Last week I received a complimentary “New Puppy Package” from the vet, despite the fact that Rex is not a puppy, and in it was a stuffed squeaky toy. As I paid for the visit – and the lice treatment, ew David – the vet unpackaged the toy and gave it to Rex to play with. He seemed to enjoy it immensely, and then as soon as we got home he dropped it in the snow in the backyard. I picked it up and took it inside, and he immediately went to the door with it in his mouth, to drop it back in the snow. This went on for a while. Finally, my younger son came home from school, witnessed this back-and-forth, and said “Mom, give up. He doesn’t want it in the house. You’re never going to win this.”
I don’t like to anthropomorphize, but it felt like Rex was pretending to like his gift, but once he got home he didn’t have to pretend anymore. I suppose we have all been there. For the record, I have since tried to bring it back inside, but he continues to take it outside and then ignore it. It feels like a judgement.
This brings me, strangely enough, to Christmas shopping! Quite a few people have asked how I always finish my shopping so early, and the keys to this success are a) I don’t have a lot of people to buy for, b) I start in late October, block off a few hours here and there and just push through, and c) I don’t stress out about finding the Perfect Gift, I just try to find things the recipients will like and then call it a day.
Of course, some people are easier to buy for than others. My parents, for example, are the easiest; my dad in particular has received aftershave, golf balls, or some kind of shirt on rotation for every single Christmas, Father’s Day, and birthday from me for the past thirty years or so, and he always is happy with his gift. He’s the type of person who will ostentatiously wear his shirt or aftershave the day after it is gifted, to show his appreciation, and I am HERE for it. My mom is similarly easy to shop for since I know her taste, her size, and her favourite colours and scents, and I know she’ll like anything I give her.
The guys are also fairly straightforward. They know that I am an early shopper and that I do not want the stress of the mall, or the worry that online orders won’t arrive, in December, and so they provide some ideas and then I freestyle with them. All three of them generally receive some combination of shirts, workout wear, and books, with one larger item connected to their individual interests. For example, this year my younger son is getting a new kick pedal for his drum kit. I can guess at books the three of them are interested in, but I am always appreciative of my younger son’s giving me specific ideas as to manga that he wants. Have you ever looked at the manga section in a bookstore? It’s overwhelming to say the least, and I don’t know if he wants Chainsaw Man Volume 4 or Vinland Saga 2, if you know what I’m saying. Looking at the selection of books, I feel like I was dropped into an alternate planet where I don’t know the language or the customs, and I’m just blindly groping my way through. Manga is not in my wheelhouse; neither is fantasy or sci-fi, but I scan blogs and reviews (HI ENGIE) to cobble together ideas for my older son.
There are a couple of people on my gift list who are more challenging, as I have alluded to before, and I do get a little anxious about it. Many years ago I decided I was not going to do this anymore, and I did not buy them gifts, and I will tell you that that decision was a huge mistake. What I didn’t understand was that the gifts from our household constituted essentially 90-100% of the gifts under those trees, and when I realized they had zero gifts to open on Christmas morning, I was wracked with guilt. Thinking of it now, I STILL have to close my eyes and take a deep breath. It led me to a complete shame spiral and an examination of the kind of person I want to be. I want to be a generous person, not just gift-wise, but emotionally, and so I now push through my low-level gift-giving anxiety. Basically, I just Hail Mary it, and like any Hail Mary, sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t, but at least I tried.
On a related note, I finished the calendars! Or, the goddamn calendars. They are done, they are ordered, and they contain what I am going to whimsically call an eclectic mix of photos of old favourites, recent photos, and Rex. It turned out to be fairly fun, as I got to travel down memory lane with the old photos, and it gave me an excuse to include my Favourite Photo Of All Time:
MY HEART. This photo was taken in Palm Springs just before the 2010 Olympics, hence the t-shirts. The boys could not believe that we could be in snow-and-ice covered Calgary, get on a plane, and suddenly be somewhere where there was grass! And flowers! The miracle of travel. Honestly, I still feel that way when I travel, how incredible it is that in only a short amount of time you can arrive somewhere completely different from the place you left.
