part of a prank where they pretended they were excited to meet him and asked for his autograph in an over-the-top fashion which made me lose a little respect for my friend and filled me with a lot of pity for Val Kilmer. He used to be Ice! And Jim Morrison! And now not so much.

    Also, ixnay on the Top Gun in 3D. That’s just weird. They need to stop doing stuff like.

    Also part 2, you should really get out to see a movie in the theatre. A movie for grown ups. Go! Go now!

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