I have long believed that to be healthy we need to balance the yin and yang in our lives, and if we do not get enough yin – rest, recovery, rejuvenation – then our bodies force us to, in the form of illness or injury. And indeed, any time I look back on my life and remember times when I was completely taken out by a virus or, in one spectacularly debilitating case in 2019, injury, I absolutely know that the time preceding that was one of stress and exhaustion.
Sometimes that can’t be helped, of course. I had two babies in less than eighteen months and the second one was colicky, and the ensuing sleeplessness and generalized exhaustion was beyond my control. However, there are many times in my life when I had sleeplessness and generalized exhaustion and it WAS in my control; I am a high-energy person and I have a tendency to Do More, Push Through, Just Keep Swimming, etcetera. If I don’t balance that level of activity and energy expenditure with adequate rest, disaster ensues. It’s a lesson I’ve had to relearn many times.
And so these days I am very tender with myself, I take care of myself like I would a small child. I make sure I am nourishing myself on every level: I ensure that I’m getting the proper sleep, that I’m resting emotionally and mentally, that I have adequate nutrition and hydration, and that I am spending time with people who fill up my soul.
Recently a number of friends mentioned that they feel a deep sense of guilt when relaxing, that they feel taking time to read or do other quiet solo activities feels “lazy,” and, although this wasn’t said outright, intimated that they really need to be productive to feel valued. I have been thinking about that a lot lately, particularly since reading The Relaxed Woman, which is affirming, transformative, and inspirational, and everyone should read it. I am going to become a Relaxed Woman evangelist, is what I’m saying.
But something really resonated with me, both with these conversations with my friends and also by reading The Relaxed Woman, and that is this feeling that in order to rest, we need to earn it, we do not deserve rest on its own.
I read Bridget Jones’s Diary when it came out in paperback, circa 1997, and at the time I found it hilariously funny and deeply relatable. There is a part where Bridget is talking with her friend Tom about her daily intake of calories.
“A thousand?” said Tom, incredulously. “But I thought you needed two thousand just to survive.”
I looked at him nonplussed. I realized that I have spend so many years being on a diet that the idea that you might actually need calories to survive has been completely wiped out of my consciousness. Have reached point where believe nutritional ideal is to eat nothing at all, and that the only reason people eat is because they are so greedy they cannot stop themselves from breaking out and ruining their diets.
So funny, back in 1997! So relatable! Look at us disgusting people, greedily eating food! I want to travel back in time and hug myself. This is especially relevant at this time of year, when eating regimes and body ideals abound: we don’t need to earn food. We deserve to eat just by existing on this planet, and similarly, we deserve to rest. We have value in who we are, not what we can do, not in how productive we are or how how much we can squeeze into a day, particularly for the benefit of other people.
Instead of asking, “Have I worked hard enough to deserve to rest?,” I’ve started asking, “Have I rested enough to do my most loving and meaningful work?” – The Relaxed Woman
I love January; I love the fresh-start energy of the month. I love having a fresh new planner and notebook, and plans on how to fill them. Today is where your book begins, the rest is still unwritten. But there is a balance between productivity and rest, and resting is not lazy. Giving our bodies, minds, and souls respite is not lazy. Taking time for ourselves in whatever ways we need is not selfish. We wouldn’t drive a car for every moment of the day and then be angry when it ran out of gas. We would just fill it with gas.
I think we have all internalized this ideal of Superwoman, that we can do everything at all times: we can parent perfectly and work hard and keep a spotless house and be thin and fit and gorgeous and whip up three perfect meals a day and it all looks Instagram-worthy at every moment. This Superwoman ideal, says the author of The Relaxed Woman, harms women by perpetuating the myth that women really don’t need to rest or to take time for themselves; they can do everything for everyone and put themselves last, always, and happily. It is anti-feminist, and so damaging to celebrate this idea that we can just work ourselves into the ground and be lauded for it, like modern day martyrs.