It was so cold this week; we had a few days that the temperatures dipped into the minus 20s, which is not just Cold but COLD. It’s a bit early in the season for such temperatures, and it made me think about all my friends in much warmer climates; specifically, my Florida girls (HI SUZ HI STEPHANY HI JENNY). I have been talking about one day showing up on your steps to swim in your pools and hang out on your lanais and look at your butterflies, and, in Jenny’s case, chatting about clothes and hair and shopping with your daughters, and HERE I AM. ROCK YOU LIKE A HURRICANE.
My husband joked that if Hurricane Nicole was like Me Nicole, she would start off really strong in the morning and then get sleepy and fade to a slight breeze and a bit of rain by 7:30 pm and he wasn’t far off in that assessment. I’m glad Nicole wasn’t too bad for my friends – except for wrecking your hair with rain and wind, sorry about that – because I’d feel awful if my namesake was a real bitch.
Weekly Reading
Black Cake. This was an excellent novel about family, legacies, and traditions. It follows estranged siblings who are dealing with their mother’s death, and discovering her life story and secrets. It is so well-written and spans decades, which I absolutely love, and shows how the characters are all interconnected.
All Of This. Sometimes I read a memoir of someone who has basically the opposite life of me, and this was that. The author’s husband died of pancreatic cancer, and he was diagnosed two weeks after she had asked him for a divorce. This isn’t your typical Mourning Widow Memoir. Instead, the author talks about how toxic her marriage was and how essentially she was glad he died because it made her free. A very large chunk of the book is devoted to her healing process, which can be summed up in this way: she put herself on a dating app with the description “recently widowed and DTF.” Much of the book is about her sexual experiences and how open she was with her children about those experiences, and you know what, I don’t THINK that I am a prudish person but then I read something like this and I realize that I AM. This was well-written but I found it quite disturbing and unsettling.
A Room Called Earth. I picked this up on a whim at the library and I’m glad I did. It is such a unique and interesting book, following a young autistic woman who goes to a party. The book is the description of the things she sees, perceives, and feels. It was fascinating and really well-done.
The temperatures popped up around freezing this weekend, so my husband was able to put up the outdoor balls on the tree; I’m starting to think about decorating the house. As my son says, it is now Legal to play Christmas music, and obviously my first song was Last Christmas! It’s getting festive around here! I hope you have a festive – and, for my coastal friends, tropical storm-less – week! xo
Ha – Rex is so polite. But that toy really offends his sensibilities. Even in his little Santa hat, he looks a little apprehensive — maybe you will make him bring it inside AGAIN?
I love your gift-giving strategy, and “good but not perfect” is something we should all aim for. I am going to try very hard to cross two people off my gift list this week; we’ll see how it goes!
The thing where your gifts make up the vast bulk of the gifts for that recipient: ugh. That’s so hard. That’s a lot of… something, on your shoulders. You are a very kind and generous person, even without gift giving — I hope you know that. You have a wonderful, generous, giving spirit that comes through in every post.
(I mistyped “spirit” as “spite” in that sentence. Good thing I caught that! LOL!)
Lolololol “spite” would have been very funny!!!
Thank you for your very sweet words xoxoxo
I think the toy is haunted and Rex knows it.
You mentioning J’s main X-mas gift made me wonder, does he already know or do your kids not read your blog? Mine do and there are definite pros and cons to that.
Haunted! I didn’t think of that BUT NOW I DO.
The kids don’t read the blog; they could not be less interested! I asked J this morning about it when I saw this comment and he said “there are probably things on the internet I would be less interested in but I can’t think of any right now.” Keeping me humble! R reads it occasionally so I will have to wait until after Xmas to write about his gift, just in case he does read it in the next month!
The manga section! It’s so confusing! I agree. I don’t even know how to dip my toe into that mess. I think this year I am going entirely with consumables for gifts. People will get ornaments, homemade cookies, socks, and maybe a book. That’s it. I am a person who shows my love through gift giving, but I’m finding all of it really stressful this year and I’m giving myself permission to slack a bit.
