Let’s celebrate! It’s all right! Baby!
I would like to tell you that I have that song in my head, but no, no. I have had 24K Magic in my head for four days now, but not the whole song. Just ONE line, over and over. Every so often I will burst forth with it: Put your! Pinky! Fingers! To the! MOON!, which elicits one of two reactions: my older son will dutifully put up his pinky fingers, my younger son will close his eyes briefly, with the silent agony that comes with having Not A Regular Mom, A Cool Mom.
Speaking of music, thanks to my dad we have discovered a music channel on TV that is called Greatest Hits, and it’s true, every song that plays was a hit at one point. The screen shows the song that’s playing, and the one that will follow, and it is bananas. We have been watching this to guess what could possibly come next, but no one could actually guess what does come next. It’s like someone took all the Top Ten every year for the last sixty years, put them in a giant hat, and randomly drew them out. Whitney Houston will be followed by Bo Diddley, and after that, it’s The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald. Justin Timberlake is followed by Tie A Yellow Ribbon Round The Old Oak Tree, and then it’s Heat of the Moment. Hit Me Baby One More Time will be followed by a Shania Twain song, and just when you think you’re in the 90s, the station plays Super Freak.
A small digression about Shania Twain: she is the one and only celebrity I have ever been compared to in my life. This was in the mid-nineties, and I was wearing a denim vest with a tank top underneath, and I would be flattered by the comparison, but the gentleman in question who was comparing me to the lovely songstress was near-passing-out-drunk.
Last night during dinner I asked my husband if he’d put on some kind of Disney music channel: it was Beauty and the Beast, followed by The Rainbow Connection, and he answered with a look only. Immediately after Kermit and Miss Piggy’s duet was Frank Sinatra followed, strangely, by Faith Hill. What is happening at the Greatest Hits station. Who is in charge of the playlist?
But back to Celebrating! We have had a lot to celebrate this week – it was our 20th anniversary, and my son’s 18th birthday, both on the same day. It was also spring break, we were able to come out of isolation, and the snow has all melted!
It’s still March, though, so we have snow ahead of us, but it’s nice to get the base layer off the ground. In fact, I was walking to the little salon in our neighbourhood to get a pedicure, and suddenly I thought “what just blew into my face?” I literally thought small particles of a building material just blew off a roof or something; it’s hard to describe, but it was like being hit in the face with confetti in a wind machine. It was a sudden, out-of-nowhere snowstorm – there were no warning flakes, nothing except sudden total snow and wind. It’s melted now but it was bizarre, even for a lifelong Calgary girl.
To celebrate our 20th anniversary, my husband and I went back to the scene of the crime – Banff. We spent a night at the lovely Banff Springs, and it was wonderful.
So, that was perfectly lovely, and I was grateful that we were out of isolation in time to go.
We celebrated my son’s birthday with cake and a nice dinner, and an afternoon of bowling – he also celebrated with his friends, once THEY were all out of isolation. Covid has made its way through almost all of my sons’ friends, after two years of nothing.
Pandemic Reading
Apples Never Fall. WOW!!! I loved this book! I have enjoyed all of Moriarty’s books, and this one is EXCELLENT! A woman goes missing; her husband is the main suspect. Did he do it? Full of twists and turns, secrets and astonishing, unexpected wisdom, this book was fantastic. Surprise: there is a small pandemic-related storyline. I cannot tell you anything else – you know how Moriarty is, just when you think you’ve figured it out, there’s another twist.
The Mother-in-Law. This was a pretty decent – mystery? Maybe? I’m not sure what to call it. – about a woman who appears to have ended her life, due to terminal cancer. The problem is, after death no cancer is found, nor the poison she apparently took to end her life. So what happened? It wasn’t hard to guess, but a decent read nonetheless. It had me thinking a lot about the mother-in-law/ daughter-in-law relationship. Is there any relationship with such potential to be fraught? This is an interesting “from-both-sides” perspective.
