So bored! Send entertainment!

Here we are now.  Entertain us.

Jake is now in Day Two of a cold.  I kept him home yesterday in hopes that it would be a quick recovery, only to have him wake up this morning, worse.  Backfire!  I’m not complaining too much; my kids are rarely sick and rarely miss school.  Even with swollen, watery eyes and a constantly dripping nose, Jake is still a chipper little guy who is currently wearing a Jedi robe and slaying invisible Sith with an invisible light saber.  But I’m getting the teensiest bit of cabin fever.  I had to cancel a few appointments yesterday, and one of those appointments had a 24 hour cancellation policy, which I obviously violated, leading to a fee.  I tried to talk my way out of it, but realized the futility of doing so with the nineteen year old receptionist.  She suggested I bring proof of my child’s sickness to get the fee waived, and I had an image of myself bringing in a giant bag of used tissues.  Here you go! I could say, Three boxes of used tissues. 

The upside of being confined indoors with a drippy seven-year-old is getting the mail.  Actually, I seem to recall getting the mail was a highlight of my day when the kids were small.  Oooh!  Stamps for Mark’s collection!  Oooh!  A magazine!  Oooh!  Flyers!  We got a Bed Bath and Beyond flyer and I don’t know about you, but I cannot even say the words Bed Bath and Beyond without getting all Old School and thinking about a “pretty nice little Saturday.  We’re going to go to Home Depot, pick out some flooring.  Maybe even go to Bed Bath and Beyond, but I don’t know.  I don’t know if we’ll have enough TIME.”

So Jake and I spent some time looking through the festive edition of the Bed Bath and Beyond (don’t know if we’ll have enough TIME) flyer, and I found a steal of a deal.  For only $299, you too could have your very Mixed Drink Maker!  I like how you could choose the “I Feel Lucky” button and get some kind of cray-cray mixed drink!  Party time!

48 different cocktail recipes!  Something tells me you could totally save the $299 and just randomly mix drinks yourself, but where is the fun in that?  I’m so curious as to how this thing works, that I am almost willing to actually go to Bed Bath and Beyond (but I don’t have enough TIME) and look at this for myself.
I never have enough TIME to go to Bed Bath and Beyond, because it is the most overwhelming store in the world, that simultaneously sickens me and also makes me wonder if I need a sno cone machine.

Speaking of things that simultaneously sicken and arouse covetous feelings, this Jezebel article about anthropologie is very amusing.  Don’t get me wrong; I am not a hater of anthropologie, although I know that it is a trendy thing to loathe these days.  I like a lot of things from that store – I like their kitchy teatowels and their cupcake aprons and I even like their owl shaped cookie jars, although I would never, ever spend $100 on one – but some of their items are truly ridiculous.  It makes me think that someone over at anthropologie is just creating things as a dare to see what they can get away with.  Do you think someone will pay $3000 for this if we call it a Holiday Hovey House?  FUCK YEAH.  We’re fucking anthropologie!  People will buy anything if we put it on our website.

And while you’re at it, put some of those motherfucking floral grandma crops on there for $138.  Bitches be wild for that shit.

Do me a favour, anyone that covets those pants – check out the Sears catalogue.  You can get that style of pants for a third of the price, with a lovely elastic waistband included. 

And now I’m off to pick up my non-sick child from school.  Having Jake home has reminded me how much simpler life is with two children at home.  “I miss Mark!” Jake said yesterday as we sat snuggled on the couch, watching six episodes of Phineas and Ferb.  “It’s like I don’t even HAVE a brother.  Just a mom.  And that’s sad.”  Why, thank you, Jake!  Last night the boys proceeded to amuse me immensely by comparing themselves to Phineas and Ferb.  “I’m like Ferb,” Mark said “And Jake is like Phineas because he talks so much!”  I hated to break it to them, but everyone talks all the time in this house.  No one is like Ferb.


  1. I’m not really familiar with Anthropologie, or the not enough TIME reference, but go snarky Nicole! And feel better Jake, before your poor Mom loses it all the way.

  2. Okay, now I’ve looked at the Jezebel article and HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA. Especially the comments being all pissed and defending Anthropologie? WHY DID YOU PICK THE UGLY STUFF TO MOCK? Um, because it’s ugly and mockable?

  3. “because we don’t have enough TIME!” – ha. Also, nice Nirvana reference in the opening line.

    Also not familiar with Anthropologie. I’m so unhip I don’t even know what we’re supposed to be hating anymore. :p

  4. I hate Anthropologie. Mostly because because it’s aesthetic is Brand New Mass Produced Crap That Looks Like One Of A Kind Flea Market Finds. Go to flea markets if that’s the look you want. But I’m also boggled by how some people are obsessed with this store to the point that entire blogs are devoted to the lifestyle of Anthroplogie and their are personal shoppers specializing in finding their wares. WHY??!

  5. Confession: I love getting mail. Actually I love watching the mail carrier shit themselves when my dog starts clawing at the window. It’s quite entertaining. I need to get out more I think.
    PS. Those are some sexy motherfucking pants. I may get me a pair when their on sale.
    And while I’m at it, I’ll buy matching cushions.

  6. I would love a Sno Cone maker. Yum.

    Those pants are disturbing.

  7. Kerrie @ Family Food and Travel says

    Hilarious! You find the craziest things! I think you should get those pants and take lots of pictures of yourself wearing them in this freakin’ cold winter. I bet there would be great glances from anyone you walked by. It could be a whole series like WalMartians only the flowered pant crazy woman version! 🙂

  8. What the hell is with those pants?!

    With the exception of those god awful pants, I generally like the things at anthropologie, but I have never yet managed to convince myself to buy any of their overpriced things.

    • Their cute little dishtowels make me happy whenever I look at them, which is often, since I spend my life in the kitchen! Worth the $$ to me. However, I cannot CANNOT justify the $ for an owl cookie jar no matter how cute!

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