Ninety-nine! I’ve got ninety-nine problems, but Covid isn’t one, yet. Doesn’t it feel like a ticking time bomb, though? In the first four waves, I knew only a handful of people who had gotten sick; now it feels like I know only a handful of people who haven’t gotten sick, all of whom, needless to say as they are my friends, have been careful and cautious and following all the protocols. Fortunately, all of those that have been infected in this wave have recovered quickly and with no ill effects, unlike the people I knew in previous waves, who suffered immensely. On that note, I am scheduled to get my booster this week!
I was preparing for my walk the other day and thought I would check the temperature to see if it was a Legwarmer Day or a Snow Pants Day.
Frigid! You know, maybe the weather is just not that into you, or maybe the weather just wants to take things slow. There’s no reason for…what’s the opposite of slut-shaming?
For what it’s worth, I don’t even think minus 19 is worthy of a “frigid.” It’s Cold, to be sure, but it’s not Extremely Cold, particularly in February.
I was pleasantly surprised to find a hand-delivered card in my mailbox, from my former neighbours, with a note saying that they enjoyed having such congenial neighbours for so many years and that they were sorry they missed us before they left. Okeley-dokely! It still doesn’t explain WHEN they left and how I didn’t notice, but it was nice.
Am I a super-nosy neighbour? Probably. But how does someone move furniture without the neighbours knowing?
Our new neighbour told me that he is a Car Guy, and is building a whole new garage, with a lift and everything. I can’t help but think that this would have been incredible had it happened fifteen years or so ago, when the boys were little. They would have been glued to the fence, watching the construction and cars. You can’t buy that kind of entertainment. Well, I guess I’ll have to enjoy it on my own.
On a completely different note: it is a source of small annoyance to me that every hair on my body – including long white hairs in my eyebrows, which cannot be plucked without resulting in bald spots in said eyebrows – has gone or is going grey, with the exception of my upper lip. The latter seems to be having some kind of youthful resurgence; perhaps I’m unknowingly embracing my inner Magnum PI? In any case, I spend time each morning with tweezers and my Daylight Magnifying Mirror, which is something I do not recommend for the faint of heart.
It recalls to my mind the paragraph in Bridget Jones’ Diary, where she compares her grooming process to farming – “so much harvesting and crop-spraying…The whole performance is so highly tuned you only need to neglect it for a few days for the whole thing to go to seed.” Word, Bridget.
I was complaining about this to my friend Hannah not long ago (HI HANNAH), as even my magical chin hair has gone perfectly white. Immediately after complaining that only my upper lip is sprouting dark hair, the rest of me is grey, I noticed several very dark CHIN HAIRS sprouting from my face. NEVER COMPLAIN. The universe is listening.
You’re not happy being Magnum PI? How about becoming a Bearded Hipster, how do you like me now.
If ever I am in a coma or am otherwise unable to access my tweezers and magnifying mirror, I will end up like one of the members from ZZ Top or, possibly, Santa. Santa with a dark moustache.
Perimenopause! It’s an interesting time, to be sure. Years ago – literally, years – I bought a box of tampons at Costco, and I JUST finished them in December. I was a little unsure as to what to do, going forward.
Here’s the thing: I am very fortunate in that my periods, such as they are, while irregular, are very light. I know so many women who suffer from heavy periods with lots of pain, but so far – and this can change, I’m sure, Hi to My Hormones – that’s not me. Other than my breasts suddenly spilling out of my bra or tank top like a 1980s swimsuit model, and the Feeling of Extreme Resentment and/ or Sadness that pervades the day or two before the start of Ladies’ Holidays, I don’t have much trouble with my periods.
Note: I related this to my sister-in-law over wine last summer, and she looked at me and said “I hate you right now.” I’m sorry! (HI JO).
Anyway, my periods are so light that my tampon usage is maybe 2-4 tampons per period, thus making a Costco box last for years. I have no idea how many years I have left of tampon usage at all, so I bought a regular sized box from Superstore, and it was fifty cents less than the giant Costco box. I mean. The Scottish side of me immediately regretted the smaller box – economies of scale! – and yet, will I use up the Costco box? No one can say. All I’m going to say is that I will be annoyed with myself if I do have to purchase another box. I could have been a contender.
