Category Archives: Damn Hippies

Unmoored

Posted on by

The boys have been visiting my parents this week, and I don’t mind telling you that I have spent this week feeling greatly unmoored, particularly yesterday. I had no classes to teach yesterday and it was a moon day, which meant no early morning yoga either. I spent a few hours just wandering around the house, drinking coffee and looking at social media, until I decided that I should probably go to spin class, if for no other reason then to get out of the house at a specific time.

From all accounts, the boys have been having an Epic Week, which is to be expected when visiting indulgent grandparents who live on a lake with access to every kind of fun thing you can imagine. During last night’s phone call, they informed my husband that yesterday they a) went mini-golfing, b) went to the Aquasplash, c) had ice cream at the local parlor, and d) went for dinner at a restaurant specializing in chicken wings. If there could be anything better for young teen boys, I do not know what it could be.

After class today I am heading up there myself, and am crossing my fingers that the extreme thunderstorms will hold off for a few hours after I get there, so I can also have some fun in the sun. It’s been beautiful and hot here, the garden is in full bloom with riotous colours, life is good.

***********************

I recently read one of the best books I have EVER read, and that is really saying something. It’s called The Women In The Castle, and a student had recommended it to me a month or so ago. The description seemed pretty meh, to be honest, and I had just finished a bunch of very depressing reads. For those interested in depressing reads: Nearly Normal, which deals with the most dysfunctional childhood you can imagine, living off the grid for years with her clinically insane grandfather, then squatting in abandoned places with her mother while her mother has sex with near-strangers right beside her, and as much drug use as you might expect for such a story, in the 1970s. After that was Educated, another crazy dysfunctional childhood with an absolutely nutjob set of parents. Both of these books are testaments to human resiliency but honest to god, they are also so sad. Finally, I read Diana: Her Story and I have much to say about that, but will save it for later. Shortly thereafter, I got around to reading Lilac Girls, which my mother had lent me and which deals with Nazi experimentation on Polish women in a concentration camp, which pretty much finished me off, mentally. I considered reading the Sweet Valley High box set I had found as a countermeasure, but I had a few library books come in.

So I had mentioned in a class that I had read these depressing books and needed a pick-me-up, and a student came up to me after class and recommended The Women In The Castle. I dutifully put it on my library hold list, but it a) deals with Nazi Germany, and b) I wasn’t sure that it sounded like an uplifting, life-affirming book. When it came into the library I reluctantly started it, and then found I couldn’t put it down. What a wonderful, incredible, thought-provoking book. Believe me when I say you will not regret reading this, even if you are not a fan of historical fiction.

*********************

Speaking of historical fiction, I was thinking about the movie Forrest Gump yesterday. It’s been 24 years since that movie came out; I loved it then and I still love it now. The other day I came across this question: what’s your favourite little moment in a big movie? We all know I’ll have what she’s having, but what about Don’t fuck with Mr. Zero and Someone is staring at you in Personal Growth? Those are perfect moments in a perfect movie. Actually, When Harry Met Sally is full of perfect moments. However, if I have to choose one small scene in a big movie, I would have to go with this one in Forrest Gump: when Forrest finds himself listening to a Black Panther talk about the war in Vietnam, and he is watching Jenny’s boyfriend yelling at Jenny from across the room. The douchebag smacks her and Forrest goes mental, all the while Hey Joe is playing to a crescendo. That, in my opinion, is a scene of perfection.

There’s another small moment prior to that, when Jenny introduces her gross boyfriend to Forrest, who is all dressed up and decorated in his uniform. The boyfriend says “Who’s the baby-killer?” and it occurred to me yesterday, that guy would fit in perfectly on twitter.

**********************

Just now, I looked at twitter. There was a recipe, and I am not joking here, for Red Velvet Corn Dogs. I thought for certain that it must be a mistake, or maybe one of those cutesy recipes in which a cupcake is shaped like a corn dog but no. No. The recipe calls for, among other things, red velvet cake mix and a 10-count package of hot dogs, so the apocalypse is officially on us. Also, 2 quarts of canola oil, for frying. “Enjoy with your favourite dipping sauce!” is the note that the recipe cheerfully ends on. Enjoy. With your favourite dipping sauce.

**********************

A few weeks ago, I was in the baking section of my beloved local Co-Op when I saw this:

Whoops! I know that, come fall, everything will be pumpkin spice this and pumpkin spice that, but this is a bridge too far, in my mind. Perhaps the Red Velvet Corn Dog people might find this useful and inspiring. Mark my words, we shall soon see Pumpkin Spice Refried Bean Pie, if this is any indication.