Does Rex play with other toys? Is there something different about this one? Squeaker versus no squeaker? Rubber versus plushie? I feel like this is a mystery we must solve!
Consumables are such a good idea!
Rex does play with other toys – many in the house as well! So I have no idea why he is so adamant about this one.
My dog hates the vet so much that she won’t even take a treat from them. I think she would have thrown the toy out as well.
Thank goodness that the boys are readers, because otherwise it would be pretty empty under our tree. I can’t even begin to follow along on what they want (manga isn’t in my wheelhouse either) but my husband is fluent in their world so he can always get a good list of out them.
The hubs and I are more into experiences than things, so unless one of us specifically wants something, we usually don’t get each other gifts. This year I’m aware of two books that he wants but hasn’t gotten for himself so it’s on!!!
It seems to get trickier as the boys get older, that’s for sure! Manga! I mean.
Boy it took me some time to figure out what DTF meant. Ha!
I will be done with our gift buying pretty soon because we buy so few gifts. We are just not gift people and I can still get away with this with my kids at the ages they are because they aren’t really attuned to who is giving them what. They get a sh*t ton of gifts from my MIL so we can give them one gift (which will be a joint gift this year – they are getting a fort-building couch thing) and some stocking stuffers. They do get a ton of books as part of the advent calendar which my husband isn’t thrilled about because we already have so many books but they do get read a ton so I feel it’s worth the expense. But I will likely need to pivot next year or the year after that because there are only so many Christmas books a family needs and we are probably approaching that point…
Oh Rex and his toy. He must be team no gifts with me. Hee hee. Or doesn’t like clutter? All of the above?
Lolololol I guess we are not all sexting our husbands and letting them know we are DTF. By the end of the day I’m DTS pretty much exclusively.
A fort-building couch thing!!! That sounds amazing.
You’re hilarious. Rex, bless his heart, was being extremely polite with the toy. HE DOES HAVE MANNERS.
You’re not the only one dealing with snow. If my Instagram account is any indication, there was a lot of snow down here. I don’t want to say anything about where I live since IT (aka-snow) will arrive if IT (aka-snow) hears me.
I’ve just started a small amount of Christmas shopping, and it’s around this time that I start to worry that I won’t have enough time. I recognize that it is capitalism that is causing me to feel this way. I always get it done in time, but already hearing Christmas music in every store makes me feel otherwise.
Fingers cross THAT will not come to your house just yet!!! I don’t mind the snow and actually we were pretty late in getting it this year, for us. It makes driving a bit of a pain at times though.
Oh my goodness Nicole – REX IN THAT HAT. The interwebs will crash from the cuteness.
I am not done Christmas shopping, but like you try to resist the pressure to find the perfect gift. My father is the easiest: some sort of candy and as many books as possible.
I also finished my calendars – and they’ve already arrived. We see eye-to-eye on this; it is a labour of love (or just a labour, as you pointed out), but they are done and people always love them.
I’m in AWE at how you do individualized calendars WITH SPECIAL DATES AND EVERYTHING!!! I mean. Elisabeth. That is really amazing!
I like how your dad rolls! Candy and books sound perfect.
Rex rules. That’s clear.
We don’t exchange gifts with anyone any more. And being childfree we don’t have to fuss around with that. In fact, years ago we all decided, family and friends, that we’d rather spend time with each other, free from the stress of gifting. So instead of buying or making actual things we each give $$$ to charities of our choice, then get together and have a good time.
Oh Ally, what a lovely idea that is! I think that’s just great.
That is SUCH a cute photo of your boys. I made a calendar for my in-laws once or twice early on, but I think my SIL made one too and I thought how many calendars do they need? They don’t buy gifts, not because they can’t afford them. They do send us a bit of money and we can do something as a family, like maybe a dinner out. Honestly I find the lack of ever putting any personal thought into any kind of gift a little odd but it does take the pressure off of trying to buy them something. I once spent HOURS making them a video of the kids when they were tots, so they could watch it while they were in Florida. My FIL accidentlly taped golf over it, and I didn’t bother to do that again.