We have normalized the idea that a woman’s work is never done and I feel that in 2026, we should stop that. This is the month where we are all enthusiastically setting goals, and I do think that’s great. We can aim to improve areas of our lives while still taking time for ourselves without guilt, without shame, without feeling lazy or unworthy. Our work can be done. We can rest, in whatever way “resting” means.
My goals are, as every year, evergreen and unchanging, along with being extremely nebulous and difficult to quantify: ideas like being present and practicing patience, living life with arms wide open and go placidly amidst the noise and haste and remember what peace there may be in silence. Daily I subscribe to my REM Y REM practice, which stands for Reading, Exercise, Meditation, Yoga, and REM sleep; without those restful things I cannot be my best self and I cannot show up in the way that I want to.
In this month of goals and intentions and fresh starts, my wish is that we all know we are deserving of rest without having to “earn” it first, that we can aim for the stars AND take tender care of ourselves, that feelings of guilt and shame over resting and relaxing can dissipate, and that we become the person that our younger selves needed.
Weekly Reading
Radical Acceptance. Speaking of meditation! What a perfect choice for the first book of 2026! To be honest, I have been very slowly reading this book for the past several months, and just happened to finish it today. The lessons in Radical Acceptance are beautiful and loving; basically, for all you yogis and meditators out there, it’s about practicing loving kindness towards ourselves and others, and gives very practical advice on how to do that, using many very relatable examples. The author is not preachy, but instead – as you might expect – loving and kind in her writing. One great takeaway is the RAIN approach toward negative emotions: Recognize, Accept, Investigate, and Nourish. This really spoke to me and has helped me through some emotionally turbulent times.
Moral Disorder. Of course I had to reread Moral Disorder after reading Margaret Atwood’s memoir! This is the most auto-fiction of all her collections, and it is one of my favourites. I love this glimpse of her life through interconnected stories, both from third and first person points of view.
After two solid weeks of intense and intentional rest – extra sleep, extra reading, lots of puzzles – I feel refreshed and ready to get back into my regular routine. Hello January! I hope you all are similarly rejuvenated and have taken – and are taking – adequate rest. xo
I love every word of this post! I bought the hard copy of the Well Rested Woman book and will read it in the evenings when I read beside Paul once I get through the other books in my stack.
I am really trying to focus on rest and to not feel guilty about it. It’s very hard wired in me as a people pleaser who thrives on words of affirmation. No one is going to praise me for taking shouldless days (strike that, I know you would) but I will be praised for working hard and traveling a sh*t ton and cramming my calendar with meetings. So I need to figure out how to calm the voice that demands more of myself. It’s easier said than done after 40+ years of that voice being so very loud. But I do try to proselytize the importance of shouldless days! I think that is the best gift a woman can give herself. A day with no shoulds!! What a gift. And it can be a good on-ramp to prioritizing rest without guilt. I have my first one of the year coming up on Wednesday.
Lisa, it is very hard to undo a lifetime of learning – and if you are hardwired that way, even harder. In the book there is a whole section on people-pleasing, and how to move past that into a state of peace and relaxation. It will take work, but you can do it. I think you’re going to love this book. Your “shouldless” days are a great step forward in this journey!
Thank you for this mind-altering post. Where you talking to me? Maybe. I do feel guilty for many things, including reading and not being employed. Unfortunately, I am on disability. I need to wrap my arms around the fact my body is what it is. I, nor doctors, can change it. But, most days I get up and move as much as I can and live a productive life. I need to convince myself I am worth it. I appreciate this post and going to keep it in reach!
Judy, you ARE worth it! You are! Your value lies in YOU and who you are, not in what you can or cannot do! xoxoxo
It took me a long time to get to the place where I don’t feel guilt for resting, or eating (and enjoying) food. Actual food for effs sake!
