Moustaches, Sexy Men, and Early Morning Photographs

I have been a bit MIA this week because it was the school’s book fair and the annual general meeting of the School Council, of which I am the chair, and those two events, along with all the usual housewifely stuff, made for a very busy week.  This is my fourth year of running the book fair and I was silently resolving that this would be the last, especially as I answered the same questions over and over: no, that’s not really a cake pop/iPod/chocolate bar, it’s a pen/eraser/calculator, the posters are $5, yes, $5 for each poster.  But then at the end of the fair a boy came in especially to thank me for running the fair and also for being so nice.  Another girl in Jake’s class told me that Jake was lucky to have a mom who was so nice and never mad, which is not exactly true, but I don’t mind perpetuating that perception.  Then some teachers told me how much my efforts were appreciated…and then I silently resolved to do one more fair.  But we all know how that’s going to go, don’t we?  I’m going to be running these fairs until the end of time, or at least until my kids leave the school.  Every time I think I’m out they pull me back in.

There are always a vast number of novelty items at these fairs, but I have to say I was a bit surprised to unpack a box with erasers shaped like moustaches.  I thought that was strange, and wondered if it was some kind of Movember thing; the moustaches ended up being the hottest ticket item there.  Do you have any more moustache erasers? the children would ask desperately, and then their spines would crumple a bit at the news No, they are all gone.  Apparently, at our school, the children harbour a deep desire to be more like Magnum PI. 

Look at that gold medallion, all nestled in his chest hair.

Speaking of raw manly sex appeal, there was another event just as exciting, and much less exhausting – for me at least – happening this week, a little so-called magazine called People releasing the winner for the title of Sexiest Man Alive.  I wasted half an hour of my life this morning going through the website, where in addition to naming Channing Tatum, a fellow who is not attractive to me, but apparently is to the People editors, the Sexiest Man Alive, there are fifty one men who are included in a list entitled The United States of Sexy.  I will let that title just sit with you, dear reader, for a moment.

In any case, the United States of Sexy matches each state with a supposedly sexy gentleman from that state, although the rules around the definition of “from” seem to be fairly fluid.  You will never guess who is representative of Montana.  You may try, but you will never, ever guess.  It’s Patrick Duffy.  Patrick Duffy.  Bobby Ewing, in other words.  Bobby Ewing, who peaked in 1986 when he was revealed to not be dead at all, but only dream dead, is the Sexiest Man in Montana.  What the hell is going on in Montana?  I refuse to believe that I am living in a world where Patrick Duffy is the Sexiest Man in any state, unless every other man in that state has died.  I am just not that cynical.  It cannot be and I will not believe it.

I also have a hard time believing that Richard Gere is among the top ten Sexiest Men.  It’s horrifying.  Not only was he part of the most disgusting, unsettling, and distressing “feel-good” movie ever (I am looking at you, Pretty Woman), but he is also really unattractive.  How does he keep making these lists?  The only thing I can think of – as I commented on my friend Hannah’s hilarious reaction to the list – is that he has photos of one of the editors of People magazine fucking, or possibly receiving a blowjob from, a hooker, and so is using it for blackmail purposes to stay on the Sexiest Men Alive list.  There is no other possible explanation, unless there are a number of people who are not me who really do find Richard Gere attractive, but I refuse to believe that.  Again, I am not that cynical. 

There are a number of men who, in my “I’m everywoman” opinion, are very deserving of a sex-ay mention.  For example:

Now THAT’S what I’m talking about.  Eric Dane on fatherly duty?  To be honest, the fatherly thing doesn’t really work for me.  It humanizes the men I’m trying to objectify but still, I defy anyone to look at this picture and not appreciate Mother Nature and her artistry:

God bless Mother Nature.  She’s a single woman too.

Can you feel it, baby?  Yeah, I do too.  I have much, much more to say about the Sexiest Man Alive, other than the Who’s that guy? general puzzlement which is my frequent response, me being fairly un-hip to the scene and all.  However, I have loads of housewifely duties that have been sorely neglected this week which I should probably attend to toute de suite. 

Before I sign off, dear reader, I will tell you of an experiment I performed this week.  Several years back it was a thing for bloggers to take a photo of themselves first thing in the morning, and then another after shower, makeup, coffee, etc., a before-and-after of sorts.  Since I am nothing if not timely, I decided I would participate.  Or maybe I was trying to revive the game amongst the whole new crop of bloggers that is currently buzzing up the internet.  In any case:

Other than the lighting being better and my hair being less crazy, the only real difference is that I look much, much more diabolical in my after picture, which is in opposition to the schoolchildren’s perception of me as being “so nice”.  Bwhahaha.  Beware, children, of my evil forehead wrinkle!


  1. 1. Tell them that yes, that IS a chocolate bar or a lollipop. EASY.
    2. MAGNUM PI! I changed my mind about letting those children eat calculators and erasers.
    3. “God bless Mother Nature. She’s a single woman too.” HAHAHAH! That is a fine, fine picture. I love it. I want to marry it and have its little picture babies.
    4. Aw, look at you! No one is getting to see a picture of me in the morning, when I look like some elderly German housewife in 1875, but YOU look adorable and gorgeous in both of yours! Sheesh.

    • I should mention that one child came in, grabbed a candy-cane shaped pen, put it in his mouth, and bit down hard. My reaction: “No! That’s a pen! Don’t bite the pens!”

  2. My before and after pictures would look exactly the same, because I don’t wear makeup ever. Maybe after coffee my eyes are open a bit wider. However, I may participate in this, to show willing. You’re the cutest, though. 🙂

    Moustache erasers, my stars. What *will* the children think of next?? (Seriously, that’s weird.)

    Oh, Mark Whalberg. There you are. Yup. *fans self*

    • Rachelradiostar says

      I’m with Hannah, I don’t wear make up really. Only if I go out, which is never these days. It’s a lot to do with the fact I look like a drag queen in it these days and MASSIVELY due to the fact that I can never be arsed to take it off!
      I’m worried that the photo of Magnum stirred my loins slightly ….

  3. I loved Magnum PI! I was much too young to be watching it, but I did anyways…the gold chain is a bit too much though…I have had a conversation with my husband about such accessories in which I laugh when I picture him with such bling on…we were in Winners once and I picked up this horrible purplish shirt and jokingly said… you should get this …keep it buttoned down and wear a few gold chains with it to which the young male store clerk whole heartedly chimed in his agreement.

  4. Movember is HALF WAY OVER! I am so relieved. And I think that I would really enjoy a mustache eraser. Or a mustache ride.

    The eraser is probably the better option.

  5. My OB looked exactly like Tom. EXACTLY. My brother showed up at the hospital when I was about to deliver, wearing my ER scrubs and a thick fake mustache. OMG it was the hit of the floor.
    I need those erasers.
    Ps. Richard Geere is still alive?
    How old is he?

  6. I don’t really see the appeal of Mark Sloane. No, that’s inaccurate, I see what the appeal is but he doesn’t really appeal to me. Maybe it’s because no one in a post next to Magnum P.I. can actually surpass the appeal of Magnum P.I. And Mark Wahlberg actually looks like a Channing Tatum lookalike in that shot to me. Ack. I have to go away. My man goggles are clearly broken.

    You so rock the book fair, awesome volunteer lady. I would never in a million years be able to be the chair of anything without precipitating several unpleasant incidents and probably ending up with a criminal record.

  7. my before and after pictures consist of messy mop of long curly hair.. after straightening..its somewhat straight and I have some light eye makeup on that I don’t think is even discernible in a picture much where those posters? 5$? LoL

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