Nicole’s Favourite Things – June Edition

Posted on by

Happy Summer Solstice! Can you even believe it? I only just got used to it being May, and now here we are, the longest day of the year. I know I’ve mentioned this, but it is June, JUNE PEOPLE, and I am not at all feeling overwhelmed or stressed out. I have no end-of-the-year commitments to attend, I am not doing anything at a frantic pace, and even the last two weeks of school, which are mostly half days or no school at all, are giving me a feeling of relaxation, rather than stress. It is a miracle. Yesterday was one of those half days and I had a house full of starving boys all afternoon, and I am going to tell you that I love, love, love this age. I love my kids’ friends who all feel at home here, and who are thrilled every minute with homemade waffles and muffins, and who roam our basement and jump on our trampoline and talk about ridiculous video games I don’t understand, with gratitude for food. These are the best waffles ever! So easy to please. I think of what *I* was like at that age and I shudder. Thank god for these happy boys and their fantastic friends.

Every day I look at my garden and marvel at everything – there are buds on the roses! – and every morning I get into the car at 4:50 and I notice how bright the sky is. When I finish my yoga practice, I have to put on sunglasses to drive home, and every night I fall asleep way before the sun even thinks of setting. June! It’s a really great month! Funny how when we get so wrapped up in the craziness of life, we can forget that.

So two weeks (or “weeks”) left of school, six weeks left of my no-shopping challenge (whomp whomp). SIX MORE WEEKS YOU GUYS. I kind of cannot believe I’ve made it this far and I think I might just make it after all, not unlike Mary Tyler Moore, if Mary Tyler Moore decided to do something as stupid as a one-year no-shopping challenge. Yes, right now it feels like the most ridiculous thing but I can’t give up now, even though I want a new bikini and summer pajamas in the most desperate way. Six more weeks.

Anyway, back to the Joys of June. It is time for…

Nicole’s Favourite Things – The June Edition

Siberian Irises

Look at these babies! This is one of the few things in my garden that I didn’t plant. The original owner was apparently quite the gardener, and this beautiful plant just thrives in its sunny spot by the downspout. It spreads in a funny way – little clumps of Siberian iris come up in unexpected places, like behind the garage. They bloom every June. I also have a lovely memory of my boys, when little, playing with the seed pods, which dry out and become rattly, late in the fall.

Strawberries

Strawberry season is upon us! I admit I buy out-of-season strawberries frequently, but this time of year they are truly Nature’s Candy. Fruit is Nature’s Candy! I’ll say to my kids in a Marge Simpson voice, which I’m sure they love. We eat a lot of fruit in this house, but it really ramps up during strawberry season. We can easily eat six pounds of strawberries in less than a week, in addition to all the other fruit we eat, and did I mention I’m practically living at the grocery store now? I am. But oh, they are so good just by themselves, or on waffles, or dipped in chocolate for Sunday night desserts.

Did you know that if you wash strawberries in a sinkful of cold water with lemon juice, they will last longer and be even more delicious? It’s true. I usually squirt a bit of lemon on the berries and then spray them down with cold water; sliced, they keep in an airtight container for up to five days. Of course, they don’t really last five days in this house, but I’ve been doing this for years; I also think the lemon also helps clean off some of the farming ickiness.

My Pillow Dot Com

I wanted to mention this in my last post but a) technically it was something I heard about on the radio, not through the internet, and b) I forgot. Last summer I found my neck and shoulder would be in pain every single morning; I’d be fine throughout the day but sleeping was causing me agony. SLEEPING should not cause a person physical agony, but here I was, getting up in the morning to rub A535 on my neck like an old man. I would wake up in the middle of the night and wouldn’t be able to get back to sleep because of the pain. Well. I had been hearing about My Pillow on the radio for the longest time, and I guess their method of long, repetitive advertising worked (“Betty Jo Kaiser here, and I just had ANOTHER great sleep all because of MY PILLOW.”). I went online and ordered the two-for-one deal, and…I waited. And waited. And waited. And finally the pillows showed up, after calling to complain and receiving a very big discount, and I have to tell you, it was worth the wait.

The pillows themselves are filled with, apparently, pieces of foam, and they arrived all bundled up in a tiny roll. What is this. I’m not kidding, the pillow was the size of one of those giant ballpark hotdogs. I was a little bemused when they arrived, until I, as per directions, put them in the dryer. They fluffed out and LET ME TELL YOU THEY ARE AMAZING. No more neck or shoulder pain, and I feel like I could be on one of those commercials. Nicole MacPherson here, and I woke up refreshed and ready to start my day because I had another great sleep on MY PILLOW. I can never go back to a regular pillow again. It’s even fun to order them, the company sends you a pillow based on your size and sleeping preference (I am a side-sleeper).

What does this have to do with June? Well, technically nothing, except that I’ve had the pillow for exactly six months now, so I can report with accuracy that yes, it really has improved my life. Let me tell you, if you are working as a yoga teacher, you really do not want a non-functional shoulder.