Happy 2026—May it be all you want and nothing you don’t! Xo
Suz, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – are we actually sisters separated at birth? Because I feel like we ARE. xo
I’ve always considered January to be my hibernation month. Stay inside, stay warm, eat comfort food, drink lots of warm beverages, sleep in, read lots of books and do puzzles. I do like to clean out closets, files, etc. but that’s because throwing stuff away frees my mind. But relaxation is definitely my number one goal this month. Enjoy that view, Nicole!
Oh my goodness Bijoux, this sounds SO cosy. Just hygge and cocoon-y. I love it! Also I feel you about decluttering – it really does free the mind!
Well… I really love resting, but I do feel like I need to “earn” it first. I LOVE the quote from the book, and am going to embrace the question of “Have I rested enough to do my most loving and meaningful work?” from now on. And, like most women (sigh) it’s still ingrained deep in my psyche that I need to earn my calories, even though I KNOW THAT’S NOT TRUE. I’m going to follow your lead for 2026, and take care of myself as I wold a small child. Great post!!!
It’s a really great mindset shift – have I rested enough, as opposed to do I deserve to rest, did I earn this rest. I loved the shift and I am really embracing that. I do like to think of myself as a small child, particularly when grumpy – do I need rest, to eat something, a new diversion…
I resemble these remarks! Ah yes, 1990s dieting and the message that eating anything at all was overrated. Yes to resting enough to be at our best everywhere else in our lives.
My New Year’s resolution is to read more Atwood!
OH MY GOD DISGUSTING PIGS EATING FOOD
I mean, that was essentially the 90s, right? That and Snackwell cookies.
I have to admit that yesterday I was running around doing chores (vacuuming, laundry, getting a meal ready to take to a family whose loved one is doing chemo treatments) and my husband was just sitting on the couch doing ??? and I snapped a bit. Maybe you could dust? Clean a toilet? Like…why am I responsible for noticing that things need to be done and you just get to sit there? And then I went upstairs and played a game on my phone for half an hour. When I came back, my husband had dusted the downstairs. *sigh* Like everyone else in the comments, I feel like this post was aimed directly at me.
It’s a mental load, Engie, and it’s heavy! It’s hard to be the Noticer! Argh.
Wow.
First of all, I can second NGS’s comment so heartily. WHY MUST I BE THE PROJECT MANAGER OF ALL THINGS? Even now, when I physically cannot do most things, my husband’s idea was: Make me a list of stuff that needs done, maybe on certain days you’d like it done, and I’ll do it.
WHAT?
He literally cannot see that rugs need to be vacuumed, floors need to be swept/mopped, etc. He still calls what he does Helping Me.
And your poster? I felt every single phrase of that.
I am still not recovered enough to address the calorie/eating thing. That is still a deep, deep twisted part of my psyche.
Nance, I understand. All of it! I totally get it. The mental load is a lot, the food thing is a lot, the “woman’s work is never done” is a lot. Sending you a big hug. xo
I have had a VERY restful winter break, and I have definitely felt extremely guilty about it, even while trying not to feel guilty. And also, I had a TERRIBLE night of sleep last night, so I am feeling weepy and overwhelmed, and so this post was exactly what I needed to read today, Nicole. Once again, please start a cult and I will be your top evangelist.
The idea that we are inherently valuable for who we are, not what we do, is such a difficult one for me to believe, even though I want to, with all my heart. And I TELL my own kid this, all the time, that I love her for who she is, not for what she does, because I want HER, at least, to believe it. But man, it is so deeply ingrained, this idea that value is a product, that worth is earned. I am so tired.
Oh my sweet friend. I’m so sorry you’re tired and weepy and overwhelmed. January can be like that! And decades of feeling valued for productivity is hard to unlearn and to untangle. I do find that when I think of myself as a small child, it helps a lot. Because YES, we drill this in to our kids, and I think maybe at the same time we need to drill it into ourselves? I don’t know. It’s hard to unlearn a lifetime of beliefs.
