I was driving home from yoga this morning and I heard “You Shook Me All Night Long” on the radio, and it occurred to me – not for the first time – that the line “knocking me out with those American thighs” had much different connotation back in 1980 than it would today. American thighs probably doesn’t have the same seductive imagery these days.
Unless, of course, the owner of the American thighs are following the MILF Diet. Have you heard about the MILF diet? I had been blissfully unaware until yesterday, when I discovered that there is a book and website devoted to becoming a MILF via nutritional intake. The book describes a MILF and her diet in the following way:
A true milf is confident, sexy, and radiates natural femininity. By eating whole, plant-based foods, you, too, can find balance and dynamic health, and unleash your inner MILF. It’s simple: you are what you eat. So, to fulfill your true potential for health, happiness, and MILFiness, it’s best to avoid refined sugars, processed foods, dairy, and meat.
You guys, that is totally MY diet! Plant based, no meat, avoiding dairy, refined sugars, processed foods…do you see what I’m saying here? I AM A MILF. Either that or the MILF people stole my diet plan.
Who am I kidding, I didn’t need a diet book to tell me about being MILF-y. I felt Mrs. Robinson-like the first time I accidentally flashed my thong while gardening in my front yard, and noticed the young guy across the street standing there, staring at me. HOWDY NEIGHBOUR. Nice day, isn’t it? That incredibly awkward situation did have an upside: I now only garden in yoga pants and with long shirts. No need to disturb the neighbourhood, or to make my other across-the-street neighbour feel like it’s okay for him to mow the lawn wearing only giant sneakers and a pair of cut-off red sweatpants. This is not that kind of neighbourhood, people! We have real estate values to think of, here.
MILF is one of those words – or acronyms, to be more accurate – that some people find incredibly offensive, and to be sure, it isn’t the most polite way of saying that a woman is attractive. It’s better than, say, hootchie mama, but that’s about it. Still, it’s best not to think of it literally; in the fucking sense, I mean. I would prefer not to think of men – especially those who live across the street from me and with whom I now have very stilted, awkward conversations about the weather – thinking of me as someone they’d like to fuck. Because ew. Just…ew. I’m sure this goes without saying, but bedroom-sexy-times imagery is something I would prefer to keep between me and my husband.
Apparently though, the term has evolved to simply mean a woman who is a mother who happens to be attractive, which is okay, unless you take everything from When Harry Met Sally as Biblical-level wisdom:
Harry: No man can be friends with a woman he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.
Do you see what I’m saying here? I’m saying this term, which started out kind of gross and offensive, and which is generally now thought to have a gentler meaning, is really just gross and offensive, due to the nature of men wanting to have sex with attractive women. It’s a circular argument. That is, if When Harry Met Sally is considered to be an accurate representation of male/female relationships, and if it’s not, then I just do not know where to turn. TOP GUN? Never fire unless fired upon? It’s unthinkable. SAY ANYTHING? They take your money and tell their friends everything. It’s about economics, man. No way. THE BREAKFAST CLUB? Don’t play with the bull, young man. You’ll get the horns. No, no, no.
One might think that I should possibly get on top of pop-culture references that are less than twenty-five years old. This might be something to think about in future posts.
But really, do you know what I find offensive about the term MILF? It’s an inaccurate acronym. It really should be MILTF, but I guess that’s just too complicated. Also? In The MILF Diet, the author refers to – get this – DILFs. As in “Dad I’d Like To Fuck”. Is it me or has the whole thing just gone too far? There was a line, MILF Diet author, and you crossed it. That is a big fucking envelope and you are pushing it to the extreme. First a diet based on how to get random male university students to want to fuck you, now we have to pull men and some kind of Freudian imagery into it? Not to mention that DILF just makes me think of DILLHOLE, which isn’t exactly a term that makes me think of sexy-times. The whole thing smacks of idiocy.
It appears I may have had too much coffee today. Wait. WAIT. Is coffee allowed on the MILF diet? Probably not. I have overestimated my position as a MILF. I guess I will abdicate and just go on with life as a regular mom.
I got to the word “MILFiness” in the quote you cited and my head exploded.
Here’s the thing – I loved “American Pie”. I also loved “American Reunion” when they all got older and started having kids because YES, THAT IS WHAT HAPPENS. And I thought “MILF” was funny.
I honestly don’t get the fuss. I don’t find it an offensive term. There are worse things. It’s crude, yes, and I really wonder sometimes if some people even realize it is an acronym (like I wonder about the author of the MILF diet, TBH) – but I always saw it as a positive thing, actually. Like hey, just because we’re moms doesn’t mean we’re now only attractive to our baby-daddies.
Or maybe I’m just projecting because it’s January, I feel fat and unattractive, and if anyone at all called me a MILF I’d be flattered if faintly disbelieving.
I don’t really find people using the acronym offensive, but I find the idea that a woman would aspire to be a MILF kind of sad. There was a hashtag for a diet (again) last year that was #metomilf and I kind of just thought, good lord, of everything we could aspire to, that’s what you pick? But yeah, if someone used it to describe me I’d likely be equal parts flattered, grossed out and skeptical.
Okay, I couldn’t be a MILF. Basically everything listed is all I eat.
I don’t know…there’s been a porn website dedicated to MILFs for forever so I kind of always take it in the literal I WANT TO FUCK YOU sense and then air it on the internet…maybe while your husband watches. And WHY do I know about this website?? Well, we don’t need to go into that now, do we?
Inaccurate acronym aside (which, now that you’ve pointed it out to me I have to admit I find it slightly unsettling….like it somehow makes being called a MILF less impactful, because the person who made it up was less than brilliant…….)
SIGN ME UP for this whole MILF thing and I don’t mean the diet, although we all know that the old “you are what you eat” adage stands true. If your exuding health, confidence, strength and attractiveness (c’mon of COURSE that’s sexy) AND you happen to be a mom, WHY NOT a MILF?
A few years back my younger golf instructor told me I couldn’t chip worth a damn but I sure was a MILF (not knowing at the time what that was I assumed he was referencing my super cute plaid skirt in some sort of golf lingo that I was not privy to) and after I found out what that was I would BEAM every time I thought about it. I still do. Same silly grin that I break into when I think about the time I got ‘carded’ by that cute bartender in Hawaii (I was 37 at the time).
POINT BEING if “MILF” is what pops into a guys head when he sees you or me or any of us, THAT is a compliment girls. We all know that guys are not inclined to use adjectives and like to ‘boil things down” to a noun (single syllable even better)…AND if they reference that complement to SEX in some way then even BETTER and more manly.
I think we aspire to all the things that MILF embodies. And that’s OK. They can have their “word’….. I’ll take the compliment 🙂
I’ll take the compliment too 🙂 xo
PS Coffee notwithstanding…. You, Nicole, are undeniably a MILF.
Wait…
oh whatever you know what I mean.
I don’t like MILF and it’s all about “I” in the acronym. It’s about the random observer and whether or not THAT PERSON thinks I’m F’able. I don’t want be assessed on my F’ability by strangers and I don’t want every woman in the world (subclass: Mother) to be assessed on their F’ability either. Who, what, when, where and why I do my F’ing is none of anybody’s business but mine and my partner.
On the other hand you can’t control what people think, so who cares.
But also, diet books. Yeeeesh.
+1 to Clara’s comment.
There is no empowerment in aspiring to be a MILF. It’s all about being a passive recipient for the validation of others sexual attraction or action. It’s pathetic.
PS: This post made me laugh out loud and also COFFEE COFFEE COFFEE! The end.