It occurred to me this week that a lot of parallels can be drawn between pandemic mitigation strategies and sex ed. Just as the only Absolutely Certain 100% way to avoid pregnancy and STI is Complete Abstinence, so the only Absolutely Certain 100% way to avoid Covid infection is to remain Completely Isolated. However, here we are, ninety-five weeks in, and I think we can all agree that, being social creatures Complete Isolation is not ideal, just like Complete Abstinence is not something that is a practical or viable option for our young people. Or ourselves, really, but being nearly 47 and in a monogamous relationship for twenty-four years is a whole different kettle of fish, from an STI and pregnancy standpoint.
So, just like condoms and the pill prevent pregnancy and STI, not all the time but most, we look to masks and vaccines, which, together, work not all the time but most. I am not going to even get into the men who go condom-less or the people who have completely unprotected sex with several people in the course of a weekend, and I’m certainly not going to get into the people who are anti-mask-and-vaccine and who want life to be the way it was in 2019, crowds and all. The analogy starts to fall apart here, because ideally we choose our sexual partners, and we cannot always choose the people who surround us in every day life.
As an example to what things are like here, I was grocery shopping and a woman was there, in the frozen food aisle, with no mask on, not even on her chin, not below her nose, just no mask at all. We have had, for many months, an indoor mask mandate which is followed by basically everyone, and so it was Very Notable and Kind of Shocking. I had to remind myself not to judge, maybe there was some mitigating circumstance, literally the only thing I knew about this woman is that she did not have a mask on, but it was so very strange and unusual. Everyone in the frozen food aisle was giving this woman large berth, swooping their giant carts around her and, if they were like me, holding their breath. I am, therefore, grateful that such a thing is strange enough to be remarkable, and also, I am sure I will look back at these days when we think Everyone Is A Potential Disease Vector with sadness.
Also remarkable and momentous: today the kids are going back to school in person. I cannot even begin to describe the deep sense of relief I felt when I got the notification from the school board informing me of this. The schools have had a mask mandate since fall of 2020, but now every student will be given an eight-week supply of medical grade masks. Each student will be given rapid test kits as well, and will be expected to use them regularly until this wave has subsided. This is great news because rapid test kits are currently completely unavailable, and all testing centres are so overwhelmed that no one can get a PCR test unless they are involved in a current recorded outbreak or are in a high-risk category or line of work.
There is still risk to having in-person school – there are no ideal options here, people – but I feel the risk mitigation strategies are sufficient and the risks are outweighed massively by the benefits to having kids being around their peers. Online school was difficult in so many different ways and while I am grateful the kids had SOMETHING during that time, I think the vast amounts of screen time and isolation from other kids was detrimental to their mental and physical health.
A friend of mine said that I sounded fatalist the other day, because I said that I wasn’t going to spend my time and energy worrying about whether or not we contract Covid; we are doing as much as we can – vaccines, masks, distancing, limiting contact with people – and that will have to be good enough. I know so many people right now who have contracted Covid, even with Doing All The Right Things, and if I also Do All The Right Things and one still slips past the goalie, well. I have reached the point where I cannot spend any more time being anxious about it. We have to live our lives, not in a crazy reckless way but with caution, with mitigation strategies, and with hope, I guess. I am doing my best, my family is doing their best, and I cannot control what anyone else is doing. My best has to be good enough.
All of which brings me to one of my Quantifiable Goals; I mentioned last week that I do not exactly have New Year’s Goals or Resolutions, instead I add goals or concepts to my life as I go throughout the year. One of those goals – which I count as quantifiable – is Don’t Read The News. Do I need to be constantly updated with Pandemic News? No, I do not. Does constantly scrolling through the news ramp up my anxiety and feelings of hopelessness? Yes, it does. It’s an easy fix. The news will happen with or without me; I don’t need to read it. I get email updates from the CBE and the government concerning changes in policies that affect me and that affect the schools, and honestly, that’s enough. I don’t need a constant barrage of information. If something really important happens, someone will tell me, I’m sure. Following the daily case counts and death counts and positivity rates and R-values does nothing for me; it’s not going to change my low-risk behaviour, it is only going to make me despair.
