Last week I was applying makeup while wearing my robe and Jake peered over at my exposed legs. “Mom, you should go put your stockings on,” he said in a voice of concern. I assured him that I didn’t need to wear my stockings anymore! Happy news! He repeated his request, slightly louder. I repeated […]
Archives for April 2011
High Maintenance Girl
April 7, 2011 by 8 Comments
Sally: Which am I? Harry: Oh, you’re the worst kind. You’re high maintenance, but you think you’re low maintenance. Sally: I don’t see that. Harry: You don’t see it? Waiter, I’ll have the house salad, but I don’t want the regular dressing. I want the balsamic oil and vinegar. But I want it on the […]
When I am an old woman
April 5, 2011 by 11 Comments
When I am an old woman, I will wear an excessive amount of Chanel Number 5. I will wear thick, bright layers of lipstick that will feather and bleed into my papery skin. I will make wildly inappropriate jokes and sexually harrass all the male orderlies at the home and earn the reputation of being […]
STRIPPING! Boom chicka wah wah! UPDATE
April 2, 2011 by 12 Comments
So here’s what you may not know about getting your varicose veins stripped: it really, really hurts. I know! News flash! But honestly, I was unprepared for how much it would hurt and how difficult it would be to walk afterward. I am happy to tell you that today I am moving around and even […]