I could not click through to read this post fast enough. I am slowly working my way through the audiobook of The Relaxed Woman. One of the things she says if there is no need to take notes so I am allowing myself to just listen to a bit at a time and let it settle into my unconscious. THANK YOU FOR THE RECOMMENDATION!!!!
Truly relaxing is definitely something I struggle with, but I have come LEAP YEARS from where I was. My Year of Shmita was transformative and I honestly wish I could go back to that year and live it all over again in terms of my deep-dive into rest and worth. But I can go back and re-read all my Shmita posts (adds to list).
I have been letting cleaning things slide lately. No one else cares and I don’t really care. That has helped.
Food is still slightly fraught for me but, again, LEAP YEARS from where I used to be.
When I get down on myself I try to reassure myself that I have come so far, have so far yet to go, and will never arrive. Life really is a journey with dips and valleys and detours. The movement is not linear and I don’t know where it will take me, but I also realize I’m making forward progress little by little and that really helps.
I definitely have a hard time turning off my brain to work (especially home) tasks. I do wonder/hope this will ease a bit when the kids are grown??? Maybe not??
Amazing post, Nicole <3
It’s a journey, my friend! Leap years is huge! Even if you’re not where you want to be yet, you have come so far. The drive to be productive to feel valued is such a real thing. And the eating thing…it takes a long time to unlearn everything that’s been drilled into us. But we will get there, both of us!
I can tell you 100% things get easier when the kids are grown. There’s an adjustment and then suddenly…it’s amazing.
I just picked up The Relaxed Woman from the library on Friday afternoon thanks to your suggestion. I’m going through a bit of a reading crisis – I haven’t been able to focus on books and nothing is really appealing to me, even ones I used to love. I haven’t opened The Relaxed Woman yet, but I have a feeling I’m going to like it.
I was journaling this morning and was trying to figure out why I’ve struggled to motivate myself since my dad died. I kept blaming grief, but I think it’s actually the hiding of it from others. Trying to be okay when I’m not-that’s what’s been draining me. That realization felt eye-opening and maybe that’s what changes things for me this year.
I wish you lived just a little closer, Nicole. It would be so nice to talk about this over coffee. One day.💜
Oh that reminds me, I read a poem this morning and it really made me think of you – it was about grief and love, and it was beautiful. I hope I remember to send it to you! *makes note*
I think you’re going to love that book!
Oh, I love this! I hope you remember too!
I’m fully on board with your Relaxed Woman Evangelism! I love the shift from “do I deserve to rest” to “have I rested enough to show up well” – such a good reframe!
January asks for exactly that: pause, refuel, reflect. Switching between Switzerland and South Africa, I miss out on a proper winter slowdown and it’s a loss. Having a quiet, restful month is so good for body and mind. We’re in Switzerland right now and the calmer days in the cosy indoors are doing me the world of good!
Oh that’s wonderful, Catrina! I hope you have some hygge days of cosiness!
I love Tara Brach! Did you know she has a podcast of meditations? She even does the RAIN meditation on it-which, like you, I find immensely helpful when I’m emotionally triggered.
I only recently found out about her podcast! She is a treasure!
What a wonderful post, Gnicole! I immediately clicked over to Audible and bought The Relaxed Woman audiobook. It sounds like the author has a very soothing voice, which I love! I think it’s wonderful that you take good care of yourself and make sure you get enough rest and food! I’m trying to do that too. ❤️
I love a soothing British voice, Michelle! I hope you love that book. The copy I read was from the library but I’m putting it on my birthday list so I can have my own copy to refer to over and over!
