Yesterday I went to the first baby shower I’ve been to in well over a decade. I have known the father-to-be since he was a young teen, and in my mind he’s still that age, even though intellectually I know that a) he is older than my own sons, who are grown adults, and b) he is married, employed, a university graduate, and, as mentioned, a father-to-be. Time makes you bolder, even children get older, I’m getting older too…
The grandma-to-be, Sammi, is a very, very dear friend of mine (HI SAMMI) and I feel like the arrival of this baby is the start of a new era. Our first grandbaby! It’s the same way I felt when my friend Tara (HI TARA) had her first baby, back in 2003: communally, she was OUR first baby. It’s a beautiful feeling, seeing these chosen sisters of mine have babies who I have always loved, and now those babies are starting to have babies of their own. And I think to myself, what a wonderful world.
It’s been studied extensively, but I think it’s also kind of obvious, that having healthy and loving relationships has a statistically significant, positive effect on our health and our ability to live long, happy, healthy lives. It is so important to surround ourselves with good people who nourish and nurture us. I place enormous importance on my relationships not only with my husband and kids, but with my incredible friends who I consider my chosen family. We are family, I got all my sisters with me.
Have you ever been ghosted? I have, and fairly recently. I will say that it was more surprising than hurtful, and for a while I was in denial that it had happened. I cannot be in denial anymore; it has been over nine months and I have received nary an answer to my texts, no 50th birthday message, and not even a lousy social media like. Not even a Facebook thumbs-up. It’s quite odd and bewildering. When I lived in Calgary, I saw this person at least weekly, and we talked or texted almost every day. I felt that I was a Person of Value and Importance in her life, but it seems that I was only a Person of Value and Importance by convenience, or situationally.
The truth is that I don’t really begrudge it, this ghosting. I strongly believe that we all need to have positive, non-toxic relationships in our lives; sometimes people change over time, and so do their friendship needs. Perhaps on moving away I could no longer be the friend I was – one who was valued for physical proximity – and so that ultimately changed our friendship in a way that became unhealthy, or maybe even toxic to my former friend. I don’t think of myself as a toxic person, but there are two sides to every story, and maybe her story is something different.
I have long believed in the adage that people come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime, and to that I would like to add the message from this poem by Donna Ashworth. Everyone brings a joy, a love, or a lesson, which sometimes means that people teach you what you don’t want to be, what you don’t want in life, what you don’t want to do. We can, and should, take the lessons offered from those people, but we don’t need to have those people in our lives or, if they are unavoidably in our lives, we need to set boundaries around them.
Do you ever think how incredible it is, this world of ours, where our lives are shaped by the people we encounter? I’m not talking about the people whose lessons are toxic ones, but the people who perform small kindnesses, who show us things that they love, who do something that affects us so much that our lives will never be the same? Sometimes these people have no idea the effect they have had on us. For example, I’m sure my grade six friend Kristi has no idea that having dinner at her house sparked a lifelong love of Caesar salad, a thing I didn’t even know existed before that evening. I’m positive my husband’s friend’s ex-wife Christine has no clue that she introduced me to the wonder that is guacamole. So many people have taught me what I want to be merely by being in their presence. A yoga friend, Sarah, once said clearly and firmly, I don’t want to talk about people behind their backs when a group conversation got gossipy, teaching me something about principles and gracefully standing up for them. A young yoga acquaintance, Laura, related that she had allowed an elderly, confused lady to hold her baby in Starbucks, letting her believe that her baby was that woman’s grandchild, until the woman’s helper led her away. What a lesson in compassion and generosity.
Catherine Newman has never met me, but her writing saved me in the early days of motherhood and inspired me to start this very blog, which has led me to this whole beautiful community. Our lives are a mosaic of the influences of others, and it’s up to us to choose which colours we let shine through. We can choose to surround ourselves with people who nourish us in every possible way, and I’m glad you’re all here, nourishing me, whether or not you know it.
Weekly Reading
Probably Nothing. This was a cute book about a woman who is about to ghost the guy that she’s been casually sleeping with…only to find out that he has suddenly died of a wasp sting. His eccentric family is under the impression that they were in a Very Serious Relationship, and immediately takes her in. As she becomes enmeshed in their vibrant craziness, antics ensue! A quick and easy read, with a nice message about chosen family, thematically enough.