Once when the boys were babies, someone at playgroup said that you never really appreciate your own mother until you become one, and that really resonated for me. Certainly I appreciated my own mother more, once I was in the Mother Shoes myself. But I realized something, and that was that with two boys – two heterosexual, cis boys, as I have – I will be, if I am very lucky, a mother-in-law, and that is a very different relationship, as we all know. It’s something that seems far away right now, but it is something I think about. It’s something I will want to get right, but it is so delicate, and it so much depends on personality and patience, it seems.
Anyway, that was NOT the point of the book, but something I have been thinking about nonetheless.
Enjoy these last few days of March, my friends! I hope it’s going out like a lamb for you. xo
Congrats on you anniversary. We stayed at the Banff Springs Hotel once and it was the closest I’ve ever felt to Europe while staying in North America. I loved it there. I agree it’s odd that Kermit and Miss Piggy’s duet with Frank Sinatra was followed by Faith Hill. I don’t know how to unpack that sentence.
As for being a MIL, all I know from friends is that as mother of the groom: “You show up, shut up, and wear beige.” The old saying holds true.
Ha! I love that, Ally! And yes, the Springs is so lovely and European.
When I was a kid people were always telling me I looked like Shirley Temple. I hated it. North as a small child looked very much like I did at that age but they only got that once, when they were around two. I guess that cultural reference is dying out.
That hotel looks amazing.
How does it feel to be the mother of an 18 year old?
Shirley Temple! That’s not a cultural reference you hear much anymore.
It feels strange being the mother of an actual adult!
Wow! Congratulations on your twentieth anniversary celebration, Nicole! That hotel looks so fancy and perfect for it.
LOLed at your cool mom reference (my favorite movie of all time, probably). And I agree, being a cool MIL sounds like it will take a lot. I’ve had two really cool MILs, but haven’t figured out their secret. Some of it certainly seems to be about taking a step back, and I always wonder how difficult that part will be.
The step back – that might be tricky but I think that’s the key.
I loved my mother-in-law so very much. I was very nervous about meeting my now-husband’s family and the first time I met them all we were going to his sister’s wedding and the entire crew was there. My husband has four siblings and just that would have been a lot, but it was the entire extended family, too. Anyway, I got of the car and my MIL just came over and gave me a giant hug and immediately started plying me with food and drink. I have never felt so WELCOMED and cared for and it was all the more impressive considering that her daughter was getting married the next day. She was a wonderful, wonderful person and I miss her every day. That relationship doesn’t HAVE to be fraught is what I’m saying. I know you’ll be one of those MILs that everyone else is jealous of!
Life goals: to be like your MIL! She sounds like she was a wonderful woman.
Happy Anniversary!
Thanks!
Aha! Now I’m tempted to read that Liane Moriarty book. I’ve loved all her other books but a lot of people didn’t like this one. Of course, we’ve agreed to disagree on fiction books so far, but maybe I was too hasty. I think I’ll put a hold on this one at the library. Then we can compare notes!
Happy anniversary! And happy birthday to your son- 18 is a big one! Oh, and I read The Mother-in-Law as well, and liked it pretty much. I’ve also been thinking about my son’s future wife- he’s nowhere near that now, doesn’t even have a girlfriend but it will happen someday! Yes- it’s a complicated but very important relationship.
Glad you were able to get away for your anniversary! Covid is over (just kidding-but at least it’s easing up enough for now.)
I really loved Apples Never Fall, it was so good!