This is a really beautiful post Nicole. For years I certainly felt guilty for relaxing or felt I had to “earn” it. I am pretty well past this now, with a few hiccups. December is so busy for us as we host 3 big Christmas parties the first 3 weekends and all I do is shop, cook & plan. I honestly love doing this but I do get a little testy in the midst of it. Thank goodness my husband has taken over almost all of the cleaning. When we got to Mexico last week, once we were unpacked and settled I realized that I was having trouble relaxing. I read for a bit then found myself wandering around the condo thinking “what should I do”. After a few min I realized that really nothing needed to be done, so the answer was “nothing. Go read or nap”. It’s taken me a few decades to get here though!
Pat, I totally understand. And I mean, sometimes we DO have to get things done before relaxing because there are pressing things in the world! But also…we really don’t need to “earn” it – I love that you can have some downtime in Mexico and just enjoy the sunshine!
One of my favourite scenes in Christmas Vacation is when Ellen says “I don’t know what to say, Audrey, except that it’s Christmas, and we’re all in misery” and then she totally chops a lettuce in half. Sometimes that’s how it feels, just angrily chopping vegetables!
LOVE this!! (Just typed out a long reply but on second thought, I don’t really want it on the internet as my response included some maybe not-so-nice notes about how I was raised/ some people in my family that have distorted issues with this topic! Texting you instead! 😉
MUST BE BUSY ALL THE TIME
I totally get it, Kae! And also, there are eyes everywhere so I appreciated the text!
I do feel that the judgement inherent is a bit toxic, and I have experienced it as well. Like, it’s OKAY TO HAVE A BREAK!
I am the poster child for resting and relaxing and feeling zero guilt. I’m not sure how I came to this point, or maybe I do know, but here I am. I do love how you refer to it as being tender with yourself and asking if you’ve rested enough to do meaningful work.
I know you are Pearl and that is just one of many things I love about you! I admire you so much!
I’m pretty good about resting, my struggle comes from spending resting time on things I kind of regret ( ie. doom scrolling instead of something more restorative like a walk outside). It’s all a process- I am picking up that book!
Ooooh this is a VERY good point, Leneigh! Sometimes those “resting” things can be emotionally/ mentally UNRESTFUL.
I’m so grateful to see this post in January when everything everywhere seems to be hustle and tally and inventory, Nicole! I felt my tension drop just from reading this. I liked what Lisa said in her post about wanting life to be fun as well
As long as someone shows up and does their best, I value that–in myself too, just as I would in my kids, students, friends, or whoever…
I saw you mentioned being present and mindful, and I treasure that as well. I know I could be listening to a book while I’m folding laundry or sweeping the floor, but I like giving every task my attention and truly some of the best ideas make their way to me in those moments…
I mean, truthfully I usually have a podcast on while I’m, say, folding the laundry or chopping vegetables. But I do find that when I intentionally DON’T have a podcast or anything else on, I do come up with good creative ideas. It’s very restful!
I work part time and because I am not a morning person, I try to start the day gently with reading, walking, some house or yard work. I rarely start paying work until the afternoon.
I love a gentle start to the day, Steph!
I’ve gotten a lot better at relaxing over the years. I think part of that is having an adult child who doesn’t need me for anything, and who does her share of the household chores; part is having an adult husband who doesn’t need me for anything, and who does his share of the household chores. Some of it is getting older. Some of it is having Rheumatoid Arthritis. Chronic pain will teach you to settle down and rest like nothing else. Thankfully my family doesn’t sit around and wait for me to tell them what to do. I remember when I realized that I didn’t have to be the boss of the house for things to get done. I just blew off a couple of chores, and somehow, they got done! So maybe the rugs got vacuumed on Tuesday instead of Monday, but they got vacuumed. I know I’m lucky in this, I have friends with families who are perfectly happy to let the house go to absolute hell.
Also, my job may not pay GREAT, but there’s zero advantage for me to work more than my standard amount. I won’t get promoted, or a bigger bonus, or a raise based on doing more than what I do now. It’s not that way in all parts of the company and perhaps I could transfer to another department and it would be different, but I like the lack of that particular stress. I’m not terribly ambitious, I just want to be recognized for doing my best, being a good employee, and to clock out at 5pm.