I bought my Mom a fuzzy pullover by Wooly Bully last year and she wore it almost daily in the winter. I’ve asked her to look at what size I bought last year, because I will be adding another Wooly Bully to her collection.
Rex is very funny. I feel like in his former home toys weren’t allowed in the house or something.
That Black Cake book sounds very good and that memoir sounds like it would make me cringe. I’m laughing at your hurricaine comparisons.
ERNIE!!! ” I once spent HOURS making them a video of the kids when they were tots, so they could watch it while they were in Florida. My FIL accidentally taped golf over it, and I didn’t bother to do that again.” I AM DYING. DYING. That is so funny and honestly, I could totally see something like this happening!!!
That looks like the Palm Springs airport! We have gone yearly for the past several years, and I DEEPLY love the feeling of getting off the plane there. The airport is so fresh and warm and friendly. Oh it feels so amazing, coming from the cold dark Canadian winter.
I am done my kids’ Christmas gifts and stockings and feel pretty good about that! They’re the bulk of it. Still have husband, his parents (because God forbid he get their gifts, ah well, I’m the one who likes gifting more anyway), my mom, and the cousins/siblings gift exchanges. But with the kids done all the rest feels way less pressurized.
It is the Palm Springs airport! I haven’t been there since 2011, but what a lovely place! I hear you on “god forbid he gets the gifts,” that’s my life too!
Well the author of All of This is quite possibly my exact opposite. The thought of discussing my sex life with my kids makes me shudder and probably has just caused both of them to get the feeling like someone just walked on your grave and they have no idea why. Hard Pass.
Buying for older kids gets tough. For awhile Oldest wanted video games and I know nothing about them so his requests had to be incredibly specific. He’s kind of grown out of that though so this past Christmas I got him a snack subscription service so he got a box of snacks from various countries every month for 6 months. It was a good idea because he is in college so he got a nice package every month. The execution wasn’t great tho because a lot of the snacks were not that tasty. This year I think I might get him a cake of the month subscription or something.
Maggie, imagine coming home from a “date,” (I use that term loosely) and having your 14 year old son waiting up for you, and you think “I smell like sex, I should shower.” No.
A snack subscription! What a fun idea! Any subscription is fun, I think.
NO nononononononononono no
Rex in a Santa hat just killed me with the cute!! That toy thing is a bit perplexing, though…and the only thing I can think of is it that it reminds him of the vet so it has to go, mom!! LOL
Oh, that book — I couldn’t even imagine sharing those details with your kids!! What on earth??!!
I have had zero thoughts on gift ideas. I have a large family so we only now do gifts for the nieces and nephews. The adults have some Kris Kringle/elephant gift exchange for fun. It becomes too much otherwise. The parents of said nieces and nephew give us wish lists/ideas so that helps a lot. But they don’t normally do that until Thanksgiving so it’s kind of a rush-rush time shopping and hoping everything arrives on time if they’re bought online (which I do about 90% of the time).
I have not been to the mountains in the winter to get some snow-time. It’s fun to play in it but not to live with it, me thinks. When we lived in the northern part of TX, we’d get snow once a year where we can actually make snowmen, etc. and it was just right — a little play time! I can’t imagine living with it for months — probably because I’m not used to it so the idea is overwhelming! It looks really pretty, though!
I think it’s just a matter of getting used to the snow. I’ve lived here my whole life so I can barely imagine a winter without snow; it is a pain at times, particularly with driving, but generally we are just adapted to it!
Of course your first song was Last Christmas!!!
I’m laughing so hard at Rex. Yes, he obviously didn’t want to hurt the vet’s feelings. Animals are so mysterious- I would love to know why he really wants that toy outside.
You know… when I said “I really wish Nicole would pay us a visit,” I meant YOU, not NICOLE THE HURRICANE. As you said- glad your namesake storm didn’t demolish our part of the state.
