Adventures in Boyland

I’ve been reading the boys all the Little House books, in order, since they became interested in settlers and whatnot after reading Little House on the Prairie at school.  Their favourite was On the Banks of Plum Creek, what with all the plagues and Pa getting lost in a blizzard at Christmas and Laura getting a fur cape and muff from the church Christmas tree and totally flaunting it in Nellie’s face – Nellie didn’t have a muff – take that, Nellie, you uppity bitch.  But now we are reading The Long Winter and it is by far the most captivating for them.  All the tragic foreshadowing – no geese or ducks to be found, the muskrat’s extra thick home, the teeny tiny harvest they have to make last an entire winter – along with the drama of the storms, near-starvation, and seemingly imminent death really captures their interest.  I do not know what this says, but in any case, we’re enjoying it.

So I was very entertained when they dug out Jake’s old Playmobil farm and all the various Playmobil people from other sets – including the veterinarian and dinosaur hunter – and began to reenact scenes from the books.  Kind of.  There were blizzards, and there was fetching water from the creek, but there was also an ocean involved, and water desalination.  There were two moms, two dads, and two kids, so it was either a commune or a gay marriage thing.  I’m guessing commune.  Then one of the Pas – whose name was, coincidentally, Charles – bought some droids to help with the farmwork.  Just like Uncle Owen.

Story worlds colliding!

Then a friend of mine who is a farmer told me that the dairy farmers she knows all have robots that do the milking.  I informed the children of this development and they stared at me, wide-eyed, and said in a reverential whisper “Cooooool”.  My friend said that the cows have computer collars so that the robots know where their teats are located, and the cows CHOOSE WHEN TO BE MILKED.  My mind – along with the children’s – is blown.  Completely. This is a little different from when Pa would use the clothesline to feel his way to the farm during a blizzard, and come back with a pail almost emptied of milk from the wind, and the milk in there just little frozen shards of milky delight.

What an age we live in.

Speaking of dairy, I’ve had a few people ask me how the whole no-dairy thing has been going, and I will tell you this: it’s much less horrible than I thought it would be.  I’m craving it much less, and taking the opportunity to eat more of the yummy non-dairy things I love.  Like guacamole.  So far this week I’ve had three avocados’ worth of guacamole, which is not giving me the shiny hair I covet, but IS pretty tasty.  I’ve also made my own version of my friend Natalie’s banana “ice cream”, which I plan on writing about over on my cooking blog, but here’s the Reader’s Digest (remember Reader’s Digest?  All those hilarious jokes?  Life’s Like That?) version: take two frozen bananas.  Put in food processor.  Add some almond milk.  Put in some chocolate syrup.  Process until it looks like soft ice cream.  EXCELLENT.  The kids lost their little minds.  YOU CAN MAKE ICE CREAM OUT OF BANANAS?  THIS IS THE GREATEST THING EVER, MOM!

Speaking of the greatest thing ever, the kids wanted me to make bacon for them, for one of our weekly “breakfast for supper” meals.  Now, as a vegetarian who is now practically, and reluctantly, a vegan, making bacon is not my forte.  The thing is, if one doesn’t consume meat, one generally sucks at cooking it.  And yet the motherly love I have for the children pushed me to make it, on the recommendation of a number of friends, in the oven.  OH THE JOY.

Jake: Are we eating Porky Pig?  I sure hope so.  I hate that guy.