Ugh on the food thing though. I try not to care that I’ve gained so much weight with menopause, but it’s a struggle for sure. The feeling of earning food is real.
As always Nicole, you write so beautifully and thoughtfully, thank you for this post.
J, I think that’s GREAT. There is a lot of value in a job that you can just clock out of at a normal time. It really helps with the work-life balance!
Also, your family is one of SUPERSTARS!!!
Ohh, being tender with yourself. That is something to remember. I think you are preaching to the choir, everything resonated deeply. It’s so hard to be tender and allow myself to not feel guilt – an also an element of failure – by choosing to rest, not work full time or maybe even one day soon, not work outside the home at all. Why can’t we do what we want and not worry? I just picked up my copy of The Relaxed Woman and will be reading it soon. I think you really touched a nerve with this topic!
Oh, I think you will love it Anna. It really resonated with me and I think it will with you as well. “An element of failure” – you’re right, we can feel this way. Let’s make a resolution to be more tender with ourselves in 2026!
Oh I’m saving this essay in my favorite as a point reference and a reminder. Also just purchased A Relaxed Woman on Kindle.
Like many other commenters I am guilty of pushing through, showing up sick, and putting on a brave face. But with age, I got better at setting boundaries.
In my prior school district we were made to feel guilty over taking sick days.
In my current district, it’s a lot more humane. Example- I have my annual physical on Friday and I’m taking a sick day. I could have scheduled it on a Saturday, crammed it in between my kids’ activities, or rushed there after work. NO. I am taking a full day, and they will give me a doctors note and I will use the day to take care of myself. Doing the same with my mammogram and ultrasound- in March.
Daria, I think that is so smart, you are taking care of yourself and you deserve a day to do that! Not to cram it in but to take care of your health. I hope you like The Relaxed Woman – it was very resonant for me.
Having been ill on and off for the last 4-5 years, without anyone being able to identify what it was (turns out, it was cancer) I take care of myself and never feel guilty about taking an afternoon nap, or sitting and reading a book on the couch, or just doodling for an hour (or two) in my journal. And I will certainly have no regrets about doing same here on in either.
Oh gosh Alex – it turns out it was cancer! I guess this is a lesson for all of us, we need to take care and release that guilt!
Nicole, this is such a wonderful post. I initially opened it when I only had time to skim. I thought to myself, “Stop. You need to concentrate on this one.” So worth the time for this thoughtful reflection. Thank you so much. I am a huge fan of framing rest and the amount I need in order to do my best work!
Oh thank you so much! I love that reframe too.
I was so afraid when I read the post title that you were going to speak positively about the book My Year of Rest and Relaxation, which, you know what? If you have read it and loved it, don’t even tell me.
I tend to realize I can’t be a high-energy do-it-all person, then slow down and do things in a measured fashion, then feel guilty about how little I’m doing compared to many people I know, then kick it into high gear, then get sick or have my mental health bottom out, lather, rinse, repeat. That Radical Acceptance book might dovetail nicely into my goal for this year, which is to STOP feeling guilty about not running myself into the ground.
I do not traditionally love January, because it feels less like an actual new beginning than a forced new beginning at a time when new beginnings don’t really work for me. This year I’m setting small achievable goals and avoiding big ‘resolutions’ that will just make me feel inadequate.
You have achieved such a great balance in body work and brain work and loving work and rest. I need to study at your feet.
I DID read that – back in 2018, so the details are fuzzy but I assure you I did NOT love it. Isn’t it that book where the woman just drugs herself to essentially sleep for a year? Like I said the details are fuzzy but that was my takeaway.