Solo

I was so upset to hear that Solo bombed at the box office. It is, in my humble opinion, the best Star Wars movie ever made. I really loved the character development, I loved the story, and I loved the intimacy of the plot – one of the things I don’t love about Star Wars is the pinging around the galaxy, from one planet to another. I find that confusing and uninteresting, and I’m constantly whispering to my kids where are they, who’s that guy, which I’m sure they enjoy greatly. I loved all the characters, and the richness of the development. Han Solo has always been one of my favourite characters, and I loved the peek into his early years. Now, to find a Han Solo costume for my husband to wear for my personal benefit next year’s Halloween festivities.

Wild Crocus

My friend Amy has an Etsy shop, called Wild Crocus. I think I’ve mentioned this before – she makes malas and bracelets, and I purchased one for my sister-in-law last Christmas. She is so talented and makes many beautiful, one-of-a-kind items. Well, she has a Goddess Collection of malas, and when I saw the “Star” one I knew. I knew the way you know about a good melon*. I kept looking at it and admiring it and reading the description…and one thing led to another and now it’s mine, all mine.

“Fire Agate lights the fire within, energizing and encouraging one to blossom and shine into their brightest self.” I mean, come ON. This was made for me!

There are even rose-shaped silver beads involved. Roses! I love it so much, and I encourage you all to check out her beautiful Etsy shop. Who knows, you may just find a piece that speaks to you as this did for me.

Shine on, people, blossom into your best selves. Enjoy this, the longest day of the year; look around you at all the beauty still to be had in this world. xo

 

* random reference from my favourite movie ever, big prize to whoever guesses it**

** the prize is not physical, it is the glory of guessing correctly

I tried some things I read about on the Internet…

Posted on by

…and they really worked!

Avocado Secrets

We all know the deal: you buy a green, hard avocado, and it sits on your countertop for days, being too hard and green to use. Then, suddenly, it’s ready to use and bam! Before you know it it’s overripe, brown, and gross. People, it doesn’t have to be that way.

Rapidly Ripening Avocados

Let’s say you have people coming over for dinner Saturday night; grocery day is Wednesday and you obtain four beautiful, green avocados. Will they or won’t they be ready for guacamole on Saturday? Chances are, they won’t. Generally, an avocado takes about a week to ripen on your countertop UNLESS you try this sweet little trick: putting the avocado in a brown paper bag and folding it shut. I tried this and it took about three days from a perfectly unripe avocado to become perfectly ripe. I read that putting a banana in the bag hastens the process but I did not see any significant difference in ripening time, and yes, I did use a control group. What? I’m an analytic at heart. I did notice that the BANANA became rapidly brown and mushy, so I guess if you really want to make banana bread and need overripe bananas, this trick is for you. Otherwise, just let the avocados be by themselves.

Stop! In the name of guacamole.

Now let’s say you – and by you, I mean me – are constantly tempted by the giant bags of avocados on sale at Costco. The only problem is that they are all the same level of ripeness and even though I would LIKE to eat seven avocados at the same time, it’s probably not a great idea. So, prolong the ripening process by putting some in the fridge. It will add nearly a week to the avocado’s life span. Relatedly, if your avocados ripen before you have a chance to eat them, you can buy yourself a couple of days by putting the ripe – or nearly ripe – avocado in the fridge. Never again be foiled by the avocado’s self-centred timelines!

But I Want Guacamole RIGHT NOW

If you just can’t wait another minute, let alone several damn days before eating guacamole, try frozen avocado. I know, I know, it seems sacrilegious, but in a pinch it’s a pretty amazing product. I skeptically bought some PC brand, thinking at least I’d get my PC Points from it even if it was terrible, but I will tell you that it is VERY HARD to tell that the guacamole was not made from fresh avocado. Now, I wouldn’t necessarily recommend using it for a wrap or anything, because the texture is pretty soft once the avocado thaws, but it makes a great guacamole. It would probably make a good avocado toast, if you’re the kind of person who enjoys that.

Bread Boxes – Not Just For Your Grandma Anymore

I’m trying very hard to cut down on plastic use around the house. I bake at least one, if not two, snack loaves a week, and I used to wrap them in plastic to keep them fresh. I hated doing it but couldn’t see an alternative – until I thought about using an old-fashioned bread box. I bought one off Amazon that is red enamel, and has little breathing holes in the back. It was called a “bread and pastry box” but I’m sure any kind of bread box would fit the purpose. I’ve had it for months now, and it keeps everything – loaves, muffins, cookies – fresh. Not too dry, not too moist (sorry), just right. It’s the Goldilocks of containers!

Aluminum Foil Hats (for your veggies)

I read that aluminum foil somehow keeps vegetables fresh, more than plastic wrap, and after trying it for myself I can attest to it: wrapping a head lettuce in aluminum foil keeps it from going brown! Within reason, of course. I don’t think any lettuce would keep for more than a few weeks; aluminum foil is not MAGIC, after all. I’ve also tried it with Romaine, cabbage, and cucumbers, all with good results.

