Groundhogs, The Bachelor and male pattern baldness.

Certain special days do not translate well for everyone.  For example, Robbie Burns Day – does anyone who is not of Scottish heritage really want to eat haggis and listen to bagpipes?  I’m half Scottish and I certainly don’t want to – or President’s Day, which does not carry over very well to countries that are not the United States.  Groundhog Day does not really apply to this part of the country.  I understand that there are pagan, weather-lore, and even Catholic and Protestant Epiphany-based roots that contribute to Groundhog Day, but we all know that it simply does not apply if one is living in Calgary, as I am.
It’s amusing, though, because Calgarians WANT to participate in Groundhog Day, despite the fact that no groundhogs would ever live here and anyway it would be supreme animal cruelty to make one come out of its den in this climate to observe its shadow, and so there is someone whose job it is to dress up like a groundhog:
Photo from balzacbilly.com

Occasionally I will succumb to a severe lack of judgment, which is what happened the other night when I watched five minutes of the Bachelor.  The Bachelor is one of those cultural phenomena that seems to indicate society’s downfall.  It is, arguably, one of the worst anti-feminist piece of entertainment around.  Just the concept is terrible: women desperately competing to win the attention of a man and/or kickstart a modeling and/or reality television career.  It is one of the saddest things ever, and the fact that I watched a piece of it is sadder still, although I still believe that from a lemons-to-lemonade standpoint, a drinking game wherein viewers have a shot every time the phrase “I feel we have a real connection” is uttered would be the best possible scenario.  Of course, this would probably lead to death or, at the very least, severe alcohol poisoning, so perhaps not. 
But anyway I tuned in for a couple of minutes and discovered two things: a) a woman whose Nascar-racing fiancé – and father of her child – DIED was actually going to drive a Nascar, um, car because it was “something she needed to do”, and b) the bachelor who is currently on the show seems to be one of the stupidest people in the world, and I do not say that lightly. 
Yesterday I heard, and shared, a quote which I thought was funny: “The best way to hide male pattern baldness is to make a shit load of money.”  I thought it was an ironic commentary on the misguided importance placed on material wealth, but I fear I may have inadvertently caused hurt feelings.  NOTE TO MY BALDING MALE FRIENDS: smooches, guys, you all look great.  As a rule, hair is of minimal importance to women, unless of course you are wearing your hair in a mullet, in which case I have nothing further to say.  But if you still think that hair is important in physical attractiveness, then I invite you to observe this man:

Image from reelmovienews.com

So to summarize: hair is not important, but being stupid – as in the current “bachelor – IS.  Groundhog Day is today and Alberta is leading the world in humanely treating groundhogs, by wearing ridiculous costumes.  Happy Groundhog Day!

Comments

  1. I completely forgot that it was Groundhog Day. No one seems to ever mention it here in BC.

    I prefer a man with a head of hair, but as long as his head isn’t misshapen a bald head is okay. Although, I had to laugh at the money comment. It’s funny, cause it’s true.

  2. The sexiest man I know is bald. And I am more than ok with it.

    Balzac Billy on the other hand just leaves me sad.

    As for the bachelor, I watched 2 minutes and thought “no man could possibly be that needy”.

  3. Lol! I am totally with you on the bachelor! I would rather watch almost anything else.

    I don’t think anyone here even knows it is groundhog day! 🙂

  4. Like I always say, I don’t do reality TV. I live reality. I prefer my television ludicrousness to be scripted. The only way I would watch the Bachelor is in one of those Clockwork Orange scenarios when they tape your eyelids open — I assume someone did that to you last night, poor baby. My husband’s going bald. I didn’t choose him on those grounds but hey, whatever, he probably didn’t pick me thinking wow, I bet she’s going to get really fat after childbirth — that’ll be AWESOME.

  5. I love bald men. My dad is bald. My husband’s bald. My son’s are going to go bald. The second best captain of the Enterprise is bald. Bald is awesome.

    Hehehe. Balzac. BALL-ZAC! It’s fun to say.

  6. We also happened upon the bachelor and we tuned in to make fun of the train wrecks on that show. Every time a girl cries on that show, baby Jesus makes it snow…but only in Canada.
    Hey, at least our polar bears are happy.

  7. Oh the bachelor…a train wreck that you can’t peel your eyes away from. I’m glad I have a problem of not being able to watch anything that shows people embarrassing themselves…seriously I have to turn the channel b/c I feel embarrassed for them…keeps me far away from the show! And I do have to agree if you look like the man above…what hair? LOL!

  8. Mrs.Mayhem says

    Love the quote: “the best way to hide male pattern baldness is to make a shit load of money.”

    But really, who needs hair when the rest of the male is hawt!

  9. Thanks so much for stopping by my post at The Girl Next Door!

    And, thank you so much more for that picture of Jason Statham.

    Droooooool.

    Could not agree more. Go bald gracefully, people!

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