Happy anniversary and happy 18th birthday to your son! How fun that he was born on your anniversary!! 20 years, though! Whoa! I’ll celebrate 5 in May so am on the other end of the marriage/kid spectrum as my babies are 4y and 15m. It is interesting to think that I will only be a mother-in-law as well. I have a decent relationship with mine but she can drive me batty at times and makes strange comments at times… I’ll never forget the comment (joke?) she made when she saw the 20wk ultrasound pic for our first child – she said “and here I thought you’d have cute children” Let me tell you – that is NOT the thing to say to a pregnant person. I SOBBED! I knew rationally that she was probably trying to be sarcastic or make a joke? But when you are pregnant and your body is overrun by hormones, you can’t really be rational about a comment like that… So note to self – don’t make jokes about ultrasound photos and certainly not over text where tone does not come through! I remind myself that this is the woman who raised the man that I adore… A friend suggested that I frame my thoughts about my MIL by keeping that in mind.
WHO SAYS SOMETHING LIKE THAT? Who says something so rude, not only to a pregnant woman, but to a woman pregnant with her grandchild? Wow, that’s over the top. Rule number one: no sarcastic jokes to hormonal women.
Congratulations on 20 years! Your pics look lovely. March is definitely going out like a lion here in Ontario – brrrrr. I bet you’ll have a wonderful relationship with your daughter-in-laws somewhere down the road, because you are such a ‘cool’ mom. My close friend, who is pretty girly, raised two boys and lamented all the testosterone in her home. She now revels in a wonderful relationship with two DIL’s and gets to shower a sweet granddaughter with girly stuff. I am very close with 2 of my DIL’s, and yes you need to learn find a balance to get it right. That said, my husband’s son’s wife (we joke I’m the evil step-mother) and I are basically the same person, I’m just 25 years older. Both of us have strong opinions but it we clash we can easily laugh it off very quickly.
And I LOVED Apples Never Fall.
This is so inspiring, Pat! I hope I’m lucky enough to have DILs – who knows, maybe even a granddaughter one day!
Congratulations on your 20th anniversary! Banff is on my bucket list; you look happy and well rested. Hey, you have an 18 year old! Whoop whoop.
Funny about the music playlist.
My MIL is one of my favorite people and you will be an amazing MIL one day too. I’m sure your boys will pick great ladies to share their lives with and you’ll all be so happy.
I am feeling so inspired by all these lovely MILs I am hearing about!!
THAT hotel! Lovely. Congratulations on your anniversary!
I didn’t have the wonderful fortune of having a nice mother-in-law, but I intend to be a good mother-in-law if and when the opportunity arises. Breaking generational toxic behaviors is something I’m now attempting to accomplish.:)
I am 100% with you on that! After all, why make a relationship toxic when it can be lovely?
Your potential future daughters-in-law are going to LOVE you. They are so lucky.
I really liked The Mother-in-Law, but felt it was completely mismarketed. It was much more about the relationship than the mystery. Oh well. Still enjoyable.
And HOORAY for isolation free celebrations!!!! Your hotel room looks gorgeous and it looks like you did it up RIGHT. Happy anniversary!
I thought so too – it really wasn’t much of a mystery at all! But I did like how they showed the changing relationship, the understanding coming from both sides, and showing the needs of both women and how that reflected in their relationship.
Happy, happy anniversary to you! And happy, happy birthday to your son! Both milestone celebrations!
I’ve looked to my sweet mother in law for inspiration. But I also think a lot depends on the daughter in law too. If, for example, the current girlfriend was to become my daughter in law; I think the relationship would not be fraught and all would be well. If the last girlfriend had entered into the family, I would still be cordial and take cues from my mother in law…but the relationship would have been strained, at best.
Yes, I think you’re right Gigi, some relationships are easier than the other because of personalities. I bet you are going to be a wonderful MIL just like your own – and I have goals to be like that.
Those pictures from Banff look lovely – I’m SO glad you were able to travel for that. What a great celebration and kudos for doing something memorable to commemorate your anniversary.