33 Place Brugman. This is what I would call a Very Informative Novel, in that it details the lives of people living in an apartment building in Brussels in 1939. Belgium was occupied by the Nazis from 1940-44, and this book shows the everyday business of people who are living this reality, as well as the Jewish people in the apartment who fled prior to the occupation. Nothing is quite as it seems, and the book shows how people can change and adapt to a violent and hungry daily regime. This is not an easy read; there are multiple characters – fortunately there is a cast of characters in the front of the book – and the reader must pay attention constantly or miss a crucial detail. Even with constant vigilance, I felt like I was missing details, only to find out that the events in question were being alluded to and would be fleshed out later in the book, which made the story a bit confusing and tricky to follow. Neither did I find this to be a particularly enjoyable read, from the subject matter to the very convoluted and time-jumping writing style. However, it was a good book to read in that there was a lot that, sadly and alarmingly, resonates in today’s world: people being rounded up, people disappearing, and anti-Semitism.
Today marks three years since we lost Barkley, which is a sad anniversary to be sure. I was so traumatized by his decline and death that I refused to consider the possibility of having another dog in our home. All I will say is that sometimes – most of the time – the universe sends you what you need.
I hope you have enjoyed my Nourishment Series! Next week I’ll be back to regular programming, in case anyone wants to hear about my adventures in Costco, gardening, and all the other exciting things that make up my days. Have a good week, friends, and remember that the universe will send you what you need. xo
What a beautiful, uplifting end to this wonderful series of posts, Nicole! You provide all sorts of nourishment to my life — humor, grace, kindness, support, encouragement, inspiration, and much more. Thank you for being you! I love the gorgeous flower photos and Rex appearance in this post!
Thinking about Barkley and sending you love today. xxoo
Thank you so much Suzanne, and you know you are such a source of nourishment to me as well!! xo
Yes, I have been ghosted, and oh, it hurt. It took me a long time to get over it, but I learned from the experience. I think often being ghosted is more about that person, and not the person they are cutting off. It’s that saying Oprah has been noted to repeat, about people not being able to be friends with someone who isn’t at their level, or stage in life, or something like that. I have also noticed that sometimes people come back after you’ve decided the friendship must be over, and it can be lovely, but also perhaps never the same. At any rate I love posts like this and I’m grateful to have met you and participate in this community! 🙂
Oh Anna, I hadn’t heard that Oprah quote before and that really resonates! Thank you for telling me that. I’m grateful for you!
How exciting to have a grand baby in your social circle. And I’m sorry about the ghosting. It can’t feel good, even if you have a mature attitude about it.
I will think kind thoughts about Barkely (and about Rex for helping heal your heart) today. These creatures get deep into our hearts. When Xander died, I knew we’d have cats again, but I also knew it would be a long time before I was ready, and that’s how it turned out. It was over a year and a half until we got Walter & Willow. Coincidentally (or maybe not), that was about how long it took for us to get Matthew & Xander after Emily (our first cat) died. It seems to be the period of grieving I need.
I feel like it’s hard to explain to people who don’t have pets what it is to lose one. It’s really hard and there is a big grieving period that we have to honour. Of course, Rex came to us in October 2022 so it seems like mine was shorter than I thought, but it turned out to be right in so many ways.
Oh this post was beautiful, and I ended reading it with tears in my eyes. I get so sad whenever people talk about losing beloved pets… and then to see that picture of Rex’s smiling face. I love it so, so much!
And i love the “nourishment” message here. Yes, this world is incredible. And I love the thought that everyone you meet is bringing you a joy, a love, or a lesson. And I love your attitude about the “friend” who ghosted you (what??? How dare she?) Yes, there’s two sides to every story, always. Who knows what hers is.
The second book sounds good, but maybe a little more challenging than I’m up for right now. But that first book sounds fun!
Thank you so much, Jenny! You always brighten my day!
It’s a sad anniversary to be sure but I’m thinking of Barkley now, getting nonstop snacks and pets, and chasing squirrels, and it makes me happy.
Oh, Barkley. He was so loved and cared for. What more could a dog have asked for? He trained you so that you would be the right person for Rex.
Have you heard about the new TikTok trend where men call each other to say good night? My husband and I watched a standup about it over breakfast yesterday. Friendships are so important. I honestly don’t know what I would do without my best friend, who I talked to on the phone for an hour over the weekend to complain about ALL THIS and to celebrate her wins. And I hung out with Anne on Saturday and we had a Wisconsin adventure. And now I’m back at work ready to help other people. And I better be ready because I’m the only one in the office today – CREEPY!