My daily gratitude meditation is, of course, that the kids are back at school, as safely as possible. I am so grateful. I know many of you are living in jurisdictions in which the prevailing attitude is that either the pandemic doesn’t exist or that individual rights to not wear masks or distance or vaccinate far outweigh public health and the well-being of the community at large. For those of you living with that reality and experience, I am so sorry. I wish I could bring you here and keep you safe and healthy.
Although, if I did bring you here, you might need to pack some layers. Last week the daily high temperatures were in the minus twenties, with the windchill factors in the high minus thirties. Today, the extreme cold snap is supposed to break and that, along with the kids going back to school, makes me feel hopeful.
Pandemic Reading
Humankind. This was a very interesting and hopeful read! Covering the London Blitz and other war strategies, as well as psychological experiments from the Stanford Prison Experiment to the one with people electrically shocking other people, to the real-life Lord of the Flies and the Christmas truce of 1914, this book is full of information and compassion. I like the message that we are what we feed ourselves, in terms of information. The experiments that supposedly show the dark side of humankind are exposed in a different way, which did make me feel hopeful. It should be noted that this book was published in 2019, so pre-pandemic but mid-Trump-regime.
Things I Don’t Want To Know: On Writing. I really liked this quick little memoir of Deborah Levy’s South African childhood and her writing life. This is the first of three memoirs, and I will definitely read the next two.
This Will Only Hurt A Little. Have you ever read a celebrity memoir without having any idea who the celebrity is? I picked this up on my friend Terry’s (HI TERRY) recommendation, not knowing who Busy Phillips is (she’s in TV shows I’ve never watched and movies I’ve never heard of, plus she’s an Instagram star!). It’s very brave of her to write so candidly. Her life is kind of a hot mess, honestly, but this was worth the read/ enraging due to the stories about men in Hollywood and their entitlement and bad behaviour. Also, when she was pregnant she was constantly asked if she was having twins which, me too, Busy. Me too.
Want. This is a short and exquisitely written book that perfectly describes so many experiences: wealth, bankruptcy, consumption, motherhood, friendship, health insurance, and, most of all, all-encompassing privilege. It’s really well done BUT I found it depressing and frustrating to read. It’s dark, and enraging. I wanted to shake the main character so much and tell her to make better choices.
I am starting this week feeling hopeful; what is the situation like where you are? xo
I occasionally see people with no masks inside. It’s not the norm (we have a mask mandate, too) but it’s not surprising. The last time i was in Starbucks I actually counted. Twenty people including staff and customers were in there (not all at the same time) while I was, two with no masks or improperly worn masks. It felt about average. I see a lot of below-the-nose people on the bus. Now in West Virginia, where we were over the holidays, it basically looked like 2019 in places with mostly locals (like the grocery store). In more touristy places, you saw a smattering of masks.
Below-the-nose is SO irritating!!
I’m at about the same place as you are. Our schools ended up missing 3.5 days last week because of snow (hardly anything but our school district has 150K kids and one flake will shut it down), but still everything is a hot mess. A few schools went virtual, then they decided to get rid of criteria about if a school has to go virtual, and so many bus drivers were out 90 routes were not covered. I don’t want anyone in my family to get Covid, but omicron seems more like a cold, and we need to learn how to live with the virus at this point.
Not reading the news is a great goal! Also if you are like me, you have no idea who any of these famous people are these days. I’m the Johnny Depp and Brad Pitt generation and I never really moved on from there.
That’s exactly it, Sarah, I have literally no idea who anyone is anymore. I have to ask my kids to keep me informed.
We don’t have mask mandates here in Florida, even in the schools, but they’re strongly recommended. It’s not unusual at all to see people without masks, but I think almost all the kids wear them in school. i had Covid over Christmas (sigh) so I’m less worried about it now than I’ve ever been- I assume I’m immune for a while at least. I also don’t have any elderly relatives that I see in person, so I don’t have that worry. But of course I still wear my mask, mainly because I don’t want to make people uncomfortable, or even worse, come off as a Trump supporter. I think we’re moving into a phase where we have to decide how we’re going to live our lives with Covid, everyone weighing their individual risks and benefits of putting ourselves in situations where we could be exposed. I’m very hopeful that the worst of this will soon be behind us!
