Remember when you were a kid, how difficult it was to wait for Christmas and how you would get all crazy and frantic waiting for the minute you could get up on Christmas morning, and quite possibly you drove all the adults in the vicinity a little bit insane with your incessant chatter and odd behaviour? That is exactly the situation in my house right now! I emphasize with the kids. I do. But I’m not sure why their pre-Christmas excitement manifests itself in running through the house naked, whipping each other with their underwear and remarking on the various qualities of their penises. “Just get dressed, you guys,” I sigh and they respond with entirely irrelevant remarks. “When Jake and I are grown-ups we are going to live in the same house and have dink fights every time we go to the bathroom!” Mark informed me. I’m not even sure what that means and I prefer not to delve any further into it.
“Here’s your early Christmas present!” Jake said, giving me a kiss. I smiled at this sweet gesture which was promptly followed by “Oops. I tooted. It’s stinky. I guess you got another present you maybe don’t like! A stinky toot!” I started to think that Bailey’s in my coffee might be a good idea.
I was planning to write a Festivus post yesterday airing all my grievances when I realized that I don’t really have any grievances. Except possibly the fact that my children perpetually look like hobos. Here’s a million dollar idea for all you entrepreneurial types: jeans that have quadruple-enforced knees. Why has no one come up with this yet? Is it a conspiracy by the clothing companies to get moms to constantly need to purchase replacements? Yesterday I went through their drawers only to find endless pairs of jeans with gigantic rips in at least one knee each. The only reason I care is because it is Christmas, dammit, and my mother will inevitably comment on their slovenliness. My parents are coming over for dinner tonight at which I am making a roast beef, strangely enough, with butternut squash soup for the vegetarians in the crowd (i.e., me). Last night we were at a party, and someone asked me how I get enough protein, which gave me the giggles, but since the people at the party were some of my husband’s colleagues, I did not feel the response I wanted to give was appropriate. Funny, but inappropriate.
Merry Christmas to all of you, and thank you for reading. Your readership is a gift to me every day and I appreciate it so much. I hope your holidays are filled with much joy and happiness, and very few grievances. xo
Merry Christmas to you and your family, Nicole!
That first part sounds just like my house!
Oh, also, Zellers has the thing where you can replace the jeans if they wear out before your child grows out of them – not that I’ve tried it, but I’ve heard…just keep the receipt.
And my friend who works at The Children’s Place says they will do the same thing there. 🙂
Also, in our house, my boys call them “sword fights”. ROFLOL
Have a great holiday!
The answer you wanted to give for the protein gave me the giggles too! You are too funny!
Your boys sound like so much fun!
What’s up with the protein concerns?! As a 20 year vegetarian, I get protein comments all the time. What is it with these people? Maybe they should focus on their own food choices!
Actually my husband’s friend’s wife was telling my husband that humans could not have evolved mentally so far if the earliest ones hadn’t had a diet built on meat sources. First: who IS this woman. Second, why does she care what I eat?!