Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!
Yesterday my husband and I took a ten hour road trip to visit my parents. It was a gorgeous drive but I am a tiny bit tired; not, however, as tired as I was Saturday morning when I was woken up several times by a pack of howling coyotes in the vineyard. They even woke my very hard-of-hearing mother-in-law up, so you can imagine how loud that must have been.
What I’m saying is I’m not feeling particularly rested this holiday weekend, but it was such a beautiful drive and, of course, it was lovely to drive into my parents’ very welcoming home. This is what I’m looking at right this minute:
I meditate every day, as part of my self-care REM Y REM; most days the meditation is part of my yoga practice and savasana, but once or twice a week I listen to a guided meditation. A few weeks ago I listened to one that had a gratitude theme, and one of the lines in that meditation was What you focus on is what you see more of. I mean, yes, obviously. But also YES!
Let’s say, for example, that you wake up one morning and perceive, on looking in the mirror, that for the first time in a very long time, possibly years, a pimple has inexplicably developed underneath your left eye. Perhaps, instead of feeling gratitude for the exuberance of youth that has suddenly revisited your face in such a way, you unhappily focus all your vision on this little red protuberance. In fact, you focus on it so much that, upon viewing your reflection, you cannot see anything else. You might as well have no other facial features; your face has become Only The Pimple.
At the same time, you might notice that it has been three weeks since you last coloured your hair, and so the hair framing your Only The Pimple visage is white with grey accents, contrasting sharply with the rest of your kind-of-orange-fading-red hair. Instead of feeling deep gratitude for this interesting confluence of Youth and Old Age that is your current reflection, you feel simultaneously grieved for your loss of youth and also for this strange resurgence of youth. Instead of thinking that your body, indeed, is a Wonderland, you are laser focused on what you perceive as flaws, which are really not flaws at all but just glorious markers of the human experience.
What you focus on is what you see more of, and if you step back and soften the focus on the things that you are unhappy with, and maybe take a selfie with the knowledge that car lighting is the very best kind of lighting, maybe you can focus a bit more on gratitude than on grievances.
I’m sure that’s what the guided meditation meant.
So many of my friends have Gratitude Journals, and I deeply admire that, although I do not have one myself. My friend Ally (HI ALLY) recently brought my attention to something called a Grievance Journal. I had never heard of such a thing before but indeed, there are many such items for sale; the price of such things might surprise you, for example, this grievance journal is $208. Ally correctly pointed out that one could simply purchase a simple spiral notebook that would serve the purpose, but we are often more inspired by thematic stationary, aren’t we?
My thought on this is that anyone who had a diary with a lock and key in their youth was most likely keeping a Grievance Journal. I shudder to think of my own teen angst committed to the pages of my locked diaries, but on the other hand, maybe I was a trend-setter without even knowing it! I was Grievance Journaling before Grievance Journaling was cool.
Then again, what is a blog but a repository for grievances – and gratitude, of course. And because it is Thanksgiving, I will share with you, my dear readers, something that I am very grateful for. One year ago tomorrow Rex came to live with us!
I like to call this our Rexaversary, although I’m sure my husband would like me to note that he hates that term, and no one really knows why. Perhaps it reminds him of Brexit? Or the ridiculously stupid Wexit? As a side note, a couple of years ago we were at the dinner table and my older son said, out of absolutely nowhere, “Remember that thing, Wexit?” and for no reason at all we all became hysterical with laughter. WEXIT.
Anyway, it is one year tomorrow that we received such an incredible gift. He was much loved by his former family, and I still can’t believe my luck that we were the ones chosen to care for our Big Silly, our Notorious D.O.G., our Doughnut, our Puppy Pup, our Rexie. He’s brought so much joy to us every single day; it’s ironic that I was the person who, after Barkley died, was so devastated that I refused to even consider bringing another dog into our family, and now I have a shadow, every waking minute.
I did feel, a year ago, like Clifford the Big Red Dog was coming to live with us, but after a year of Rex, he just seems like a normal-sized dog, and all other dogs are miniature. Anyway, it’s appropriate that this celebration day coincides (ISH) with Thanksgiving as we are all so thankful to have his Big Silly Energy in our home.
Weekly Reading
The Magician’s Assistant. I really enjoyed this book about Sabine, a magician’s assistant who was married to the magician. When he dies, she discovers everything about his past that he had kept hidden. What’s not to like? Complicated families, interesting female protagonist, beautiful prose. It checks all my boxes! The thing about Ann Patchett is while many of her books follow a similar theme of brokenness and family secrets, they are all so different and unique. Content warning for mentions of domestic and child abuse.