THE ONLY ONE IN THE WHOLE OFFICE. Eeeee.
I have not heard about that trend but I love it! I see a real difference in the way my husband and other men I know navigate friendship, and how I do. I mean, I’m texting friends left right and centre. My husband can go a couple months easily without talking to his buddies. That might also be our personalities.
Anne! Yay! I hope you write about it!
Friendships can easily be pushed aside in the dither of daily life. You’ve written a post that is an ode to caring and why it is important. I’m with you about remembering that friendships are for a reason, a season, or life. Plays out in real life and in the blogosphere, not that being ghosted is great but maybe sometimes it’s what is meant to be.
Ally, you’re so right about that. These things do happen in life and in the blogosphere and sometimes, that’s just the way it is. Some friendships have an expiry date, it seems, if you know what I mean.
That line about our lives being a mosaic of others’ influences really stayed with me. It’s so true: small, unexpected moments or gestures can shape us more than we realise. Thank you for expressing that so honestly.
I’m currently in a situation where a friend hasn’t replied to a message, but I know she’s under a lot of pressure right now. Thankfully, we’ve arranged to meet up next month, so I’m hopeful we’ll reconnect properly then.
Thanks Catrina! I’m sure your friend is just run off her feet right now, and you’ll have a great time reconnecting later.
Thank you! I always think of myself as a mosaic.
I enjoyed your nourishment series so much! Every post was positive, encouraging, and helpful. I’m sorry about your ghosting friend – I’m guessing it’s something to do with her, not with you. I admire your attitude about it. I agree that the Universe sends us what we need, and I’m glad that somehow, it sent me to your blog!
BTW, I read Sky Daddy. I couldn’t put it down…but it was so strange! I don’t know if I understand the ending.
It was so strange, and so funny, and so weirdly moving! I loved it so much that I’m thinking of asking for a copy for Christmas so I can read it whenever I want to.
The universe put us together!
Oh my gosh, I love these Monday posts. Two years ago, two of my dear friends became grandmas for the first time. One of them is my bestest friend Rebecca, who I’ve been close with since 1994. We meet for breakfast at the same restaurant every week, and those mornings have been so nourishing for our souls (to borrow that lovely word).
She was telling me about how her daughter and son-in-law are raising their little girl — how different (in a good way) it is from how we raised our children. We learn and we grow, and that’s such a beautiful thing. It’s been so much fun to watch my friend step into her new role as a grandma.
I’ve also had friends who’ve drifted away — some I walked away from, and others who walked away from me. It’s never a comfortable feeling. I really love your perspective on that. We aren’t always meant to spend a lifetime with every person we meet. That’s not always easy to accept. Impermanence is hard to live with, isn’t it? But it’s part of life.
Sending you a big hug about Barkley. Dogs never live long enough, do they?
Thank you for these posts every week.😘💜
It IS a beautiful thing to learn and grow! I love seeing how things have changed for our children’s (and possible future grandchildren’s!) generation.
Thank you so much for your very kind words, I knew you would understand me.
Sorry to hear about the friend thing. That sucks having been through that. Time and distance is partly to blame, and, as you said, people change. We change. And babies? It’s still weird to me that my nieces and nephews, now fully grown, are having kids of their own, and I’m a great aunt several times over.
And big hugs over the anniversary loss of Barkley.
Thanks Alexandra! It is certainly strange and felt really weird to be ghosted but people do change, and that’s okay.
There is so much richness in this post, thank you for writing it Nicole. As is often the case with your writing, which is clear like water, I will be thinking about it for some time.
I’m so sorry to read about Barkley, I didn’t realise it had only been three years. Coincidentally it has also been exactly three years since my hound came into the world. I thought he would be too much dog for me forever, but he has calmed down in the last few months and is becoming a joy. I’m so glad we stuck it out with him.
Tamara, I’m so happy to hear about your dog! That’s wonderful! I feel like the more time we spend with our pups, the more they become attached and settle in. Sounds like that’s happened for you! And thank you so much for your kind words about Barkley and the post.