This Is The Last Straw

My older son likes to have smoothies for breakfast a few times a week, and he does NOT like to drink them straight from the glass; he prefers a straw. But even three straws a week add up, and before long I found myself feeling guilty that perhaps his straw habit is leading to tortoises with straws stuck up their nose, or some other atrocity I cannot look at, but that someone posts on Facebook at least weekly. So last year I bought a pack of stainless steel straws; I ordered mine from Amazon, because I’m a lazy shopper and I like Amazon Prime, but I’m sure you can get them in any kitchen supply store now. I was a bit concerned about the cleanliness aspect, but it turns out they are quite easy to keep clean. My son rinses his straw in hot water right after use, which eliminates any seeds or gunk getting stuck in it, but the straws I bought came with little cleaners, in case of seed/ gunk emergency.

Bag Lady

I’m sure I’ll never eliminate plastic usage, but I am really trying to minimize it, and to recycle what I do use. One thing I noticed was that I always threw out plastic produce bags from the grocery store. I couldn’t see any way to recycling or reusing such a useless little bag, and yet I didn’t want to pile eight separate peppers and three pounds of apples willy-nilly, pell-mell at the checkout. I wanted them BAGGED. So I bought reusable produce bags (again, from Amazon, I know, I have a problem) and I love them. The ones I bought are GIANT, and can fit at least six or seven peppers each. I bought a big pack of giant bags for about $23, and they are all washable. The key is to keep them inside my reusable grocery bags, so I don’t forget them!

Dirty Hair, Don’t Care

Well, I do care. My hair is quite fine, and I have a tendency to oiliness, and so I have always, since I was about 12, washed my hair daily. As I’ve aged, my hair has become drier and drier and more brittle with each passing year. A few years ago I started not washing my hair on Sundays, instead just putting it into a bun. About a year ago I realized that my best hair days were always Mondays. Coincidence? So I have started to wash my hair four times a week, instead, using Saturday as a day to give my hair a deep conditioning mask. My hair therapist mentioned, a while back, that my hair was really holding its colour well, better than she’d seen it in our long life together. I admitted my dirty little secret.

I know people have been doing this forever, and I know some people swear by no shampoo and all sorts of dry shampoo and the like. I don’t think I could ever really get behind that, but I am enjoying my every-other-day hair washing. After all, I teach a lot of yoga and have my hair in a bun anyway, and I swear my hair has gotten used to it. It doesn’t even (to me) seem dirty anymore. Plus, my showers on the days I don’t wash my hair are only about five minutes long, which is nice when I’m in a rush.

That’s all my little Internet tricks for the day! Let me know if you try one, and how it goes. xo

Fight the (flower) power

Posted on by

Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to live in a non-volatile climate. What would it be like to know that spring and summer weather would stretch out, consistently, day after day? I suspect it would change my behaviour significantly. The past week we have had absolutely gorgeous, SUMMER temperatures, complete with sunshine and warm evenings, and all I can think of is this won’t last, carpe diem, CARPE DIEM. I have been spending every spare minute outside doing yard work and gardening and feeling somewhat resentful at having to come inside. The thing about Calgary is that this could end at any second; we could have snow any time now, enjoy this while it lasts!

The warm weather has made my garden suddenly explode with greenery; after this terrible winter it feels like a gift. My Mayday is apparently the Ferrari of trees, going from barely-there leaf buds to being in full bloom in less than 48 hours, a beautiful gift that is filling the yard with glorious scent.

Speaking of gifts, I hope your Mother’s Day was restful and lovely. Very early on Mother’s Day morning, my husband and I walked over to the Co-Op to buy hamburger buns for dinner, and there was a man with a baby in a bucket seat and a very small toddler, looking at the giant display of flowers and cupcakes set out for those last-minute shoppers. The toddler was very cute, suggesting the flowers that were PINK, DADDY, DESE FLOWERS ARE PINK AND PWETTY AND MOMMY WOULD YIKE THEM, AND SHE YIKES CHOCOLATE CUPCAKES THAT ARE PINK, DADDY. I smiled because it was very obvious that, in addition to the flowers and cupcakes, there was a mom at home who was receiving the gift of “sleeping in.” Throughout the day I continued to see men with small children walking around the neighbourhood and to the playground, giving Mom the gift of Time To Herself. Having been the grateful recipient of such gifts in the past, I felt a lot of joy for those women.