The Perfect Marriage. Did you ever read the Sweet Valley High books? Remember how the physical descriptions were “All American good looks, with blond hair and blue eyes, size six?” That was what this book was like, a grown up SVH, but a “thriller.” The physical descriptions of the characters were so over-the-top: he is a hunky six-foot-two man with broad shoulders, she is a tiny blonde with never a hair out of place, wearing her Louboutin heels and pencil skirts. Basically, a man is accused of murdering his mistress and his wife is his lawyer for the trial. Is this well-written? No. Are the characters interesting and nuanced? No. Is the dialogue natural and believable? No. Is the plot in any way realistic? Absolutely not. Is this book hilariously entertaining in its ridiculousness? Kind of! It’s pretty ridiculous but hey, it’s a fast read and won’t require any heavy thinking or reflection.
I hope you are all enjoying this holiday weekend, or, for my non-Canadian friends, this Monday in October! I am grateful for all of you. xo
This post made me laugh. I love the journal of grievances!!
This post made me laugh. I love the journal of grievances because I feel like that is very often what journals are, especially as a teen. (And maybe a middle aged mom.) Happy Rexaversary and Thanksgiving!
YES! What is a diary but a repository for grievances?
Happy Rexaversary Nicole!! Enjoy your time with your parents and soak up all the love that that furry boy gives to you 🙂
Thanks so much Wendy!
Oh my goodness – those views in the bottom picture. Love.
Happy Thanksgiving. I’m glad you’ve made it safely to your parents and hope it’s a bit more restful in the coming weeks. Coyotes – yikes!
Happy Anniversary of Welcoming Rex Into Your Family. What a happy day indeed.
Thanks Elisabeth, and happy Thanksgiving to you too!!!
Happy Thanksgiving and Happy Rexaverary! I am glad that you found Rex as I know he filled that Barkley sized hole in your heart. Not that a new dog replaces the old… but they can soothe an aching soul.
I had to google Wexit as I had no idea what it was!
I kind of can’t do thrillers anymore. I used to love them but now it’s just not my wheelhouse. Give me a character-driven book, even if nothing happens. Ha. My only exception is that I really like TJ Newman’s plane-based thrillers. I might love them because I love the author’s back story – she’s a former flight attendant turned author. But speaking of Ann Patchett, if all the stars align, I should get to visit her bookshop on Friday! I fly in/out of Nashville for a client meeting and should get back to Nashville well ahead of my flight on Friday afternoon so I can go to Parnassus Books. I AM SO EXCITED. I am a huge fan of Patchett.
Enjoy the time at your parents. But oof – a 10 hour drive sounds so God awful to me in this stage of life with young kids.
Lisa, I have one of those TJ Newman books on my coffee table waiting for me when I get home! It was a recommendation from Stephany. I am looking forward to reading it.
I am so excited for you to visit the bookshop! Please take a million photos and tell me everything about it!!!!
Also, I would not have taken this trip with little kids in tow. NO THANK YOU SIR. But with just my husband and Rex it was kind of fun, albeit long!
I’m not a pet person, but Rex makes me smile. He just looks so good natured and sweet. Last night, I put Magician’s Assistant on my book wish list to order from the library. I also requested Tom Lake.
I’m glad you were able to see your parents for the holiday and I wish you a happy Thanksgiving. Loads for both of us to be grateful for. I’m happy to have found your blog.
Bijoux, I feel the same about you! So glad to have found you.
Happy Thanksgiving! I, for one, am grateful to have found your blog (through Anne Butera I think-another person I am grateful for.). Enjoy your holiday!
Thanks Laura, I am grateful for you and your friendship and support! Looking forward to next week!
Happy Thanksgiving and a very happy Rexaversary Nicole!!! What a fluffy, cheerful, exuberant cause for celebration and thanks!
As per usual, I am inspired and heartened by your take on life and I appreciate your perspective so much. I think it is no secret that I am having So Much Trouble focusing on the gifts in my life lately. I am, like, grit-toothing gratitude these days. Because I have so much to be grateful for! SO MUCH! And I know this! I am Aware! But all I can see are the grievances. Is this a fake it til you make it situation, where I can force my way into feeling better about life by screaming all the things I’m grateful for into the void???
I am grateful for you, and your writing, and your presence in my life. I am grateful for photos of your beautiful surroundings (and your floors and cabinetry — gorgeous), and for pictures of Rex’s smiling face. I am grateful for my family and for servicepeople who show up on time and do the work. I am grateful for nachos. There. That’s a start.