I find it so strange that schools don’t require masks!
I agree to not listening or reading news. I’ve cut my news consumption considerably since the pandemic. Of course, I’m suddenly boring at parties. Of course due to Covid, there are no parties, so it’s a win-win.
I’m reading Humankind as well! My friend gave it to me for Christmas and it’s really good.
This made me laugh so much. Win-win! Ah, that is the bright side. We are all boring BUT no parties to attend so yay!
I put Humankind on hold at my library. The wait time is estimated to be 26 weeks, so I’ll let you know how I feel about it in June. By that time, I will not remember who recommended it to me, so I thank you in advance for the rec.
We don’t have a mask mandate where I live, either. It’s about 30%/70% mask/no-mask when I go in public. With the exception of the few folks wearing masks (including me!) and a hospital filled to capacity, you would not know there was a global pandemic in my town. It’s disconcerting, to say the least. My husband and I are not certain what our re-entry process will look like or when we’ll feel better going to indoor events. Fingers crossed that omicron is the variant that will take COVID from an emergent, new thing to something more common like the cold or flu.
Lolololol you have just described every book recommendation ever for me. I always have to wait a long time and then by that time, I have no idea who recommended it.
I’m sorry about your lack of mask mandate/ any precautions 🙁
I’m so happy the boys are back in school; I know that is a big thing for them and you.
You are correct, we can not go through our days being anxious about all fo this; it is draining.
I am here to tell you that you can do everything right and STILL catch it.
I just saw your post! xoxoxo
I am copying this paragraph and going to use it as a mantra: “I wasn’t going to spend my time and energy worrying about whether or not we contract Covid; we are doing as much as we can – vaccines, masks, distancing, limiting contact with people – and that will have to be good enough. I know so many people right now who have contracted Covid, even with Doing All The Right Things, and if I also Do All The Right Things and one still slips past the goalie, well. I have reached the point where I cannot spend any more time being anxious about it. We have to live our lives, not in a crazy reckless way but with caution, with mitigation strategies, and with hope, I guess. I am doing my best, my family is doing their best, and I cannot control what anyone else is doing. My best has to be good enough.” Do you think if I repeat it enough my anxiety will disappear?
Here, my kiddo is in school, which is great! But she is having a really rough time, which I hope improves once she adjusts to being back in school. And oh I hope hope hope they STAY in school.
Like you, I am (working on) not reading the news. It definitely affects my mental health.
I really hope they stay in school too. Big hugs. Since quitting the news, I feel completely uninformed but also much, much better.
I got most of my angst out in my morning blog post and am feeling a lot more optimistic than I was last week when I heard the news about online learning.
We ARE online learning this week, but I’m hopeful for in-person learning next week? If not, it already feels better than last time. The kids are older and I’m just working SO hard to be kind to myself and make things as easy as possible. I’m hiring a 13-year-old that is close to our family to come babysit for 2 hours this afternoon so I can get some work done + doing simple meals etc.
I’ve mostly cut down my media consumption; I do look at headlines on CBC and BBC about once a day, I’d say with max 5 minutes of reading? I feel informed but not overwhelmed at this point.
I have to admit it all feels unbelievable that there are places where people just don’t obey the rules. People are SO agreeable to it all here. Traditional Nova Scotia/Maritime attitudes? I can literally count on one hand the number of time I’ve seen people in a public space without a mask since the mandate came into effect. I’m sure people in retail encounter it regularly, but it’s just…not a thing. I think we also have something like an 87% vaccination rate in 5+? We’ve really done all we can do to prevent the spread and our hospitalization rates are still very low…so I’m really hoping schools open up. It feels like the risk is quite low AND I know they’ll pull the plug quickly if things change. But the impact to the mental health of kids + their families is definitely something that worries me.
Oh, hiring a babysitter is so smart! Great idea!
It’s supposed to be -38 with the wind chill here tomorrow, so we’ll be getting a taste of your cold snap. This might also be part of why my head is a ball of misery.
I love the show Cougar Town, which Busy Philipps was in (she was really funny).
