I unclogged the gutters because it’s been steady rain for days now, and I have the overwhelming urge to elbow everyone I see and say something like “Wet enough for you?” or perhaps “Anyone else feel like a duck?”, followed by a grim, humourless laugh. Fortunately for everyone in my neighbourhood, the rain is slated to stop tonight, saving everyone from my idiocy.
My fierceness in gutter work is in sharp contrast to the other jobs I have done today, which include but are not limited to three loads of laundry, cleaning the bathroom, and baking cupcakes. Why was I baking cupcakes, one might ask? It is for a birthday – the DOG’s birthday; because every birthday must be celebrated with cake, even if that cake is non-consumable by the birthday boy.
I also took the kids to get their hair cut at the neighbourhood Beaners, and after a long appointment with some junior, still-in-training stylists, I allowed them to play in the ballpit. I try very hard to behave like a normal person when my kids play in one of those ballpits; I try not to squirt them with sanitizer every few seconds and I breathe deeply, consciously thinking of other things and not the squeamy little germs covering each and every ball. I try not to think about Jake’s recent cold and Mark’s recent recovery from pneumonia; I try to let them enjoy this innocent, if gross, childhood pleasure. Then, as I was at the counter paying for the haircuts, I noticed a woman at the ballpit, speaking very sharply. I wondered if my kids were involved in whatever the issue was and walked over. The boys stood in the ballpit, looking alarmed. The woman was doing that counting thing you do with small children: “Come here Right Now. One. Two. Three. COME HERE. HERE! One. Two. Three. COME HERE NOW.” Finally she removed her own boots and stepped into the ballpit to extract the small girl. She turned to the receptionist, who was trying to flag her down to tell her that her children were up for their appointments, and said that she was very sorry, but she had to leave, as her daughter had peed in the ballpit.
We went home and the boys changed their clothes and washed their hands and I ate a cupcake and drank some wine and IT DIDN’T HELP. My kids were playing in a pee pit. Maybe I need some more wine. What do you think?
I hear you. I used power tools a number of times this week and I wanted a medal or something most of the time.
That Beaners is where my oldest got his very first haircut and my husband all but sobbed through the whole thing. We had just found out we were having a second boy so even if he had played in pee my good mood would have remained in tact as girl children scare the snot out of me.
I’m pretty sure urine is mostly sterile. People drink it, you know. Not, like, for fun, but if there’s no water or vodka or anything else around. I’m probably not helping, huh? My rain barrel is full – it can TOTALLY STOP FUCKING RAINING. I’ve never cleaned the gutters, but every time I light the barbecue I think I should get a medal. Also, the time I replaced the bulb in our ridiculously large television. I actually demanded an actual medal that time. I think Angus made me one.
Ew ew ew ew ew. Ew. I would freak out if my children had another kid’s pee on their socks. Secretly. After I left the store. Though I would probably make them remove their socks in the store. And then sanitize their feet before they put their shoes on…
Ew.
Ew. A pit of pee. Now I’m even more grateful that my boys never get hair cuts (one shaves his head, the other has long hair).
Damn girl. You’re a force to be reckoned with. Are you going to conquer the world next?
I actually fixed my vaccuum cleaner once. I even used actually tools.
I think the wine is a bad idea. Not NEARLY high enough proof.
You go girl! I often feel the same way when I do something out of character :)As for the kids – I totally understand where you are coming from!
This is why I never take my kids to the Burger King playland. Once a kid peed in the top level of it, and all the other kids were sliding down with wet socks and pants. GAG.
Good for you Nicole! I know what you mean about the talking about the weather.
Sometimes I feel silly talking to ppl about it because it seems like I’m just making small talk but seriously!? This is getting depressing!
Well there you go, as Allison pointed out, people DRINK urine! It’s totally fine and not completely and horrifyingly gross in any way. At all. Totally fine.
Definitely more wine!