Friday Fun in the Boyhouse

Well, hello there, Friday!  It’s been a long time since I posted on a Friday evening.  Normally I’m too busy sitting on the couch making out with a bottle of wine and watching Jeopardy or reruns of 30 Rock to think about writing anything.  But lucky you, dear readers, because tonight I am sitting here making out with a bottle of wine in front of my laptop. 

Fridays are always crazy around here; crazy in a “fun, exciting” way and not in a “dress the dog up in a bumblebee outfit” way.  I won’t bore you with the details of Friday yoga practice and how it’s Primary Series day, unless you care.  Do you?  Anyway, Friday yoga practice is different from the rest of the week, and then the kids’ school has early dismissal on Fridays – at 1:10 – which means they eat lunch at the school, which normally they never do.  And – sssshhh, it’s a secret – I always have a different lunch when they are at school.  Sometimes I just eat guacamole.  Today I had crackers and a spinach smoothie.  THIS IS HOW CRAZY IT GETS AROUND HERE.  Then, of course, there is no yoga practice tomorrow, and we know what that means: I crack open the alcoholic beverages as soon as is socially acceptable.  Sometimes sooner.  Not today though; today I had to take the kids to get their hair cut at 4:30, and so I did have to wait until an actually socially acceptable time to open that bottle of Cupcake wine. 

I will tell you this: I am so thankful that, since the wet-socks-from-stepping-in-the-puddle-of-pee incident, the boys never want to play in the ballpit at Beaners. 

Today I was at the spa for a wax.  I started going to this spa ten minutes away from my house after my esthetician decided that she was quitting esthetics forever.  I tried not to take that personally, as she told me during a bikini wax and I wondered if my yeti-like condition drove her to it.  Anyway, the spa is awesome since I can get an appointment whenever I want, unlike the wheeling and dealing I had to do with my former esthetician, whose hours were varied and ever-changing (“I have an opening at 7:15 pm on Tuesday, or 2:00 pm on Friday next week…”).  It is also a full-service spa, with nice little amenities such as fluffy robes, slippers, and complimentary herbal tea and organic gingersnaps that look only the teeniest bit like dog treats.  I partake in none of those niceties because I’m just getting a wax, dammit, I want to get in and out as soon as possible.  Anyway, I was waiting in the cozy room with the lounge chairs and fireplace, waiting for the esthetician to call me, and I noticed a man.  It’s not unusual to see men in the spa, but usually they are with wives or girlfriends, getting couples’ treatments.  However, it was 10:30 on a Friday morning and this man was by himself, in the lounge chair, wearing a robe and slippers and sipping on the complimentary herbal tea.  He was also studiously reading a magazine, which, upon further examination, was O Magazine.  I found myself completely obsessed.  Was he trying to figure out how to Live his Best Life?  Was he having an Aha! Moment?  Was he disagreeing vehemently with Adam Glassman about the appropriateness of yellow skinny pants in the workplace?  Then I noticed he was near the end of the magazine.  Maybe he was finding out What I Know For Sure?  I haven’t read O Magazine in a while, so I don’t know what the latest What I Know For Sure is, but I sure am curious.

Fortunately I was called in for my appointment.  Any longer and I probably would have mentally written a novel about the Guy in the Spa Reading Oprah.

Here’s What I Know For Sure for this week:

1) If you are telling a group of people the many and convoluted ways that you stay healthy during cold and flu season, and those ways include but are not limited to excessive vitamin consumption, hand sanitizer use, and a homeopathic flu protocol, and those people are staring at you in silence, do NOT try to make things less awkward by talking MORE.  The more you talk the crazier you seem, so STOP TALKING.

2) People who look like Santa are not always nice.  I was parking my car and there was a complete asshole in the parking lot who looked exactly like Santa.

3) If you have two children who have the same sock size, buy a whole lot of the exact same socks.  That way you never have to spend time pairing and matching the socks.

I had more things to tell you about, about crazy Fridays, but I just finished my second glass of wine and I DON’T REMEMBER WHAT I WAS GOING TO SAY.  Oh yes, now I remember – apparently certain Banana Boat sunscreens are possible fire risks, because if you apply the sunscreen and then expose yourself to spark or flame prior to the sunscreen drying completely, you could set yourself on fire.  Now, I’m certainly not dismissing or belittling those who have become engulfed in flames post-sunscreen applications, but how much of a problem is this?  Who is exposing their own skin to sparks and/or flames immediately following sunscreen application?  Maybe this IS a problem, I don’t really know. 

Hey, guess what else I learned today?  Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel got married!  I thought they were married already, actually.  This was very anticlimatic information, like when I find out an elderly celebrity died who I thought had died many years ago.  Oh well.  Bringing sexy back, which for a married couple means getting into a bottle of Cupcake wine and wearing a Top Gun Halloween costume.