I have loved this nourishment series! You have such a wonderful and uplifting perspective on life. I just want to sit at your feet and absorb all of it while you like pet my hair and tell me it’s all going to be ok. (Did that get weird, why yet it did…)
I’m sort of in an in-between place with friendships because of the life stage I’m in. Young kids are hard, and then add in work travel and I have very little to give and not much time to spend with friends. I feel bad about this but I think they understand? I don’t really have a best friend right now which feels weird to admit/say but it’s true. I have friends but I don’t have one Diana of Anne of Green Gables bosom buddy type. But I have found that, even after not seeing someone for a long time or being in frequent contact, we can pick up where we left off. Because I let my nieces take Will on an adventure for a couple of hours while we were at my SIL’s, I was able to sit down and really catch up with my SIL who I hadn’t seen in over 5 years! I last saw her at my parents’ 50th anniversary gathering in Jan 2020…. little did we know what was to come. First there was the pandemic, and then her marriage to my brother imploded (really it exploded if we’re being honest) in a truly awful way and I hadn’t seen her since all of that went down. We talked on the phone occasionally and exchanged texts so we were a bit in touch. My younger sister asked if it was awkward to spend time with her after not seeing her for so long, especially with all that happened, and I said it really wasn’t. It was like no time had passed. I was always far closer to her than I was to my brother and we are still close and can pick up where we left off which is a lovely thing. I just wish I had more of those deep and meaningful conversations in my day-to-day life, but as the saying goes, there will be a time after this.
*pets your hair from afar*
Now *I* made it weird! I’m so glad you enjoyed the series!
I think you’re so right, we go through different seasons in life. Some seasons are for focusing on friendship, and some aren’t – which is not to say our friends aren’t important, but we all go through periods of insane busyness and crazy life. The lifelong friends, I think they all understand. We all go through it!
I’m so happy for you for having such a lovely SIL – she sounds like a real chosen sister to me!
I’ve enjoyed your nourishment posts, Nicole and this one in particular.
Friendship – the blessing and bane of our existence. As I’ve aged I’ve learned to appreciate the sentiment “reason, season, lifetime” regarding friendship. I’ve made and lost many friendships over the years – yes, even been ghosted – but like you have learned to understand that people and circumstances change and that helps take the sting out of it.
I have just returned home from a weekend spent with “lifetime friends”, my family. My parents celebrated their 71st wedding anniversary, my sister and I attended an impromptu jazz concert (Artemis, an all-female jazz instrumentalist group) that was fantastic, getting to see my sister’s son’s band play at the local pub for the first time, and enjoying that time with his sister and his son. Lots of laughs and hugs!
I am not a pet owner, but I do love animals. A bonus for me this weekend was walking my great-nephew’s less than one-year old husky, Kasha. What a delight to walk this leash-trained girl early in the morning on the quiet country road.
I am riding quite a high from all the nourishment I received this weekend, and to come home and read your uplifting, insightful post is like the icing on the cake! Thank you for this and condolences to you on Barkley’s anniversary.
Wow, that sounds like such a wonderful, soul-filling weekend, Jacquie! How incredible! And then to add a dog on top of that…well, it sounds pretty perfect to me!
On the one hand, I don’t want anyone in my life who doesn’t want me in their lives, but on the other hand, C’MON! I can’t compute that someone would go from texting nearly every day/seeing you once a week to…not even one lousy like? Sigh. Whatever. In any case, I’ve experienced many random acts of kindness from total strangers that Made.My.Day and I appreciate these people who don’t really know me and who I will most likely never see again so much.
I know the pain of losing a dog and the joy of having another one come into your life all too well. The loss hurts so much, and the joy is so great. The joy doesn’t take away the loss, but it makes it worthwhile.
Isn’t it amazing how these little things can just make up a life? I find it fascinating. Just small comments/ kindnesses can stay with me for decades.
It was very strange, and I’m in the acceptance phase, but even my kids – who were also important to this person – are surprised at the ghosting.
What a gorgeous post, Nicole! There were so many parts where I felt myself making notes for myself. You know some wonderful people and are a wonderful treasure yourself. As I hope I’ve said many times before, I am so, so lucky to know you in this life!
Thanks Maya, and I feel the exact same way about you!
What a beautiful post. I agree that not all friendships are meant to go the distance. I had one friendship end with silence, also after physical distance as a result of a move. Yes, it hurt, but I understood that we were at different stages in our lives and maybe the friendship no longer worked for her. And yet, I have a friendship that has endured for years despite the fact we leave on different continents. I do believe that we must pay attention and nurture our friendships just as we do romantic/family relationships. Too often people just give what’s ‘left over’ to their friendships, or turn to them only when it’s convenient. Thank you for this post, Nicole.