I can sometimes feel maudlin when I realize that I have done something, mothering-wise, for the last time. The boys wake up with their own alarms, meaning I don’t waltz into their rooms singing Good morning, good MORNING, it’s time to start your day, good morning, I LOOVVVVEEEE you, time to start your day anymore. I don’t – obviously, the oldest is almost a legal adult – read them stories or sing them songs or walk them places unless we happen to be going in the same direction. I don’t remember the last time I did any of those things, but as god is my witness, I am going to remember the last box of tampons I buy.
The landslide’ll bring you…down.
It’s been a busy week for Barkley; he had a vet appointment and a grooming appointment, on back-to-back days. The woman who grooms him, who is someone that I would describe as perfect for working with animals, with everything that entails, told me he seemed really tired, and that he just wanted to lie down while groomed. I mean, can you blame him. We humans get to be at least seated for grooming procedures, and in some cases – body sugaring! – supine. I have had three (THREE!) beauty appointments in the past month: haircut, pedicure, and body sugaring, and I can’t imagine having to stand up, on a table no less, to get said treatments.
Slight digression: before body sugaring, these items are set out for preparation of the honey pot, and it never fails to make me smile.
Self-love! It’s wonderful.
Anyway, the vet was perhaps a bit surprised to still see Barkley thriving, his cancers haven’t grown significantly in the past year, although he’s pretty deaf and quite blind and is arthritic, he’s still happy. When a dog gets to this age, every week we have with him is a gift to treasure, even while mopping up paw prints and picking up massive amounts of poop. Keep on keeping on, Barks!
I was walking him and an elderly lady crossed the street specifically to pet him, and somehow the conversation turned from how much we love dogs to the lady’s tale of getting Covid in early 2020. “I cured myself with the power of prayer and oil of oregano,” she said to me, followed by “I’ll keep your dog in my prayers.” Very sweet sentiments, although I couldn’t help but think that “curing yourself” could also be considered “recovering,” but I am not one to criticize methods of comfort for other people. Plus, I’ll take any and all extra prayers and positive thoughts for my old puppers.
Pandemic Reading
The Man Who Saw Everything. I have been reading and enjoying Deborah Levy’s memoirs, so when I saw this at the library I impulsively picked it up. Levy is a very talented and creative writer, and this book will really keep you on your toes. The narrator is the ultimate in Unreliable Narrator, to the point where I had to stop reading and go back, thinking wait, what, just a second here. This is the book equivalent of a fever dream and I honestly didn’t 100% know what was happening until the very last page.
Diary of a Provincial Lady. This is one of my all-time favourite books. I desperately needed a comfort read this week, so I picked this up. I have read it so many times, it is falling apart, and I never ever get tired of it. It is just so delightful on every level. Even though E.M. Delafield and I are living almost a century apart, I feel like she’s my soul sister. I FEEL this book so much. It’s so wonderful and witty and warm, and never fails to make me happy.
Calypso. Another day, another comfort read. This is my favourite of Sedaris’ collection; it is funny, but it is also quite introspective. It contains Stepping Out, which is my favourite of his essays, and which really resonates with me, what with my being under control of my smart watch.
Next week is going to be ONE HUNDRED weeks of pandemic life, I can hardly believe it. I mean, unless the pandemic suddenly ends, but that feels pretty unlikely. Take care and stay safe! xo
I love your Barkley (and his name!)–what a wise gaze. He looks like my Scout :). Completely agree about the gift that is time with our fur babies.
And you’re totally nailing that sense of inevitability about Covid at this point… I still don’t want to get it because Long Covid sounds horrible, but not sure if it’s realistic to expect that I’ll be able to dodge it forever.
Well, we can only do our best, right? I hope we can dodge it but you never know when one is going to slip past the goalie!
I’m having the same experience of all of a sudden knowing a lot of people with covid, which does make it seem inevitable, but I worry if North gets it, they’ll get long covid because that’s just the way things go with them.
Our almost 19-year-old cat doesn’t have cancer, but in addition to recurrent skin infections, he does have a lot of the same ailments as Barkley– arthritis, partial deafness, and I’ve been wondering lately if his vision is deteriorating. When I drop treats on the floor right in front of him, he doesn’t seem to see them and waits by his plate. (I could see some cats being finicky like that, but believe me, he’s not that cat.) Ever since his littermate died a year and a half ago, it does seem as if any time we have with him is a gift.
