Do you remember back in the day when you were trying to get pregnant, and it wasn’t happening very quickly, and everyone you knew was getting pregnant, and you were sad and frustrated and felt like stabbing every single person who asked “So when are you going to have a baby?” or who carefully examined what you were drinking to see if it contained alcohol or who had some unsolicited advice about getting pregnant or who said things like “You’re not pregnant yet? Can’t wait forever! Tick tock tick tock!”? Remember that? I know it wasn’t just me.
I was reminded of this the other day and here is my public service announcement of the day: It’s really fucking insensitive to ask a woman of childbearing age about their fertility. So don’t ask. Related PSA: Don’t be a dick. Actually, that should be a lifelong public service announcement.
Segueing from PSA’s to PDA’s, yesterday I went to pick the boys up from lunch and a friend quickly walked over to me in the playground, asking if I noticed the teenagers on the hill behind the school. There, lying on top of each other on the frozen ground, were two teenagers passionately making out and, um, grinding. Soon the two of us were joined by three other mothers picking up their kids; the five of us staring at the oblivious couple. Aw! Young love. It reminded me of that day last summer when a young couple started making out passionately in front of my house, groping each other eagerly. The guy made it to second base. Sometimes it just can’t wait, I guess.
Following the advice of several people, I decided to check out Staples in my seemingly endless quest for Christmas printer paper. I should note that this is NOT a sponsored post, but maybe it should be because even though prior to Monday I had never set foot in Staples and now I am a little bit in love with it. This is what I saw as I entered the parking lot.
Do you think it is NOW available due to my whining? Probably NOT but I will take the credit anyway. I walked into Staples and – as usually happens when I’m in a new and large store – I felt completely overwhelmed. I stood for nearly five minutes looking around, wandering into one of the aisles, having no idea where to look or what to do. It’s almost like I’m practicing to be a senior citizen. What’s that? Where is the paper? The pretty paper? No, not THAT paper. The only thing worse would be going into Future Shop or something like that. Five minutes in Future Shop makes me want to huddle in a corner in the fetal position, crying and rocking back and forth. Finally, a super friendly guy with the biggest smile ever asked if I needed assistance. How could he tell? He directed me to a display that was almost right in front of me.
Squee! Not only was there a large selection, but there were also pretty little seals in the shapes of snowflakes and seasonal address labels! I finished my shopping on the weekend, but I could not resist what was in front of me:
Angry Bird stuffies! Thanks to my husband and his new iPad, the boys (and my husband himself) are now into Angry Birds. The three of them played it together for much of the weekend while I re-read Sense and Sensibility. It is exactly like what I thought life would be like when I had two boys. The three of them play a video game, I do something girly. Maybe on the upcoming weekend they will play it and I can give myself a pedicure or something. Anyway, I thought these would make cute stocking stuffers. Then I saw the cutest little snowman Pez dispensers with a really excessive amount of Pez refills:
They needed a home too. Clearly the boys’ stockings are going to be VERY WELL STUFFED. Then – then, OMG – I saw something that I am hoarding just for me:
Peppermint Lindor! These are really, really hard to find, in my part of the world anyway. They are EVEN BETTER than After Eights. They are even better than frozen York patties. They are even better than Swistle’s Died-And-Gone-To-Heaven-Mint-Chocolate-Brownies. They are the G-spot-orgasm-plus-he-gave-me-a foot-massage-and-unloaded-the-dishwasher of mint chocolate. I bought the above three boxes but I would have bought the whole damn display if I knew where the carts were kept. However, as it was I had items slipping out of my arms every time I took a step, so I limited it to three. I don’t care what Kate Moss says, peppermint Lindor taste WAY better than skinny feels.
Fertility is such a weird issue for women. Even before I was trying to have a baby the mere mention of someone being pregnant would send me to the fetal position in tears. Like they were going to use up all of the babies waiting to be birthed.
I feel like I may have the same reaction to your (3!!) boxes of Lindor mint chocoalte candy. I hope there’s some left for me…
Staples IS a magical place. I load up on school supplies there every September (cheaper and faaaar easier than Walmart.) and the staff. They are helpful. Every time.
And your descrtion of the nasty mint chocolates made me laugh right out loud.
Oh, I wish I thought your PSA would reach the right people. But it won’t. There seems to be a law of conservation of asshattishness in the world.
Yay for you and your Staples haul.
Also: don’t ask when a woman is due until you KNOW she’s actually pregnant.
They have the angry birds at Staples!!!! I die. Do you knkow how long I’ve been searching for those stupid things.
Chunky may or may not have a slight addiction to them and thought that this would be an awesome gift.
Note to self: Go to staples.
Also, people are dicks when it comes to pregnancy. Everyone is dying for my #2. They don’t realize how much I really go through each and every single day. I want to kick them in their tacos or mooseknuckles.
I have to go and find peppermint Lindor now. I’m totally addicted to Purdy’s Mint Melties so I’m curious how these will measure up…
About a year and a half ago, someone asked me when the baby was due, which really pointed out to me that Bill was TOTALLY LYING when he said I didn’t look fat.
“Maybe on the upcoming weekend they will play it and I can give myself a pedicure or something.” – HAW HAW! I have daughters. I am always stealing their nail polish these days.
Staples FTW! Did you take a picture of the paper display while the clerk was there? Or did you wait until he walked away? 🙂