Pearl, this is so true: “Too often people just give what’s ‘left over’ to their friendships, or turn to them only when it’s convenient.” Of course there are different seasons in life when we don’t have much to give, but it’s so important to nurture those relationships as much as we can.
I’m sorry about losing your friend – it sounds like a really similar situation.
I’ve been there with the loss of friendships, and the loss of a beloved pet. Both can be really hard and confusing, emotionally. These relationships give our lives meaning, so when they end, it can throw one for a loop. I resonated with what you said about the friend who drifted when you moved away…I had a friend a few years ago, and we weren’t terribly close, so it didn’t hurt a lot when she moved away without telling me, but it was still a surprise. Complicated.
Less complicated is the love of a really good dog. I’m sorry for the anniversary of losing Barkley, but I’m so glad that Rex has helped to heal some of that pain.
I liked 33 Place Brugmann more than you did I think, but I didn’t love love it. I listened to the audiobook, and having different voices helped with the change in characters some.
I liked it but didn’t love 33 Place Brugman, I think maybe it was all the men? TOO MANY MEN. And it was kind of a tricky read in that there were so many little seeds sprinkled, but no context for them until later. Like I said, I liked it but it was like a 3.5 star for me.
Nicole, thank you for this post. I have had my share of losses, including friendship losses.
One was not ghosting but a direct conversation/argument where we decided to stop being in contact. We were both grieving a loss of a close friend to cancer, she was much older, seventy, and part of our small friend group. She decided to exit the group since she didn’t feel welcome. Which is bullshit- she was always included and invited to all of the get togethers, hikes, etc. We never saw her, there was always some kind of conflict that prevented her from attending.
My second situation is also upsetting. My good friend in Poland just disappeared. We were good friends in the US, then she moved back to Poland, I went to visit her a few times but then she just wouldn’t keep in touch. I know she has stuff going on, shit, we all do, but I can’t be the only one consistently reaching out. I started feeling like I’m intruding. Anyway, I haven’t heard from her for about two years.
Daria, that “feeling like I’m intruding” is also how I felt! I kept reaching out and…nothing. At first just very brief replies and then no replies at all. So I understand. I’m sorry you went through that though, it really is hard.
Aww..what a good post and a reminder of friendship. I’m the “plan maker” with most of my friends and sometimes it bugs me. I would love for someone to reach out to me once in a while. I have always played that role.
This is such a good reminder to us all – to reach out and make the plans!
FLOWERS! So many pretties.
Yes, the universe sends you what you need. I believe this, but did I need to hear Peanut loudly chewing her paws so early today? 😂
” Our lives are a mosaic of the influences of others, and it’s up to us to choose which colours we let shine through.” THIS is the best.
A friend ghosted me. Although we had known each other for over twenty years, it was one of those relationships that was work, rather than always joy. I don’t know why I held on for as long as I did, when I had to be careful with my words, as this person took everything so personally. He did me a favor by not responding to me, because I would rather focus on those who bring me constant joy.
Oh Suz, you are so right. You are so right! If a relationship is primarily work, rather than joy, it’s best to just let it go. Thanks for that reminder!!
It’s beautiful to recognize that some friendship goes away when we move away from being physically together, it’s not easy but wise thing to do. It’s also okay to not feel disappointed when old acquaintances don’t want to meet us, which was my case when I visited bueno aires last week, as people might feel differently about meeting old “friend”. Life is too short to dwell on people that don’t care us as much as we care about them. Sometimes I feel like it’s actually good thing that I don’t live close to my best friend because then I wouldn’t have to feel bad about meeting them often as it comes with opportunity cost (like spending time with my family on weekend).
You’re so right, Coco – life is too short to dwell on such people! If they don’t want us in their lives, that’s okay, but time to move on, right?
This series, and especially this post, have been lovely Nicole. In fact, it made me tear up a little! The poem was spot on, and this line here really resonated with me: Perhaps on moving away I could no longer be the friend I was – one who was valued for physical proximity – and so that ultimately changed our friendship in a way that became unhealthy, or maybe even toxic to my former friend.
Of course, this has happened to me a lot. People who I saw every day or every week, who I now am no longer “close” to, have definitely lost interest in being friends. Even one specific one who I felt I was very close to; I have reached out and he usually responds, but it is usually a closed statement and he never elaborates or instigates any communication. And the last thing I sent him has gotten no response. It is sad, but I can’t be the only one doing the work! But I am still sad!