I enjoyed hearing about your gift-giving process. I have not even started… but I have lists of ideas. I also made use of Engie for sci fi/ fantasy book ideas for my son. On a related note… even though we now know her actual name, I think “Engie” is going to stick.
Enjoy your chilly, festive, Christmas-y week!
Hahahaha I was like “well, Jenny DID want me to come shopping with her…”
Engie! I cannot think of her in any other name!
The boys in Palm Springs picture is so cute… makes me want to crinkle my nose and smile too. And what a polite good boy, Rex is!! I’m laughing at his insistence that the vet’s toy stays outside.
I will begin Christmas shopping next week and plan to keep the “Good not perfect” mantra in mind. I definitely felt a pang when you said you mom would like whatever you get though. My mom–we all love each other very much–but she’s so tough to buy for!
I have people on my list like that too, Maya, and it’s kind of hard. I just try to remember it’s the thought that counts and sometimes, people are hard to shop for!
Holy shit!!! I used to read Rebecca Woolf’s blog waaay back when she had her first daughter, and then when she incredibly got accidentally pregnant with her twin daughters while she was “on the rag” (I remember this clearly because I was like ew and TMI and hmm all at once). I dunno man. I didn’t know Hal had died, and I googled it and saw like a blogging “omg you guys Rebecca’s husband just died and he was so wonderful this is so sad” post. I mean this is her story, but he’s not here to defend himself and now his kids will have access to this. Just feels a little icky.
Erin, it was kind of an uncomfortable memoir. I knew her blog existed but never read it, and so I was going into this memoir with a fresh slate, so to speak. It was very much “I kind of hated my husband, he was a terrible husband, I’m glad he’s dead because now I’m free.” It wasn’t what I thought it would be, for sure.
That pic of your boys is so cute! We only buy for our kids, their partners & our grandkids – but that’s 20 so it’s a lot (also my friend of almost 50 years & I exchange gifts, but that’s fun to search for). I am finding it stressful esp as the older kids are closer to teenage years and harder to buy for. My husband is taking 3 of the adult kids/men to a cross border hockey game — they all have Dec birthdays so yay that’s 6 gifts I don’t have to think about! When we were in Calgary on the weekend we bought that son & his girlfriend a coffee machine they wanted. Two more down….I need to get serious on the rest!
The hockey game is such a fun idea! Experiences make such great gifts.
I hope to one day have your gift-giving prowess. As I’m sure you remember with little kids, the things they are into in October are not the things they are into in December. Ugh, mom, Paw Patrol was so two months ago! So I end up waiting until the wire for the kids gifts, because they are the bulk of our gifting (including 5 cousins under 8).
I put All of This on my list, it sounds like something different!
Woof, five cousins under eight – that is definitely tricky!!! I’d love to hear your perspective/ thoughts on All of This.
You always brighten my day with your stories and sense of humor! I like your gift-giving strategy. I overthink it way too much, and it’s not worth it!
I agree, Michelle, I was always thinking “maybe THIS will be perfect” and it never was; now I just try to go for “this is just something nice/ fun.”
Omg, the Rex toy story is HILARIOUS. If only we knew what was going on in their fluffy heads and walnut-sized brains.
I DO always try to get the perfect gift, and I am thunderstruck by the possibly-very-useful thought that maybe… don’t do that? Because it tends to be the kind of thing that either LEAPS out at you or hides forever, and damn, I am anxious enough.
Sometimes he just randomly runs around in circles in the backyard and I have no idea why or what motivates him, but it’s very cute.
First of all, I am glad to hear that the goddamned calendars are done! Yay you!
That picture of the boys is adorable!
Sounds to me like Rex knows things about that toy and is trying to protect you by leaving it outside.
I am also making a calendar entry to remind myself to get it in gear no later than October next year. (I always make that my goal and I always fail – maybe putting it on the calendar will help – who knows?)
My go-to gifts for hard to buy for people is usually either food, treats, candles, fancy soaps/lotions, etc. This works especially well for older people who don’t need or want do-dads.
Those are such great go-to gift ideas!
