No Cash Cab, But Heart-Pumping Cab Rides Anyway.

So I didn’t get to ride in the Cash Cab, but I did have a fabulous time in Toronto (well, Mississauga, really) this weekend. I had been fretting a little that I was leaving the kids for too long but they were absolutely fine. Everyone had a great time and as my husband said, It’s GOOD if they miss you. It’s good for them. It’s true, of course.

And I had a great time – I was busy enough not to miss the children desperately, and I met so many wonderful people (*waves at everyone*). All the late nights, the constant hugging and handshaking, and the less-than-perfect nutrition (read: snack mix and Bellinis for dinner) has caught up with me, since I’m nursing a cold. Post-conference illness, it’s a real thing. Not to mention flying; airplanes are just one giant petri dish of recycled air that I don’t want to think about too much. Someone told me once that airplane seatbelts have very high levels of fecal matter on them, apparently from people not washing their hands after using the teensy little lavatory. Ew! I have always had slight misgivings about headrests as possibly housing lice of epidemic proportions, but happily my headrest was vinyl.

Despite the germ-factory that is an airplane, I really do love flying. It’s so exciting, the thought that in a few short hours I’ll be somewhere totally different! Adventure awaits; it’s the miracle of flight. I remember the first time we took the kids on a winter vacation, how amazed they were that we could leave a snow-and-ice filled city, and just a few hours later land somewhere warm and full of flowers and green grass. It’s truly wonderful, and I still get a little thrill about it. Also, there’s something really nice about being forced to be inactive for a while. It’s kind of nice to just stay in your seat, watch a movie, and eat cute little snacks from the cute little flight attendant.

And yet, there is a big downside to flying, and that is other people. Most people, I think, are kind and decent, but it’s a one bad apple kind of situation. On the flight home, there was a dog on the plane. It was a little dog, like a “purse dog” and the poor puppy whimpered and/or barked the WHOLE TIME. Now, I’m a dog lover, and I’m sure that dog’s ears were in pain with take-off and landing, but OMG. People, a high-pitched whimper for four hours. My husband had given me his fancy noise-cancelling headphones, so I was able to tune out for most of the time, but take-off and landing were agonizingly noisy. I would far rather be next to a screaming baby than be anywhere near a whimpering dog.

Further to that, I would rather be on a flight with a whimpering purse dog than with the crazy woman behind me on the flight to Toronto. According to my friend who was seated behind her, this crazy lady put her headphones down on the seat behind her, where they evidently fell off. The woman then looked around her to find the headphones, and noticed an older lady in the row behind her who was wearing a pair that were the exact same colour and style. What are the chances? The older lady must have stolen them, or so said Headphone Lady. “My headphones were here, and now they’re not. It’s funny that you have a pair exactly like the ones I JUST lost.” The older lady explained they were her own headphones, to which Headphone Lady replied, sharply, “If you wanted to BORROW my headphones, you could have asked!”

Slight digression: who on earth would ask to borrow a stranger’s headphones, and for that matter, who on earth would loan out their earbud style headphones to a complete stranger in the row behind them? That’s pretty gross, and also very weird considering that Air Canada just hands out headphones, free of charge.

All through the huffy exchange, to which several witnesses said that the older lady had been wearing the headphones for a while, and had not picked them up off the floor but taken them from her purse, I fretted that this would turn into some sort of strange headphone brawl and the plane would have to turn around. Remember the Bubble Guppies lady (who was not a robot) of just a few weeks ago, who got into some trouble over headphone-related anguish? I was a bit worried this would happen and we’d be forced to land in Winnipeg or somewhere and I’d be late for the Yummy Mummy Club meeting. Everyone just stay calm, I wanted to yell, there are enough headphones for everyone on board this aircraft. After landing, when we were all deplaning, my friend noticed the headphones lying on the floor, thus proving that the headphone-wearing older lady did not, in fact, steal the other woman’s headphones.

Headphones aside, it was a great weekend. Here are some of my favourite photos:

PJ’s and Bellinis

The Lentil Carnival, on the red carpet with the creepiest carny ever, with the possible exception of the guys who would grope teen girls while buckling them into roller coaster rides at the Calgary Stampede during the 80s and 90s.

The strong man at the Lentil Carnival. I asked him if he felt objectified, and he said he was paid to be objectified. Which doesn’t make it BETTER, muscular guy in little shorts.

And then he picked me up and my hands got all oily from inadvertently touching him, so that was kind of odd.

I spent most of my time at the YMC booth, alongside Daniel Thompson Beauty, who is a goddamn makeup genius.

YMC girls, and Cheryl Hickey from ET!

Pretend redhead hanging with Catherine from Always a Redhead!

Bellini-induced eka pada sirsasana, in the hotel hallway.