Also definitely a lot of my friends in the Bay Area were started due to running, and then maintained through weekly runs. Unfortunately with many people, this meant that if you are not running, you kind of feel isolated. However, there have been some gems of people who HAVE kept in touch through it all, some who I never would have expected!
Kyria, I am sure this has happened a ton with your travels. I mean, I’m sure you meet a lot of friends travelling, but it must be kind of weird to come back after an extended travel period to find…everyone still the same. It is sad when a friendship ends though, but you’re right, if you are the one always reaching out and always doing the work, it feels very unfair.
I loved your memories of people who had an impact on your life (even if it was just food!) My friendships have always meant so much to me, as I never had a close family growing up. In fact, at my daughter’s wedding, all my blood relatives fit at one table. But, I had probably 30 or more personal friends there, plus their spouses.
Being ghosted is hard because there’s never any answer to the WHY? I had a close friend since 5th grade who ghosted me and our other friends after we all turned 40 (that’s the last time any of us saw here). I emailed her during Covid to check in and she did reply, but it was one sentence that yes, they were okay. It was just weird! I continue sending her a birthday and Xmas card, sort of out of spite now 🤣
Bijoux, it feels to me like you have chosen a family of friends, as well as created your own actual family, and that is something beautiful. I love that.
So strange about your friend – clearly it has something to do with her, but such a strange thing to have happen!
Late to read & comment here, but I’ve been traveling! I am so sorry about the ghosting; I would be devastated. I do love the reminder about friends being here for a reason, season… it helped me understand where a once very close relationship has changed – I can now let that go. I want to say what an influence you have had on me Nicole. I now use quite a few products that you recommend (mascara, tinted moisturizer and many more). I love your book recommendations, now enjoy poetry and thoroughly enjoyed your nourishment series. Your writing is always a bright spot in my week (& I get excited when you blog twice!).
Exciting about the first grandbaby. Being 20 years ahead of you most of my friends are grandparents & it’s just the best thing ever! Thank you for being you.
Oh Pat! Thank you so much for such a wonderful comment! You’re so kind!
Yes, I have been ghosted and it is not fun. Especially when said friend is still making plans with your other close friends, but not you! It stings, but what can I do? I’m not someone who really needs a lot of friends – I get overwhelmed if I have too many texts going on at once, so I like my close-knit group, and I would be seriously bummed if any more ghosting happens.
Oh, Barkley. <3 Those anniversaries are so hard. It's now been 7 years since my beloved soul-dog Dutch died, and now I can remember all of the good times we had, not the horrible last year of his life that was pretty traumatic for all involved.
Oh Stephany, that’s rough about the ghosting. That’s especially crappy, I’m sorry to hear it.
The last year of a dog’s life is really, really hard.
Nicole, I have loved this series. I love all your writing, but the connection to nourishment and making sure we are caring for all of our, well, parts, has made this series even more compelling. Thanks for sharing your insights and thoughts. As always. <3
I often think of chains of connection – how one thing I do may affect someone else, who may go on to affect the life (or lives) of someone(s) I have never and will never meet. For me, it really makes me think about a) not knowing what my impact will be, so I need to b) tread carefully, and c) be careful what I put out in the world. (Whether I am successful in this endeavor, of course, is a topic for another day…)
The chain of connection is so interesting. I think there are so many people in the world who have no idea how much they have affected me, and so it stands to reason that I have that same effect on other people too. I could probably stand to be a little more careful about what I put out in the world, but my main concern with the blog is that I will never write anything that I would be ashamed to say to someone’s face (so, no meanness or gossip, etc)
I’ve been ghosted before and like you for you, it was more surprising than hurtful, but if I have learned one thing in my life from moving (6000 miles, mind you) away from home, is this: not everybody does well with long distance relationships and even though this friend in Calgary seemed to enjoy your friendship while you were local, the “out of sight, out of mind” phrase seems to apply in her case. You’re not local anymore, so you’ve become less important in her life. I mean it would be nice if she hadn’t completely blown over your 50th birthday, or would respond to the occasional text, but hey, most people also don’t want to have that conversation where they’re breaking up with you for no apparent reason.
I need to work on these local friendships more (sigh, I am a broken record), because I do have a lot of those long-distance friendships.
Thanks so much, San – that does make a lot of sense, the “out of sight, out of mind” context. I hope you can find some amazing local friends – you deserve them!