Rex has wisdom, apparently, and is burdened with responsibility!
I wonder if that toy Smells Like the Vet’s Office. Oh dear there are so many comments, probably someone already said this. I am just going to go with it anyway, like someone at a party who is not 100% paying attention to what’s around her.
YAY for the goddamned calendars being done!!
We have one household on our list where we are most of their Christmas, and when I realized that, it transformed me into a Christmas Elf, because also we have to ship it (which, omg, I had to come to terms with it being, say, $50 to mail), but ALSO that makes me feel like I am mailing Christmas In A Box, so it gives me this feeling of….CRAFTING a Christmas Box. And I have almost no idea what to buy for these people!! But I figure, let’s tick the boxes: something SWEET, something to READ, something FESTIVE, something for the PETS, maybe something WARM, maybe something WEIRD/FUN, maybe something to WEAR….etc. Each year I do a different combination, hoping that even if I hit ZERO CORRECT, at least there was an ASSORTMENT.
SWISTLE. This is exactly the motivation I needed to get Cheerful About The Christmas Parcel. I love this idea! Christmas in a Box!! (I just thought of that old SNL skit Dick in a Box and disturbed myself).
You are always welcome to Florida. You can do a road trip to see all your blogging besties. 🙂 Today the high is 76F!
I really love your process for buying gifts. It’s really not too bad for me because we do wish lists so it makes it really easy to buy for my brother and nephews. My mom can be more difficult, although I have some new ideas for her this year. And the only other people I buy for are my SIL and my stepdad. My SIL and I don’t have a great relationship so I really just buy her a really lame Bath & Body Works gift set and I don’t really care, haha. And my stepdad is usually happy with anything! So it’s not a HUGE deal, but it’s just something I put off for so long because I hate spending money, lol.
Rebecca Woolf’s Instagram changed a LOT after her husband died and yeah, now it’s mostly about how much she loves having sex and tells her kids all about her love life. It’s… something.
I was wondering your take – I knew that you had followed her blog and wondered how her SM presence had changed. I found the book to be fascinating in a weird way, but also really disturbing and unsettling.
I love that photo of your boys in the Sunshine; I can see why it’s a favorite. Please tell me about this Calendar gift thing…I’m all ears. I mean, eyes.
We’re in the mountains and it was 35* this morning when I took the dogs out. I had on PJ’s, a coat, hat, warm slippers and I was FREEZING. The dogs were FREEZING. I was thinking of YOU and how this is like, um, springy weather. HA! I’m not built for cold.
You can show up at my door anytime…just not in the form of a hurricane. I did laugh at your husbands assessment/version of the real Nicole Hurricane; fading by 7:30pm. That’s my kind of storm!
I think it’s hilarious that Rex took the gift, but he didn’t expect to have to enjoy the damn gift.
That WOULD be spring weather here! Or at least mild fall. But then again, I would probably melt if I visited you in the summer!
The calendars, Suz, I was going to not make them this year and then I got bullied and guilted into it by my parents and MIL!!
Rex is a true gentleman that he didn’t let on how much he despised the vet’s gift LOL I think your son is right: you won’t win this one. Leave the toy outdoors (maybe Rex will even burry it somewhere).
I am impressed how early you are with Christmas gifts, but it also sounds like you’re simply organized and people you give gifts to are generally easy to shop for. I envy you. I have some hard to shop for people on my list (including my husband, who just doesn’t want anything LOL so we have kinda dropped the gift giving, but then again, I like to give something for Christmas).
Brrr, so cold where you are. It’s not like in FL here in Northern CA, but it’s been a lot cooler at night for sure. No snow though.
I don’t have a huge amount of people to shop for, that’s my secret! And I am pretty organized, but mostly I hate shopping in December!
I stink at gift-giving. Gifts are NOT my love language, so… I struggle to give as well as give ideas. I do love your good-not-perfect approach. What a wonderful perspective to adopt.
And, speaking of adopting, thank you for adopting Rex and sharing his fabulousness with the rest of the world. <3
He is just such a great dog! I can’t believe he’s ours.