I have just finished reading Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom and I don’t think that I am exaggerating when I say it completely blew my mind. If you haven’t read it, it discusses women’s health issues in a very holistic way, but the author is also an OB-GYN and so it isn’t total hippie-dippie hoo-ha. More “complementary and preventative” than “alternative,” if you know what I’m saying. There is a great deal of discussion about honouring yourself and your body, treating your menstrual cycle in a sacred way – think “Red Tent” rather than “the curse” – and really acknowledging your feelings and moving on with your life, in order to achieve health and wellness. For example, instead of pushing through exhaustion and monthly stabbiness, acknowledge that you need time to rest and reflect; PMS symptoms are your body’s way of telling you to please slow down. Today’s patriarchal society rewards a stiff upper lip and being productive at all costs, but fight the patriarchy and rest when you need to!

And although I’m all about honouring my cycle and self-care – my whole life is one big self-care event these days, it seems – I am also a total hypocrite. I have been fighting a case of the sniffles since Monday and if you think I’ve slowed down, well, I haven’t. See above, re: warm and sunny weather. Yesterday I felt poorly enough to lie down for a few minutes, thinking I would have a nap. After lying in bed for five minutes I became too excited thinking about all my new plants I had purchased at the garden centre and so instead got up and planted twenty-five of them. Yes, twenty-five. In my defense, I knew that today would be rainy and I wanted to let them settle in with some good precipitation.

Maybe I should skip my cardio workout today, I said to my husband this morning while stanching the bleeding from my nose due to blowing it every five minutes or so. He looked at me silently for a moment, and then said You THINK? I guess that was my stab at Slowing Down and Resting. I am trying to treat myself in the same way I would treat a friend, with compassion, and yet I can’t help but think it’s just the sniffles, I think I can go on. Meanwhile I’m looking down the barrel of the neti pot and wondering what, exactly, constitutes an overdose of Advil Cold and Sinus.

Ah, but we are mere hours away from a glorious long weekend, two days away from a royal wedding, and there is sunshine in the forecast. Carpe diem, people, and also pass the Vitamin C.

Three Things I Learned Yesterday

Posted on by

Happy New Year everyone! I am going to admit right now that I love the New Year; I love the idea of fresh starts and new pages and YES, we can start a fresh page of our lives every single day and YES, we can (and I do) make changes and goals any time during the year, but still, there is something about New Year’s. Last year I resolved to focus more, and uni-task rather than multi-task more, and I think that I did improve on that front. I also resolved to read more and – inspired by my dear friend Allison (HI ALLISON) – I kept a record of all the books I read in 2017. I ended up reading 82 books, which I thought was pretty good. Simon and Schuster sent me a bunch of books to read and review and those reviews will be coming in the next little while. Suffice it to say they sent me some excellent titles, and some titles that I would say would be nice, light reads for the beach or holiday.

So what’s up for 2018? Are you making any resolutions, or goals, or words of intention? I have a hard time NOT resolving to do everything – in addition to multiple health, fitness, parenting, reading, and piano playing goals, I’ve also found myself resolving to be more like the mindfulness guru Dr. Saamdu Chetri who starts every day being thankful for the gift of twenty-four hours. Every day! Thank you for these twenty-four hours I have been given! I told my husband about that and he thought it seemed maybe a bit unbalanced. Maybe that’s true, but the principle is still a good one.

It’s a fine line, I think, between self-love and acceptance, celebrating the fabulous people that we are and the wonderful, blessed lives that we have, and also wanting to remake everything entirely on New Year’s. There is always room for improvement, though, and meanwhile, I’ll be over here practicing gratitude and patience and getting extra cardio.

The kids have been off school this week and my husband has been off work, which has been lovely and strange. I still have a modified class schedule, but yesterday I had nothing at all – so I decided I would get all my groceries in one go. That meant a trip to Costco in the morning and a trip to Superstore in the afternoon and suffice it to say that wasn’t the best idea I’ve had. Actually, now that I think of it, it WAS the best idea in terms of a cardio workout – I checked my “steps” on my phone and it turned out I walked 4.2 kilometres – although that did include a 2 kilometre dog walk. There’s a fitness hack for you – go grocery shopping! Especially when it comes to pushing heavy carts through snowy parking lots! Although I did take someone with me for each trip and made them push the cart but next time, it will be just me. I should patent this idea: get fit by grocery shopping, plus buy your veggies! It’s a win-win!

I often resolve to spend less time on the internet and social media, because sometimes it feels that no good can come of it. But then I am proven wrong, for if I wasn’t on the internet I would not have learned these three amazing things:

Pumping Gas

I had no idea that all this time that I have been choosing the “self-serve” lane at the gas station that I was doing something NOT ALLOWED in Oregon. At least, until recently, when Oregon mandated that people can pump their own gas in rural areas which has caused a bit of a kerfluffle in that state. Who knew? I mean really, WHO KNEW. Not me. Opponents to this ruling have many objections: transient people can steal their children while they are waiting in the car as the gas is being pumped, everyone’s hands will smell like gasoline, and – this is my favourite – people don’t KNOW how to pump their own gas. I am the first to admit I am a total idiot when it comes to my car – I don’t even know how to open the hood – but even I can pump my own gas. It’s really not hard. Suffice it to say that if I can do something, vehicle-wise, than it’s pretty much a guarantee even the village idiot can. Just don’t go all Zoolander at the gas station and you’ll be fine, people of Oregon.