Oh, I hope North doesn’t get it – long covid would be pretty on-brand.
Poor kitty. Barkley kind of knows if I drop a treat or something on the floor but it takes him a while to locate it.
Wow, one hundred weeks- seems like we should do something special to… celebrate? I’m one of the people who had covid but “cured myself” (ha ha) and I’m instantly suspicious of anyone who hasn’t had it- I think you people may have had it but been asymptomatic. I wonder when we’ll be able to stop counting weeks and say it’s officially OVER. It seems like it should be soon that someone in charge decides it’s time to start referring to it as “endemic’ rather than “pandemic.”
Ah yes… perimenopause. Such an interesting time! I hope this is officially your last box of tampons.
Hmm, maybe I did have it and didn’t know. I guess I’ll never know now!
I don’t hate you for your light periods…but wow…I literally can’t comprehend that reality. Imagine the exact opposite end of the spectrum. Go a bit further. Tiny bit further. And then take a flying leap and jump off a cliff and you’ll get to mine. Sigh. I’m currently on the list for the a “hack-out-the-bits” surgery and am really hoping that it makes a big difference for my physical health. Tampons are so far in my rear-view mirror I can’t even remember those days. I have been Team Diva Cup for over a decade.
I literally cannot believe every COVID test we have taken has been negative. Everyone around us seems to have COVID. Honestly. I do not know how this has happened? We seem to get everything. But I’m so thankful, though, and hope we continue to stay healthy and avoid it!
Wow. 100 weeks. It’s mind-boggling. My husband and I were discussing COVID and schools and it is ALL our son has ever known. He has never walked in to school unmasked IN HIS LIFE. Sad, but also good to know that he takes it is stride and seems to be thriving nonetheless. Still. Sigh.
The little ones who can’t remember anything different – so heart wrenching.
I have friends who are similar to you, period-wise (LOLOL jump off a cliff!) and I feel for you ladies. Honestly, that sounds so dreadful. I thought of getting a Diva Cup but I don’t think there’s much point to it for me, especially now.
I am laughing at your big vs normal size of tampons debate as I, too, love a good deal. I was of the extremely heavy variety of periods. Eventually when we realized I had celiac disease and that was a symptom, it made sense. It also made me wonder why it took the doctors over a decade to solve that celiac riddle given that was a symptom.
My neighbors growing up, Joe’s family – my friend who just passed away, had a dog simply named Puppers. We were just talking about that at Joe’s funeral. Barkley is so cute. I’m so happy that his cancer hasn’t spread.
The woman who ‘cured herself’ of covid. Too funny.
I’ve been wanting to read a Sedaris book, and now I feel like this is the one I should read.
It’s crazy how long you had symptoms and no one thought celiac! I mean, this isn’t the 80s when no one had heard of it. Well, better late than never I guess.
Puppers! Love it.
I agree, how did NO ONE figure this out? Regular visits to the gastroenterologist and 6 miscarriages and crazy heavy periods and INSANELY tired, like I was not absorbing any of my nutrients so I was always exhausted. I thought it was because I had a bunch of kids. Thank goodness they did figure it out, so I could have some energy before I was too old to ever do anything.
I love everything about this post, it made me laugh out loud. I admit I am a nosy neighbour, but so is my neighbour so I think it’s okay. My grandma used to use old ship Captain binoculars to see what was going on across the street in her little Saskatchewan town. After telling my dad many stories about the neighbours one year, he bought me a pair of – binoculars – for Christmas. 🙂
Hahahaha! Also, maybe I need binoculars?
Barkley! What a sweet little dude. I’m glad he seems to be doing well!
My stepdad says he had Covid in August of 2019, so there’s that! He’s a bit of a conspiracy theorist, sigh, so he’s convinced he had it way before it was actually a thing. At this point, we just leave him to his delusion.
I’m still not sure how I’ve managed to not get Covid. Maybe I had an asymptomatic case at one point? I dunno! It just seems CRAZY to me.
The lady – very kind and lovely, I’m sure she meant well – said she had a sugary treat the day before she came down with Covid, and THAT’S WHY. Um. I don’t think that’s how it works but you know, she’s like 80 and is still here, so I’ll just let that one lie.
Let me tell you, being in full-blown menopause is lovely. I haven’t had a period in two years and I don’t miss it.
