Looking for that Invincible Summer

It’s a grey and snowy day, the kind that makes me feel like taking a whole bottle of Vitamin D supplements in the hopes of perking up. Or perhaps a bottle of wine might work better, I’m not sure, but at least it is Friday and so the wine will be uncorked as soon as I don’t feel ashamed of uncorking it. The sun’s over the yardarm somewhere, as Hannah says, and that must be true even though the sun is currently not visible. The sun is still there, even if I can’t see it, even if it takes a few episodes of NYPD Blue and a bottle of Cabernet to bring it out, am I right?

So I’m feeling a bit blah and tired, and hopefully it’s just “blah and tired” and not “getting sick”, because on Monday morning I will be on the Trending on Shaw show (Calgary people, that’s Channel 10 at 10:00 am!) and I’d rather not be sneezing and sniffling. There seems to be something going around, although we’ve been lucky yet. Mark told me that several of his friends have been missing from school this week, and, not to sound the alarm, but one of them just got back from a trip to California. I’m trying to keep the music of doom out of the soundtrack of my life, and am just assuming it’s a bad cold. Right? IT’S JUST A BAD COLD.

I wonder if I can work a medical mask fashionably into my wardrobe.

In an attempt to feel strong and energetic I just made myself a green smoothie, and I have high hopes for this concoction. I’m hoping it’s the liquid equivalent of the calming manatee:

So far it isn’t.

Speaking of medical masks and fashion statements, yesterday I read an article about 24 pieces of clothing that no one over 30 should wear. I fall for those click-bait things all the time, even though I am well – WELL – over thirty and in fact will shortly be clicking on what not to wear when you are over 40. I was highly disappointed, however, in the fashion writer’s claims.

1) Graphic t-shirts. I am not walking around wearing a shirt saying Mrs. Timberlake or Save a Horse Ride A Cowboy, but I do have Goodnight Moon and I Love Ashtanga t-shirts that I wear in the summer very frequently.

2) Bedazzled anything. Hey! Why can’t we aged ladies bedazzle?

3) Blue eyeshadow. Agree. No one should wear blue eyeshadow.

4) Victoria’s Secret Pink. Well…I have an old Pink sleep shirt, but in general I agree that this is the Skipper to Victoria Secret’s Barbie.

5) Leopard print. My friend has a pair of leopard print leggings and she looks amazing in them. Also, I love the look of old ladies in leopard print. It’s very Blanche.

6) Sparkly pants. Um. Okay, agree. But I also think that sparkly pants aren’t the best of looks anyway.

7) Oversized sunglasses. I’m not sure what that means. Are people wearing gigantic sunglasses now?

8) Non-matching socks. OH I AGREE. But then I think that non-matching socks are ridiculous in general. Socks come in pairs for a reason, people. Of course, this is coming from someone who only wears black socks, so take that how you will, non-matching-sock-wearers.

9) Hoop earrings. What the what? Those are the only kind I wear! What kind of bullshit list is this?

10) Furry boots. Hey, I live in a cold climate. I will wear my faux-fur lined boots if I want to.

11) Furry anything. Ditto to my faux-fur lined hood on my gigantic parka.

12) Tube tops. Agree, agree, a thousand times agree. Come on, people. We are better than tube tops. Tube tops say “trash” in my mind.

13) Short dresses. Really? Why not?

14) Mini-skirts. Oh, I see what’s happening. Once we hit 30, we need to wear calf-length Country Casuals? Gotcha.

15) Overalls. NO ONE SHOULD WEAR OVERALLS, let alone grown women. Perhaps a young toddler can get away with it but otherwise, no. This is not 1991 and we are not Vanilla Ice.

16) Crop tops. Agree. Whereas I bristle at being told that short dresses and mini skirts belong to the young, I highly agree with crop tops. After all, Tina Turner rocked out the mini skirts long past thirty, but really, the midriff is a whole different ballgame.

17) American Eagle. I have no opinion on this, really, since I don’t think I’ve ever set foot inside one.

18) Booty shorts. Well. Yes. But I would also state for the record that very, very few people should wear them – if any at all. I would go a step further and explain my hatred for shorts in general, not just the booty-style ones, but that is a rant for another day.

19) Old Sneakers. But what do you garden in, if not old shoes? I have a pair of Skechers that have little flowers all over them, and they are my designated gardening shoes. Of course, if you have designated gardening shoes you may be aging yourself, so…

20) Cheap bras. The childbearing years and gravity itself is hard on the girls, and “boobs down to your belly button” or falling out of your cheap bra is not a good look. Agree.

21) Glitter eyeshadow. Do people still wear glitter eyeshadow?

22) Platform flip-flops. Here’s a confession: I cannot abide flip-flops. Sure, they are cute on other people, but the thought of having something between my toes gives me the heebie-jeebies. I can hardly bear it when the esthetician puts toe separators on my feet during pedicures. Ewwww things between my toes.

23) Abercrombie and Finch. My reaction to this is the same as for American Eagle – no opinion.

24) Scrunchies. Now, really. Did the writer just run out of things to say? Does anyone wear a scrunchie anymore? Can you even buy scrunchies? Didn’t they go the way of banana clips and crimping irons, or are they making a comeback? You know what I wish would make a comeback – the French twist. I wore my hair in French twists all the time back in the Nineties, and it was a good look. It was easy. It was a great solution to a bad hair day. You could make them messy or sleek, depending on your hair’s mood. A scrunchie, though. I’m shaking my head in a what is this world coming to kind of way.

Well, will you look at that? I finished my smoothie and my fashion-disaster list, and the sun is shining. Now I feel like I can last the rest of the day, or at least until the Calming Manatee brings me that bottle of wine he promised.

 Have a good weekend, lovelies. xoxo