Plinko Record SMASHED

Anyone who has watched The Price Is Right is well aware of two things: the commercials during the breaks are awesome, and Plinko is the very best game there is. This fellow from Cleveland SMASHED the previous Plinko record and went home with $39,200!

That’s enough to buy a NEW CAR.

Raw Water is a Thing Now

Years ago I remember talking to someone about iodine tablets to put in drinking water, while on a trip to Nepal. Iodine, she said, might not be the best thing but it’s better than explosive diarrhea on the hiking trail. Truer words were never spoken. But now, apparently, drinking unfiltered, untreated water is a Thing. Tap water – or even filtered bottled water – is for suckers. I live in close proximity to the Rocky Mountains, and while spring water may SEEM pristine and fresh, there’s a little thing called Beaver Fever. Or cholera. Although…if your New Year’s Resolution is to lose weight, there would be nothing more effective than contracting dysentery, so maybe this Raw Water Thing is really going to catch on!

Kitchen Reno, Five (plus) Years Later

Posted on by

Hoo boy, has it been a long week or what? I know it’s technically a short week, but it feels…trying. Trying and LONG. Last Thursday night my son got home from Quebec, and early Friday morning we got in the car for an eight-hour drive to visit my mother-in-law for the Thanksgiving weekend. In order to do this, between getting home from the airport and getting in the car, the following had to be done: a) laundry, b) pack all of said son’s clothes and personal effects, and c) pack up the car. I’m just going to say that I am very happy to be home, but exhausted by the laundry. I always feel a little strange complaining about laundry – it’s not like I am personally scrubbing lye soap into clothing on a scrub board, or using a wringer washer, or even hanging things (other than Lululemon) to dry, but my god, the laundry. I think it’s because, to paraphrase Newman from Seinfeld, the laundry never stops. Even when you are caught up, you are immediately behind again because people change their underwear, there are towels to be washed, and sheets to be changed. No matter what, I will be folding clothes until I drop dead. Hopefully one is not correlated with the other.

Anyway, laundry aside, it’s nice to be home and eating normally and being back into normal routine. It was an unsettled eleven days, what with the Quebec trip and then the road trip, but we are home, home, home. Home with a great deal of grapes and apples, so all is well.

As a side note, it’s hilarious to me how people always say, when I mention I have thirty pounds of apples in my cold room, that I’ll be able to make so much pie and apple sauce! I tend to look at them blankly, because to me, that is a WASTE of an apple. If you don’t think I can single-handedly consume thirty pounds of apples before they go off, then you are vastly underestimating my abilities. Maybe it’s the Alberta Girl in me, but it never, ever occurs to me to use fresh fruit to make pies or jam – I buy frozen fruit in bulk from Costco, and I use that. Fresh fruit is for EATING, in my humble opinion. Also, I find apple sauce to be a bit…unappealing. No offense to all you apple sauce lovers out there, but I cannot think of why I would need more than the occasional jar from Co-Op to make hippie-style-fruit-sweetened muffins.

Perhaps I would feel differently if I lived in a place in which the fruit crops were more than crabapples and saskatoon berries.

The one exception is my stash of Concord grapes, because my generous mother-in-law gives me so many that it is actually not physically possible to eat them all before they turn. In that case, I make fruit leather. Here’s my un-recipe: make thick, pulpy grape juice using a juicer. Peel, core, and slice apples (I often save my tree ripened ones for eating, and buy bulk bags at Costco to use for this. I know! I’m terrible at sharing apples). Put both in a food processor until they reach a smooth applesauce-like-consistency, then pour onto parchment paper-lined sheets in the dehydrator for 10-12 hours, depending how thick you pour it. As for quantities? I don’t know. What am I, a food blogger? Oh, right. Anyway, I don’t really measure here, I eyeball it. Fill your food processor with apple slices, add grape juice until it’s purple and smooth but not runny, and run with it.

So other than doing laundry I spent quite a bit of time in the kitchen this week, and speaking of kitchens…

Nicole’s Kitchen Renovation Five (plus) Years Later

I know, I wrote about renovating back in August, planning to write the kitchen installment “next time” and if I put it off any longer, it will be Nicole’s Kitchen Renovation Six Years Later. I’m sure you were on the edge of your seat! Does Nicole still enjoy the kitchen renovation of 2012? Does she have regrets? What would she do differently? I’m sure you have been dying to know, so here goes.