I’ve been thinking this week about resting lately, too. Or more specifically about pausing. I belong to a group of women who have been reading “Watch for the Light”, a series of readings for Advent, and to be honest, I’ve been finding the readings a little exhausting. A lot of them (not all) are about how we have to engage and be vigilant during the Advent season, and I keep thinking, “I just want to STOP this time of year.” I’m sure I’m missing the point of the readings, but I am resenting how we have a season of waiting (for the arrival of Jesus), but waiting seems to be a very active verb. Shouldn’t the season of waiting be one of rest and reflection? Like I said, maybe I’m missing the point.
I am getting lots of rest this week, though – jetlag will do that. Most nights since getting back from Taiwan, I can’t keep my eyes open starting around mid afternoon. Now I think this actually isn’t great – I need to get back into living in my timezone, and I feel bad because the Husband has been cleaning up after dinner adn putting the kids to bed – but on the other hand, it’s been a good experiment for me in listening to my body.
Hahaha I get you – we don’t need to engage and be vigilant ALL THE TIME, do we? I agree with you – it should be a season of rest and reflection.
This is well said Nicole! I felt like I spent 40 years to learn to live compassionately to myself. I finally feel okay to be lazy, eat without schedule stress and purpose, exercise when it’s fun, especially while on holidays and not sticking to a regime as if I don’t something bad will happen. I hope by showing my girls to be normal person who can work hard but play harder and rest when body calls for it.
I really hope the new generation of girls and women grow up with a healthier relationship with food exercise and body image.
Coco, I am sure your girls will benefit greatly from your example! I do hope for the best for the new generation of girls as well.
This poster! Gosh. It resonates. It’s like, women can never get it right, whatever they do, there is something to be criticized. It’s exhausting to live in a world like that… and then we can’t even allow ourselves to rest and take care of ourselves from all the exhaustion because we’re conditioned to keep pushing.
And I don’t even know who conditioned us (as I don’t feel like my parents pushed this notion on me), but maybe it’s a subconscious thing that gets passed on because my mom definitely was someone who didn’t allow herself rest and then my sister is the same way… it’s like a collective thing that is being passed on from generation to generation and there is importance in trying to stop it.
San, I think you’re right in that it’s subconscious to say the least. Some women, I think that it’s more of a thing of pride, but I do think there is a subconscious belief that women can/ should JUST KEEP GOING and that we don’t need rest.
Women have a hard road to traverse. It gets easier for us, but in so many areas, more work to do. The meme about putting our needs last again rings true. Why should we always have the burnt chop? I can relate to the body telling us when to stop, and suffering if we don’t. Colicky baby? Yes, know that too. So hard on our bodies and easier for the men if we breastfeed.
Finding that yin and yang, a more balanced life seems to be a wip for most women. Still when I study my family history things are better than in the past, so there is movement in the right direction.
The book Moral Disorder it is short stories -yes?
Yes, it is a book of interconnected short stories, and they are semi-autobiographical. It’s one of my favourites of hers. One of my many favourites!
You know what’s weird? Is that I feel guilty that I don’t feel the need to push myself and do more and be busy all the time. Sometimes I wonder why I’m missing that part of a woman’s psyche to be doing all the things and then feeling guilty for resting. I am GREAT at resting. I could be better at DOING, lol. But maybe that’s all the same. I’m still feeling guilty for SOMETHING. I mean, I don’t feel guilty when I take a two-hour nap on a Saturday afternoon, but I *do* feel guilty if I don’t mark of all my to-dos BECAUSE I took that nap. So I guess it’s all the same – we’re conditioned to feel guilty no matter what. I need to get this book!
Hahaha you’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t! I think the takeaway is that we should quit the guilt!!!
I am pretty good at resting now. I celebrate my regular nap taking, although to be honest even though I do that, there is probably still that little nagging voice that calls me lazy, I just make sure to ignore it. That’s probably the cultural programming still rearing it’s ugly head. Why if we know the voice lies does it still stick?
Good question, Melissa! I guess we just have to keep ignoring it!
white supremacist capitalist patriarchy, man. it sucks in all the ways.
100%!!!