It’s a good idea not to doomscroll too much. I have trouble with that, and I know it’s not good for me.
Sorry we sent you the cold! Yikes. I’ve never seen Cougar Town, maybe I’ll try to find it!
Most people here have tossed the masks. Even though the local government’s top doc is begging the mayors to issue a mask mandate; the majority have refused on the grounds that “they can’t enforce it.” Oh my God – figure out a way to enforce it! Man-Child’s best friend (great guy but is also anti-vax of any kind) has it; his girlfriend’s three nieces (all vaxxed) have it; basically it’s a nightmare. What really shocks me is some of the people that are opting to go un-masked…elderly, obviously frail, etc.
I “skim” the news (and don’t even bother watching it) because it is all just heart-wrenching or terrifying or despicable or (throw whatever other word for tragedy in here).
I’m trying to stay optimistic but it just kills me that our state stood firm on ALL THE MANDATES until those few, hopeful weeks during the summer and now they just seem to be saying, “You’re on your own.”
I’m so glad that your kids are going to school IN PERSON and that you are in an area that seems to be actively doing their best to keep people safe!
Oh god, Gigi, that is a nightmare. So very stressful!
Even though last week Ohio had the second highest covid-19 hospitalization rate in the country, NOT wearing a mask is the norm here. We wear ours of course, but our fellow Ohioans disregard for the health of other people is disturbing. That being said, onward we go.
Oh, Ally, I’m sorry.
Checking in from the Pandemic Does Not Exist jurisdiction! I would say maybe 30% of people wear masks in stores, though I’m finding that more and more people are wearing them lately (and most wearing KN95 masks). Schools will not shut down for ANYTHING and mask-wearing is completely optional. It’s the wild, wild west out here.
I’m glad your kids are back in school!
Woof, that would feel very strange to me for sure!
I’m late to here but I am here for it . . . raising my hands to the ARE YOU HAVING TWINS question. Tank was over 10 lbs arriving before his due date. Almost didn’t let me on the plane to go to my brother’s wedding in Ireland. I have not heard of Busy either. I love a memoir and the THINGS I DON’T WANT TO KNOW sounds like something I’d like to read.
I have been very anxious about covid. Practically everyone in my home had it this last week despite mask wearing. I assume Reg got it at basketball practice. Then Coach and Mini. Lad was sick but the one test he took was negative and he might have had a stomach bug that the tots also had. I really want to be able to attend my friend Joe’s funeral. Leaving today. I just took a home test and was negative. I read your post while I waited for the results. Thanks for distracting me. Coach is still asleep on the couch and I am trying to be quiet. That’s when I realized that I had missed this post. With babies not coming regularly and kids home sick I have completely lost track of what day is what. I have felt more tired than usual but I’ve also been working out harder than normal since I had no babies here. I was worried that I would not sleep last night, fretting about the test. I decided there really wasn’t anything more to do. A long comment to say, I agree you do your part and hope for the best. I have also come across the occasional person not wearing a mask and it seems so strange. If not for yourself, wear one out of consideration of others.
Oh gosh, Ernie, may you continue to be negative and safe travels to your friend’s funeral. So sad, he was so young.
Mask wearing is not the norm here in Michigan… I’m just so grateful when I see another person wearing one. Even more frustrating/terrifying is how irate people seem to get when schools mandate masks or request (not even require) vaccinations. People’s attitudes have truly been the most depressing thing about the pandemic. (Oh and I’m glad for your Humankind rec. since I’m reading it in little nibbles–I need time to digest it :). I first came across the author in a video from Davos that was radical and refreshing https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P8ijiLqfXP0 )
I 100% agree that the polarization and attitudes are the most depressing thing. It’s awful. Thanks for the link! I’ll check it out.
I just read this article about how people who follow the rules and still get covid should not feel ashamed and it resonated with me because we’re so “trained” to think that people who get sick were reckless, but you hear about more and more cases in people who did all the right things. It leaves me a little bit “worried and helpless”, as I feel like I have less control… but then again, we can all just do the best we can. There is no 100% guarantee, but I will continue to do everything the safest way possible.
Same, I do feel helpless a lot. Well, we can only do what we can do.