When we bought the house, the kitchen was, for lack of a better word, disgusting. The cabinets were homemade, and the fellow who made them was not an artisan craftsman. The drawers were always stuck, the hood fan was completely coated in grease, the countertops were a pale yellowish green with swirls. The walls, in keeping with the pink-and-green theme of the house, were covered in five different but coordinating patterns of wallpaper. The dishwasher had once been a rolling mobile one, but someone had cut out a part of the cupboards and wedged it in, so it stuck out at an angle, and it also had a wooden cutting board on top which was pretty grim from years of use. The linoleum was an ugly pattern from the early 80s; in short, it was perhaps not the ugliest kitchen in the world, but it was a contender.

When we bought the house we couldn’t afford a big renovation, so we did the best we could. We scraped off the wallpaper and painted the walls a butter yellow, we painted the cabinets a warm white and changed out all the hardware. We did our best and then in 2003 we did our first of two kitchen renovations. Yes, we have renovated the SAME KITCHEN TWICE. We replaced the homemade cupboards with white Shaker-style ones that actually opened and closed on demand. We redid the floor and the countertops, put in an island, a proper dishwasher, and repainted everything. In a bid to save money we did most of the work ourselves and, because we both worked full (and more than full) time, it took four months to finish.

Back in 2012 when we made the decision to renovate, I wanted this NOT to happen. I wanted my renovation, and I wanted it quickly. Fortunately Ron and Don, the brother team, were also of the mindset that the sooner they finished the better, and they set to work. We didn’t change the cupboards because I still liked the white Shaker, but we put in granite countertops, stainless steel appliances, hardwood to match the rest of the house, and the World’s Biggest Sink.

I’m going to tell you right now that I love my kitchen. I also want to point out that it took 16 1/2 years from the time we moved into the house to the time we put a window covering on that window. The original was a cheap brown plastic blind and I planned to replace it when we took it off, back in 2000. And replace it we did, in January of 2017. It improved my life immensely since that is a southwest-facing window, and the sun would blind me in certain seasons when I was trying to make dinner.

One huge regret I have about our kitchen renovation is the range. It’s a Kitchen Aid, and it works just fine, but it has a fan that goes constantly whenever the oven is turned on, and about thirty minutes after it is turned off. It is loud enough to be very intrusive; music has to be turned up, I can’t hear the kids when they talk to me if the oven is going, etc. Also it takes forever to heat up. Huge regret but since it is very functional, I cannot justify buying another.

Another thing – this is not a regret, per se, but more of an observation – while I like the giant square double sink, it is a bitch to clean. The corners tend to get dirty and it is annoying, but on the whole I do like the look of the square sink. Other than the dirty, need-to-be-cleaned-with-a-toothbrush corners.

I’m still happy with the granite we chose, although if we were to do it now I might think about quartz instead. That wasn’t an option back then, and I do like how the granite matches the bathroom (and, foreshadowing, other parts of the house too).

Banana stages: a study. That’s part of a banana loaf in the background. How many bananas do you go through in a week? Our banana usage varies between 14-25 per week, which means there are usually many bananas in various states on my countertop.

When you were a kid, was there a chore that you detested and you swore you would avoid it like the plague as an adult? For me, that chore is drying dishes. Hence the sturdy dishrack on which are always many containers, that air dry so I do not ever have to. On nights when dinner creation has led to more dishes than the rack can hold, one of the kids dry them. Note the wine bottle in the background, and also my favourite small appliance: the Vitamix.

In terms of large appliances, I love my dishwasher. Here’s one major reason why:

A silverware rack! No more putting all your mucky silverware in gross little cup holders, this baby keeps them separate, clean, and easy to put away without getting your fingers on the parts of the silverware that go into people’s mouths.

A peek inside my fridge because, frankly, I love seeing the inside of other people’s fridges and pantries. This is not a euphemism! My friend Joanne (HI JOANNE) posted a photo of her pantry that her daughter had recently organized, and I stared at it happily for longer than is probably normal or healthy.

So there you have it – I still love my kitchen reno, save for the noisy range, so I would say that it was a success! What do you think? xo

Spoiled children and first seven jobs

Posted on by

In my last post, I promised a photo of me looking disapproving at the amusement park, and today was supposed to be that day. Except that the sky is grey, again, and threatening to thunderstorm, AGAIN, and so I am just looking disapproving in my kitchen:

disapproval

The thought of packing up snacks, bug spray, and the children, and then driving twenty-five minutes, only to get rained on or electrocuted is disheartening to say the least, and so it looks like another somewhat indoorsy day.

I read a piece in the New Yorker called Spoiled Rotten, in which an anthropologist studied families in Los Angeles and in an Amazonian tribe, to see the difference in the role children played in the family structure. Predictably, the children in LA were complete spoiled brats who refused to tie their own shoes or fetch their own silverware from the drawer, whereas the Amazonian children were significantly contributing to the household, and society in general. In the natural order of things, of course, the LA children turn into thirtysomethings whose moms are still doing their laundry while they make YouTube videos in the basement, and the Amazonian children turn into functioning adults who go out in the world to seek their fortune, just like fairy tale heroes of yore.