Oh Suzanne, thank you so much for this. You are in such a stressful time right now, and I’m sending all the hugs and Rex tail wags across the miles. It will get better! There will be a time after this! Some day you’ll look back and think wow, what an insane time that was, and you’ll be on the other side of it. xoxoxo
Happy Thanksgiving Nicole! This journal made me laugh. Like the pimple – when it (rarely) happens I think really? On top of wrinkles & gray I need a pimple?? Thanksgiving is delayed for us this year as we are in the US (Hawai’i!!) and waiting until my son & his gf visit from Calgary in late October so they can participate in the big loud chaotic 20 people, 9 kid’s celebration. I am working through Ann Parchett’s books – just added this one to my list.
Oh my goodness, you’re in Hawaii!!! Enjoy enjoy enjoy! That sounds fabulous! I love the big celebrations too. It’s a quiet one here but still lovely.
Happy Thanksgiving and Happy Rexaversary to you and your family, Nicole! It looks so gorgeous where you are and you look so radiant. I love Rex’s “socks” and all the wisdom of this post extra.
Thanks so much Maya! Rex’s socks are sometimes not so white…but they are so cute!
Well personally I adore the term “Rexaversary” and it’s so fitting that it’s close to Thanksgiving. And also I didn’t know about wexit so I got to google n’giggle.
I like the idea of a grievance journal, though I wonder if the first entry in the $208 journals is about the price;-)
Hahahahaha Birchy! Maybe! “Dear Grievance Journal, today I wasted $208 on buying you.”
I really did TRY with my gratitude journal, but it’s all grievances all the time for me (YES to the diary with a lock– I have been keeping a grievance journal for YEARS, it turns out). Happy Rexaversary 🙂
Thanks so much Sarah! The grievances have to go somewhere, so why not a journal?
Happy Rexaversary! I think it’s a delightful term, no matter what your husband thinks!
My blog is my grievance journal – I really don’t think I need more than that!!! But maybe I should do a better job of balancing it with my gratitude. Hm.
Thanks Engie! For what it’s worth I think you have a lot of balance in your blog, it’s always fun to read!
You make me laugh so much, Nicole! I know that exact feeling of being a featureless head with a huge zit! At 54, how can I still be getting them?
For $208, that grievance journal better have magical powers or something!
Happy Rexaversary! He’s definitely someone to be grateful for! I’m sure he’s grateful for you too.
And Happy Thanksgiving! I’m not Canadian, but I’m happy to celebrate a Thanksgiving whenever I get the chance!
Only The Pimple! Lol!
I also wondered what kind of magic powers the grievance journal had. What could possibly make it so expensive?
Happy Thanksgiving! And perhaps more importantly, Happy Rexaversary! He’s obviously the best dog in the entire world- I can tell just by the photos. I seriously love him so much, and it makes me happy to see a Rex-heavy post.
I had to laugh at the Grievance Journal- yes, I think I’ll just use a spiral notebook! I hope you’ve had a wonderful time at your parents’ and got some extra rest.
Thanks so much, Jenny! I’m so glad you love Rex so much – I know you’re not a Dog Person, so it means a lot that you love him!
Aw. Rex is such an amazing dog. I laughed at your reflection on Big Red Dog who is now the normal size dog to every other dog being miniature. I am also laughing at the book review. It makes one wonder what the publisher was thinking.
A 10 hour drive IS exhausting. The photos are lovely. Happy Thanksgiving!
Thanks Ernie! And that book! I thought, was there an editor involved? Was the editor drunk? Who can say!
Pimples and grey hair are the “glorious markers of the human experience” – wow, you should patent that, Nicole LOL
But I hear you: focusing on the positive is always, always gone be better than searching for the flaws… but it’s a skill for sure.
Happy Rexaversary. I don’t hate that word – I make anything into a -aversary, whenever possible 🙂 (Like Jon and my meetaversary which was last week ;)). I am so, so glad you opened your heart to a new dog after losing Barkley. He’s not a replacement but another great addition to your family <3 I always love hearing about him.
Thanks so much San! You understand completely – he is an addition but not a replacement! And with your approval I will keep the term Rexaversary!
Happy Thanksgiving! We visited my MIL in SK and the weather was wonderful, so we all had a good time with a nice mix of indoor and outdoor activities.
I am grateful to have found your blog a few weeks ago Nicole. 🙏
I live in Calgary, but we visited Kelowna a few years ago and we remember it fondly. We hope to go back as there are many things that we did not do and see.
For some reason I never kept a journal and I don’t feel the need to. My husband started one recently and loves writing in it. I understand the appeal, but I still don’t have a journal. I wonder what is the percentage of people with a journal versus the percentage without one (I assume the second being smaller).
