Reality TV, or Signs of the Apocalypse

I frequently think that nothing is more indicative to the downfall of society as reality television.  I’m always, always startled to think that these shows are being watched by someone.  For example, it has come to my attention that there is a new show coming out featuring people who, among other things, like to eat toilet paper and taste dish soap.  Really.  Wasn’t the concept of putting people in a house together to fight and hot tub and copulate and compete for a spouse who would never actually turn out to be a spouse bad enough?  Now there are shows about people with dramatically peculiar eating habits?  This is the reason I like Jeopardy.  Virtually everything else on television is a scary indictor of the apocalypse.  Plus I like to fantasize that I’m actually on Jeopardy.  I like to think about what I would wear if I was a contestant (probably a black sweater).  I like to imagine myself saying “I’m going to make this a true Daily Double, Alex.”  Alas, I would probably never win at Jeopardy given my poor knowledge of US history and presidents. 
Another indication that the four horses are going to come riding in at any minute is the proliferation of drivel-like magazines lining the checkout counter at Wal-Mart.  Yesterday the kids were back at school and so I dropped them off to go pick up light bulbs, Kleenex, and dish soap (that I am not tempted to taste in the least.  Who are these people, anyway?).  Hilariously, I ran into several other moms who were shopping for similar items, proving once again that we stay-at-home moms are a glamourous people, we who upon shaking off the shackles of child care immediately head towards the allure of the roll-back.  In the lineup, I saw the following headlines: 1) Someone named Heidi is having more plastic surgery, 2) Dr. Oz has a “#1 Fat Cure”, and 3) No matter what they say, Oprah and Gayle are totally lesbians.  My reaction?  1) Who is this Heidi?, 2) “Fat CURE”?  Does the word “cure” seem strange to anyone else?  3) Why is it relevant in any way to anyone if Oprah and Gayle are, in fact, lovers?  WHO CARES? 
So I stood there in line feeling like my brain cells were rapidly disintegrating, a feeling that seemed to be confirmed soon after when I smiled to myself at the abandoned items that were grouped together at the next till.  Really, one should not laugh, but I found myself laughing on the inside at the still-life grouping of a Heavy Duty Rubber Sheet, a box of Extra-Large Depends, and a gigantic container of Sour Patch Kids. 
Maybe I need my own reality show.  Real Housewives of Calgary Who Like Jeopardy and Laugh at Stupid Things at Wal-Mart.


  1. This post made me laugh out loud. Especially the part about the allure of the rollback.

  2. Mrs.Mayhem says

    My family doesn’t watch TV, so I was shocked by the current programming at the hotel during our recent trip. New Years Eve provided a strange sex marathon, and New Years Day had a prison life marathon. What message is this sending, to have programs describing fetishes and grisly murders on at 6 pm?

  3. On our recent plane trip my husband & I sat agog at the horrible shows available on the in-flight satellite feed. I saw the advert for the toilet paper eating woman & did take some solace that it’s CLEAN toilet paper. B/c it could be worse! Then I watched Dog The Bounty Hunter, Toddlers & Tiaras, a reality show about a woman named Kendra (she’s stripper/hooker/trophy wife?). It’s been almost exactly a year since I’ve had a tv & I do not regret it for one second.

  4. Preachin’ to the choir, hon. Except I’m never surprised any more — I fully expect to see a show called “The Bachelor — quadruple amputee” in my lifetime. But iCarly? That’s good stuff, man.

  5. I would totally watch your reality show. LOL

  6. There’s a show where people eat dish soap? I must have missed that one.

    A couple weekends ago, my husband and I arranged for babysitting on a weekend, and didn’t know what to do so we went to Walmart and bought a garbage can. We’re pretty crazy.

  7. Totally with you on this one. The eating toilet paper show? Sooo scary.

    Thanks for visiting my blog!

  8. I don’t understand reality shows either. Do people really believe it’s reality?


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