I understand the covid-fear. When the surge hit in December down here, we felt like sitting ducks. It’s finally calming down here.
Your posts always make me smile on a Monday morning. 🙂
Thank you so much!! You’re too kind. Also, thanks for the positive news on menopause – it’s nice to have that to look forward to!
It sounds like your COVID numbers are where ours were at the end of December. We went from having known a handful of people who’d had it to knowing a handful of people who didn’t. The good news is that numbers have dropped dramatically in the past two weeks, so either the surge is over or people just aren’t bothering to get tested or some combination of the two. Who knows any more?
Just yesterday, another family we know is all down with it (my husband works with the guy, luckily all virtually at the moment, but sheesh!).
I am wishing I could pull on some snow pants AND leg warmers, and every other layer I own, and come out and sit with you over some cups of something warm and cozy. This is post is a long, and funny, chat, and I am hungry for some more! Stay warm! Keep well!
I wish you could too! I have lots, I could loan you some 🙂
Okay, I think that temp IS frigid. I think you’re made of sterner stuff than I am. Barkley is very handsome and I just want to kiss his forehead!!
But remember it’s Celsius! So not as bad as if it was F. I think Barkley is just the fluffiest sweetheart.
The entire body hair description made me laugh and laugh – I really needed that today, so thank you!
Barkley is so handsome, all freshly groomed and… vetted!
And I am so curious about your old neighbors!!! Who disappears into thin air like that!
RIGHT? HOW!
That temperature is frigid for this delicate creature – I actually shivered when I saw it!
This is so true! “I can sometimes feel maudlin when I realize that I have done something, mothering-wise, for the last time” Particularly, when you realize that you didn’t know it would be the last time.
I’ve made it my personal mission to NOT get COVID. So far, so good (knocks wood). I keep hearing “If you’ve been vaccinated it’s mild.” Then I hear, yeah, maybe not so mild after all. And then the horror stories of long COVID. It’s so hard to believe we are headed into year three of this.
It is hard to believe, I hope we can keep our no-Covid streak going!
Working in a school, I feel quite literally surrounded by COVID. I’m like those memes just twisting and jumping and dodging like mad. I do feel like it’s only a matter of time.
I’ve never read Diary of a Provincial Lady and I feel like I will have to remedy that. And so have put it on hold. I need a comfort read quite desperately.
It’s just such a delightful little book!
Hope your streak continues!
Ditto what Kari said. There is a lovely life on the other side, although I do have a box of tampons in the back of the bathroom cupboard because I cannot remember a time when I didn’t– or so it seems. I think Barkley is onto something with his approach to grooming. I knew I liked him for a reason. A very sensible canine. Wonder how he’ll like construction next door?
This is a huge upside to having a deaf and semi-blind dog – he is COMPLETELY UNAWARE that construction has started!
Hope your booster shot went well and was kind to you… I know mine took me out for half a week!
Haha, thanks for your honesty… I am team “light and very regular period” (even before taking the pill) and I don’t usually say it out loud to anyone because I know that I am very, very lucky. My sister – my twin, for Peet’s sake – was at the very other end of the spectrum and cursed me constantly…
Your post made me laugh out loud.
Also this line “I spend time each morning with tweezers and my Daylight Magnifying Mirror, which is something I do not recommend for the faint of heart.” Magnifying Mirrors are evil.
Next week, I’ll be able to say I avoided Covid for 100 weeks – wow! If that isn’t a milestone… but yeah, will it ever end? And will we all catch it eventually? I am still trying NOT TO!
Same here! So far, so good!
“NEVER COMPLAIN. The universe is listening” is SO true!
And I have the most sparklingly, light catching white chin hair that drives me bonkers- so I sympathize!
Hahaha! I hear you!
Nicole, I do believe your former neighbors DO read your blog.
The hairs. OMG. I’m, so over it all. I’m getting them now where I wasn’t just last year. Some gray. Some dark. It’s all very annoying.
I had a good laugh at your tampon situation, but like you SIL, I TOO hate you. There were times when I used 3 tampons in an hour. I thought I would die from blood loss. Knock on wood (and I hope the universe isn’t reading this) but I’m over a year in and my box of tampons are collecting dust.
Barkley! We are in the same situation with Callie who I swear has 47 lives. Every week is a miracle.
Every week IS a miracle, that’s so true. xo