The line about all a FIL has to do is be welcoming reminds me of the Huffington Post piece about comparing how we view father interactions vs. mother interactions. OBVIOUSLY all these things have to be taken with a grain of salt, but I think much of it rings true. For example, one of the pictures shows a Dad bringing home fast food to his family which = FUN Dad. The same cartoon shows a Mom bringing home fast food and it’s labelled LAZY Mom, etc. (https://www.huffpost.com/entry/parenting-double-standards_l_61f03176e4b0061af2569c00)
And I think MILs get such a bad rap (in general culture), where FILs tend to get a pass.
That said, one of my grandmother’s was a very tough MIL to endure and REALLY butted heads with my Mom every time she came to visit…
Thanks for that link – it is SO true, isn’t it? I guess one of the things to remember is that some people are hard to get along with, and that translates to their in-law relationships.
I was told for a really long time that I looked like some chick in The Young and the Restless, then I got old.
I used to think the mother-in-law thing was an unfair stereotype, and I you know I adored mine, but hoo boy, the anecdotal evidence among my friends is strong and what the heck IS with these women?
Happy birthday/anniversary, yay for Covid moving on in time to celebrate.
Your MIL was a gem! What a lovely woman she was. That is my goal, to be that kind of MIL.
I was often told that I looked like the sister in the sitcom growing pains. Tracy Gold? Not sure of her name now. Also Sigorney Weaver. Not in forever though.
I have not read Moriarity but I’m now interested.
My in laws have been challenging throughout our marriage. Ick. I intend to work VERY hard not to let that happen when my children marry. The lesson they have taught me is not to be controlling. My parents AND my Coach’s parents . . . VERY CONTROLLING. My in laws are religious zealots too so that’s been fun . . . and I’m a good Catholic. “Back off, people” is what I want to say. 25 yrs later.
You ARE a cool mom. I might need to lend you my t-shirt. I’m confident that your future DILs will realize that they’ve won the lottery. What’s not to love?
Oh, that girl is totally cute!
I think that’s the key – realizing what doesn’t work, like being controlling, and using it to make relationships work!
Banff!! It looks beautiful, I have always wanted to go there. It almost looks fake, like if someone thought about what the ideal mountains should look like and then made them, Disney-style. Shania Twain is what I call a secret Canadian. Most people in the US just assume she is from the west or south of the US because she sings country. But no – SURPRISE, Canadian!
She’s a Canadian treasure – just like Banff! I hope you can visit Banff one day, it’s really special.
Happy anniversary! We went to Vancouver BC this past week for Youngest’s Spring Break and the mountains and city were so wonderful (I know this isn’t Banff but the mountains reminded me of it). We enjoyed it so much that Youngest announced she wants to go to University of BC. She is 12 so I think this may pass (at least I hope so because I’ve checked the tuition for international students and it’s . . . not in our price range) ANYWAY, it was gorgeous.
Also, in my early 20s I was compared to Debbie Harry by an extremely drunk, homeless man on the subway. This seemed reasonable because these are the only circumstances under which anyone would ever have compared me to Debbie Harry.
Hi Maggie! Mr lived in Vancouver for a few years and went to university there (not UBC though). It’s a gorgeous city.
Your Debbie Harry sounds just like my Shania!
Happy belated anniversary! I’m glad you guys were out of isolation to celebrate your anniversary. 20 years! That’s amazing. So, you never have to give your husband an anniversary gift, right? “I gave you a son, you’re welcome.” 😉 My brother was born on my grandparents’ anniversary. It’s a special thing to share!
You’ve moved Apples Never Fall WAY up on my TBR with your review!
Ugh, LSS. Or worse LLS. Last line syndrome. Ok, I made that up. But yes, I have that sometimes. Lol!
I’ve been looking for more books to add to my reading list this year. Thanks for recommending these. I do love a story with plot twists I don’t see coming. I’m usually good at guessing so it’s nice to be surprised. That cake looks tempting too. Hmm….
Hi there! I hope you enjoy those books – I am smiling about LSS!
Banff looks absolutely stunning! What a great place to celebrate your anniversary. Congratulations – to your son’s 18th birthday, too.
Thanks so much San!