It really made me think, being that it was a think-piece and all. Of course, for narrative purposes, the author would have chosen to write about the absolutely worst LA children and the most self-sufficient Amazonian tribe in order to get the starkest contrasts. However. It had me wondering if my kids could be doing more, if I expect too little of them.

Don’t get me wrong, I feel like I expect a lot. I expect excellent behaviour wherever we go. I expect them to get good grades and work very hard year-long, including summer worksheets and writing projects. I expect them to look people in the eye when they are speaking, to shake hands when meeting someone for the first time – and to put some meat into those handshakes, no dead fish hands please – I expect them to introduce themselves and say “Nice to meet you.” I expect them to make their beds, put away laundry, help with yard work and household chores, set the table, clear the table, load the dishwasher, and feed the dog. They often help chop vegetables and they help my husband put up and take down exterior decorations for Christmas and Halloween, Jake knows how to change a tire and jack up the car and Mark helps with the pre-winter maintenance of the air conditioner and shovels the sidewalk.

So they aren’t like the LA kids in the essay, and – PLEASE GOD – they won’t be living in my basement in 20 years. But there are a lot of things that I knew how to do at their age that they don’t. For example, I used to babysit a lot, and I would cook lunch for my little charges all the time, mostly Kraft Dinner or Zoodles, but I knew how to do it. Only yesterday did I show the boys how to turn on the stove. They have never cleaned a bathroom and their ability to sweep the floor leaves much to be desired. Also, much to be picked up by Roomba.

Speaking of Roomba, he continues to be the naughty little pet that we all love. We love his industry, and we laugh when he bumps into a side table and ends up with a piece of paper jauntily riding atop his little body. Roomba is wearing a hat! we say joyfully. A few times Roomba somehow got tangled up in the toilet paper, leading to a giant shredded mess all over the basement. Oh, Roomba! we shake our heads at his well-meaning but disastrous attempt. Just a few days ago, the boys ran upstairs in a state of excitement. Roomba, they said, had tried to eat the laces on my husband’s trainers, and had dragged the shoe all over the basement.

I feel like this could be the start of a very exciting reality show, or maybe even a sitcom. It would be at least as entertaining as any of the ones currently on air. The Adventures of Roomba! Roomba would surely be a contributing member of society, not like those spoiled children in LA.

Speaking of (semi) spoiled children, I must now send them to the Co-Op by themselves to buy a loaf of bread since we have, inexplicably, ran out. Never mind that we all were buying cigarettes for our parents at the corner store at age seven, and the six-year-old Amazonian children are catching and cleaning all the shellfish for the tribe to have for dinner, I am PROUD that my children can go to the Co-Op by themselves, armed only with a fiver, my Co-Op number, and a reusable bag. And then – AND THEN – they can take that damn loaf of bread and make sandwiches from it for their lunches because I am raising my children to be competent adults, and also they don’t eat Zoodles or Kraft Dinner.

Oh! But I had forgotten what I had been actually planning to write this post about, and no, it wasn’t actually the New Yorker piece. What can I say, I digress easily. There has been a meme going around about Your First Seven Jobs and I thought it would be fun if you could play along too. What were yours? Here are mine:

  1. Babysitter (this should be obvious from the entire post)
  2. Page at the public library, where I shelved books and impressed the interviewers with my knowledge of the Dewey Decimal System and my volunteer work as a candy striper at a nursing home.
  3. Pizza Hut employee, where I did all jobs from bussing tables to answering phones to making pizza to being a cashier. It was a fun job in that I had a lot of friends there, but it was also a terrible job because people LOVE to scream at the teenage employees when their pizza does not arrive in a timely fashion.
  4. Salesgirl at a ladies’ clothing store, where I discovered I did not want to sell anything, ever again.
  5. Waitress at Moxies’ – another fun job where I also discovered that working in customer service is very hard. This job made me empathetic every single time I had a meal out that went awry for any reason.
  6. Beer sample girl. If you want a job where you get hit on by disgusting, much older alcoholics, and everyone treats you like a brainless idiot, this is the job for you! I finally quit in a fit of rage when the company got a contract with Busch, and I would have been required to wear a Busch bathing suit to hand out samples. In a freezing cold liquor store. NO THANK YOU, YOU MAY KEEP YOUR SEVEN DOLLARS AN HOUR.
  7. Summer student at a petroleum company. This was my first taste of corporate life, and I got to use my linear programming skills, so it was great. It ended up leading to my first “real” job that didn’t involve food, customer service, or bathing suits.

Please play along! What were your first seven jobs? All of these jobs took place within the span of a decade, which seems amazing for some reason.