When the cat’s away…

My husband is briefly out of town, and you know what that means!  Salad for dinner, an episode of NYPD Blue, and going to bed at 8:45 pm!  When the cat’s away, this little mouse is going to get her party on.  A salad/NYPD Blue/early bedtime party. 

Yesterday I could feel a cold coming on.  I dosed up on oil of oregano, spinach smoothies, and an excessive amount of vitamin C, but I felt the only true remedy would be a good night’s sleep.  I have a piece of advice for you: if you ever want to slip into a coma, try Nighttime Benadryl.  Hoo boy.  I went to sleep at 7:30 and I woke up this morning at 6:45.  I felt mighty confused when I woke up – Who am I?  Where am I?  The nurses are stealing my money!  Get off my lawn! – however, I’m feeling much, much better. 

Other than the little case of the sniffles and the resulting unintended coma, I had a lovely weekend which included a date night AND a fabulous shopping experience, so a win all around.  I bought two new bras from Victoria’s Secret, and let me tell you, they are life-altering.  It’s not like I had never shopped there before, but this was my first venture to our local store – it’s still pretty new here – and the service was outstanding.  Who knew there were so many bra specialists? 

Natalia, the super cute and enthusiastic bra specialist assigned to me, informed me that my bra size had changed, which I do not understand.  I mean, I understand how weight gain/ weight loss/ pregnancy/ breastfeeding changes your bra size, but what if none of the above applies?  Anyway, Natalia fitted me in a sweet new “uplifting” bra and I will tell you, it’s hard to get anything done because I am now constantly distracted by my fabulous new rack.  I think I finally understand men!  I wore my new bra for our date and my husband agreed, it was ASTONISHING.  Ladies with deflated bosums, there is hope!  And that hope is Victoria’s Secret! 

I should probably note that I’m not getting compensated for gushing about Victoria’s Secret.  I AM JUST REALLY HAPPY WITH MY FABULOUS UPLIFTED BREASTS, OKAY?

Speaking of understanding men, the first time I heard of it the show Wipeout I thought “Who would ever watch that?”  Now I know.  Boys.  See also: my feelings on America’s Funniest Home Videos.  Nothing, I tell you, nothing is funnier to boys – and men – than seeing another guy get hit in the testicles with something.  In any case, the boys have been recording and watching episodes of Wipeout like it’s Mad Men.  They are obsessed with Wipeout.  They have, unfortunately for me, constructed a Wipeout-like course in our basement using exercise balls, a giant stuffed tiger, the couch, and light sabers.  I do not witness this game because I like to keep sane.  However, the other day they created a game called Family Wipeout which started with both of them on an exercise ball and ended when Jake came upstairs with blood gushing from his nose.  Sometimes I feel like I’m starring in my very own bizarre reality show.  Or maybe that’s just “reality”.