Hi Alina! I’m so glad you found my blog as well. Welcome! I’m happy to meet another fellow Calgarian, even though I’m no longer there. I am in Sylvan Lake as I write this and yesterday was so beautiful I couldn’t believe it was October!
Thank you Nicole.
Sylvan Lake – such a beautiful place. We go there almost every summer. ❤️
I love it!!!
I was the same way when I had to very large cats. All other cats seemed miniature to me.
I’m glad you had a nice long weekend and found a lot of things to be grateful for.
I have yet to develop a regular meditation practice. Yoga is still a new experience for me, but it has become a regular practice, which makes me happy. You are motivating me to start practicing meditation regularly. But I think that I understand the message you were trying to convey about the pimple. Is it like being in the market to buy a car and seeing that car all over the place?
The pictures you took are stunning. What a view if you have to drive 10 hours! We can drive for 10 hours in any direction and see nothing but Jesus Saves billboards and cornfields.
I keep a gratitude journal and I remember Ally’s post, but I’m definitely going to start a grievance journal. That sounds like exactly the kind of therapy I need right now. 🤣🖤
“Jesus Saves billboards and cornfields” – for some reason this made me laugh so much! Yes, I’m lucky to live where I do, there are gorgeous vistas everywhere.
Yowza! You found a grievance journal that puts the one I found to shame. What a price tag. And thanks for the shoutout.
I like Rex so very much. He is the dog you needed that you didn’t know you needed. Plus he’s cute a bee’s knee… if it was a very large bee of course.
Ally, I could not believe it. I thought, this would be funny to look up…and $208!!!! I mean, does it come with a vibrator? Or at the very least someone to serve you drinks while you write down your grievances?
Thanks! Rex as a 100-pound bee…could be a cute Halloween idea!
Happy Rexaversary! And of course, Happy Thanksgiving as well.
It’s so incredibly devastating when we lose a beloved pet, one who is part of the family, that it’s hard to imagine ever being willing to go through that again. But they give us so much love and joy, for many of us, we heal enough to open our hearts again. I’m glad you were able to get there with Rex.
Thanks J – I know you know that too well. Sweet Mulder!
What is a blog but a repository of grievances? I could definitely write about peeves a lot but I try to keep it positive for the most part. It is kind of funny though that we are basically writing our private diary out in a public place, and when we were kids it was SO private. How we change…
Happy Thanksgiving! I hope that you had a wonderful time with your parents, even though it was a long drive. I routinely drive up to Oregon in the summer and it is about 8 hours. I actually do not mind it too much as it gives me a chance to get a hamburger at my favorite roadside burger place, take a hike along the way and listen to a ton of audiobooks! The going home part is not as fun as the getting there part however.
Yes, isn’t that the truth! It’s interesting, because Calgary to Kelowna is about an eight hour drive, but adding those extra two hours on…whew! At least it is a gorgeous drive.
We have coyotes too, and they scare the bejesus out of me!
I love that you always have MORE gratitude than grievances, it’s a balance.
Happy RexAversary—-he’s a lucky boy to have you guys and vice versa.
I had to look up WEXIT. 😳😜
Rex is twice the size of a coyote BUT they are always in a pack, which is SO scary! They are loud too!
As I was reading about the grievance journal idea I had the same thought: isn’t that just what my regular teen (and, if I’m honest, adult) journal is sometimes? Frankly, a big reason I journal is so that I can get out my grievances in a private space so I can let go of them (in theory). I am ahead of the cool curve for once! Am hipster!
Your description of The Perfect Marriage had me wheezy laughing at the office. Just perfect.
Maggie, you’re a trend setter!
I feel like you should read the Perfect Marriage and report back. Some of it is JUST so ridiculous. Me: oh, now she’s throwing her assistant through a window, okay.
I really liked The Magician’s Assistant, although I think I remember the least about it of all of her books.
I would love to see Rex and Lucy together – he’d be like what is that, a large mouse?
I remember mocking myself journaling when Angus was a baby – “like, cute baby stuff, cute baby stuff, agh, I’m depressed”. It’s easy to slip into the grievance-nursing sometimes. Good to keep perspective.
Our friend has a schnauzer who is about 15 pounds at most, and the two of them play together and it is a really funny thing to watch. Their dog is the size of Rex’s paw!
A grievance journal! I love it. I feel like it could be very useful in some instances.
Happy Rexiversary! I love seeing that goofy little face whenever he shows up on your blog or Instagram. What a great addition to your family!
Thanks Stephany!