Melancholy thoughts about back to school and the transformative power of a new pair of panties.

Two years ago, when Mark was starting kindergarten, I wrote this.  One year ago, when Jake was starting kindergarten, I wrote this.  I find the differences in the pieces to be very amusing – in the first one I’m all “Buy some new panties!  Drink some wine!” while the second one is “My baby birds are leaving the nest!  Wah!”  Maybe I need to buy some new panties and drink some wine because I’m feeling a tad melancholy about the imminent end of summer.  Sixteen days until school!  Sixteen days until, with the exception of the lunch hour, the boys are gone all day long. 

It’s not like I’m not looking forward to a little space and the idea of buying groceries without two children in tow, asking to buy cupcakes and asking to push the cart and then accidentally running into things with the cart and then picking up the scattered items off the filthy grocery store floor and then sticking their heads in the garbage cans to ascertain how stinky the garbage cans are and then having a prolonged conversation with the somewhat slow-witted carryout guy about whether a centaur can be properly referred to as a man-horse.  I’m also not wishing to stop time or that I had my babies back or that I had another baby – HEAVEN FORBID.  But I’m just going to miss the boys.  That’s all.  I’m going to miss them and that’s all I’m going to say about that.

I had a hair appointment today and I was struck, as I always am, by how dull my life must appear to the average young woman.  The sweet, eighteen year old shampoo girl always chats with me and asks me many questions about my life, and I can’t help but feel that my answers must fill her with chills about aging.  Don’t get me wrong – I love small talk, I am the QUEEN of small talk, but I found myself thinking with nostalgia about the previous shampoo girl who was terribly shy and barely spoke to me.  What did you do this weekend, she asked, what’s up for the rest of the day, what are you doing for the rest of the summer?  She seemed somewhat nonplussed by my boring answers and went back to applying conditioner.

It’s not that I find my life dull to live, but I do think it must seem quite dull to the sweet and perky shampoo girl, who usually regales me with information as to the best clubs to go to for dancing and the best time to go – not before 10 pm.  Dancing?  Today is the 34th anniversary of Elvis’ death and I have had Kentucky Rain stuck in my head all day long.  Dancing and clubbing do not seem particularly relevant.  Related: I found out today that Anne Bancroft played Mrs. Robinson at the age of 36!  THIRTY SIX!  I am thirty six!  Also related: the shampoo girl asked what my natural hair colour was and when I answered grey she smiled and said “I mean, what was it BEFORE grey?”  Um, I’m not sure?  It’s been grey for a really long time.  Sigh.  The baby birds are leaving the nest and I’m the same age as Mrs. Robinson.  I am definitely going to need some new panties and wine.


  1. I know. We’re having such a great summer. I could take a little more. Even though I know I couldn’t homeschool. I want to homeschool until my kids get on my nerves and then send them to other school. I want to part-time home school solely based on my whims, is that so much to ask?

  2. Two weeks for us, and I am sad, too.

    36? Pffft. You’re a BABY.

  3. Go all out…get matching panties and bra and a BIG bottle of wine, ok? A little less conversation…(I must admit that was the Elvis song I had in my head all day) AND you are a baby…can you say where and what you were doing when the news broke that Elvis died? Ya, no, I didn’t think so. Enjoy!

  4. I could be Mrs. Robinson. Wow. That is not a nice realization.

    This fall my son starts school full time. I am having some serious issues about this so I’m stuffing my feelings deep down inside and I’ll deal with them later.

  5. You do deserve some new panties and wine. And hopefully no whining.

  6. New panties and some wine sound like a great remedy for just about anything. Thanks for the laugh, and Good Luck with the back-to-school transition!

  7. I feel the same way about back to school – I love the time with the boys and it’s so fleeting. Of course, I’m also opening a bottle of wine right now because they’ve been fighting all day. Not sure what that says.

  8. Awww girl…you go get some panties and wine then. My friend who has two boys always goes through a bout of sadness when school starts because she misses the laissez-faire days of summer. Me, well, I’m happier than a pig in shit when my kids go back to school. I think I could relate more if my kids didn’t hog the tv all day.

  9. very interesting blog so wonderful article .. anyway thanks for sharing

  10. Well, this post is just about the most perfect thing I have ever read. Yes, yes, and yes. Now I have to go sob and dye my hair. EEP.

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